In the case of Sunset Boulevard, we’re talking about a film which became a musical (which may soon become a musical film).  With Groundhog Day, it was a movie that became a musical.  And that Broadway musical has had a rocky road, despite plaudits from critics and fans alike.  Last week, the show got some encouragement from a special person – Bill Murray.  The star of the film version of Groundhog Day went to see the musical and was moved to tears.  “It was really beautiful.  You got me.  You really got me,” he said at the end of the show.  When addressing the cast, he said, “The idea that we just have to try again.  We just have to try again.  It’s such a beautiful, powerful idea.”  It was so powerful that the very next day, Bill Murray went to see it again!  Either that, or they all somehow fell into some real-life “groundhog day” experience.  “This show should be mandatory,” he said the second time around.  Alas, while Bill keeps buying tickets, the crowds are not.  The show just posted its closing notices and will leave Broadway on September 17th and embark on a national tour next year.

How far in advance do you RSVP to an event?  They say that gay men typically wait until the last minute – probably because we are waiting for a better offer.  Personally, I can change my mind about going to something even as I’m parking!  So I find it fascinating that our “president” (such as he is) and his spousal equivalent have opted out of attending the Kennedy Center Honors in DECEMBER!  That, of course, assumes he is still our president in December.  Given the current political climate, it is conceivable that had he gone, he’d have had the worst night in the theatre of any president since Lincoln!

This move by Mr. Trump came after two arts-connected events.  1) Three of the five Kennedy Center Honorees stated they would skip the reception with the President at the White House and B) the entire 17-person President’s Committee on the Arts and the Humanities resigned en masse.  This is significant since it is the first entire White House department to resign.  Some have quipped that nobody cares about the actions of people in the arts.  I’d call that shortsighted.  Many people go to foreign lands to visit museums and architecture.  Almost nobody ever visits historical sites of accountants and economists.  Arts matter.  Arts endure.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Darren in Las Vegas: “Friends of mine tell me Tyson Beckford had a wardrobe malfunction at The Chippendales at the Rio.  True?  Are there any photos?”

Well, we’ve featured every inch of Tyson Beckford before, so why not do it again?  After all, it’s time for summer reruns.  As to the slip at the Chips, well, you can see something swinging around on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re bringing you a “dick slip”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Even though I’m technically on vacation, you can still find the freshest dish on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never goes down.  If you’re here and wanna hook up (or if you just have a question), drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Tyson shakes his stick at me!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I dunno how I missed this, but Charlie Sheen sleeps with men.  At least that’s the implication of a few lawsuits.  When Sheen went public about being HIV-positive in 2015, he settled out of court with a man who claimed Charlie gave him herpes.  Now a new person is threatening to sue Charlie for giving him HIV during gay sex.  This is being filed in California where it is illegal for an HIV-positive person to have sex without a condom “if there is intent to transmit the virus”.  Personally, I don’t believe Sheen has ever been sober long enough to have ANY intent!

Someone who usually shocks by shedding her clothes has actually shed her hair!  Kathy Griffin just shaved her head.  No, it isn’t some misguided homage to Sinéad O’Connor.  She did it in solidarity with her sister who is undergoing chemotherapy to fight a tumor.  Mama Maggie Tweeted a photo and wrote, “My daughter Kathleen Mary is a wonderful human being”.  Well, now we know who is actually writing Kathy’s mother’s Tweets!

Since it’s Carnival Week in Provincetown, you know where I am.  When I’m not having more sex than you can shake a stick at (or whatever they were shaking at me), I’m seeing tons of great shows.  Even if you aren’t anywhere near Cape Cod, these people regularly tour the country and will likely hit your locale sometime soon.

I made it to the tip of the Cape just in time for Marilyn Maye at the Provincetown Art House.  To say she’s better than ever is an understatement.  Yes, she’s my dear friend, but this woman’s voice cannot be equaled by people half her age.  While I’m always amazed at her power and range, this year it was the quieter moments which struck me as incredibly delicate and yet totally controlled.  She definitely fills the stage – and the entire room.

Sexy Steve Grand is also at the Art House all season.  While his rippling physique is probably better known to most of my fans than his voice, they will be pleasantly surprised if they buy a ticket for his show.  His vocals are secure, and his self-written material is enjoyable if not somewhat repetitive.  What makes his show work is how well he connects with his audience.  It’s intimate.  You kinda feel like you’re in his living room – we should all be so lucky!  You can see a clip from his show on BillyMasters.com.

Every year, I think Varla Jean Merman can’t top herself – try and get that picture out of your head.  But every year, the material is fresh, incisive, sharp, and on target.  Bad Heroine (also at the Ptown Art House) focuses on female role models throughout history, and it’s hysterically funny.  It’s even educational – I came out learning something.  Take that, PBS!  The costumes are outrageous, the vocals are spot-on, and the entire show is a massive delight for all the senses.

If there is a female illusionist who is a greater singer than Randy Roberts, I have not met him (or her).  But more than Randy’s voice, it’s his entire presence.  The makeup, the hair, the dress, the choreography – the illusion is perfection from top to bottom.  His Cher is more convincing than the real Cher.  OK, so his Bette Midler is a bit like Mae West – but so is Bette’s!  Where he shines most is as himself…er, herself.  Whatever – go see him/her.

The cherry on the cake at the Ptown Art House is this season’s Ryan Landry play.  5 To 9 is a spoof on 9 To 5 set in the Trump White House, and it works extremely well.  The cast is also sublime.  Landry channels Lily Tomlin‘s tightly wound Violet to a T, Varla Jean Merman goes places Dolly Parton never dreamt of, and Peaches Christ makes Jane Fonda look like a schoolgirl.  Larry Coen is a lascivious and clueless Trump.  And in many ways, Penny Champayne steals the show as Kellyanne Conway, Melania, Ivanka, and even Roz.  Atta girl!  Tix for all these shows can be found at PtownArtHouse.com.

As always, there are special events at Town Hall.  The venue hosted Broadway diva (and Younger star) Sutton Foster.  Her voice is beyond gorgeous and pure, but also has enough body to connect with a lyric like few of her contemporaries.  She regaled the audience with an assay of her extraordinary career, accompanied by Michael Rafter.  As with the shows at the Art House, this concert was presented by Mark Cortale with his usual aplomb.

