Remember when Lady Gaga offered a $500K reward – “no questions asked” – for information on her pilfered French bulldogs?  I predicted nothing good would come from the words “no questions asked”.  The woman who retrieved the dogs has yet to receive the reward.  Why?  Well, she’s been linked to the dog-nappers.  So?  “No questions asked”.  Now she’s suing Gaga for $1.5 million.  Next time, ask a few questions!

Poor King Charles is having a devil of a time getting entertainment for his coronation.  We previously reported that Adele and Ed Sheeran turned down the royal request.  Now we hear that Harry Styles has declined (he’s “tied up” – and I’ll give you a second to picture that).  Elton John will be busy wrapping up his endless farewell tour.  Even The Spice Girls have turned down offers of a reunion (I’m blaming Posh – for no good reason).  As of now, Take That will perform (without Robbie Williams), as will Kylie and Dannii Minogue, Lionel Richie and Olly Murs.  Frankly, this is starting to sound like one of those oldies shows lineups you can see for $75 at a summer locale!

Speaking of oldies, Madonna has rebounded from her latest split and landed on a new beau.  She was previously “dating” 23-year-old model Andrew Darnell.  She’s now allegedly with 29-year-old boxer Josh Popper.  But, here’s the rub – he’s the boxing coach of her son David.  You remember him – the one who looked so fetching in that red dress.  Well, at least he has good taste.

It’s never comfortable when your romantic life intersects with your kids.  Take Cher.  One tabloid ran the following headline: “Cher, 76, Feuding With Sons Over Relationship With 37-Year-Old Boyfriend”.  The part that concerned me was the term “sons”.  And then I thought, oh yeah, Chaz is also her son.  Up until a few years ago, Cher only had one son – and she often forgot about him as well!  And that brings up my next point – Cher barely has any relationship with Elijah Blue.  So, who cares what he thinks?  As for Chaz, last I heard they were on good terms…so that could be an issue.  Regardless, I believe Cher is more than capable of making her own romantic decisions.  After all, she once dated Tom Cruise!

There are things that naturally go together.  Mashed potatoes and gravy.  Burgers and fries.  This week, I got an e-mail from Fatburger touting its new Chicken and Waffle sandwich – a breaded piece of chicken, drizzled with maple syrup, topped with a piece of bacon, and slapped between two lightly toasted Eggo waffles.  You’d think perfection.  But you’d be unsatisfied.  Then there’s a nightclub in Whately, Massachusetts that has come up with a combination which sounds like a winner.  Club Castaway – a strip club – has just applied for a license to become a marijuana dispensary.  Oh, no – not instead of a strip club; in addition to being a strip club!  If their application is approved, they will become the first topless marijuana dispensary.  Am I the only one who thinks this is brilliant?  On the other hand, I had high hopes for that chicken/Eggo sandwich!

Here’s kinda an Ask Billy question.  Someone recently told me about a film called False Positive which allegedly had a gay sex scene between Justin Theroux and Pierce Brosnan.  I never heard of it, but I was intrigued enough to tune in – and promptly dozed off.  At some point, I woke up to see Justin kneel in front of Pierce and mime one of the worst blow jobs I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen my share of blow jobs.  First off, the angle was all wrong.  He might as well have been picking lint out of Pierce’s naval!  Judge for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Lastly, Tommy Lee is trying to direct some traffic to his OnlyFans page.  And to do so, he posted a snap of his low-hanging testicles from the vantage point of his butt cheeks.  I suppose that’s appealing to the implant crowd.  But what does it do for our boys at home?  I’ll post ‘em on BillyMasters.com, and you can let me know.

There’s a delicious rumor going around, wrapped inside some old news.  Recently, Bette Midler has been talking about some film roles she turned down.  Like the original Rocky (the role went to Talia Shire), or Misery (Kathy Bates).  Then there’s Sister Act, which was developed for her during her reign as the Queen of Disney.  Alas, Bette turned that one down for one reason alone – “My fans don’t want to see me in a wimple”.  But she may get a chance to rectify this lapse of judgment.  As everyone knows, Whoopi is readying a return to the habit in Sister Act 3.  While the scenario is well under wraps, my sources tell me that the character of the Mother Superior (played by Maggie Smith) may retire…or worse.  Enter a new, tougher Mother Superior – perhaps the Divine Miss M.  Well, can’t you just see it?  Bette and Whoopi battling it out?  The wimples will be flying!  And, of course, it all makes sense – especially since Deloris’ backup singers (Jenifer Lewis and Charlo Crossley) were trained at Midler’s teet.  Throw in some tracks by the marvelous Marc Shaiman, and it’s a match made in heaven!

