In a long and rambling interview with Vulture last week, Quincy Jones made several strange allegations.  The one that got our attention was regarding the sex life of Marlon Brando.  “He’d fuck anything.  Anything!  He’d fuck a mailbox.  James Baldwin.  Richard Pryor.  Marvin Gaye”.  It was Pryor’s name that surprised most people.  The first person to publicly refute the allegations was Richard’s daughter Rain.  “Daddy did NOT have relations with Brando.  Why this sudden need to drag Daddy through the Hollywood mud?  I find it tasteless and infuriating.”  You know who it didn’t infuriate?  Richard Pryor’s widow!  Jennifer Lee, who actually married Pryor TWICE, confirmed the Brando story.  She told TMZ, “It was the ‘70s!  Drugs were still good, especially Quaaludes.  If you did enough cocaine, you’d fuck a radiator – and send it flowers in the morning.”  According to Lee, Richard kept a diary of his sexcapades, and she’s planning on publishing it later this year.

Not surprisingly, Rain isn’t too fond of her step mommy or her comment on the subject.  “Then on top of it all, my dad’s so-called widow validated it, because she needs to keep legitimizing herself and tarnish our dad even after he’s dead.  She hated Q and Daddy.”  Then Rain confirmed yet another dalliance.  “My dad was very open with his life, so much so that news of his relationship with a trans woman in the early 70s and 80s wasn’t really newsworthy nor notable.  As a child I knew her, not as the trans person in our home, but the lady whom everyone accepted.  So much acceptance I did not know she was Trans until recently.  There were no murmurs, nor was it tabloid news or execution by public opinion.  It was just another day in our lives.  It was just another identity I can assess.”

Then there’s the continuing battle between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall.  I refuse to regurgitate the story of why there will be no Samantha in Sex and the City 3 – although one fan suggested perhaps the next film could open with the three girls at Samantha’s funeral!  Maybe they could get that Mannequin out of storage to lie in the casket.  Last we heard, Cattrall told Piers Morgan that Parker could have been nicer and that they were never friends.  Parker then told Andy Cohen that Cattrall’s comment left her “heartbroken”.  Last week, Cattrall Tweeted that her family was trying to locate her brother Christopher, who was missing.  A few days later, it was revealed that he had died.  Upon hearing the news, SJP posted this on Instagram: “Dearest Kim, my love and condolences to you and yours and Godspeed to your beloved brother.  Xx”.  At first, Cattrall wrote a very simple Tweet:  “I don’t need your love or support at this tragic time @sarahjessicaparker”.  In case that didn’t drive the point home, Kim had a follow-up.  “My mom asked me today ‘When will that @sarahjessicaparker, that hypocrite, leave you alone?’  Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now.  Let me make this VERY clear.  (If I haven’t already)  You are not my family.  You are not my friend.  So I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona.” OUCH!

“Unless it’s changed overnight, the motto of the Olympics, since 1894, has been ‘
Faster, Higher, Stronger’.  It appears the US Olympic Committee would like
to change that to ‘Darker, Gayer, Different’.  If your goal is to win medals, that won’t work.”  
– FOX News Vice President John Moody criticizes the diversity of the US Olympic Team. 
In case anyone is keeping track, there are 243 athletes on the US Olympic Team. 
Two of them are (openly) gay.  That’s not even one in ten!

So, who’s watching the Olympics?  Eh, I know you were watching.  You at least watched the Opening Ceremonies, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  Far be it from me to turn my back on a hot shirtless man – although, you know, occasionally these things do happen.  Anyway, I did find the presence of the now-requisite shirtless flag bearer from Tonga somewhat odd for a Winter Olympics – although it did remind me that I need to get an oil change!  Turns out, Pita Taufatofua, who was a taekwondo competitor in the Rio Olympics, is suddenly a cross country skier.  He picked up the sport two years ago – when he first saw snow!  Well, how many skiers do they have in Tonga?

My eyes were peeled for our two openly gay Olympians – and I stress “openly” because…well, what happens in the Olympic Village, stays in the Olympic Village.  Adam Rippon and Gus Kenworthy kissed for the cameras and ended up all over the internet.  Gus posted the photos, saying, “We’re here.  We’re queer.  Get used to it.”  How retro.  Turns out getting ready for your close-up ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Rippon said, “I’ve been bleaching my teeth for the past few days, and now the wind that I create from just talking makes them hurt.  Like, I think this is a sign that I’m officially ready for my Olympic debut.”  I believe Peggy Fleming had the same problem.

Although Mike Pence allegedly got a selfie with Pita (but it does look like it could be a fake), he hasn’t yet gotten one with Adam Rippon.  You’ll recall that Adam previously said that he wasn’t a fan of the VP due to his association with gay conversion therapy.  Shockingly enough, Pence addressed the situation in a Tweet. “@Adaripp I want you to know we are FOR YOU.  Don’t let fake news distract you.  I am proud of you and ALL OF OUR GREAT athletes and my only hope for you and all of #TeamUSA is to bring home the gold.  Go get ‘em!” 

Making the situation murkier, Rippon’s mom Kelly spoke out about the alleged war of words.  “I believe that you can say it many different ways.  I don’t think he ever said, ‘I refuse to do that’, because that suggests a tone of intolerance and inflexibility.  He conveyed to whomever, I don’t know the individuals, that any kind of communication would have to be done after the competition is over.”  I can corroborate what Mrs. Rippon says.  Here is what Adam said to a reporter last month: “If I had the chance to meet him afterwards, after I’m finished competing, there might be a possibility to have an open conversation.”  So there you have it.

This column may be going to bed during the Super Bowl, but one of our readers is definitely up.  Our Ask Billy question comes from Spencer on Cape Cod, who writes, “I know everyone goes crazy over Gronk’s body, but I’m a Brady boy.  Has Tom ever posed nude?  Or have you ever come across any nude shots of him?”

When I got this e-mail, I had a vague recollection of some nude photos of Tom Brady.  So what did I do?  Went to the bible of nude photos of hot men – www.BillyMasters.com.  I wrote a story two years ago about how the paparazzi got off some shots of Tommy while he was sunbathing au naturel in Positano, Italy.  He certainly gives Gronk a run for his money in the ass department.  As for the dick, it’s grainy, but it appears to be above average.

While I typically would drop everything and jump on a plane to see a reunion of The Go-Go’s, I had pressing business in California and couldn’t get away.  And so, while I may have been absent when the girls took to the stage of the Bowery Ballroom in New York City, ousted bassist Kathy Valentine was back where she belonged – onstage between Belinda Carlisle and Jane Wiedlin.  The classic lineup reunited for the official launch of the Broadway-bound musical, Head Over Heels, which is using the music of The Go-Go’s.  They rocked out to seven of their biggest hits (well, six of theirs, one of Belinda’s) and the capacity crowd ate it up.  The glitterati on hand included Sandra Bernhard, Debbie Harry, and Andy Cohen.  And then it was over…or was it?  Two nights later, they did a five-song set on the beach adjacent to the swanky Mandarin Oriental in Miami as part of the Broadway Across America conference – where producers promote their shows to theater owners around the country.  Kinda premature for a show that’s not even hitting Broadway until June, but it makes me happy.  You can see footage from the NY show on BillyMasters.com.