The day before, Margaret Cho zipped in for a special show and had the capacity crowd in the palm of her hand.   She previewed material from her new show, Fresh Off The Bloat, which will be touring the country in the fall.  Very sharp, incisive, and funny material – Margaret always kills.  Her piece about explaining poppers to lesbians is hysterical!  Kudos to producers Adam Weinstock and Rick Murray for turning in another fantastic sold-out show.

If you follow this column, you’re probably sick to death of all the mentions of the hunky Rick Murray and the Crown and Anchor.  But one upcoming show deserves some mention.  Billy Porter is returning for two shows August 19 and 20.  Having seen his previous Ptown outing, I can tell you not to miss the chance to see this phenomenal artist in such an intimate setting.  You can get tix at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.  And if you miss him in Ptown, here’s an exciting announcement –  Billy and his original castmate Stark Sands are returning to the Broadway production of Kinky Boots on September 26th.  This will be a strictly limited return through January 7th.  I guess you can go home again!

Speaking of footage, several of you asked the same Ask Billy question.  The first one was from George in Florida. “Loved watching part one of Angels in America with Nathan Lane.  But do you have part two?”

It took a while, but we finally got our hands on both parts of Angels in America from the National Theatre in London – starring Nathan Lane, Andrew Garfield and Russell Tovey.  You can see them on BillyMasters.com.

The line between porn and prostitution is fuzzy, to say the least.  While porn great Benjamin Bradley was not a rent boy, a transition is a transition.  Benji – for whom I have enormous affection – needs our help.  He has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and is undergoing treatment to shrink a metastatic tumor in his neck which makes it difficult for him to…well, to do pretty much anything.  He’s maxed out his credit cards and exhausted all resources which could assist him in paying for treatment.  Friends set up a YouCaring.com fund under his real name (Benjamin Lemke).  If you are so inclined – and I hope many of you are – give what you can.  There but for the grace of God…

Aaron Carter is making lots of announcements for someone with virtually no career.  A few weeks ago, he tearfully told Entertainment Tonight he has an eating disorder and actually gets fillers in his face – and if that’s what he looks like with fillers, it must be REALLY bad.  “I have a hiatal hernia.  I have a stress condition it’s an eating disorder….How would you feel every two seconds seeing a Tweet, ‘You have AIDS.  Go die.  Oh, look at this meth head.  Oh, meth kills.  Crack kills.’  I’m not a meth head.  I’ve never touched it in my life.”  Then this week, another revelation – he’s bisexual.  He might have considered revealing this when he headlined LA Pride in June!  “I grew up in this entertainment industry at a very young age and when I was around 13-years-old I started to find boys and girls attractive.  There were years that went by that I thought about it, but it wasn’t until I was 17-years-old, after a few relationships with girls, I had an experience with a male that I had an attraction to who I also worked with and grew up with.”  Let the guessing game begin.  My money’s on someone with the initials PS.

There are no accidents.  I believe that as much as I believe I will once again fit into my size 30 skinny jeans!  Days ago, Caitlyn Jenner was seen wearing a red cap emblazoned with the phrase “Make America Great Again”.  For someone who has publicly decried Donald Trump, this was a questionable fashion choice.  Jenner says she accidentally grabbed the hat when rushing out for a golf game.  It’s bad enough to be seen in the cap, but she was photographed wearing it – in a convertible!  Jenner Tweeted, “I apologize to all of the trans community.  I made a mistake.”  Caitlyn is considering signing the hat and auctioning it off for charity.  Just when you thought it was impossible to devalue Trump memorabilia.

Our brief Ask Billy question comes from Justin. “Thanks for the video of Angels in America from London.  But, here’s one better – Bette Midler in Hello, Dolly!  Nobody has any footage.  If anyone can get it, you can.”

I can, and do.  Many people have attempted to film clips of Bette Midler in Dolly.  Most have had their phones confiscated.  And those who posted footage online found it quickly removed due to the vehemence of pit bull producer Scott Rudin.  There has been an embargo on any clips of Bette in the role – the rationale being, if you wanna see her, spend $600 and buy a ticket.  But, the wait is over.  There are a couple of tantalizing videos on BillyMasters.com.  Well, the word “video” might be a misnomer.  Yes, there are fleeting images of Midler, but most of the time she’s onstage, the spotlight is so bright it almost completely washes her out.  Still, you can hear her perfectly and see glimpses of a ghostly Divine Miss M on our website.

To keep Anderson and other fans of Latinos happy, we have a surprise for you.  While on the set of The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, Ricky Martin had to have his tattoos covered.  After doing his torso, the makeup artist had to work on his buttocks.  While he was shirtless, bent over a counter, with his ass in the air, co-star Penelope Cruz snapped a photo.  From this, we learn two things: 1) he’ll be showing some ass in the movie and B) he’s used to this position.  You can see the fruits of his loins on BillyMasters.com.

Because I’m a stickler for equal time, we also have something for Andy Cohen fans.  He recently went to see Diane Ross in concert.  Someone decided it would be more fun to film Andy’s reaction than to focus on Miss Ross, and I agree.  Sure, it’s fun to see Sandra Bernhard singing along, but it’s all about Cohen’s interpretive dance to “I Will Survive”, which you can also find on our website.

After Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen finished discussing Kathy on Watch What Happens Live, they got into a spirited game of which Andy knows more about the other Andy.  Guest Olivia Wilde asked the questions – prepared, I’m sure, by Andy Cohen and his staff.  When asked the question, “What is Anderson’s biggest turn-on?”, Cohen wasted no time in answering, “Latinos”.  This might be news to his French paramour, Ben Maisani.

“Yeah, we’re still friends.  Look, I said what I said…I didn’t think what
she said was appropriate.  I wish her the best and I hope she bounces back
and is back on the road.  She’s incredibly funny, and a lot of people love her.” –
Anderson Cooper tells Andy Cohen about the status of his friendship with Kathy Griffin.

It’s over – our great national tragedy is coming to a close.  Kathy Griffin is back.  Well, not back as in working.  But back as in ready to work.  “I am no longer under federal investigation.  The case is closed.  I have been completely exonerated.  Finally,” Tweeted the funny lady.  The statement was meant to shoot down a report that Griffin was not only still under investigation but also facing jail time. 