Much as I like to think otherwise, words matter.  And surely Don Lemon learned that lesson last week.  During a discussion where presidential candidate Nikki Haley was described as being “in her prime”, Lemon said, “Nikki Haley is not in her prime.  Sorry.  When a woman is considered to be in her prime is her 20s and 30s and maybe 40s.”  Here’s the problem – he specified “woman”.  If he said “people”, it might have slid by.  But it does beg the question – when are we in our prime?  Don Lemon is 56 – is he in his prime?  Did he ever have a prime?  Or is he (I shudder to use the term) “past his prime”?  After an unscheduled day off, Don returned to his show and said, “I’m learning from you, and I’m committed to doing better.”  He’s also going to take some “formal training” – whatever that means.

They might need some of that “training” over at The View.  Liam Neeson felt very uncomfortable during a recent appearance when he was held up as Joy Behar’s object of lust.  He hoped to have some intelligent conversation or perhaps dig into some hot topics.  “But then the segment’s all about this…er…thirteen, fourteen-year-old crush.  It’s just a bit embarrassing.”

I have to confess, I’ve had it up to here with the politically correct police (and my “here” is any place you’d like to picture on my body).  Last week, there was a heated debate about “fat shaming” in the classic Roald Dahl books.  Some of the passages that caused concern included the depiction of the Oompa-Loompas (which Dahl himself changed in later editions from African pygmies to Caucasian little people).  Then there was Augustus Gloop, who was changed from “fat” to “enormous” (I’ll be the judge of that).  One line in James and the Giant Peach came under fire: “Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat, and tremendously flabby at that.”  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has this offensive bit of prose: “The man behind the counter looked fat and well-fed.  He had big lips and fat cheeks and a very fat neck.”  What’s wrong with that, asks someone who just saw a film called The Whale? 

Even the iconic James Bond is not safe.  A new edition of Ian Fleming’s 007 books is being readied for the 70^th anniversary.  These volumes include some sanitized language and eschew certain circumstances.  They also carry the following disclaimer: “This book was written at a time when terms and attitudes which might be considered offensive by modern readers were commonplace.”  This begs the question – when was Octopussy commonplace?

I know that words and sensitivities change over time.  We’ve heard calls for censoring Mark Twain, Harper Lee, and even Margaret Mitchell.  Apparently some of these cries for rewriting have actually been heeded.  Did you know that in 1969, Pippi Longstocking underwent some racial cleansing in Sweden?  Well, you know…Swedes!  Closer to home, my beloved Nancy Drew went through a bit of “whitewashing” regarding some of the depictions of African Americans in 1959.  I hope nobody laid a hand on those nice, wholesome Hardy Boys.  They’re all mine!

We’ve had lots of celebrity deaths lately.  I was struck by the passing of Raquel Welch – surely one of a dying breed, so to speak.  It reminded me of a particularly funny story Cindy Adams told about when she interviewed Rocky for A Current Affair.  Rather than recount the story here, I’ll post the video of Cindy telling the story on BillyMasters.com.  It’s definitely worth watching.

Loads of you have written Ask Billy questions about the same person.  The letter with the earliest postmark (as they used to say in the olden days) was from Harold – a name which was popular in those olden days.  “What do you know about the Bloater on The Last of Us?  What a massive hunk!”

Call me old-fashioned, but the last thing I’d want to be called is Bloater!  That said, Bloater turned up last week encased in what I’m told was an 88-pound costume!  And the person wearing that costume is Adam Basil – a British actor and stuntman, which is a nice way of telling us he’s muscular!  And what a big boy he is – 6’6”, to be precise (you Brits can look up the Metric equivalent on your own).  He’s previously appeared on Game of Thrones, Beauty and the Beast, and Let There Be Carnage.  I’m sensing a trend here.  Happily, he’s also posed in a variety of skimpier outfits – including one reminiscent of Welch in One Million Years B.C.  I’ll post it on BillyMasters.com.