And now, some good news – penis sizes are going up.  Yes, according to a recent study, the penises are on the rise.  What has caused this phenomenon is uncertain – as is the veracity of this report.  There are so many holes to be filled, so to speak.  How were the penii measured?  Was it a self-reporting survey?  Because if so, I don’t buy any of it.  Were the penii measured by the pollsters?  Because if so, where do I apply for that job?  While the polling method is unknown, we do know that when the study was done in 2016, the size of an average penis was 5.16 inches when erect.  I don’t know if this is a salient point, but it should be noted that these were UK penii.  When the same research group did this recent survey, the average penis jumped to 6.1 inches.  What could account for that increase of almost 24 millimeters?  Maybe they just sent out hotter pollsters.

We’ve learned that the International Olympic Committee placed the largest order of condoms in Olympic history!  Over 110K condoms were ordered, which means 37 condoms per athlete – which over a two-week period sounds about right to me.  Spokesman Chung Geun-sik says he doesn’t expect the athletes to use them all.  “Many will likely be taken home as souvenirs.”  That said, Olympic officials predict that this will be the “most promiscuous group of athletes in Olympic history”.  Apparently they forget that athletes in the first Olympics in ancient Greece competed in the nude!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in Baltimore.  “What do you know about that garbage man who became a model?  He’s so freakin’ hot.  And I hear he’s even posed nude.  Do you have the photos?  Is he gay?”

A gay garbage man?  And I said that with my best Googie Gomez impersonation.  You are obviously talking about the quite stunning Jeff Tomsik, who was a garbage collector in Ohio before someone discovered him.  Regarding his sex life, he’s predictably cagey.  “I never kiss and tell, but all you need to know is I’m an honest faithful guy.”  And yet, I need to know SO much more!  And, yes, he has posed nude.  When asked about it, he says, “Well, what happens behind the scenes, stays behind the scenes.”  Happily, they are front and center on BillyMasters.com.

Apparently everything old is new again.  The CW has announced a reboot of Charmed (without the support of any of the original cast members).  CBS has ordered reboot pilots from Magnum P.I. (with a female playing Higgins) and Cagney and Lacey (with a sassy black woman playing Lacey).  The Greatest American Hero is on ABC‘s list for a reboot, but with a female hero this time around.  I suspect all of these projects were inspired by the success of Will & Grace – which slipped back into their stride almost effortlessly.  Special praise must go to the reboot of One Day at a Time – which was reconceived as a socially relevant and sharply funny sitcom worthy of the name Norman Lear (with lots of help by the legendary Rita Moreno).

After several aborted attempts at a reboot, Murphy Brown is back.  The show previously announced a reunion series in 2012, to coincide with the election.  At the time, creator Diane English said, “We’re having a little conversation with CBS about a few episodes, and I think it’s possible.  Candice knows about it, and we’re going to talk to her more in July once she wraps her Broadway play.”  Alas, that didn’t happen, but Diane never gave up hope (although I almost did since release of DVDs of the series stalled because of rights to the music).  After 20 years, the network, the producers, and the star are all on the same page and want it to happen.  The one unknown is how many of the original cast members will return.  I’m told Lily Tomlin is all gung-ho.  Damn, I knew there was something I forgot to ask her.  But she did tell me there will be a fifth season of Grace and Frankie – they can’t sit on those deck chairs forever! 

A big story in the news this week was the death of Storm Chasers star Joel Taylor on the Atlantis Harmony Caribbean cruise.  Allegedly, the death was an OD from GHB – although no official toxicology has been released.  That didn’t stop several revelers on the ship from contacting me, sharing some salacious tales (or, in this case, tails).  Originally, it was reported that the death happened in the middle of a concert by Olivia Newton John.  False – but let it be known that when it’s my time to go, that’s how I’d like to exit…preferably during the medley from Xanadu.  We’re told Taylor passed out on the dance floor and died shortly thereafter.  The FBI was investigating the death since it happened on open waters, but the case was dropped after it was determined that foul play was not involved.

This was not the only incident on the cruise.  Porn couple Jesse Jackman and Dirk Caber had to leave the ship in Puerto Rico.  According to reports, they had a fight, Dirk got drunk and passed out.  He was later found to have pneumonia and was rushed to an area hospital.  It seems a cloud was hanging over this trip before it even left dock in Fort Lauderdale.  Two prospective passengers were stopped from boarding when they were found to be carrying what has been described in the press as “a ton of illegal drugs on board”.  I’m not sure exactly how we’re defining “ton” these days.  Authorities confiscated 25 ecstasy pills and a baby powder container with 7.87 grams of ketamine.  Hardly a ton – in fact, it’s barely a fraction of a pound!  It must be that new math all the kids are doing.

Last week, everyone was abuzz about 14 semi-naked Russian air cadets in their underwear.  The situation began when cadets at the Ulyanovsk Institute of Civil Aviation made a video to the song “Satisfaction” by Benny Benassi.  Apparently the original video of the 2002 Italian dance hit featured scantily clad women doing construction work.  Back in 2013, British Army officers made a parody video of song.  But in this new Russian version, the scantily clad Soviets strut through the halls, engage in some twerking, and suggestively devour fruit.  In short order, an official condemnation was released.  “Frivolous dances in underwear in the institute’s uniform cap on the territory of the aviation university are unacceptable” – which I bet sounded a whole lot better in the original Russian.  The head of the campus said, “I honestly do not want to comment on this disgusting behavior of cadets.  To be honest, I must sit and digest what I’ve seen.”  It should be noted that a good source of potassium is bananas. 

Within hours, the video disappeared from the Web and the lads were threatened with expulsion – which I thought was Phase Two of the Clinique regime!  And then the craziest thing happened – thousands of people came to their defense and started posting their own videos.  This quickly became known as the Satisfaction Challenge, and much of the support came from within Russia itself.  A group of “chic grannies” did a version.  So did a group of Ukrainian swimmers.  We even saw one made from a group of welders from the Urals – which sounds far more titillating than it actually is.  With hundreds of thousands of hits, the Russians realized maybe a little attention to their aviation program wasn’t such a bad thing.  But where, oh where, can you find the video that started this craze?  At BillyMasters.com, naturally.

For a country against “gay propaganda”, Russia seems to be front and center this week.  From stripping cadets, we go to a report that a loophole in Russian bureaucracy has led to a gay marriage being legally recognized!  A gay couple from Moscow got married while on vacation in Denmark.  When they returned home, they went to get the marital status on their passports updated.  They brought the paperwork from Denmark, and the official stamped their passports as married “without any questions”.  Despite posting a copy of the passport online, the Russians claim that this is “fake news”.  In case you didn’t see the connection between the US and Russia.

