Like everyone else out there, we have to talk about Caitlyn Jenner.  First, I must apologize for telling you Bruce would choose Heather as his female name.  Consider me just another in a long string of men Linda Thompson has screwed.  As it turns out, Heather really was up for contention.  Bruce says, “It’s one of the hardest things in life – choosing your own name.”  He liked the names Heather and Cathy but then started thinking about Caitlyn while watching the Miss America Pageant.  Jenner’s assistant also mentioned the name Caitlyn, and thus the name was born.  By the way, although he considered spelling it with a “K”, he thought that beginning it with a “C” was “the best way to break tradition, and the media associations” that accompanied the Kardashian name.

I think the Vanity Fair photo shoot was a courageous step and will help many people, but I still take some objection to the photo of Caitlyn in her scanties, which I call “Hiding Her Candy”.  Even if it was Kris Jenner in this outfit and pose, I’d think it was somewhat inappropriate for a woman of her age.  That said, who knew Jenner could look so glamorous – kinda like Rene Russo (who could play Caitlyn in the inevitable made-for-Lifetime movie).   The media tracked down Jenner’s mother to get her opinion.  “It was a wonderful day.  It takes so much courage to do what she’s doing.  When I first saw her, all I wanted to do was give her a big hug.”  Of course, it’s still an adjustment.  “It takes some time getting used to.  I’ve called her Bruce since the day he was born.  It’s going to take some time, but I will adjust.  I love her.  And she’s happy.  That’s all that matters.”

I understand that alcoholism is a disease and that people with this disease should be supported and get help.  That said, let me tell you that should you ever be fortunate enough to meet Jonathan Rhys Meyers, pray that he’s drunk.  I can tell you from personal experience that after he’s had a few, he’s all hands.  Admittedly, he’ll grab anything to stop from falling down, but I’ll take what I can get.  It must also be said that when he’s drunk, he’s not so pretty.  Last week, the paparazzi snapped him stumbling home in the morning hours, looking unwashed, unshaven, unkempt, and carrying two bottles of vodka – one of which he took a swig from!  I forgot the best part – his button fly jeans were unbuttoned, which means at some point his penis was exposed.  Of course, we’ve all already seen his penis – and if you haven’t, get thyself to BillyMasters.com.  After the photos were published, JRM said, “Sorry for my disheveled appearance as I was on my way home from a friends and had not changed.”  Or washed or showered for a few days.  But he doesn’t appear to be too concerned: “I feel I made a mistake and feel quite embarrassed but this was just a blip in my recovery otherwise I’m living a healthy life.”

According to Star magazine, Brad Pitt has a penchant for gay male hookers.  The rag quotes the ravings of a deluded gay gossip (obviously not moi), who tells them, “I don’t want to define Brad Pitt’s sexuality, but whatever it is, he’s into guys.”  That sounds like a definition to me.  The story claims that Pitt often hires fetching young lads who strike his fancy from escort websites.  But just getting that call doesn’t mean you’ll be having sex with Brad Pitt.  According to the report, Pitt will make that decision once he meets you.  If he’s not suitably impressed, you’ll be dismissed – but not before being paid for your time.  The source claims that the late porn star Cameron Fox was someone Pitt hired and dismissed after meeting him at a hotel in Monterey, California.  The reason?  Pitt didn’t think Fox looked that good in person.  As someone who knew Foxy intimately, I can tell you that: a) he looked as good or better in person than he did in photos and b) if he had ever met Brad Pitt, he would have told everyone he knew.  On the positive side, Cam did make the cover of Star – that would have tickled him.

Over the years, there has been lots of crossover between The Bangles and The Go-Go’s.  When Charlotte Caffey‘s pregnancy coincided with one of The Go-Go’s reunion tours, Bangle Vicki Peterson filled in.  When Michael Steele retired from The Bangles, she was replaced by Abby Travis, who subsequently replaced fired Go-Go Kathy Valentine.  So it’s somewhat poetic that last weekend, Kathy Valentine took her place alongside The Bangles at the renowned Troubadour in West Hollywood.  While I don’t expect this will be a regular occurrence (Valentine is quite busy with her own band, The BlueBonnets), you can see some of our exclusive footage on BillyMasters.com.

You know summer is here when ABC trots out The Bachelorette.  And I’m totally happy spending my Monday nights with a gaggle of guys vying for my attention…er, Kaitlyn‘s attention.  Or are they?  The show has always featured bromances between contestants.  But this week, we are being teased with promos for Brokeback Bachelorette showing contestants Clint and JJ spending oodles of time gazing into each other’s eyes.  Clint says, “Falling in love with a man never crossed my mind.”  But has it now?  He continues, “Kaitlyn’s not the right girl for me.  I love JJ, so I need the rose tonight.”  We hear from people in the know that this footage has been manipulated – with the boys’ blessings.  Clint Tweeted a photo comparing himself to one of the Brokeback stars with this message: “If you have to be a #BrokebackBachelor, Be Heath Ledger.  Always be Heath Ledger.”