When being bloated is a good thing, we’ve come to the end of yet another column.  I want to also acknowledge the passing of Stella Stevens – who at one point was scheduled to be on Billy Masters LIVE with her son, Andrew Stevens.  Come to think of it, Cindy Williams also cancelled on me…twice.  See what happens when you stand me up?  I’ll be announcing some future shows on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will even talk to people from the Great Beyond!  The rest of you can send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before you get released!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Details for Prince…er…King Charles’ coronation on May 6^th are starting to shape up.  A highlight of the day will be a gala concert, which I’m told will feature a reconstituted Spice Girls (including Posh – probably with her mike off).  However, two people the Palace hoped to lure have already declined.  First was Ed Sheeran, who has a stadium concert in Arlington, Texas the night before.  Understandable.  But what to make of Adele?  She reportedly said, “No, thank you,” even though she has absolutely nothing on the docket for the entire month of May.

As if the royals don’t have enough trouble, they have to deal with that pesky paternity issue.  No, we’re not talking about Harry.  This is about Simon Dorante-Day, a 56-year-old living in Queensland, Australia who claims to be the illegitimate child of Charles and Camilla!  According to Simon, his adoptive grandparents worked for the royal family – his grandmother was a cook and his grandfather was a gardener.  A deathbed confession from his grandmother (his adopted granny, not Lizzie) claims that he is the biological child of King and Queen Consort.  Lots of details don’t add up – beginning with him being born in 1966.  We know that Charles didn’t meet Camilla until 1970 because we all saw The Crown!  Isn’t it just possible that granny was slightly…well, bonkers?  Nonetheless, Simon is petitioning the court for a DNA test and says that Charles’ coronation will not thwart his efforts.

One often hears about peaceful deathbed transitions.  Not so for caustic comedian and actor Richard Belzer.  As we went to press, we received word of his passing at the relatively youthful age of 78.  His friend, Bill Scheft, reports that Belzer’s last words were, “Fuck you, motherfucker.”  Maybe he saw someone he knew!

Everybody seems to be talking about hunky number 89 from the Super Bowl.  The person in question was Danny Amendola – formerly #89 for Houston, and also a former wide receiver for the New England Patriots in two previous Super Bowls.  You might remember Adam Rippon giving him shaving tips…or was it the other way around?  Amendola was recently on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test.  For some reason, the Super Bowl featured a photo of him showing off his muscular assets in a jock strap, which can be found on BillyMasters.com.

My love for Natasha Lyonne was cemented with the perfect first season of Russian Doll.  Still, I went into Peacock’s Poker Face with some trepidation (similar to how I felt about season two of Russian Doll).  Sure, the photo of Lyonne in the ad looked eerily similar to her Netflix series.  So I braced myself and prepared to be disappointed.  I am delighted to report that my devotion has only grown.  Charlie Cale has many of the quirks of Nadia Vulvokov…well, except that pesky dying thing.  But Charlie has a superpower of her own – she’s a human lie detector!  This comes in handy as she travels city to city solving murders.  Lyonne captivates throughout with her quirky and engaging presence – so much so that the series has already been picked up for a second season.

If you know anything about me, you know that I’m always willing to try a new position.  And one just piqued my interest – working for sexy Trace Lehnhoff.  You remember Trace – former assistant to Jeff Lewis (of Flipping Out fame).  Former paramour of Antoni Porowski (from Queer Eye).  And possibly still dating Miles McMillan (previously with Zachary Quinto).  Trace has his own interior design firm and, well, he needs a hand.  He’s looking for a “Personal Assistant” and is willing to pay $22-28/hour – which is only mildly appealing to me if the office is clothing optional.  He adds (and I quote) the following: “It is essential that the candidate is: incredibly detail-oriented, organized, ability to multi-task, excellent communication skills, is a natural problem solver and has an appreciate for design.”  Someone with good writing skills would really enhance his office immensely.

Whenever I get a break from being on the road, I catch up on messages people leave.  But one person who called didn’t leave a voice message – or couldn’t.  “An inmate at the California City Community Correctional Facility, California City, California.  This call and your telephone number will be monitored and recorded.  To accept this call, say or dial 5 now.”  Obviously I wasn’t available to say or dial anything.  Alas, I don’t have a clue as to who was calling.  The one thing I do know is that my fan base at the California City Community Correctional Facility is quite extensive.  So, boys, just be patient – I’ll be by for a group conjugal visit real soon!