If you know anything about me, you know I hate hypocrisy.  I understand people who make decisions I wouldn’t make.  I can even admire them for standing up for an unpopular point of view.  So when Timothée Chalamet (from Call Me by Your Name and Lady Bird) signed on to appear in Woody Allen’s upcoming A Rainy Day in New York, I thought it was a brave (and smart) choice.  Obviously, issues about Mr. Allen are nothing new.  But, Chalamet made the decision – good for him.  That was, until the politically correct people got on his ass.  Now he’s backpedaled.  “This year has changed the way I see and feel about so many things,” he begins.  He adds, “I do not want to profit from my work on the film, and to that end, I am going to donate my entire salary to three charities: TIME’S UP, The LGBT Center in New York, and RAINN”, which stands for Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.  You know what, Timmy – you don’t get to have it both ways.  Keep your money and grow a pair.

Some real talent is preparing to head to South Korea for the Winter Olympics.  Openly gay skater Adam Rippon was not pleased when he learned that the head of the US delegation would be the Vice President.  “You mean Mike Pence?  The same Mike Pence that funded gay conversion therapy?”  Rippon made his thoughts on meeting Mr. Waiting in the Wings quite clear.  “If it were before my event, I would absolutely not go out of my way to meet somebody who I felt has gone out of their way to not only show that they aren’t a friend of a gay person but that they think that they’re sick.”  The Vice President responded to the comment – via a spokesperson (as all men of character do).  “[Rippon’s] accusation is totally false and has no basis in fact.  Despite these misinformed claims, the vice president will be enthusiastically supporting all the US athletes competing next month in Pyeongchang.”

Needless to say, Rippon will not be the only gay skater at the Olympics.  But he will have one other “openly gay” skater in the Olympic Village.  Canadian Eric Radford has qualified in the pairs competition with his partner, Meagan Duhamel (no relation, I’m sure).  Radford talked about the advantages of being a pairs skater.  “A lot of pairs end up dating one another.  It can become risky because your on-ice training can be affected by your off-ice relationship.  If you have a fight at home, it makes that training difficult.  I used to joke around that I’m the ultimate pairs-boy.  I never had to worry about developing an off-ice relationship.”  Speaking of relationships, Eric has been with his fiancé for four years and they are raising a daughter together.  Sounds to me like he’s already a winner.

In a rarity, I open this column with some sad news.  I can think of nothing more important than sharing that Bob Smith has passed away.  It is incredible for me to imagine that anyone reading this column does not know who Bob Smith is (I use the present tense because his presence shall always be felt).  The Barbara Walters School of Journalism (founded sometime shortly after The Crusades) dictates that we always should explain who a subject is.  In 1988, Bob Smith founded Funny Gay Males alongside fellow comics Jaffe Cohen and Danny McWilliams.  These days, it’s taken for granted that one can be an openly gay performer.  Not only was it not easy in 1988, it was pretty much impossible for a comedian.  Unlike actors, comedians are fairly transparent and draw on their personal lives for material.  For a gay man, this was an insurmountable obstacle.  Many tried prior to Bob, Jaffe and Danny, but they were really the first to take their acts out of gay bars and into mainstream comedy clubs.

Bob went on to surpass that landmark with one he didn’t have to share with anyone.  On July 13, 1994, he became the first openly gay comedian to perform on The Tonight Show.  In time, writing became the focus of his talents.  He wrote several books, my favorite being the provocative Remembrance of Things I Forgot.  Writing took on more importance in 2010 when he stepped away from performing.  His speech was becoming slurred and he often found it difficult to correctly time a punchline.  He may not have been able to do it onstage, but his timing was as sharp as ever when writing about his diagnosis.  “Lou Gehrig’s Disease?  I don’t even like baseball!”  Although his physical condition deteriorated drastically, his mind never lost its sharp edge.  We continued to drop each other notes.  It was important for me to let him know his place in history.  Without his talent and bravery, there would likely not be a generation of queer artists in every field.  And, I daresay, there may not be a Billy Masters.  Rest in peace, Bob.

In our first Ask Billy question of the year, Stephen from Chicago is looking forwards and backwards.  “With American Idol returning, I was wondering about Spencer Lloyd.  He was gorgeous.  What happened to him?”

I have worked with many Idol alums around the country, and I have never heard the name Spencer Lloyd before.  There’s a good reason for that.  He was a contestant on season 13; the year after Mariah and Minaj.  So, like most of America, I wasn’t watching.  That said, Spencer was one of the hottest contestants – something noted by judge Jennifer Lopez, who immediately labeled him “pretty guy”.  The “pretty guy” parlayed his brief stint on AI into a successful modeling career and works with the famed Wilhelmina agency.  Needless to say, he is most often shot in various forms of undress.  But why, oh why, is it always the devout Christian ones who take videos pleasuring themselves?  While most sites have removed the footage, the pious can find it on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re willing to fall on our knees before a false Idol, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Those of you in Chicago can see Spencer Lloyd in the flesh since he’s a trainer at Barry’s Bootcamp in Lincoln Park and River North.  For those of you looking for something a bit closer to home, go to www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s only a click away.  You can send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I climb all over Johnathon Schaech at next year’s Golden Globes – as if he’ll be invited!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I have been betrayed by Ricky Martin.  Alas, not in a sexual way.  There we were, together (in a manner of speaking) at the Golden Globes, and he didn’t tell me he was a married man.  How dare he!  To add insult to injury, his betrayal happened less than 24 hours later.  Oh, the shame and humiliation.  He was on the red carpet for the premiere of FX’s The Assassination of Gianni Versace when he told E!, “I can’t introduce him as my fiancé.  I can’t.  He’s my husband.  He’s my man.  It still feels amazing.”  When pressed for details, Martin added, “We exchanged vows, and we’ve swear everything, and we’ve signed all the papers that we needed to sign, prenups and everything.”  Nothing says everlasting love quite like a prenup.

Did I write a column last week?  Were the Golden Globes only a few days ago?  Did I actually come home – drunk as a skunk – and bang out a column as the sun came up?  Yes, yes, yes, and YES!  But, I must admit, it’s all a blur.  That’s the only reason I have for forgetting to tell you something very important.  The night before the Golden Globes, Miss Ross (her close friends call her Diane) showed up at The Abbey in West Hollywood.  And this was not a walk-and-wave situation.  No, no, no.  She showed up, went to the dance floor, and boogie oogie oogied till she just couldn’t boogie no more – and if she took a double dose of Boniva, that could mean a good 20 minutes!  Looking decades younger than her 73-year-old self, she writhed and cavorted to her new single – actually a remix of her first number-one hit as a solo artist – “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”.  When the song was first released in 1970, I was still in diapers.  Now that the song has once again hit the top of the Billboard Dance Charts, it’s entirely possible Diane can say the same thing!  You can see the video of her dancing on BillyMasters.com.