Although she’s not in the big house, she’s having trouble with a big house.  Although she recently moved into palatial digs within spitting distance of Kim and Kanye, her old house, Wings (which was featured in her D-List show), has been in limbo.  Nothing squelches sales like a Secret Service investigation.  Kath paid $2.85 million for the house in 2004, so she listed it for $6.5 million.  Then the scandal happened, and she took it off the market.  Now, it’s for sale again, for the marked-down price of $5 mil.

Remember Andrew Garfield telling people he’s like a gay man – just without the icky sex part?  Well, he feels his comments were taken out of context.  For those of you who don’t know, he’s in the London production of Angels in America and said that he’s totally immersed in the gay culture and lifestyle – so much so that the only break he takes is to sit with his mates and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race.  He added, “I am a gay man right now just without the physical act – that’s all.”

“That’s of course not what I meant at all.  That discussion was about this play and how deeply grateful I am that I get to work on something so profound.  It’s a love letter to the LGBTQ community.  We were talking about, ‘How do you prepare for something so important and so big?’ and I was basically saying, ‘I dive in as fully as I possibly can.’  My only longing is to serve and to keep the world spinning forward for the LGBTQ community in whatever way I’m meant to.  It’s important to a community that I feel so welcomed by.  The intention was to speak to that, speak to my desire to play this part to the best of my ability and to fully immerse myself in a culture that I adore.”

And this leads perfectly into our Ask Billy question.  Harry in Chicago wrote, “I just saw National Theatre‘s production of Angels in America at the cinema and was mesmerized.  Are there any plans to release it on DVD?”

No announcement has been made about releasing Angels in America on DVD, and I doubt it will happen.  These things tend to be licensed only to be shown in the cinema.  But if you missed it, you’re in luck.  Someone leaked your humble scribe a copy of it – well, of Part One: Millennium Approaches.  I assume we’ll get Part Two: Perestroika after it airs next week.  And, because I’m filled with the milk of human kindness (amongst other fluids), I want you to be able to watch it from the comfort of your own home.  So, should you be interested in seeing the aforementioned Andrew Garfield act alongside actual gay men such as Nathan Lane and Russell Tovey, you should head on over to BillyMasters.com.

Another story came out of Outfest.  Director Kevin Smith was hosting a screening of the 20th anniversary of Chasing Amy, and he made a startling revelation.  Ben Affleck said, “A man kissing another man is the greatest acting challenge an actor can ever face.”  Funny, I never found it difficult in the slightest.  Of course, Affleck made this revelation years before he went out and enthusiastically promoted Gigli – talk about your acting challenges!  After he filmed the Amy scene, Affleck is said to have quipped, “Now, I’m a serious actor”.  After hearing all this sturm und drang, one actress was less than impressed.  Evan Rachel Wood Tweeted: “Try getting raped in a scene.  Also, grow up Ben.  Also, you think us ladies like kissing all the guys we kiss?  Just cause its a ‘straight kiss’ doesn’t mean we enjoy it.  Ahem.”

What you wear often makes quite an impression.  Photos of Mr. Payne in his leather regalia will likely be trotted out during the campaign.  Then there’s John Barrowman, who appeared onstage at San Diego Comic-Con in a dress.  Why?  He was applauding the powers-that-be at the BBC for choosing a female Dr. Who.  His dress was actually a TARDIS dress (TARDIS stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space, the name of the machine which allows Dr. Who to travel through time).  And as it turns out, it isn’t the first time he’s worn this frock in public.  But that’s not the point.  The point is, John used this as an opportunity to say what he thinks should happen next on Dr. Who.  “Give the Doctor a transgender companion, give him a boy, give him a girl, give him a little boy or a little girl; we could have many different combinations.  It can be open to a lot.”  Then, Barrowman launched into “Copacabana”.  Why?  Why not?

Someone who has been addressed as both a lady and a gentleman is Caitlyn Jenner.  And s/he is getting some flack after posting a photo with Steven Tyler on Instagram and captioning it, “@iamstevent and I are working on our duet for Dude Looks Like a Lady. One of my favorite songs!”  Well, many trans people took offense to this, but I may be on Cait’s side.  One of the things we always say when it comes to offensive terms is that they are OK when they come out of the mouths of the people they are talking about.  We don’t want heteros calling us “fags”, but gay people can say it.  Black people use the so-called “n-word” all the time, but don’t want others using it.  So if Jenner wants to make a bit of a joke at her own expense, why not?  She explained her feelings on the subject a while ago with Jimmy Kimmel: “I was at a fundraiser in Minneapolis and [Steven Tyler] was the entertainment.  I met him once briefly, years and years ago, but I’m sitting there and I got to go and say hi.  So I go backstage after and I say to Steven, ‘I have had some really, really tough times in my life.  For six years at one point I stayed in my house, and every once in a while, I would sneak out, get dressed and drive around in the dark.  I always used to take your song, ‘Dude Looks Like A Lady’, and that became my theme song.  Driving around in my little car with my little CD in there, whipping up the tunes and stuff.  And I just wanted you to know that it made me feel good.”  And who am I to deny Caitlyn Jenner the chance to feel good?  If it’s OK with her, it’s OK with me.

In more Caitlyn news (and has any paragraph ever started more ominously), Jenner has revealed that she is considering a run for the US Senate.  In a radio interview last week, she said, “I have considered it.  I like the political side of it.  I gotta find out where I can do a better job.  Can I do a better job from the outside, kind of working the perimeter of the political scene, being open to talk to anybody?  Or are you better off from the inside, and we are in the process of determining that.”  Just like Caitlyn – always wanting to have it both ways!

Our Ask Billy question had me stumped.  Russell wrote, “I heard Sam on Big Brother whipped out his cock on the live feed.  Do you have it?  Is it huge?”

Not being a devotee of Mrs. Moonves, I don’t know a thing about Big Brother.  But I dutifully looked and found no Sam.  I went back to Russell’s e-mail and saw he is in England.  So I tried Big Brother UK and, WOW, Sam almost poked out an eye!  So, yes, I have it, yes, it’s huge, and yes, you can see it on BillyMasters.com.