Sexy Tom Hardy has opened up about playing Elton John in his next film, Rocketman. “I’m not a singer. I have no idea really. I’m really trying because of Rocketman but it’s hard to open my mouth in that way.” Since Elton handpicked him, I suspect his mouth opens just fine. It’s also been announced that the film (which is currently in production) will be adapted for the stage. No timeline or details have been announced.

In some perfect casting, Deborah Cox will helm a pre-Broadway national tour of the musical The Bodyguard. Based on the Whitney Houston film, the stage version debuted in London in 2012 starring Heather Headley. The casting of Cox is inspired since she was not only touted as a successor to Whitney Houston, she also supplied Nippy’s vocals for the Lifetime biopic. The tour will start in the fall of 2016.

Mariah Carey‘s weekend was somewhat less than magical. The songstress just began a two-year residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. The reviews for her vocal abilities were tepid at best, but critics admitted that she was “entertaining”. After her opening, she went to the Rio All-Suite to check out the Chippendales show, led by guest host Tyson Beckford. And why not? She just did some heavy lifting, so the boys decided to return the favor and try to hoist Mimi above their heads (I believe two of the Chips are currently out with hernias). Carey posted, “Again, I’ve no idea how I got here!!” Maybe we can jog her memory with photos from the soirée on our website.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Jim from Somewhere in Cyberspace: “Are there any nude pics of Donnie Wahlberg anywhere? Yes, I mean ‘Danny’ on Blue Bloods.”

I’ve held onto this e-mail for a few weeks while my researchers looked high and low for a way to fulfill your request. Alas, Jim, we have come up empty. But, wait – what’s this? Just before we went to press, Wahlberg has partially answered your prayers. For no apparent reason, he posted a risqué photo with some of the other New Kids with the caption “Not bad for a few old men! Hard work pays!” OK, it’s not full-frontal nudity, but it’s pretty damn hot. You can see it on BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of stage musicals, Hedwig and the Angry Inch will soon be making a bit of history. Darren Criss is currently starring in the Broadway production and there’s been lots of speculation as to who will take over once he leaves on July 19th. And now we know – starting on July 22nd, Taye Diggs will slip into the stilettos, making him the first Hedwig of color. Diggs said, “I have a flaming homosexual inside me” – a sentiment I’ve uttered on more than one occasion. He also told the paps that as a kid, he “experimented with homosexuality, ass play, and worked the streets in male prostitution.” Alas, he quickly added, “I’m kidding”.  At least we have a full-frontal shot of him on BillyMasters.com to fuel your fantasies.  He’s slated to stay with the show for 12 weeks, making this NYC summer even hotter than usual.

The View (perennial fodder for this column) is poised to undergo even more changes. As I revealed a few weeks ago, serious negotiations are underway for Raven-Symoné to join the cast full time next season – thus ending talks with Cristela Alfonso, who was up for the same job. Rounding out the cast may be another familiar face. The brass are quite eager to get Joy Behar back onboard. Despite what you may have heard, she didn’t leave of her own accord two years ago. She was jettisoned along with Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But with the subsequent departure of Sherri Shepherd, the show lost a bit of life and spark. Guest spots by Behar have proven popular with fans, and ABC believes her return could help the show find its way.

Andy Cohen was recently asked to kiss and tell about celebrity sexual encounters. “The most famous person I ever slept with I guess is Lance Bass.” With all due respect to both Andy and Lance, I think many of my readers have slept with more famous people! Even I, your humble scribe, could name someone from my sexual past that would shock you. But I dare not – this information could seriously affect the outcome of the upcoming presidential election. Regarding sleeping with Cohen, Lance said, “I’m not going to tell you what I do in the bedroom. Sex is a broad term…like ‘Andy banged Lance’ – when did he ever say that? This is an old story. Three years ago, we told everyone we hooked up. Now it’s getting into who did who? I can just tell you right now, there was no Andy D going in my B.” Unless, of course, they were in France – something tells me Lance’s “bouche” was engaged.

Last week, the networks announced their plans for the upcoming television season. NBC revealed that Neil Patrick Harris‘ variety show will be called Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris – which will either prove prophetic or ironic. In addition to new shows featuring America Ferrera and Mark-Paul Gosselaar, the Peacock Network also ordered Little Big Shots, a children’s variety show produced by Ellen DeGeneres and Steve Harvey, who will also host.

Netflix has made quite a splash with Grace and Frankie. Alas, stars Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are not so thrilled with how things have been handled behind the scenes. The ladies may play the titular stars, but they happen to be getting the same salary as Martin Sheen and Sam Waterston. Jane spoke out to the press: “Lily found out Sam and Martin are getting the same salary that we are. That doesn’t make us happy.” Lily added, “The show is not Sol and Robert – it’s Grace and Frankie!” Although there are some cases where the supporting actors do as much of the heavy lifting as the leads (as in, say, Will & Grace), Grace and Frankie has clearly given the brunt of the burden to the ladies. And the ladies have surprising allies in Sheen and Waterston. The men sat down with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb and said Jane and Lily should be given a raise. “They carry the show,” said Sheen. Waterston added, “I think they’re being cheated.”