There are Olympians, and then there’s Tom Daley.  In the past, we’ve heard of nude photos and a video exchanged with various men during his “break” with Dustin Lance Black.  There have been bits and pieces that have circulated, but now he’s apparently in “anguish” over the latest leak.  One unnamed friend (note to all of my friends – should you ever be quoted, you are allowed to be named) said, “These are SO old – from 2016!”.  2016 is “SO old”?  We’re barely out of 2017!  Perhaps more damning than the photos themselves are how he is posing.  A British tabloid writes the following: “One of the pictures shows the 23-year-old Olympian diver naked with his bum sticking in the air suggestively.”  Oh, dear – he’s assuming the “position”!  Now, we all know DLB’s sexual proclivities.  With this new information, I can’t help but wonder – do you think they simply order in?

While the snow was pounding the East Coast, a weatherman in Kansas City was making a storm of his own – by coming out.  Gary Lezak of KSHB-41 took to Facebook to tell fans he is a proud gay man.  While this news was met with quite a bit of swooning by gay men who consider Lezak to be a hot “muscle daddy”, he soon dashed all of their hopes by revealing that he’s in a committed relationship.  The 55-year-old Lezak has been with his partner Andy Caraway for the past 20 years.  Congrats.

Apparently romance was in the air over the holidays.  My dear pals writer/producer Gary Janetti and stylist Brad Goreski were married aboard the Seabourn Sojourn by the captain.  How very Love Boat of them.  And Ellen Page married Emma Portner after dating for only six months.  How very…eh, forget it.

What is the barometer of success?  One of my best friends and I often debate this topic.  He feels that a successful movie is one that wins at the box office – not “one of those films nobody’s seen” that wins awards.  By this rationale, Baywatch was actually NOT the worst film of the year/decade!  And, if he worked at CNN, he’d certainly be crowing about the network’s huge win on New Year’s Eve.  Despite tepid reviews, the pairing of Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen gave the network record ratings.  In fact, CNN was quick to send out a press release stating that the numbers were up eight percent from last year – without adding the words “when Kathy Griffin was co-hosting”.  Needless to say, CNN‘s best New Year’s Eve ratings still pale in comparison to ABC‘s pairing of Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy.  Heck, it may even pale next to Steve Harvey.

CNN continued to dominate the cable news ratings even after Coop and Cohen signed off, leaving the heavy lifting to Don Lemon and Brooke Baldwin from the Spotted Cat in New Orleans.  And it was a big night for Lemon – he was celebrating his one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tim Malone.  Just after the stroke of midnight, both Brooke and Don invited their respective dates to join them.  At first, it was unclear who was with whom – Baldwin’s fiancé sat next to Don, and Lemon’s boyfriend sat on the other side of Brooke!  Within moments, it was clear who was with whom when Don leaned over Brooke to kiss Tim, saying, “I love you baby.”  Aww. 

I am by nature not a complainer – particularly when it comes to travel.  I do so much of it, I’ve learned to just go with the flow.  But last week, the flow was frozen and I was stuck in Boston during Grayson – which, alas, was the name of the blizzard and not some Brit I was buggering!  Frankly, when I want a blizzard, I’ll go to Dairy Queen.  Normally, I would have taken the travel voucher AA was offering and flown back when the dust…er, the snow settled.  But, honey, I had to get to the Golden Globes.  And not any Golden Globes – these were the 75th Golden Globes.  It will also come as no surprise to you that I eschewed all this fake social activism and showed up in PLATINUM!  Why?  Obviously, because the 75th anniversary is the platinum one.  And, far be it from me to cast aspersions (or, for that matter, dispersions) on the celebrities who claim to wear their hearts on their darkened sleeves, but since when is it unusual for people to wear black to an awards show?  Solidarity, my ass!

By now you all know who won the awards.  So I will move along to my random impressions.  Maybe it’s just me, but when the long tribute to Kirk Douglas started, I thought perhaps it was the “In Memoriam” segment.  Turns out, they brought the legendary actor onstage – with daughter-in-law Catherine Zeta Douglas Spartacus Jones.  While I appreciate the sentiment, it was a spooky sight – and I’m talking about Catherine!

There was then the instance when Mariah Carey stole Meryl Streep’s seat.  It was during the chaos which happens when the telecast returns from a commercial break.  Apparently Mariah had gone to the ladies room and simply took the first empty seat she saw – which happened to be next to Stephen Spielberg (imagine his surprise when he looked over and saw those Golden Globes).  Carey later Tweeted, “Dear Meryl, please forgive me!!!”  Meanwhile, I don’t believe Barbra apologized to Gayle, who apparently was her seat filler until it was time for Oprah’s award.

During another commercial break, Tonya Harding convinced Margot Robbie to introduce her to Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.  Robbie not only complied, but even took a photo of the skater and the power couple.  While I love Tonya, am I the only one who thought Zac Efron appeared visibly afraid sitting next to her?  The moment the awards ended, he quickly disappeared into the crowd and put on a pair of sunglasses.  An undeterred Tonya then latched onto a far more appropriate mate – director Tommy Wiseau, the subject of The Disaster Artist.  Sebastian Stan photographed the two at an after party.  As my friend said, “Crazy knows crazy”.

Meanwhile, HBO‘s after party never disappoints.  Premier party planner Billy Butchkavitz put on quite a sumptuous soirée.  I walked in as Kathy and Rick Hilton were leaving (Paris and fiancé Chris Zylka showed up shortly thereafter).  I was catching up with Carmen Electra while Jack McBrayer, who played Kenneth on 30 Rock, was animatedly chatting with Alexander Skarsgard – at one point holding the Big Little Lies star’s Golden Globe.  The place was buzzing when Ricky Martin strolled in with his American Crime Story co-star, Edgar Ramirez. 

Across the room, Nicole Kidman appeared trapped in conversation with Buzz Aldrin.  At a certain point, a desperate appearing Kidman dragged in hubby Keith Urban.  The trio posed for some photos and then Nicole deftly disappeared, leaving Urban to chat with the famed astronaut and former Dancing with the Stars competitor.  This brings up an unrelated point – does Kidman even remember that she adopted two children with Tom Cruise?  She’s always thanking her girls with Urban and never even mentions Connor and Isabella.  Just strange.

Then, the most bizarre thing happened.  As I was about to leave the HBO party, in walked Mariah Carey.  It took me a moment to realize it was her, as my companion kept saying, “Mimi.  It’s Mimi”.  I had no idea what he meant.  Then he said, “Butterfly”, and I knew.  She had beau Bryan Tanaka in tow, along with a coterie of goons to keep the songstress away from the crowd – or so I thought.  After a bit, she was posing with fans and holding court on the side of the dance floor.  Her visit was short-lived.  As she left, I managed to catch her attention and say I was about to bring her some hot tea.  “Darling, I could have used some hot tea!”  Perhaps.  But I think if Mimi took even a sip of water, that skin-tight dress may have burst and taken out everyone’s eyes.  All in all, it was a fun night.