Were I to ever romantically target someone who is roughly the square root of my age, it would probably be Thomas Dekker.  Aside from being cute as a button (whatever that means), he’s also quite intelligent and quixotic in his approach to life.  And, let’s face it, I’m a sucker for guyliner.  But no need for me to keep my effluvient emotions in check – he’s married.  He made this announcement to let it be known that he’s gay – something I thought he did eons ago.  Apparently, back then all he did was make it clear he was sexually fluid.  What spurred him to speak now was something Bryan Fuller said when he received the Outfest Achievement Award on July 6th.  “I had a brief stint on Heroes where the gay character was ‘hetwashed’ after the actor’s management threatened to pull him from the show if he – the character, not the actor – were gay.  The character became straight and the actor came out as gay.”

Fuller made similar claims in 2007.  Dekker remembers it differently.  “I would like it to be known by everyone, that I have played a gay character three times before in my career, one when I was twelve (which is on youtube), one when I was fifteen, and another when I was seventeen.  I, nor my management have ever had any kind of problem with creating a gay character…what transpired on heroes is something far more complicated than anyone being ‘afraid’ to make Zach homosexual.”  In 2011, he elaborated on his feelings when he was told the character would come out: “I went through the fucking roof!  If you’re going to have a gay character on your show come out and be a pioneer for kids, I would’ve liked to play that from the get-go from my perspective.  I went to set and said to the writers, ‘I really wish that it wouldn’t have been five hours before I come into work that I get this news that [the character] I’d been playing for the last 12 episodes knows and is comfortable with the fact that he is gay.  Because I would’ve played this very differently.’  But I said I’d do it, and then a couple hours later the creator, Tim Kring, showed up and said, ‘No, no, no.  We’re going to change it.'”

What Dekker is upset about now is the part where Fuller said “the actor came out as gay.”  “My sexual orientation once again came into question this week when a prominent gay man used an awards acceptance speech to ‘out’ me.  While he did not mention me by name, the explicit details of his reference made it easy for the public and media to connect the dots.  While it is an odd situation, I thank him because it presents a prime opportunity for me to publicly say that I am indeed a man who proudly loves other men.  In fact, this April, I married my husband and I could not be happier.  I have never lied to the press about the fluidity of my sexuality but this man claiming that I came out is not true.  Because I have not ‘officially’ until this very moment.” 

Fr. James Martin was recently named the Vatican‘s pro-LGBT PR consultant.  When talking about saints and other people who have been canonized by the church, he said, “Some of them were probably gay.  A certain percentage of humanity is gay, and so were most likely some of the saints.  You may be surprised when you get to heaven to be greeted by LGBT men and women.”  This outraged many in the Vatican, but Fr. Martin didn’t back down.  He then tackled the trans bathroom debate.  “Trans students endure so many indignities already.  They should be able to use whatever bathrooms they choose.  It doesn’t hurt anyone.  It saddens me that a trans student cannot choose what bathrooms to use.  A basic need.  It’s an affront to their dignity as human beings.”  This led Fr. Matt Bozovsky to Tweet back, “Um… this is a joke, right?  Someone please tell me this is a parody account and not actually coming from a Catholic priest.”  Martin responded. “No, I’m an actual Catholic priest in good standing who stands with the marginalized.  Some charity is in order here, Father.”  So there!

James Woods certainly stepped in it last week.  It all started with a photo of 10-year-old CJ Duron and his parents Lori and Matt at Orange County Pride.  Mom is holding a sign that says, “I Love My Gender Creative Son!”, while the dad’s says, “My Son Wears Dresses & Makeup…Get Over It!”  Their son is in lots of rainbow colors.  I don’t know how James Woods found this post or why he commented on it.  Then again, the James Woods story I remember involved Sean Young and an ill-placed bottle of super glue.  Be that as it may, Woods re-Tweeted this photo, saying: “This is sweet.  Wait until this poor kid grows up, realizes what you’ve done, and stuffs both of you dismembered into a freezer in the garage.”  He certainly paints a vivid picture.

Neil Patrick Harris jumped in.  “Utterly ignorant and classless, Mr. Woods.  I’m friends with this family.  You know not of what you speak, and should be ashamed of yourself.”  Woods snapped back: “Using one’s child as a social justice propaganda doll is tantamount to child abuse.  This is not about homophobia.  Nice try though.”  He wasn’t done.  “For the record I have supported human rights of all stripes and persuasions, colors, creeds, choices and preferences my entire life.  Period.”  But not period.  “Some children can be ruthlessly cruel to children who are simply different in any way.  I humbly suggest making your child a target is unwise.”  And he had more to say: “I spent my entire adult life in the New York theatre scene, kids.  I have more gay friends than Liberace.  So let’s stop the homophobia train.”  He continued: “This is not a defense.  I’m old enough to remember the agony friends suffered for being different.  Being wrongly accused of anything is vile.”  He added: “And of course the final word on all of this is that I frankly don’t give a shit what anybody thinks of me.”

Then the parents spoke up.  After referring to Woods as “a somewhat public figure” (OUCH!), they went on to tell their story – a story which apparently is common knowledge in their geographic locale.  Mom Lori wrote, “I’ve written about how much easier our lives would be if both of our boys were straight and cisgender.  We had to evolve to the place where we are now, that’s what my writing is about – to show our evolution as parents and people and hope that it inspires others.”  Lori wrote a book, Raising My Rainbow (Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka wrote the foreward), and also a website of the same name.  She discussed the excitement of bringing her son to his first gay pride parade.  “My sweet, fabulous, rainbow boy has never received so many compliments.  He’s used to getting stares and whispers when we’re out in public.  He’s not used to getting the smiles, hugs, and encouragement he received at Pride.”  And isn’t that all that matters?

Could it be that a star of stage and screen (well, small screen) has also been filmed in a compromising position?  These things happen when you and your boyfriend pick up random guys online for a three-way.  In the clip, our newsworthy lad is purportedly filling one side of the hook-up while his boyfriend is filling the other – without ever letting the cell phone fall from his hands.  Now, THAT’S multitasking!  I should add, it sure looks like the star’s beau in the middle.  But it really is hard to tell.  But there is a brief glimpse of the star’s face, and there’s no mistaking that hair, that hard body, or that johnson!

You know summer is here when we hear about another Vatican sex scandal.  Last year, cardinals and priests were holding wet underwear contests in baptismal fonts.  This year, they’re at it again.  The Vatican police got a call about an out-of-control party going on in the apartment of the secretary to Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio – who just happens to be an aide to the Pope.  But it wasn’t just a party.  Reports say that the police broke up what is being called an “orgy” filled with men engaged in sexual activity and doing illegal drugs!  Sure sounds like an orgy to me.