Our Ask Billy question comes from Mike in San Diego: “Longtime reader and subscriber to BillyMasters.com.  Loved the photos this week of Zac [Efron] walking around practically naked.  But I hear there are even more pics – including one of him naked on a motorcycle.  I’m sure you can find it…if it’s real.”

I can find it, and it’s real…kinda.  The photos in question have been filtering out from the set of Bad Grandpa.  Previously we shared snaps of Zac walking around practically naked with only a bumblebee strapped to his nether regions.  In the same scene, he apparently hops on a hog and rides away (I will pause for dramatic effect so that you can picture Zac hopping on a hog…or anything else).  Alas, the naked guy on the motorcycle wasn’t Zac.  While less scrupulous reporters have said that the guy was Zac’s butt double, I did some sniffing around and discovered the truth.  The guy was hired to be Zac’s stunt double.  OK, so he was a stunt double who also does nudity, but our sources say Efron had no problem with the nudity….just with the cycling.  You can check out the photos of both boys on BillyMasters.com.

I already told you that sexy Jeremy Jordan would be appearing at the Crown & Anchor.  He’s also got a new gig.  The former Smash star will appear in the upcoming CBS Supergirl series (which got a full season order).  He’ll be playing Winslow Schott, who is actually a villain called The Toyman.  The show will also feature Broadway babe Laura Benanti as Supergirl’s mom.  Somewhere, Faye Dunaway is combing out her Selena wig!

Since we’re updating recent scandals, let’s revisit Ian Reisner and Mati Weiderpass.  You remember them – the gay business partners who hosted a soirée for Republican presidential candidate, Ted Cruz.  To get their side of the story out, the couple invited a reporter from New York magazine into the penthouse (referred to as “the crime scene”).  When pointing out were Cruz sat, Weiderpass said that this was also where a group of his friends played Naked Twister a few years back – a bon mot I bet they didn’t share with Cruz!  The pair went into great detail about their past service to the gay community and how the meeting with Cruz was more about foreign affairs and diplomacy than about any gay agenda.  Then Ian tried to explain how running The Out NYC hotel and nightclub complex has been more of a philanthropic endeavor rather than a financial one.  He says that his vision was to have a venue to showcase gay artists in the vicinity of Broadway.  Commendable.  Alas, he didn’t end there.  “My only point is, this has not been a profitable venture.  Gays are cheap.  They’re frugal; gays are frugal.  Let me retract that – gays are entitled…  Do you know how challenging it is to make a penny off a gay person?  ‘I’m gay, I don’t pay cover.’  ‘I’m gay, where’s my comp drink?’  No, I’m being serious!  The Out NYC has not shown a profit yet.”  Hey, I’m Billy Masters, and the last time I was there, I was charged for my drinks (although someone else paid for them).

Melissa Rivers has been making the rounds lately to promote her book, The Book of Joan.  During a visit with Howard Stern, she cleared up some misconceptions.  First, she did not inherit $100 million.  “If it was $100 million, I would not be on a book tour.”  Good to know.  She also shed light on the train wreck known as Fashion Police.  While choosing her words carefully, she made it clear that there is bad blood with Kathy Griffin: “I haven’t spoken to her since our last taping.”  While she doesn’t specifically finger Griffin, she does say that some people didn’t show up to meetings or rehearsals, that some people were not team players, that some people made comments about how the revamped show was going to be young and hip and edgy – implying that Joan was some grandmother (which, admittedly, she was).  She also discusses seeing Jay Leno at an event and that he snubbed her.  Leno’s camp said he didn’t see her and if he did turn away, it was unintentional.  Sigh – is it time for summer reruns already?  And isn’t that a dated term?  Does anyone under 40 know what summer reruns were?

We have an update on the travails of Rosie O’Donnell and Michelle Rounds – and, in particular, the issue of custody of their daughter.  In divorce papers, Michelle claims that Rosie “drinks a bottle of wine nearly every night, regularly smokes weed and eats edibles.”  Oh my God – she’s eating edibles?  Call the cops!   Michelle has upped the stakes by speaking to the media in hopes of getting public opinion on her side.  She claims she wants custody of Dakota because Rosie has nannies and a staff that watch the child.  “I don’t want my child to have a 24/7 nanny.”  Um, Michelle – I’m sure you noticed during your short marriage that Rosie has a staff.  Rounds went on to say,  “Divorce is really hard, but imagine going through a divorce with a celebrity, someone who is very very powerful.  Someone who has all the media and publicists, and all that behind them.  I’m just, I’m just a normal person.  David vs. Goliath.”  I’m not sure, but I think she just called Rosie fat.  Let me point something else out.  Rosie did not become a celebrity in the midst of this relationship.  She had been a powerful celebrity for decades before Rounds came into the picture.  And I suspect in the course of their relationship, Michelle reaped the benefit of that celebrity power.  To now use it as an excuse seems not only disingenuous but, frankly, wrong.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Jason in Chicago: “I heard the paparazzi took photos of Zac Efron walking around the set of his new movie nude.  Do you have the pics?”