Web sensation Davey Wavey has decided to enter the world of gay porn – shocking!  In the past, he’s regularly interviewed porn stars.  He took on a non-sexual role in the Men.com release, Justice League XXX.  Now he’s going further with a new website called Himeros.tv.  “We worked with some really incredible experts, sex coaches, and really amazing directors to make content that has never been created before.”  The plan is for new clips to be featured each week.  Davey hasn’t said if he’ll “act” in any of the scenes, but obviously it’s only a matter of time.  After all, you can already see him nude (and aroused) from every angle on our website.

There’s been a flurry of penis activity around the world.  First came the war between the owners of the world’s largest and second-largest penii.  The largest one is possessed by Roberto Esquivel Cabrera in Mexico and, since I know my audience, I’ll start off by telling you it measures in at 18.9 inches.  The reason his personal stats have gone public is because the Mexican government has recognized him as disabled due to his ponderous prick.  “I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies.  I cannot run fast and so the companies think badly of me.  They say that they will call me but they never do.”  He has refused to get a “reduction” because he hopes to start a career in the porn industry.  “Also I cannot get on my knees.”  Well, that limits his earnings potential exponentially.  Is there much demand for porn featuring a 54-year-old Mexican with the world’s largest penis?  I have my doubts.

The owner of the world’s second-largest penis is crying foul.  American Jonah Falcon has a 13.5-inch penis – and I can attest to that (quell surprise)!  Jonah says Roberto cheated!  “The man stretched his foreskin constantly, from what I understand, but it’s normal underneath.  I think it’s ridiculous and he seems kind of desperate.”

According to social media, the gays started off the night tuned into CNN for AC Squared – Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen ringing in the New Year.  Personally, I was looking forward to the world seeing something that doesn’t often appear on worldwide live TV – two good-looking gay men of a certain age just hanging out as friends.  Alas, Tweets indicate that Kathy Griffin was sorely missed.  Viewers were bored with the “bromance”, felt Cohen tried too hard to be like Kathy, and Cooper looked like he’d rather be getting an enema – as if that’s a bad thing. 

Having finally slogged through the entire four and a half hour broadcast, I think it was fine – but it probably would have worked better as a show in a gay bar than on an international television network.  Still, there were revelatory moments.  Anderson criticized Cohen for his excessive use of the word “sweetie” – and then used it more than Andy!  There was a curious interchange with Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban about testicles.  I think that’s when the comment about poppers happened.  The most important thing I learned was that at 9AM in the Dallas Airport, Anderson breakfast was orange chicken from Panda Express!  Apparently he just discovered it and thinks it’s “delightful”.  And Coop also shared another tip – if ever one is to be in frigid temps, spend the two grand Coop did on undergarments from The Warming Store – a family-owned company in Philadelphia.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention two runners-up in the quote of the week category.  First, when Andy Cohen saw the portrait made of him by someone high on marijuana, he was shocked.  “Those age lines – I’m like an old marionette!  And, my God, my eyes are even more crossed than they are normally!”  But Cohen was topped by sexy Bill Weir, who was reporting on the indomitable Key West drag queen Sushi being lowered in a giant stiletto at the stroke of midnight.  “I have been offered so many meals and beverages…and apartments, strangely.”  He then added, “I’ve met so many people who’ve touched me – from Puerto Rico, to the Keys, to Texas”.  Ah, life on the road!

“I just want to take a sip of tea, if they’ll let me – they told me there would be tea. 
Oh, it’s a disaster.  OK, well we’ll just have to rough it.
I’m gonna be just like everyone else with no hot tea!”  
– Mariah Carey‘s most memorable moment on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.

After last year’s debacle, everyone was kinda shocked that Mariah Carey returned to the scene of the crime.  Would she brave the single-digit Times Square temperature in an outfit more appropriate for San Tropez?  Duh!  While Seacrest looked like a frozen garden gnome bundled up head to toe, Mariah refused to close her flapping fur coat.  Do you think those titties stay perky on their own?  She performed two songs.  First was “Vision of Love”, which I believe was mostly sung live.  Then came her monologue about hot tea – which made me fall just a little bit back in love with her.  She sang “Hero” – at least partially enhanced with a scratch track.  Illustrating why we miss Dick Clark, Ryan summed it up by effusively proclaiming, “And that is why she is…Mariah Carey!”  Um, OK.

This year was bursting with celebrity nudity – in both still and moving forms.  Leading the fray was the cast of Teen Wolf.  Tyler Posey, Ryan Kelley and Cody Christian all showed off their goods – alas, not together.  Adrian Grenier pleasured himself online.  Danny Wood from New Kids on the Block caused quite a kerfuffle when his ponderous wood turned up online.  I was not familiar with hip hop star Milan Christopher, but I sure as hell won’t forget him now.  American Gods got people all hot and bothered with the sex scene between Omid Abtahi and Mousa Kraish.  It only got hotter when star Ricky Whittle showed up online in flagrante.  These are all on our website.

One of the most bitter fallouts since the election happened when Kathy Griffin was photographed holding a bloody mask of Trump‘s head.  Love her or hate her, she surely bore the brunt of this administration’s ire.  Secret Service investigations, CIA dossiers, no-fly lists, it’s endless.  And almost immediately, she was persona non grata in the entertainment industry – well, she was never very grata to begin with.  But she’s fought back – and fought with everyone else, including her own attorney, ambulance chaser Lisa Bloom, former best buddy Anderson Cooper, and former boss Andy Cohen.  It’s ironic that the new year will be rung in by Coop and Cohen on CNN – Griffin territory.  Will viewers tune in without the hope of watching Kathy embarrass Anderson?  We shall see.

Back in June, Kevin Spacey was hosting the Tony Awards.  He even donned drag as Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard and sang, “I’m coming out…no, wait…I’m going into makeup”.  Little did he know, no amount of makeup could cover what was ahead.  A few months later, Anthony Rapp went public with a story he told me in 1991 – that Kevin Spacey had attempted a sexual situation with him when he was 14!  Rapp tried to tell his story on the record several times over the years – including during an interview with The Advocate.  Each time, he was stifled.  But now, with his casting on Star Trek: Discovery, Anthony not only spoke out, but was heard – the power of one voice.  Within weeks, Spacey was dumped from House of Cards, his Gore Vidal biopic was shelved, and the producers of All the Money in the World hired Christopher Plummer to replace him within days of the film’s release.

While the election cast an ominous shadow on the country, 2017 will likely go down as the year of sexual abuse.  And one must give credit where it is due.  Satchel Ronan O’Sullivan Farrow Allen Sinatra (aka Ronan Farrow) worked on this story for months, only to have it turned down by NBC.  Being as tenacious as at least one of his potential fathers, he got The New Yorker to publish it.  And with that, Harvey Weinstein was done.  Suddenly, the masses of women who bravely came forward gave power to many more women and men who had stories to tell.  Before long, every day was littered with the latest names associated with sexual assault accusations.  Film, television, theatre, everyone was fair game.  But this isn’t a celebrity battle – this is a human battle.  When you start hearing about the manager of your local grocery store or the owner of the corner gas station, then you’ll realize how widespread this actually is.