The good folks at Atlantis recently hosted a Southern Caribbean cruise on the Harmony of the Seas.  Returning patrons found a curious new entry in the official handbook which would have made me raise my eyebrows…if I still had the ability to raise my eyebrows: “While we want everybody to have fun, there are limits and so we ask that you be respectful of all guests and our cruise partners.  Please do not post anything explicitly sexual on social media in a public forum or other online space.  Any guest who posts or publishes an explicit and publicly visible photo or video will be asked to leave the ship with no refund.”  No explicit sexual photos or videos from a gay cruise?  What is the world coming to!  I’m happy to take whatever you have to give at Billy@BillyMasters.com.  Not only do I not have any gag orders, I am also devoid of any gag reflex!

Channing Tatum had a devil of a time getting camera-ready for the latest Magic Mike flick.  I’ve previously suggested that he’s made some sort of diabolical deal.  One day, he’ll be photographed on the beach looking like Sam Smith’s stunt double.  The next day, he’s all tits and abs on the set.  How does he do it?  He ain’t telling – but we feel his pain.  And that is a pain on his ass, courtesy of a bite he received while making the film, Dog.  We hear that covering the blemish wasn’t easy.  “It was a proper 20-minute job working on his bum,” says an insider.  Let the record show that Channing’s bum needs only 20 minutes.  Mine requires twice as much attention.

When I’ve got guys lining up for my derrière, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I’ll be hauling my ass on the road for the next couple of weeks, but I’m always delivering fresh dish on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that doesn’t care how old you are.  If you’d like to reach out and touch me, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I work on Channing’s ass (which I’m sure he’d enjoy).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Speaking of Michael Jackson’s ex-wife (see how I did that?), the person who will play MJ in an upcoming biopic is someone close to home.  It will be Jackson’s nephew, Jaafar Jackson (son of Jermaine, who was quite a looker in his day).  And no less than Prince Jackson, Michael’s “son”, has said he approves.  “Truthfully, I couldn’t be happier and prouder for him, he’s been working his ass off and I know he’s going to do an amazing job”.

File this under “Believe it or not” – Barbra is close to completing her long-awaited memoir.  Streisand has been working on her autobiography for close to a decade.  While I don’t expect we’re gonna get much in terms of juicy dish, insight, or revelations, My Name is Barbra is scheduled to be released on November 7^th.

Can we briefly go back to that old woman?  And by that, I mean Madonna.  Vanilla Ice shared some dish about their eight-month romance – and who doesn’t like three-decade-old dish?  Ironically, we mentioned Ice in our recent conversation with Paul Lekakis on Billy Masters LIVE.  Vanilla claims that Madonna proposed to him.  “I mean things were going so crazy and fast, man.  I was just like, ‘What?  I thought the guy was supposed to do it.  Wait a minute, this is too fast.’”  He adds, “I was just getting started here, and I’m way too young for this.”  It should be added that Ice was nine years younger than Madonna at the time.  Not sure what their age difference is now.

Proving that the crabapple doesn’t fall far from the old, withered, decrepit tree, Lourdes Leon was barred from Marc Jacobs’ NYC fashion show.  It’s not that she didn’t have a ticket.  It’s that Lourdes showed up late, and when they say, “Latecomers will not be seated,” they mean it.  While she begged with security at the door, people in the crowd yelled, “Don’t you know who she is?”  Many started chanting “Let her in” – to no avail.  Adding insult to injury, the whole episode was captured on video – which, of course, you can see on BillyMasters.com.

This leads perfectly into a story about the talented 59-year-old designer (again, a mere tyke compared to Madge).  Jacobs recently revealed that he got a facelift, and the person who leaked the story to the press was Marc himself!  “I prefer to be as honest and upfront as I possibly can because it helps me to live a better life.  I don’t want secrets and I don’t want shame in my life, so I revealed the truth for myself.  It makes me feel better but also when other people decide to talk shit, I’m like, ‘You can’t really say anything I haven’t already said myself.’”  He added, “There’s no shame in being vain.”  He’s so vain, I bet he thinks this story’s about him.

“Once again I am caught in the glare of ageism and
misogyny that permeates the world we live in. 
A world that refuses to celebrate women past the age of 45.”
– Madonna.  I don’t know what 45-year-old woman she’s talking about.  Certainly it’s not an
autobiographical statement from the 64-year-old pop star.  If so, boy, has she struggled the past two decades!