And yet, it’s not this week’s only orgy.  You may have heard about an orgy held in the locker room of the Brazilian soccer team.  It all happened in Passo Fundo, Brazil, after a match played by the Sport Clube Gaucho.  Apparently one player was on his knees servicing two other players while another guy was filming them.  Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn’t call that an orgy.  It just sounds like a typical weekend.  Anyhoo, once the video went public, the team’s president dismissed all four players.  Why?  Because the tryst happened on club property.  While an edited version of the video is making the rounds, the original footage can be found on BillyMasters.com.

I know people look at us gay men and think, “Gosh, they have it all.  If only I were gay!”  As we know, it takes more than just wistful thinking.  It takes hard work – sucking, fucking, learning Barbra Streisand lyrics, it never ends.  And yet, some people think they can take the express route.  Andrew Garfield is currently in the London National Theatre production of Angels in America.  In a post-performance talkback, Garfield said, “As far as I know, I am not a gay man.  Maybe I’ll have an awakening later in my life, which I’m sure will be wonderful and I’ll get to explore that part of the garden, but right now I’m secluded to my area, which is wonderful as well.  I adore it, but a big concern was what right do I have to play this wonderful gay role?  It was about doing honor, doing justice and knowing my herstory.”  OK, somewhat awkward, but I get it.  He added, “My only time off during rehearsals – every Sunday I would have eight friends over and we would just watch Ru [RuPaul’s Drag Race].  This is my life outside of this play.  I am a gay man right now, just without the physical act – that’s all.” 

It sounds like he’s saying that because he watches RuPaul, he’s a gay man – well, a gay man not having sex with other men.  While I’m sure he didn’t mean to stereotype, not all gay men are watching RuPaul.  And watching Ru doesn’t make you gay.  But sex with other men – you know, that’s a big thing.  Well, in my case it’s a very big thing.  The point is, Andrew, you are not a gay man… you’re just playing one on stage.  And that really should be enough.  If you’d like to see a gay man in Angels in America, you might check out Garfield’s co-stars – Russell Tovey and Nathan Lane.  Now THOSE are gay men!

You all know ESPN The Magazine, right?  Well, you probably don’t, but you probably heard of their Body Issue – the one with all the nude athletes.  There was lots of chatter about the sizzling hot pics of Patriots wide receiver Julian Edelman.  But our own Gus Kenworthy is also in the mag.  He took a series of nudes over the course of six hours on a ski slope.  One might expect major shrinkage, but that’s not the case – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Sticking with the theme of scantily clad men, our Ask Billy question comes from Lamar in Miami: “I heard that there are nude photos of Milan Christopher circulating.  He’s so gorgeous, and I’m sure he’s gotta have a huge dick.  Can you find it?”

First I had to educate myself and find out who Milan Christopher is.  Apparently, he’s an openly gay hip hop singer who has been featured on Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood on VH1 – a show I’ve never watched, but Wendy Williams always talks about.  Interestingly enough, he didn’t actually leak the photos – he posed for them with a reputable photographer, Matthias Vriens-McGrath.  “I think I have a nice body and I think it’s art and I just think that it should be celebrated like they celebrate women’s bodies…I want that ‘break the internet’ moment”.  I dunno about all that, but he’s gonna break a lot of your hearts.  You can see every inch of him on BillyMasters.com.

Not unlike herpes, Broadway Bares has spread and multiplied.  A West Coast installment took place in San Francisco and featured singer Steve Grand doing what he does best – dancing onstage in his underwear.  OK, he’s also singing.  But even more important is that he was wearing a jock – and sometimes even less!  Didya know he is spending the summer performing at the Provincetown Art House?  I’m sure you’ll wanna see that – and you can define “that” any way you’d like!  You can get more information and tickets at PtownArtHouse.com.  And, of course, we’ll have footage from the SF Bares on our website.

Everyone is wondering how the new season of Will & Grace will deal with the corner they painted themselves into when the series initially went off the air.  At that time, the show fast-forwarded 20 years, and we learned that Will and Grace had been estranged for those two decades, married, and had children of college age.  Since it’s been 10 years since the finale, they should actually not be speaking – let alone living together.  Producers say they spent months trying to solve this problem, and they will address it when the new episodes debut on September 28th.  Rumors are we could be getting an alternate universe, or a dream, or some other sci-fi solution.  Stay tuned.

People are less forgiving when people take liberties with facts about real people.  While most of my readers enjoyed watching Jessica Lange and Susan Sarandon battle it out in Feud, many questioned the veracity of several scenes.  Dramatic license is often employed in these types of shows, but does anyone really believe Joan Crawford danced around wearing the Trog mask?  Someone who certainly should know what did and didn’t happen is Olivia de Havilland.  And, apparently, she is none too pleased with how she was portrayed and the words Ryan Murphy had “her” saying.  Therefore, on the eve of her 101st birthday, she filed a lawsuit against Murphy and FX Networks, and it makes for some illuminating reading.  Throughout her life – whether the subject be professional or personal – Livvy always took the high road.  But the quasi-documentary style of Feud gives one the impression that what is being portrayed is fact and that she actually made remarks about her colleagues that she considers uncharacteristic and disparaging.  While she is a public person and, therefore, fair game to a certain extent, it’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.

Someone who doesn’t discuss his sexuality is little Garrett Clayton.  He recently gave one of those gay pride messages which really doesn’t say anything: “Love yourself and fuck what anybody else thinks.  That’s what matters.”  Over the past year, he portrayed porn pup Brent Corrigan in King Cobra, Link Larkin in Hairspray: LIVE, and even acted onstage opposite Al Pacino in God Looked Away.  And through July 22nd, he’s in an unauthorized musical parody called The Last Breakfast Club at Rockwell Table & Stage in Los Angeles.  On one of his off nights, when the renown Skivvies (the quirky band made up of sexy Nick Cearley and Lauren Molina, who perform in their underwear) were performing at Rockwell, Garrett was coaxed – perhaps at Aaron Carter’s gunpoint – to sing “Stitches” in his drawers.  It’s certainly worth seeing on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of Angel, he’s been posting more and more skin shots than ever and, my God, he looks dreamy.  But, he also is starting to take on a certain mannequin look – and I don’t mean he looks like Kim Cattrall.  It’s almost plastic.  Now, I’m sure a dear friend of mine will insist Ash has received injections from stem to stern, but I do hope that he hasn’t had anything implanted – at least nothing that couldn’t be removed and reinserted with regularity.