A male model is accusing photographer Bruce Weber of sexual assault.  I wasn’t completely surprised because I always assumed something shady was happening behind the scenes.  After all, it ain’t easy to convince some of the most gorgeous guys in the world to pose naked on livestock – I learned that the hard way!  The model in question, Jason Boyce, claims that during a 2014 photo shoot, he was “subjected to a series of practices by Mr. Weber that were unlike any he had experienced previously.”  It is alleged that Weber removed Boyce’s underwear and forced Boyce to touch his own genitals.  Yes, you read that correctly – Weber made a male model touch his own genitals.  Now, I’m just thinking out loud, but is it possible that Boyce needed a little bit of help in the package department?  I don’t mean to disparage anyone, but there’s a difference between someone being groped and a photographer saying to an underwear model, “Gimme something to work with!”  The lawsuit states that “Mr. Weber put his fingers in Mr. Boyce’s mouth.”  Yes, I said mouth.  “Shocked, Mr. Boyce opened his eyes.  Mr. Weber told him to keep his eyes closed, and kept his fingers in Mr. Boyce’s mouth.  ‘If you just had confidence, you’d go really far,’ Mr. Weber whispered.  ‘How far do you want to make it?  How ambitious are you?’  Mr. Boyce did not respond.”  Well, of course he didn’t respond – he had an old man’s fingers in his mouth.  Yes, I said mouth!

I am thrilled to report that The Go-Go’s will be represented on The Great White Way when the musical Head Over Heels hits Broadway.  Based on Sir Philip Sidney‘s Arcadia, the show is being produced by Gwyneth Paltrow and was a hit when it played the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in 2015.  Announcement of the Broadway run was accompanied by a video featuring four of the five classic Go-Go’s.  You’d expect that would include the four current members and exclude ousted bassist, Kathy Valentine.  But you’d be wrong.  Valentine (who co-wrote the song “Head Over Heels”) is prominently featured in the video, while the backbone of the band, drummer Gina Schock, is curiously absent.  Prior to Broadway, the show plays San Francisco’s Curran Theatre April 24-May 20..”

Meanwhile in London, Coral DeVille claims she was banned from entering Mariah Carey‘s Christmas concert at the O2 Arena because she was dressed as a woman!  She took to Twitter.  “OMG OMG OMG turned away from O2 arena for being in drag.  WHAT??????  I have valid tickets!!!!!!  SOMEONE HELP!!!!!!”  OK, girl, calm down – I mean, it’s only Mariah Carey!  After the fact, a spokesperson from the O2 said they are investigating the situation.  “Our policy is certainly not to refuse anyone entry based upon what they are wearing.”

“Thank you Omarosa for your service!  I wish you continued success.”  With words far more eloquent than “You’re fired”, Mr. Trump once again bid the Apprentice contestant farewell.  But, oh, Omarosa did not go gentle into that good night.  Nope, allegedly she attempted to storm the residential wing of the White House to confront Mr. T in person.  Needless to say, she didn’t reach her goal – something you’d think she’d be used to by now.  Wouldn’t you love to have been a fly on the wall to see Omarosa Tasered whilst dashing through the halls of the West Wing?

We’ve been given the all-clear to tell you that two members of the singing string quartet Well-Strung will compete on the next season of Amazing Race.  I know Christopher Marchant and Trevor Wadleigh quite well.  Chris is more outgoing, while Trevor is somewhat more cerebral.  Beyond that, my lips are sealed.

Last week, London’s Daily Mail ran the following headline: “Bryan Singer: I wasn’t fired from Queen film for rape”.  Somewhere, Singer was thinking, “Stop helping me!”  It’s been a harrowing time for Bryan.  With less than a month of shooting left on his film about the band Queen called Bohemian Rhapsody, he was unceremoniously dumped by the studio.  Whispers of trouble began with rumors of escalating tensions between the director and star Rami Malek (rumors Singer denies).  Singer did miss several days of shooting in early November and his duties were assumed by cinematographer, Newton Thomas Sigel.  Then the production unexpectedly shut down when Singer didn’t return from Thanksgiving break due to family health issues.  While he claims he asked the studio for time off to deal with this personal matter, people in the know say this was a convenient excuse for the brass to make a change.  Singer was replaced by Dexter Fletcher, who was already slated to direct a biopic about Elton John.

Now, about those rape allegations.  Within 24 hours of Singer’s ouster from the film, word filtered out that he was being sued for allegedly raping a 17-year-old back in 2003.  Cesar Sanchez-Guzman claims that Singer forced him to engage in oral sex and then raped him.  Since this all sounds terribly vague, I dug a little deeper for details.  According to the complaint, Cesar claims that he and some other boys were “selected” by a wealthy tech investor to join Singer on a yacht.  Bryan offered to give Cesar a tour of the yacht and led him to a bedroom.  After closing the door behind them, Singer allegedly “thrust his body” on Cesar.  Before we go on, I am going to caution you – the description of what transpired sounds more like the script of a porno movie than a court-filed criminal complaint. 

“Bryan Singer then forced Cesar to the floor, shoved Cesar’s face against his crotch area and demanded Cesar perform oral sex on him.  Bryan Singer pulled out his penis, smacked Cesar in the face with it and forced it into Cesar’s mouth.  Cesar pleaded with him to stop, however he continued to force Cesar to perform oral sex, causing Cesar to choke.  Bryan Singer threw Cesar onto the bed, pulled down Cesar’s pants and performed oral sex on Cesar.  Cesar pleaded for him to stop.  Bryan Singer then forcibly anally penetrated Cesar.  Cesar pleaded for him to stop.”  I dunno about you, but I feel dirty.  And slightly sticky.

According to the complaint, Singer later went up to Cesar and said he was a Hollywood producer.  Maybe it’s me, but I bet if he opened with that, there’d have been a lot less forcing and pleading!  Singer said, “If you ever want to get into Hollywood, I could help you.”  According to the complaint, “He then told Cesar that no one would believe him if he ever reported the incident, and that he could hire people who are capable of ruining someone’s reputation.”  That is allegedly why Cesar kept quiet all these years – he claims to have been scared of being outed.

I find it interesting that Cesar is being represented by attorney Jeff Herman – the same attorney who represented Michael Egan, the previous person to file a civil suit against Singer for an alleged underage sexual assault.  It turns out Herman himself was accused of raping a female receptionist who worked for him back in 1998!  According to a police report, Herman (who was 38 at the time) invited the 19-year-old receptionist to his home, allegedly “tossed her on his bed, and to repeated protests by the receptionist, removed her shorts, digitally penetrated her, demanded oral sex, and forced her to satisfy him with her hand.”  A whole new meaning to the phrase, “Gimme your digits!”