This is a strange situation because Zac isn’t nude, but he isn’t exactly clothed either.  I’ve previously told you all about the “cock sock” – a flesh-colored garment that is placed over a man’s genitalia while filming a nude scene.  There is also a variation of this garment which is basically a nude brief.  This is what Zac was wearing during the filming of Dirty Grandpa…with a twist – his brief has some sort of a bumblebee plush toy attached to the front.  He’s walking around the set in this ridiculous outfit, talking on the phone, sometimes leaning on trashcans, all the while holding his bumblebee in place.  But crazy as it sounds, he actually looks really hot.  At some point, a small boy approaches him to ask him a question or take a photo or pat his bee.  The cameramen captured Zac bending over in this flesh-colored brief, showing off his impressive assets whilst simultaneously evoking the essence of the late Jayne Mansfield.  It goes without saying that you’ll find a variety of these photos on BillyMasters.com.

Another performer heading to Provincetown this summer is my bon ami Sam Harris.  Rather than wait, you can experience Sam immediately.  Until now, only a select few got to savor every delicious morsel of Sam Harris in their mouth.  But that’s all changed.  We are pleased to announce the Sam Harris Sweet Life Bar.  The milk chocolate bar also features caramel, sea salt, and dark chocolate cream.  Sam says, “I believe a little chocolate every day is the key to a sweet life!”  I’d understand if Mario Cantone made this statement, but it’s a strange sentiment to hear from a man whose mate is white as the driven snow (and congrats to the couple on their recent 20th anniversary).  You can grab this and other celebrity-named confections at SweetLosAngeles.com.

Abercrombie & Fitch has just announced that you no longer need to be hot to work there.  Stop the insanity!!  Back when former CEO Mike Jeffries ran the company, he insisted that all store employees had to be hot.  “Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people.  We don’t market to anyone other than that.”  Since cool, good-looking people are getting their clothes elsewhere, A&F has decided to broaden their appeal by marketing to everyday folk – they call it being “more inclusive and diverse”.  If I wanted to see everyday folk selling clothes, I’d go to Target!

Another American institution was in a potential pickle – what would General Mills (makers of Wheaties) think of Bruce Jenner coming out as transgender?  We didn’t have to wait long for an answer.  “Bruce Jenner continues to be a respected member of Team Wheaties.”  It’s been said that Jenner could again make history should Wheaties put him/her on the cover as a transgender athlete.  First, he’s gotta master walking in those pumps!

By the way, Bruce Jenner (or Heather Jenner) is being sued for negligence and wrongful death by the stepchildren of the woman who was killed when her car was pushed into oncoming traffic.  The suit doesn’t specify an amount, but states that the death of 69-year-old Kim Howe is a great loss – which is intriguing because Kim’s friends say that she had “virtually no relationship” with her stepkids.  Even more intriguing is that these stepkids are not included in her will!  Howe’s entire estate is being left to various charities – primarily animal related.  Although the case is still being investigated, Mr/s Jenner has not been charged with any crime.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better than Cissy Houston mugging behind Aretha, The Late Show with David Letterman provides yet another classic – Chaka Khan‘s rendition of “It’s Raining Men”. Does she know ANY of the words? Has she ever heard the song before? There was a lot of tentative scooby-dooby-doo-ing going on. While she didn’t throw in a cartwheel like Jenifer Lewis, I must confess that Chaka’s voice did sound FABULOUS – whatever she was singing! You can check it out at BillyMasters.com.

Speaking of gay men’s appreciation for the posterior, a Dallas-based restaurant is creating a brand they hope to franchise. Tallywackers is poised to become the next Hooters featuring men who will presumably wack their tallys for tips. While they’re targeting gay men, the restaurant hopes to attract customers of all ages and sexes. In addition to a menu similar to Hooters, they also plan to feature “entertainment” – whatever that means.

Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz was the guest of honor at a dinner held at the Central Park South penthouse of Mati Weiderpass and Ian Reisner – notable gay business partners. In addition to owning The OutNYC Hotel, they are said to control 80 percent of the commercial property on Fire Island. The soirée was allegedly arranged by Weiderpass, and Reisner was simply a guest. Although the pair generously contributes to LGBT charities and political groups, they’ve been vilified for having anything to do with Cruz, who has been an outspoken opponent of gay marriage (although, at the party, he did say, “If one of my daughters was gay, I would love them just as much.”).

Response to the controversy was swift, with many in the gay community calling for boycotts on their businesses – including ALL of Fire Island. The first casualty was the cancellation of a major fundraising event for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Broadway Bares Solo Strips (a precursor to Broadway Bares) was slated to take place on May 10th at 42West (part of TheOutNYC). Tom Viola, BC/EFA‘s executive director, said, in part, “We cannot in good conscience hold an event at a venue whose owners have alienated our community.”