Why is Aaron Carter performing at gay pride festivals?  Not that he shouldn’t.  I think it’s fine.  Not only am I unclear why a gay organization would want Aaron Carter to sing, I’m not sure why anyone would want to see him!  I hear he did OK at Phoenix Pride.  But leading up to LA Pride, someone asked him if he was worried about any terrorism or violence.  He said, “No, I’ll shoot back!”  Well, this caused quite a bit of concern – as someone who hosted LA Pride more than anyone in the festival’s history, I can tell you I would not have been too thrilled to have someone with a pistol in his pocket on my bill.  The organizers got him to retract the statement.  “I won’t pack heat at LA Pride.  Emotions got me.”  Days after the event, he landed in the hospital looking like Spawn of Skeletor – should anyone be making such a movie.  This led some skinny shaming – yeah, like that’s a bad thing.  “A grown woman was gossiping about me when I have a eating disorder, telling people I need to eat 5 cheeseburgers cause I look like I’m dying.  This is body shaming.  You guys are bullying me.”  At least they didn’t have a gun!

Meanwhile, Aaron’s brother Nick is part of ABC‘s pretty lame Boy Band show with Baby Bunton, Timbaland, and Rita Ora.  Nick still looks good and has some interesting things to say.  But so far, I can’t imagine any of these people will become stars.  That said, I’ll watch for a couple more weeks and pray they come up with a contestant who grabs me.

No word on whether Nick or Aaron Carter are participating on The Lou Pearlman Story, which is being produced as a limited series by Desmond Child and Andreas Carlsson.  You remember Big Lou as the guy (literally) behind Backstreet Boys, NSync, O-Town, and oodles of other pre-pubescent boy bands.  He had a particular fondness for Nick Carter, which his mom says is still difficult for Nick to talk about.  And don’t get me started about all those videos of Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town in the shower.  Sigh…

You know where a cock ring probably comes in handy?  On ABC‘s Bachelor in Paradise.  Oh, I’m sure men have lost dozens of them on the sands of whatever syphilitic shores that show films on.  Last week, it looked like we wouldn’t be getting BiP this season due to a situation between two contestants.  Remember Corrine?  The girl from Nick‘s season of The Bachelor?  The one who had a nanny and said her “vagine is platinum”?  And remember DeMario?  The guy from the current season of The Bachelorette?  The one who was looking for love and yet had a girlfriend back home?  They were both cast on Paradise.  Beyond that, it’s a case of he said, she said – and the “she” isn’t Corrine.  It’s a female producer who shut everything down after witnessing questionable activity between the two.  So why didn’t Corrine complain?  Allegedly she was so drunk, she cannot remember what she may or may not have done, and if it was done with or without her consent.  Which begs the question – if a tree falls in your vagina and you’re so trashed you don’t notice it, has anything actually happened?  Other than some badly laced splinters.

Corrine lawyered up with Marty Singer, known for handling John Travolta‘s peccadilloes.  She wanted to see the tapes so she could find out what actually happened.  DeMario also wanted to see the tapes.  After the show conducted an internal investigation, production resumed without Corrine and DeMario.  Thus far, no charges have been filed.  And it gets better – and not in that Dan Savage way with his hot husband.  While Corrine and DeMario have not said much publicly, Corrine’s boyfriend has.  Yes, Corrine has a boyfriend!  According to him, Corrine promised that she would not have sex with anyone on Paradise – so being unconscious is a really good excuse.  He also states that her allegedly engaging in oral sex in the pool doesn’t count.  Which begs yet another question – was she receiving or performing the oral sex?  I don’t necessarily see performing oral sex as a passive activity.  Now, receiving it – well, she could very well have been unconscious!  Now I want to see the tapes, too!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Steven in Los Angeles: “I’ve been hooked on American Gods ever since you ran that nude clip.  I heard there’s a sex tape of Ricky Whittle floating around.  Have you seen it?  Do you have it?”

I have, and I do.  But it isn’t exactly a sex tape.  It’s yet another one of those jerk-off videos of a celebrity that routinely gets leaked.  In this case, Ricky was communicating with someone via Skype and decides to pleasure his monstrously large appendage.  It’s pretty hot, and he’s in incredible shape – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Golden boy Matt Bomer isn’t getting much love regarding his latest project.  In the film Anything, he plays a transgender woman who is a sex worker.  Not surprisingly, the trans community took umbrage at the role being played by a non-trans actor.  GLAAD even came out against the project, saying, “Yet another painful reminder that, in the eyes of so many people, transgender women are really just men.  That message is toxic and dangerous.”  The film’s executive producer, Mark Ruffalo, says the casting was inspired after he worked with Bomer on The Normal Heart.  In the film, a widower moves to LA to be near his sister and meets a neighbor (Bomer).  According to reports, “They must confront their complicated pasts before embarking on a future together.”  And, I’m sure, hilarity ensues!  You can see an advance clip on BillyMasters.com.

I know many of my readers love Colton Haynes.  And, sure, he’s cute.  But I am kinda over him.  Perhaps I expect too much, but I really don’t enjoy someone using the coming out process for publicity.  And crying about how hard he had it.  Please.  Not that successful, beautiful people don’t have problems.  It really is such a burden!  Colton’s latest stop on the whining tour was on Andy Cohen (so to speak).  “I was literally told from the day that I moved to Los Angeles that I could not be gay because I wouldn’t work.  Then I was with my management team and team of people that just literally told me I couldn’t be this way.”  They told him – perhaps at gunpoint – that he had to do it their way.  Mind you, Haynes wasn’t a child.  By the time he got to Hollywood at 19, he had been a successful model for several years.  So it’s not like he didn’t have a say in his own life.  It’s just creating more of this “victim drama”.  I would have much more respect for him if he said, “I was afraid to come out,” or “I didn’t want to jeopardize my career,” or “I was fucked up.”  But to put the blame on others and present yourself as a spineless puppet – well, it doesn’t make him very attractive in my book.