I’ve said it before, but one of the best shows every year is the Divas Simply Singing AIDS benefit.  This year, Sheryl Lee Ralph completely reinvented the enduring event as an elegant, swanky reception, dinner, and concert.  The evening began with a VIP reception and book signing with my dear friend, Jenifer Lewis.  People queued up for an hour as I ushered people in for a photo and a signed copy of The Mother of Black Hollywood.  Some of the luminaries waiting were Freda Payne, Victoria Rowell, Judge Mablean, Thelma Houston, and some of the lesser Braxtons.  But my diva duties weren’t over.  Although I wasn’t playing the piano this year, I still found myself onstage – singing and leading the chorus as Jenifer belted out “I Don’t Want Nobody Fucking With Me In These Streets”.  Then the ageless Thelma Houston did a dynamic set, ending with Jenifer and Sheryl Lee Ralph joining her for a reprise of “Don’t Leave Me This Way”.  Ralph then joined Kenny Lattimore for a touching rendition of “When I First Saw You” from Dreamgirls.  Lattimore raised a few thousand dollars for the cause by auctioning off the chance for some lucky ladies to sit at his feet while he serenaded them.

Then it was time for Jennifer Holliday.  She joined Ralph for a very brief, but memorable, snippet of the dressing room scene from Dreamgirls when Effie calls Deena “common”.  Then, like Lattimore, she auctioned off the chance for people to sit onstage with her as she sang “And I Am Telling You”.  The first $500 bid came from our table.  DJ Pierce (aka Shangela) was up onstage before Holliday even finished talking.  Several others paid $500.  Then a couple of folks ponied up $1,000!  Finally, a couple women paid $250 for this once-in-a-lifetime chance.  I think Holliday raised about $6K with that one song.  And she wasn’t finished.  One guy offered a thousand bucks if she would sing “I Am Changing”.  She called him up to the stage, held him in her arms, and sang the last half of the song directly to him as the tears streamed down his face.  It was a beautiful moment – made all the more touching by Holliday’s genuine surprise that people were willing to spend such large sums for her to sing to them.

The show officially ended with Ralph and Holliday singing “Joy To The World”.  Then the real show started.  While people milled around taking photos, Jenifer and Jennifer came together.  The two divas have a complicated and combustible chemistry.  Holliday proudly helped promote Lewis’ book.  Sheryl joined them for photos, and then the three divas sang together.  You can see it all on BillyMasters.com.

I know you love Steve Grand and sexy calendars. So, why not pick up his 2018 calendar – shot on location this pst summer in Provincetown. You still want more? You’re in luck. “I just had to make two calendars’ worth of images. So yes, both calendars have their own unique set of photos,” says Steve. I don’t believe these are benefiting anyone other than Grand himself, but that’s OK by me. Still, it’s a curious choice for someone who previously bemoaned the fact that people focus on his phenomenal physique instead of his music. Eh, who am I to judge? You can pick him up at  SteveGrand.com.

The reboot of Dynasty has announced the new incarnation of Alexis. Drum roll, please – it will be Nicollette Sheridan. Well, she was a vampy bitch on Desperate Housewives before her unceremonious ouster, so perhaps it’ll work out. And, you know, she is British. No, not British like Uma Thurman. Actually born in England.

My matinee the next day was The Parisian Woman, a new play starring Uma Thurman. It has enormous relevance since it’s set in present-day Washington, DC and written by Beau Willimon, who created House of Cards. What was curious was that Miss Thurman chose a strange mid-Atlantic accent – kinda a cross between Madonna and Mrs. Howell! And not being a natural stage animal, she was prone to wild gesticulation of her limitless limbs, which looked even odder in unflattering clothing. The show is saved by Blair Brown, who is incapable of giving a bad performance. She’s so good, in fact, she magnifies the deficits of the play’s star. Then again, reports were that Uma’s name alone was selling tickets. So, what do I know?

That night, I saw Once On This Island, which, like The Parisian Woman, is a one-act, 90-minute show – my favorite kind! The production is as magical and enchanting as the story, and the cast (including our own Alex Newell) is uniformly superb. That said, I’m still trying to figure out what Lea Salonga was doing there. Not that she isn’t good – she sounds as bright and brilliant as ever. But she has one number and spends most of the show walking up and down the stairs as if she were just crowned Miss Filipina! If you like the musical, you’ll love this revival. If you don’t know it, you’ll still love it. And if you love Lea Salonga, you’ll long for a helicopter.

In a rarity, I then went to my third show of the day! 54 Below hosted an all-star concert presentation of the Lauren Bacall vehicle, Woman of the Year. Also beside the point – did anyone think to invite Raquel Welch? Not that she was missed alongside such luminaries as Joyce DeWitt, Eve Plumb, and Lypsinka battling for honors next to such bona fide Broadway babes as Julia Murney, Luba Mason, and Christine Pedi. There were also some great men, including Robert Cuccioli, Brad Oscar, and my new discovery, the dashing and sexy Kevin Zak. The show’s 11 o’clock number, “The Grass Is Always Greener”, was expertly handled by Dee Hoty and the indomitable Anita Gillette. Of all the shows I saw, this was the best of the bunch.

Don’t fuck with Dr. Seuss. The dearly departed doyenne of radio Lynn Samuels was given to reading from Horton Hatches the Egg on the air. That is, until she got a cease and desist letter from Audrey Stone Dimond – otherwise known as Mrs. Dr. Seuss! The cantankerous widow is wildly protective of her late husband’s work, and I’m sure Miss Samuels’ dulcet tones didn’t help matters.

I was reminded of this story last week at the opening night of Who’s Holiday! at the Westside Theater. This play tells the story of a grown-up Cindy-Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Playwright Matthew Lombardo tells us what happened to Cindy-Lou 40 years after meeting the Grinch in a one-woman show written in the style of the late Dr. Seuss. Is it a sequel? Is it a parody? Either way, last year’s premiere was thwarted by a cease and desist letter from guess who? The tenacious Lombardo took the matter to court – and won! “The play re-contextualizes Grinch’s easily recognizable plot and rhyming style by placing Cindy-Lou Who – a symbol of childhood innocence and naiveté – in outlandish, profanity-laden, adult-themed scenarios involving topics such as poverty, teenage pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, prison culture, and murder. In so doing, the Play subverts the expectations of the Seussian genre, and lampoons the Grinch by making Cindy-Lou’s naiveté, Who-Ville’s endlessly smiling, problem-free citizens, and Dr. Seuss’ rhyming innocence, all appear ridiculous,” said the judge.

What that meant was that the show was able to go on – albeit a year later – with a new advertising slogan: “See The Show Dr. Seuss Doesn’t Want You To See!” It lives up to the hype – due, in no small measure, to the bravura turn of star Lesli Margherita. She effortlessly captures the innocence of the young Cindy-Lou and then slowly adds layers as the perky mask falls. Oodles of credit must go to director Carl Andress, who works his endless theatrical magic to never let the show feel claustrophobic. I predict this will have huge seasonal appeal for years to come.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Neil in Chicago: “What is Future Man?  And does Josh Hutcherson really have a gargantuan penis?  I can’t find this series on any network.  Is this a joke?  It’s gotta be, right?  Right?”