The big news this week was Bruce Jenner‘s interview with Diane Sawyer. Nothing Jenner said really surprised me – after all, he’d been in Can’t Stop The Music with the Village People! Many people have taken umbrage at the lack of involvement by the Kardashian klan. While Bruce’s children from previous marriages participated, his kids with Kris were nowhere to be seen. And although Jenner’s first two wives issued statements, Kris said, “No comment.” Turns out, the Kardashians were purposely laying low to not dilute Bruce’s message. Moments after the interview aired, Kris Tweeted, “Not only was I able to call him my husband for 25 years and father of my children, I am now able to call him my hero.” Kim wrote, “Your honesty has opened the doors for others to be courageous and live an authentic life! Love is the courage to live the truest, best version of yourself. Bruce is love. I love you Bruce.” Kourtney said, “Couldn’t be a more proud daughter. With courage and bravery, let’s change the world. I am honored to stand by Bruce’s side and support him.” Khloé added, “Just finished watching the #BruceJennerInterview with the family. Bruzer, I’m soooo proud of you! Dads really are heros”.

For many, the big revelation was that he’s a Republican. Gays in particular took umbrage – how could someone transgender be a Republican? These are the same people who don’t understand how a woman, or a gay person, or a member of any minority could be a Republican. Personally, I think that a transgender Republican will go a long way in educating conservatives – certainly further than a transgender Democrat. Change happens with education. Maybe this is part of Bruce’s journey. If so, bravo (or brava).

Interestingly enough, dynamic drag diva Elaine Lancaster revealed that she spent a long weekend with Bruce, Kris, and others some time ago at the house of Joe Francis in Punta Mita, Mexico. “At the time I had no idea the way he looked at me and the questions he asked were much more than just simple inquiries, but it all makes sense now.”

When we have room for two blind items, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Before we close, I can reveal one of Bruce Jenner’s remaining secrets. Prior to meeting Kris, Bruce planned to transition overseas and re-emerge as “Heather“. I’m sure we’ll have more about Heather Jenner on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that’s anything but expendable. If you have any questions for me, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Bruce stars in Heathers 2! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

This leads beautifully into our Ask Billy question, which believe it or not comes from Alexis Arquette in Delusionville (and I am bringing it to you exactly as he wrote it): “Did you not print a story about me and Jared Leto are you not a journalist maybe I have the wrong person but I believe it’s you if it is you you said I was untrustworthy source are you out of your mind I’m the first openly gay actor ever ever I built everything for ever young gay actor in this town.  Are you not the gutter press writer for the frontiers crap rag?”

Oh my – where to begin?  First, Frontiers is the paper that carries my column in Southern California, and it’s one of the biggest gay papers in the country.  In fact, the story about Alexis and Jared Leto was recounted by Arquette in an interview published in Frontiers.  What I find most disturbing is that Arquette has such a low opinion of gay publications, especially since they have provided roughly 80 percent of the press s/he’s ever received.  I am sure that openly gay actors from Billy Haines in 1933 to Tommy Kirk in 1973 pale in comparison to someone who once appeared on an episode of Friends as Drag Waiter #2.  That said, my personal experience with Mr/s Arquette over the past decade or two makes me more than qualified to have an opinion about his grasp on reality.  Let this be a cautionary tale to you all – never believe your own press releases.on BillyMasters.com.

Surely Going Clear presents some of Tom Cruise‘s best acting work.  Alas, the same cannot be said of the Grace Kelly biopic starring Nicole Kidman.  Rumors of a film in trouble seem to have been confirmed.  The studio has pulled the flick from theatrical release and, instead, will send it directly to television.  Adding insult to injury, it won’t air on HBO or Showtime.  Nope, Grace of Monaco will have its world premiere on May 25th on Lifetime – television for women (and gay men).

By the by, it’s recently been reported that Suri Cruise hasn’t seen her father in well over a year.  And who is that?

Moments after Hillary Clinton officially announced her candidacy for president, a small group of San Franciscans started a campaign, cheekily called “I’d Bottom for Hillary”.  I’m not exactly sure how bottoming would help her, but I suspect a strap-on might be involved.  In a related story, these same guys would also bottom for a sunny day.

This column is being filed to you from the friendly skies.  Alas, I’m not flying out of Denver, where they get very friendly with you as you go through security.  Last week, two Denver-based TSA agents were fired after it was discovered that hot male passengers were being falsely patted down.  The way the scheme worked was the male TSA agent would let his female co-worker know when he found somebody attractive.  She would then flag him and request a pat down, which would be done by the male agent.  In these cases, he would pat both the groin and buttocks area – which I believe is how they pat people down in prison!  The TSA was alerted to this situation by an anonymous tip – likely from a heterosexual male.  Turns out that other agents knew of these shenanigans.  One said, “There was more people that knew it was going on.  They made it seem like a game.”  So remember, if you aren’t patted down going through security, you may not be as hot as you think.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Teddy in Denver: “I just heard that Chad Allen is retiring from showbiz.  Is he still in showbiz?  What has he been doing?  And what is he going to do?”

In many ways, Chad Allen is the fairy godfather of this column.  Without going through the archives (at BillyMasters.com), it seems to me he was one of the first actors we identified as gay.  He was certainly one of the first celebrity penises we ever ran.  In fact, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I believe he was bottoming across the hall from my apartment.  Shortly thereafter, he was fucking a newbie on a soap (who is still on the soap).  Needless to say, Allen has shown great range and versatility over the years (his last acting gig was being killed on Dexter).  And now, having turned 40 (and looking better than ever), he’s making a change.  For the past few years he’s been attending classes at Santa Monica College.  He’s pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology and is hoping to teach and work in private practice.  Towards that end, his website will be coming down in June.  But he’ll live forever on BillyMasters.com.