Our Ask Billy question required a bit of research.  George in Fort Lauderdale writes, “Do you remember Jon Fleming?  He appeared on an episode of Will & Grace as a really hot shirtless guy in Jack‘s acting class.  There is a gay porn video circulating and people say it’s him.  Is it?”

Many of my readers will remember Fleming from Dante’s Cove, where he replaced original cast member Stephen Amell.  He also turned up on CSI: NY, Medium, and other shows – usually as corpse No. 2!  The porno video was allegedly filmed on March 5, 2017.  The guy calls himself “Luke” and claims to be 27 years old – those were 27 hard years!  Fleming, on the other hand, is 36 – and for that age, he looks OK.  “Luke” says he’s 6 feet tall, as is Fleming.  With the stats out of the way, I did more research.  Turns out, I wrote about him in 2011 when he played a male stripper on Femme Fatales.  It’s not a HUGE leap from full-frontal on Cinemax to gay porn.  Except this time, his full-frontal has been fully fluffed – and there’s a whole lot more of him to see now on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of gay porn, a legendary star is off the market.  According to Instagram (which is the gay porn equivalent of the Associated Press), Brent Corrigan is engaged.  Once again, I feel like I’ve reported this story before.  And yet, the person he’s engaged to is a name I know I’ve never typed – JJ Knight.  One gay porn website called them “two of the biggest gay porn stars in the industry” – so there!  JJ posted a photo of them together saying, “It’s true we don’t have it as easy as ordinary couples.  But I can promise you that this is no ordinary love!! (He is the man of my dreams and I am proud to call him my fiancé!)”  You can tell it’s the real thing.  At the HustlaBall in Las Vegas earlier this year, JJ fucked Brent in public.  Awww, it’s almost like Pretty Woman – but without the thigh high boots!  Of course, you can watch the video on our website.  And, we wish them the best.

Last week, Zac Efron was in the UK and appeared on The Graham Norton Show alongside Tom Cruise (side note: since when is Tom taking Brendan Fraser‘s rejects?).  After Zac orgasmically gushed over being in the presence of Mr. Cruise, Norton asked him about a certain photo where Efron appears shirtless (quelle surprise) and uses a parking meter as a stripper pole.  Tom looked intrigued, too.  When presented with an actual pole, Zac good-naturedly acquiesced and exhibited a display of upper body strength rarely seen on TV.  Or on BillyMasters.com.

“I’m coming out…no, wait…I’m going into makeup.”
– Kevin Spacey sings from Sunset Boulevard during his Tony Awards opening number. 
There were quite a few “coming out” jokes.  P.S.  He didn’t.

This column went out in the middle of the Tony Awards.  The sight of Andrew Rannells‘ HD-enhanced basket reminded me how much my readers enjoy the theatre – and all the charming people in it.  With the success of Kinky Boots, Cyndi Lauper is ready to tackle her next show.  And she’s certainly picked a doozy.  Working Girl told the story of a young girl with big dreams and big hair trying to make it out of the secretarial pool and into corporate America.  Since the movie came out in 1988 – Cyndi’s heyday – it sounds like a match made in heaven.

The musicalized version of Pretty Woman has a development workshop scheduled for this fall.  And in a stroke of luck (for them), my dear Jerry Mitchell will direct and choreograph.  They are looking at a late 2018 launch.

Sometimes workshops are done for a new show so prospective investors can see if it’s something they want to put money in.  But sometimes revivals of older shows get workshops, too.  My interest was piqued when I heard that an industry-only staged reading of the musical I Can Get It For You Wholesale took place this past week.  What do we really know about this show?  Other than Miss Marmelstein and that chair?  Nothing!  I’m mildly intrigued.

Our real Ask Billy question comes from Jack in Chicago: “I know you must have seen that photo of Darren Criss holding his Speedo.  SO HOT!  Is there one without the Speedo?”

Once again, I have to explain to everyone what we’re talking about.  He’s prepping to play Andrew Cunanan in Ryan Murphy‘s series about the Gianni Versace murder.  Part of that rigorous preparation process includes working out and tanning – my God, we have the same life, me and Darren Criss!  As often happens, he laid out a tad too long and got what we in Boston would call a wicked sunburn!  To show the degree of the burn, he stood naked and held the Speedo in front of his naughty bits, so we could see the contrast.  Risqué as that photo was, my fans want more.  Alas, one will have to make do with the variety of photos from the set you can find on BillyMasters.com.

Actor Robert Michael Morris died last week at 77.  You may not be able to place him immediately, but he played Mickey Deane opposite Lisa Kudrow on HBO‘s The Comeback.  He was a sweet, dear man who loved showbiz and working.  When I asked him if the show would come back again, he said, “Who knows?  This season ended with me almost dying.  Maybe me dying is how the next one will open!”

We’re pleased to report that Colton Haynes just got engaged to Jeff Leatham.  Now, I may be somewhere on the Alzheimer‘s continuum, but didn’t I already report this story?  Yes.  Jeff proposed to Colton back in March – complete with fireworks and an assist by Cher (go back and read the story on BillyMasters.com).  So Colton decided it was time for him to play catch-up.  He planted an engagement ring at the bottom of Jeff’s glass of vintage Dom and got on his knees, poolside.  Once he finished doing whatever it is young men in love do on their knees, he proposed.  Oh, those wacky queens!

“I find it funny when bullies play the victims.  Oops.  I spilled my tea.”
– Demi Lovato‘s Tweet after Kathy Griffin‘s mea culpa.

I would like to think I don’t have to explain the kerfuffle Kathy Griffin caused last week.  But, following in the footsteps of Barbara Walters, I feel compelled to recap quickly for the two readers out of the loop.  Griffin had a photo shoot with Tyler Shields.  Shields is known for edgy, gritty photos.  Kathy’s a kooky comic.  Put them together, and you’re bound to stir up controversy.  A few years back, he famously shot Griffin with a pair of scissors poised to cut off her tongue – in other words, trying to censor her (as if).  For this shoot, the duo decided to target Trump.  Kathy says an assistant went out and bought a Trump mask, she tousled a wig, and someone else mixed fake blood in the kitchen.  Bing, bang, boom, she’s holding what appears to be a bloody Trump head.  She says this was a visual metaphor of Donald‘s famous 2015 comments about Megyn Kelly: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes.  Blood coming out of her wherever.”  Perhaps a more recent reference would have made this clear.  Within moments of the photo being leaked, Kathy was attacked from all sides.  Many people saw the photo as a call for physical violence on Trump.  Personally, I thought Kathy was auditioning to play Salome.