Wrong – it is in fact a series on Hulu.  In it, Josh sports a penis roughly the size of a Louisville Slugger.  If that’s a reference you don’t get, then picture a large eggplant, or two zucchinis…eh, just picture all of the ingredients of ratatouille.  To make matters more complicated, in episode twelve, he appears with himself.  Yes, two Josh Hutchersons.  I know what you’re thinking – ratatouille for everyone!  Except one of them has a more natural-looking appendage.  How much is real?  Josh says, “It’s a combination of me with camera lock-offs, and also a stunt double, and a lot of prosthetics as I’m sure you may have noticed.”  You can see it on BillyMasters.com.

Time for another installment of Fayewatch.  We haven’t heard from Miss Dunaway since she proclaimed La La Land the winner of Best Picture at the Oscars.  Oh, Faye, we’ve missed you.  But, like the phoenix of ancient Greece (which may have been her childhood pet), she has risen from the ashes.  I missed the story about Faye getting extensions at New York’s posh Marie Robinson Salon.  After the pros worked their magic on Faye’s tenuous tresses, they presented her with the bill – $3,000!  “I’m not paying that – I can’t believe how expensive this is,” said Faye.  Instead, Dunaway paid half – likely rationalizing that her hairline starts halfway up her scalp.  When asked by the New York Post for a comment, she said, “I’d prefer you not run that.  I’ve now paid the whole thing – but I will not be going back there because it is not the price they said it would be.  So, I don’t know what to say to you except I didn’t throw a fit.  I was just very alarmed at the amount they were charging me for the very small amount of hair work that they did.  I am a normal human being and don’t expect special favors, but I was shocked to be charged the same I had previously paid to get what was now a hair correction.  I felt it was very extravagant and inappropriate.”  That’s a pretty long quote – she probably had to leave it on multiple voicemail messages!

On a recent episode of Watch What Happens Live, Macklemore revealed that he has a nude painting of Justin Bieber.  “I bought it on Etsy as a white elephant Santa gift that at the end of the night just stayed at my house.  No one ended up taking it.  I’m very proud of it.  And it’s become a huge headline.  Like Macklemore owns a naked Justin Bieber dick pancake painting.”  And it comes in handy.  “It goes right above my bed and whenever I’m with my wife intimately, I can always stare at it if I want to control my orgasm.  Just slow it down.”  What is a “dick pancake”?  It must be seen to be believed – at BillyMasters.com.

The latest sexual assault accusations are targeted towards Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys.  According to Melissa Schuman (who was a member of the pop group Dream), she and several friends were in Nick’s apartment in 2002.  They were making out and then Nick led her to the bathroom.  He hoisted her on the counter, unbuttoned her pants and then performed oral sex on her.  Then he allegedly forced her to perform oral sex on him.  Then he carried her to the bed.  She says, “Then I felt it, he put something inside of me.  I asked him what it was and he whispered in my ear…’It’s all me baby.’  It was done.”  Melissa, who at the time was a virgin, claims that throughout this encounter, she was protesting and fighting him physically – which begs the question, what were the friends in the next room doing?  Despite the “assault”, Nick and Melissa remained friends.  They performed together, recorded together, and even made the 2004 film The Hollow together.  Nick says, “Melissa never expressed to me while we were together or at any time since that anything we did was not consensual…This is the first that I am hearing about these accusations, nearly two decades later.  It is contrary to my nature and everything I hold dear to intentionally cause someone discomfort or harm”.

This incident reminded me of a story about Nick and the Backstreet Boys‘ former manager, Lou Pearlman.  Here’s an excerpt from a 2007 Vanity Fair exposé about the impresario: “These were the young singers seen emerging from his bedroom late at night, buttoning their pants, sheepish looks on their faces.  Some deny anything improper ever happened.  But the parents of at least one, a member of the Backstreet Boys, complained.  And for any number of young men who sought to join the world’s greatest boy bands, Big Poppa‘s attentions were an open secret, the price some paid for fame.”  Denise McLean, the mother of AJ McLean, says, “For a while Nick loved going over to Lou’s house.  All of a sudden it appeared there was a flip at some point.  Then we heard from the Carter camp that there was some kind of inappropriate behavior.  It was just odd.  I can just say there were odd events that took place.”  Singer Phoenix Stone adds, “With Nick, I got to tell you, this was not something Nick was comfortable talking about.  What happened?  Well, I just think that he finally, you know, Lou was definitely inappropriate with him, and he just felt that he didn’t want anything to do with that anymore.  There was a big blowup at that point.”  If in fact Nick was victimized by Lou, it is almost textbook that a victim of sexual assault could become an assailant.  Hmmm…

You know who else came out as bisexual?  Tyler Posey.  OK, not exactly Tyler Posey, but the character he plays on Jane the Virgin.  His character, Adam, tells Jane (the virgin), “I had a boyfriend in our school when everyone was experimenting, and another in Fort Green when everyone wasn’t.”  For those of you playing at home, that’s two boyfriends.  But that’s just his character, right?  Well…let’s not be too hasty.  After all, he’s previously admitted to being on Grindr – and how many straight men can say that?  Hands?  Well, it’s really not a fair question – how many straight men are reading this column?  But how many straight men have seen Posey’s penis?  Again, I see no hands – although they may be otherwise engaged.  Since Tyler has said he doesn’t care that his nudes (and the videos) fell into our hands, why not share them with you – on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of sizes, Kathy Griffin has once again gone after Andy Cohen – and this time her target is the size of his package.  In a recent Tweet, she shared an e-mail she received from someone currently living in Croatia who claims to have had a one-night stand with Andy back in college – no, not in Croatia.  Forrest (last name suppressed) says, “Andy Cohen is a little guy.  I happen to be 6 feet tall.  He rather assertively had his way with me.  It was very one-sided.”  In other words, he confirmed what Anderson Cooper already told us – that Cohen’s a top.  “By the way,” Forrest adds, “Andy is a small guy, not just in height.”  Kathy sums it up with, “Do you know me now, b*tch?”

More troublesome are the claims against Jeffrey Tambor.  The first was from his former assistant – allegations Tambor “adamantly and vehemently” denied.  Then there was an actress from Transparent who had a similar story.  Intriguingly, both accusers are transgender.  Days later, he quit the show.  “The idea that I would deliberately harass anyone is simply and utterly untrue.  Given the politicized atmosphere that seems to have afflicted our set, I don’t see how I can return to Transparent.”  It should be noted that he didn’t have a contract for next season.

This week, man has gone where no man has gone before – the first gay kiss in Star Trek history.  Or, more correctly, the first gay kiss in Star Trek history that we’ve seen.  According to John Cho, his Sulu did share a kiss with his male partner in the last film – but it was cut.  That left Star Trek: Discovery to feature the first same-sex lip lock between Anthony Rapp and Wilson Cruz (who basically comes in, says a line or two, and then disappears each episode – but a gig’s a gig).  In case you missed it, you can see the smooching on BillyMasters.com.