News leaked via the National Enquirer that Barry Manilow married his longtime manager, Garry Kief, in a private ceremony last year with Suzanne Somers as “best man”.  While the couple hasn’t made a statement, People magazine confirmed the story, adding that it was a surprise for the 20-30 guests who thought they were just coming over for lunch.  Barry’s former wife, Susan Deixler, weighed in.  “I wish him well.  I’m happy for him.  I’m glad that he’s found love and happiness.”  Well, color me shocked – who knew Barry was ever married?  To a woman?!

On April 24th, we’ll all know what Bruce Jenner is really doing, since that’s when his interview with Diane Sawyer will air.  In promos that discuss his “journey”, we see Bruce from the back – perhaps to not show that he’s wearing blush and lipstick, like In Touchhad on a recent cover, with the headline “Sex-Change Surgery Gone Wrong”.  Not to be outdone, the National Enquirer has Jenner on its cover: “Bruce’s Secret Boob Job!  He’s Now a 44C”.  I hope Bruce and his new titties will be very happy – whichever way he’s transitioning.

No matter how much you lose, you can always lose more.  This past week we got to see Noah Galloway, model and veteran of the armed forces, compete on Dancing with the Stars in nothing more than a pair of sweat pants.  Well…one leg of a sweat pant, and the other a sweat short.  Surely no one wanted us to lose sight of the fact that, in addition to having an incredible physique, Noah is also missing both an arm and a leg.  I can’t tell you how many fans have written in saying they’d give an arm and a leg to sleep with him!  During rehearsals, Noah’s partner smashed him in the face and knocked out a tooth.  Talk about adding insult to injury!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Randall in Dallas: “I discovered Empire because of you.  I read online that there are nude photos of Jussie Smollett.  True?  He’s so hot.”

There are indeed.  Back in 2010, Jussie was making the transition from child star and nude photos somehow surfaced.  At the time, nobody paid much attention to them – although they were certainly memorable.  You see, Jussie is….how shall we say it….hung like a tyrannosaurus rex!  And his ass ain’t so bad, either.  You can check out every inch – and we’re talking double digits here – at BillyMasters.com.

Fasten your seatbelts – it’s time for another installment of Fayewatch.  The last time we checked in on Miss Dunaway, she was being sued by the landlord of her rent-controlled apartment in New York.  That all died down, around the same time she listed her West Hollywood compound as a rental property…a deal that was only worth $4,250 a month if Faye was still living there as a latter-day Mrs. Madrigal.  But, forget it – she just sold the place for $1.45 million.  That may not sound impressive, but she only paid $315K when she bought it in 1998.

In news I can hardly believe, it’s been announced that Faye Dunaway is writing a book about her experiences making Mommie Dearest!  Yes, she’s now going to cash in on the movie that she claims ruined her career and is the bane of her existence.  I was sure this had to be an April Fool’s joke – because you know what a scamp Faye is.  But this appears to be legit – she’s signed a deal with Dey Street Books.  I’ll believe it when I see it…

Elton John‘s mother recently celebrated her 90th birthday – complete with an Elton John impersonator!  Where was her famous son?  Turns out, they aren’t on speaking terms.  “Yes, it’s seven years now in June.  But you know, I’ve got used to it.  And it was all so stupid – so petty.”  She says it started when Elton asked her to cut off contact with two longtime friends who he no longer speaks to.  “I told him, ‘I’m not about to do that and drop them.  Bob is like a son to me.  He has always been marvelous to me and he lives nearby and keeps an eye on me.’  Then to my utter amazement, he told me he hated me.  And he then banged the phone down.  Imagine!  To me, his mother!”  Ah, but there’s more to the story.  She continued, “He told me that I thought more of Bob Halley than I did of my own son.  And to that I said to him, ‘And you think more of that fucking thing you married than your own mother!'”  And therein lies the real issue – she seems to have a very low opinion of David Furnish.  “Everyone who used to be invited to the parties doesn’t get invited anymore…and we know who is behind that.”  Sigh – a story as old as time.

This leads nicely into a story I’ve been researching for several weeks.  It’s about a gay porn star who was blackmailing a former “client”.  The porn star in question is Teofil Brank, whose film name is Jarec Wentworth.  Allegedly, Brank was threatening to disclose damaging information about his wealthy client.  On February 16 and 17, the client wired him $500K and gave him his Audi R8 worth $180K.  But that wasn’t enough for Brank.  Oh no, he got greedy.  On March 3, he sent more demands via text message.  “I want a condo here in LA.  Bachelor pad.  You have a taste I like. 2 bed Max.  Prefer one [He’s not THAT greedy].  I want 300,000 cash.”  Then he dropped the condo idea.  He’d settle for $1 million in cash and the car’s title.