However, the pressure was on for Griffin to apologize.  She released a heartfelt video – you could tell she was sincere since she wasn’t wearing any makeup!  But it was too late.  Trump, his family and supporters were on the attack, and social media was in an uproar – something I know a thing or two about.  Within a few hours, Kathy had been flushed from Squatty Potty.  I mean, how tragic to be dumped as spokesperson for a device that helps you poop.  Shortly thereafter, six venues cancelled upcoming shows (she has a light schedule this summer, due to a heavy winter).  A few promoters pointed out that they weren’t canceling her because of the photo per se – but because they couldn’t afford the extra security.

And then CNN announced they would not re-engage her for their New Year’s Eve telecast.  The reaction was a study in contrasts.  Former CNN star Larry King said, “I wouldn’t have fired her.  Ted Turner wouldn’t have fired her.  They’re jumping all over her now.  I would’ve kept her.”  Current CNN star Anderson Cooper said, “For the record, I am appalled by the photo shoot Kathy Griffin took part in.  It is clearly disgusting and completely inappropriate.”  Then Piers Morgan jumped into the fray.  After condemning Kathy’s press conference, he added, “Trust me, Mr Cooper chucks everyone under a bus to save his career.  Spineless little man.”  Note that one of these three men still has a career.  Showbiz ain’t always pretty.  Kathy then hired famed attorney Lisa Bloom.  My reaction?  I’d spend a few extra bucks and get Lisa’s mom, Gloria Allred.  At the press conference, the only times Kathy broke down were when asked for a reaction to Anderson’s Tweet.  It gets murkier.  Rumor has it that Anderson is pushing for his best buddy Andy Cohen to co-host with him on New Year’s Eve.  Stay tuned.

My issue with the photo was I didn’t find the image funny.  Even as social commentary, I expect more from a comedian.  That said, if there’s one thing I am, it’s loyal.  Kathy Griffin has always been good to me.  I’ve been to her homes, gone to her parties, appeared on stage and TV with her, etc.  But above all else, I believe in free speech – just like I did when people hung Obama in effigy.  Did I like it?  No.  But one doesn’t have to agree with the sentiment or what it represents to defend the right for someone to express it.

For our Ask Billy question, we turn to Henry from Long Beach: “I know you’ll make fun of me, but I loved Shake It Up on the Disney Channel.  Someone told me Kenton Duty is gay.  Do you know if he is?”

I would never make fun of a fan – especially one who writes me (and is a member of my website).  The truth is, I had no idea what a Kenton Duty is – but it sounds like Pepto-Bismol would clear it right up!  Upon a bit of research, I find that Duty is a hot blond guy who played the rather girlie Gunther on Shake It Up opposite that triple threat, Bella Thorne (who just broke up with a Kardashian-in-law, which is neither here nor there).  Whilst I can neither confirm nor deny his sexual inclinations (I never worked with him), I don’t suppose you’d like to see his penis, would you?  ‘Cause he joins that growing list of young men who have videos pleasuring themselves.  What he lacks in length he makes up for in girth, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Meanwhile on Broadway, Glenn Close stopped the show – literally.  The scene was act one of Sunset Boulevard and she just started singing “With One Look” when she noticed someone taking a photo.  She signaled for the music director to stop and said, “Now we can have a show or we can have a photo shoot.”  Shades of LuPone, n’est çe pas?  Albeit, more ladylike.  What I find interesting is that this is eerily similar to something that happened in 1994 when Close did Sunset during the original Broadway run.  When she made her entrance down Norma Desmond’s staircase, several people took photos.  She stopped the show then, too, and said, “We can either have a press conference or continue with the show.”  Someone’s gotta write Glenn some new material.

In a scandal still unraveling, hundreds of athletes descended on Miami Beach from around the globe for the World OutGames only to find no one to greet them.  Less than 24 hours before the first event, the organizers made a startling announcement.  “It is with deep regret that due to financial burdens, World OutGames must cancel its sports programming and Opening and Closing Ceremony with the exception of soccer, aquatics and country western dance.”  You know what’s a financial burden?  Athletes spending thousands of dollars to travel to Miami Beach for nothing but some do-si-do-ing!  The news only got worse.  Seems the city of Miami Beach waived over $200K in permit fees and signed on as a sponsor.  With no Games taking place, the State Attorney’s Office opened a fraud investigation to look into “potential misappropriation of funds”.

“Actually I had to lose 20-30 pounds for the movie because nobody was that big in the ’60s.”
– Colt Prattes talks about preparing for ABC‘s version of Dirty Dancing. 
Three guesses where those 20-30 pounds ended up.

And now, I’m going to do something unexpected.  I am not going to bash ABC‘s Dirty Dancing.  But, just to be clear, I’m not going to praise it either.  I’m going to say, “Eh”.  It wasn’t great, but I didn’t feel personally assaulted.  I thought Scherzinger was great.  I thought Sagal was divine.  And it looked like a real movie.  But, I have my usual Billy issues – like when a string section comes in and there are no strings on the set, or when people sometimes sing into a mike and other times toss it aside and the sound doesn’t change.  I’ve gotten used to the fact that nobody cares about those things except for me.  I find it interesting that a show called Dirty Dancing had very little I’d call “dirty” or “dancing”.  My former editor at the now-defunct Frontiers magazine reminded me that way back in 2008, he put Colt Prattes on the cover in some skimpy swimwear.  Colt was in town with the touring company of A Chorus Line, so he was joined by fellow castmates John Carroll and Anthony Wayne.  You can see that photo – and several other dirty snaps of Colt’s assets – on BillyMasters.com.

Could it be that Billy ran into a legend last week?  Yes, at one of the events mentioned in this very column, he found himself next to one of the world’s most recognizable men – and almost didn’t recognizable him!  On initial viewing, the guy’s face kinda looked like a deflated beach ball.  While I suspect there are no undies that could lift that droopy derrière, I find it questionable when someone of advanced age wears skinny jeans with no socks!  What is the male version of cankles?  In this case, I’m going with “cadaver-kles”.  Photos to follow on BillyMasters.com.