At that point, the victim went to the FBI – accompanied by an attorney.  A sting was setup where Brank was going to meet the guy at The Grove to pick up the cash and the title.  Then the place was changed to a Starbucks in El Segundo…much more discrete.  And that’s when FBI agents arrested him.  The feds noticed someone watching from a Ford hatchback.  That was Etienne Yim, a friend that Brank asked for a ride (because, apparently, he didn’t want to bring the Audi to El Segundo).  Brank also asked Yim to bring along a gun – a loaded.357 Magnum with six extra rounds of ammunition.  Once the FBI found that, Yim sang like a canary.  He told them where the Audi was parked, where Brank had deposited the money, and about their plan to fly to Europe.  Brank has been denied bail and is considered a flight risk – even though all his money and accounts have been seized.  If convicted, he faces up to 15 years in prison.  On the positive side, he might find his soul mate.  Or at the very least, his cell mate.

In an interesting twist, Brank’s lawyer pointed out that the “victim” may have had sexual encounters with underage individuals, which would be a criminal act.  In one of his text messages, Brank refers to procuring boys for the “victim”.  Given these circumstances, the judge ruled that the man could be identified publicly.  Alas, he’s not a famous actor or a billionaire with name recognition.  He’s Donald Burns, co -founder and chairman of MagicJack.  Although Don appears to have a significant other, he’s also been seen squiring Sean Cody model Ashton – aka MacKinzie Amadon.  The twosome have been photographed at some pretty high profile (and private) events.  While this story continues to develop, you can check out the boys in question on BillyMasters.com.

With all the craziness going on in the world, why is everyone talking about a pizza place that won’t cater a gay wedding?  Perhaps a better question is this – how many gay people are serving pizza at a wedding?  Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana, is a small family-owned establishment.  Because of Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act, a reporter was asking local business owners how they would deal with a hypothetical situation regarding gay marriage.  A member of the O’Connor family said that they would not provide pizzas for a gay wedding – “We are a Christian establishment.”  Obviously that’s not good, but it’s been pointed out that they have never refused service to anyone – including gay people.  Since this interview, they’ve been deluged with protestors, death threats, and the like – which I don’t think is particularly Christian.  Jessica Dooley, an assistant softball coach, Tweeted, “Who’s going to Walkerton, IN to burn down #memories pizza w me?”  She’s since been suspended.

Because of the uproar, the family went into hiding and temporarily shut down the joint.  It appears that they have been somewhat manipulated by people looking for a face against gay marriage.  You see, a contributor to Glenn Beck‘s website who is also a political operative started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the beleaguered O’Connor family.  From that point onward, right wing pundits promoted the effort passionately and over $800K was raised in two days!  Someone on the left started a similar GoFundMe campaign called Love Is Stronger Than Hate, with a goal of $1 million to be donated to the Human Rights Campaign.  So far, they’ve raised $550.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a cocky boy – but not a Cocky Boy as in the gay porn company.  He’s teamed up with buddy Ben Ceccarelli for CrossFit‘s “#pairpower competition”.  Calling themselves Team Cocky, the duo posed upside down…and naked!  Alas, the photo they released was censored, but that means that somewhere in the world there’s a nude photo of M-P defying gravity.  Until then, we’ll show you what we’ve got at BillyMasters.com.

A couple of weeks ago, I told you all about the Winter Party in Miami.  Not only was it a fun event, but it brought in quite a bit of money for the National LGBTQ Task Force and more than 20 other South Florida charities.  All of the reveling raised a record amount – more than $1 million.  You can find out more about where your money is going (or make a donation) at TheTaskForce.org.

With winter being history, it’s time to look forward to the next party.  That would be Jeffrey Sanker‘s White Party April 24-27 in Palm Springs – the party where I inaugurated interviewing the fit and fabulous on the white carpet.  Check out JeffreySanker.com for more details.  Although I won’t be in Palm Springs, I will make it to Orlando June 2-8 for Gay Days and the 25th anniversary of One Magical Weekend.  You can find info at GayDays.com and at OneMagicalWeekend.com.  Next on my dance card is the 4th of July in Provincetown.  As always, the Crown & Anchor has a full slate of Independence 2015 events.  Tix and info can be found at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

In this column, we often talk about the best show you’re not watching – which, of course, is Baby Daddy.  The strangest show that no one (other than me) is watching is Reign – an odd hybrid of Downton Abbey meets Gossip Girl.  The worst show that you are all probably watching is One Big Happy.  Sure, Ellen DeGeneres created it, and it aspires to be Will & Grace with a baby – kinda like that season of W&G where they tried to have a baby, but the producers realized what a mistake that would be and, instead, simply hired Harry Connick Jr.  I can’t say that anyone on One Big Happy is particularly noteworthy, but I’m always thrilled whenever I get to see Nick Zano, who was a jewel of comedic talent (and a hunky boy) on the eminently watchable What I Like About You.  Now he’s older, he’s buffer, and he’s trying too hard to be quirky.  Just be yourself, Nick.  You’re no longer with Hillary Duff, or was it Haylie Duff?  Whatever – you’ve dumped the Duff (or perhaps both Duffs), so move on….nothing to see here.  Oh, but there IS something to see here.  Because, being a fan of Mr. Zano, I have some risqué photos which really should be shared…..and shared they will be.  On BillyMasters.com.

Well, it was inevitable.  HBO has officially cancelled Looking, a show that had so much potential…on paper.  Alas, once it hit the air, it was mired with problems, not the least of which was painfully slow and rudderless pacing.  Retooling attempts during the second season had mixed results – while some of the problems were rectified, one had no idea what to expect week to week.  Characters changed overnight, plot lines were begun and dropped, relationships went unexplained.  Ultimately, ratings (or lack thereof) sealed its fate.  The network said, “HBO will present the final chapter of their journey as a special.”  What form that will take is uncertain, but by the time they get around to it, I suspect very few people will notice…or care.

“I also know that every person faces adversity in life.  Abraham Lincoln
held this seat in Congress in one term.  But few faced as many defeats in his
personal, business and public life as he did.” –
Aaron Schock says farewell to Congress by comparing himself to a president who lived with
(and shared a bed with) a close male friend for four years.  Lincoln appointed that man
Attorney General, which may have been the 19th century equivalent of “personal photographer”!

Speaking of scandals, the boys at Dolce & Gabbana sure stepped into it, didn’t they?  It all started when Stefano Gabbana told Panorama magazine, “No chemical offsprings and rented uterus: life has a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed.”  Domenico Dolce spoke out specifically against artificial insemination and surrogates, calling the result “synthetic children”.  In fairness, the interview was in a Spanish language magazine, and I’m sure the men were speaking in Italian, and I’m translating it into English.  But it should be noted that these comments are not much different than things the designers have been saying for over a decade.

This time, it created a firestorm.  The biggest shriek came from Elton John, who has been draped with swaths of D&G products.  He took umbrage at his children being called “synthetic” and called for a boycott, adding, “I shall never wear Dolce and Gabbana ever again.”  Unfortunately, two days later he was photographed carrying a little D&G shopping bag (he said it must have just been sitting in the house).  Ryan Murphy said, “Their clothes are as ugly as their hate.”  Ricky Martin Tweeted, “ur voices R 2powerfull 2B spreading so much h8”.  Madonna supported the boycott and added, “All babies contain a soul however they come to this earth and their families.”

Time for damage control.  Signor Dolce said, “I respect all the world, all the culture.  I believe in the traditional family.  It is impossible to change my culture for something different.”  Signor Gabbana said, “We love gay couple.  We are gay.  We love gay couple.  We love gay adoption.  We love everything.  It’s just an expression of my private point of view.”  Whatever the hell that means, it didn’t help.  The editorial director of their online magazine quit, and protestors have picketed the London D&G store with placards saying, “Homophobia is not fashionable!”

I cannot take full credit for Aaron Schock resigning.  Exactly what prompted the 33-year-old Republican to leave the House of Representatives is still a mystery – but one that I expect will be solved soon.  Meghan McCain says that Schock’s downfall was “ultimately flaming out”.  Truer words were never spoken.  Resigning must have been a last-minute decision.  Just last week, he was accused of spending $5K on a replica of President Obama‘s podium, which is known as “The Falcon”.  This adds to the previous scandals about his Downton Abbey office, taking his “personal photographer” on official trips, to say nothing of lingering questions about his sexuality and his penchant for quoting Taylor Swift lyrics.  Aaron’s dad, Dr. Schock, said, “Aaron wears stylish clothing and yet he’s not gay…and he’s not married and he’s not running around with women.  Everyone’s throwing up their arms because they can’t figure out Aaron.”  Oh, I think we can.  Eclipsing the other issues are allegations of sketchy real estate deals with supporters.  The FBI has launched an investigation and plans to bring him before a grand jury.  Dr. Schock was prophetic when he summed it up this way: “Two years from now he’ll be successful, if he’s not in jail.”

Last week, Andy Cohen he had Anderson Cooper on his show and they played a little game where Anderson was blindfolded (not his first time, I’m sure) and had to guess certain locations based on vocal clues.  In explaining the game, Cohen quipped, “We’re about to send him around the world.  Maybe he’ll go to ‘The Land of 10,000 Bottoms’!”  While I’m looking that up in my atlas, you can check out the video on BillyMasters.com.

In some sad news, Liza Minnelli is back in rehab.  Her representative said, “Liza has valiantly battled substance abuse over the years and whenever she has needed to seek treatment, she has done so.  She is currently making excellent progress at an undisclosed facility.”  On the positive side, she’s been in rehab so many times, her next stay is free!

Patrick in Rhode Island writes: “Have they figured out who that nude guy climbing down from a window at Buckingham Palace was?  He has a great ass.  Maybe it was Prince Harry.  Or maybe it was some guy visiting Prince Harry!”

You can hope all you want, but alas, the nude guy wasn’t intruding on Harry – or any other member of the royal family.  It turns out to have just been a hoax – cleverly produced by the folks behind E!‘s aforementioned series, The Royals.  A faux tabloid program shows the entire footage, where actress Alexandra Park (playing the role of Princess Eleanor) is seen throwing her beau out the window.  Happily for us, he got started before his clothes did.  And what a perky little bottom he has, as you can see on BillyMasters.com.