Leave it to Madonna to turn her disastrous appearance at the Grammys into an ageist, misogynistic attack.  I am not going to criticize the Material Girl’s looks – although she’s been known to take potshots about the appearance of other females in the industry.  When you show up looking like a cross between “Heidi: The Golden Years” and Frau Blucher, you should anticipate a few raised eyebrows – at least from people who still can raise their eyebrows!

The person I feel bad for is poor Bonnie Raitt, who won Song of the Year more than three decades after winning Album of the Year for Nick of Time.  The Daily Mail ran the headline, “Shock as unknown blues singer beats Beyoncé, Adele and Taylor Swift to win Song of the Year at the Grammys”.  Unknown?  Oh, the humanity!

When you watch a televised awards show, you often see famous faces sitting alongside complete unknowns.  As it turns out, they are often completely unknown to the people they’re sitting with.  Those people are “seat fillers”.  They’re hired (or, more often than not, unpaid) to fill empty seats during a telecast.  One seat filler called “AlmostAnna” on TikTok shared a bit of “insight” into Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s behavior during the show.  “J.Lo showed Ben Affleck the phone and was like ‘Oh my God, honey, look at this meme circulating about you,’ and he was like ‘Oh God, this again.’”  Isn’t it fascinating that these two people from completely different backgrounds now speak in almost identical cadences?  It’s as if it were coming out of the same person’s mouth.

This year, the Grammys honored The Supremes with a Lifetime Achievement Award.  This was not Diana Ross and the Supremes.  This was not even the 70s Supremes – from which Diane plucked two backup singers for her Return to Love Tour.  No, the Grammys paid tribute to the classic Supremes lineup – Mary Wilson, Florence Ballard, and Diane Ross (as she was called).  Although they were nominated twice, The Supremes never won a Grammy (it should be added that Miss Ross never won one, either).  One would imagine that the sole surviving member would be there to graciously accept this honor.  And one would be wrong.  The award was accepted by two people – the daughter of Mary Wilson (who is also Diane’s goddaughter) and one of Florence Ballard’s daughters (the one Ross clutched at Flo’s funeral).  You know who wasn’t there?  Miss Ross!  Surely one of Diane’s kids could have filled in.  OK, maybe not Tracee.  But what does Chudney have to do?  Or those Naess boys?

Which leads to a perennial question: does an actor have to be gay to play a gay part?  Adam Lambert thinks so.  He was not happy to hear that sexy Theo James (from White Lotus) is being considered to play George Michael.  “Yay another straight man playing a gay icon,” Lambert posted on Instagram.  Of course, that makes the assumption that Theo James is straight – something I’m not willing to do.  While at the Sundance Film Festival promoting his feature film debut in Fairyland, Adam was asked to elaborate on his post.  Suddenly, he was singing a different tune.  “I think my comment in no way suggests that I feel straight actors can’t play gay roles, because I think they do it really well.”  What caused the about-face?  The lead in Fairyland is a gay character.  And the role is played by Scoot McNairy – who, despite his name, happens to be straight!

Should acting be judged by gender?  If not, Katharine Hepburn and Frances McDormand would have everything, and Daniel Day-Lewis and Jack Nicholson would be trophy-free.  In soap operas, they even break it down by ages.  Is it fair to compare Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep?  Ask Rita Wilson!  I like multiple categories because it allows more people to win.  But what do you do about trans actors?  Or non-binary actors?  This was an issue regarding last year’s Broadway production of Macbeth.  Asia Kate Dillon identifies as non-binary, and was playing the role of Malcolm.  Asia didn’t feel comfortable in either category and withdrew from Tony consideration.

A similar case has occurred this year with the Broadway musical & Juliet.  One of the stars, Justin David Sullivan, had to make a decision – to be submitted as an actor or an actress.  “I was told that I had to choose where I felt more comfortable, and in that process, I struggled a lot.  There’s nothing more that I want to empower than non-binary people, to show that it’s possible to be non-binary on Broadway, play a non-binary character on Broadway and be nominated, and possibly potentially awarded.  I felt like I couldn’t choose.  I didn’t feel right being in either category because it didn’t resonate with me.  I decided the only thing that felt right to me would be to abstain from nomination consideration.”  Justin added, “I hope that award shows across the industry will expand their reach to be able to honor and award people of all gender identities”.

The Tony people issued a statement of their own: “We recognize that the current acting categories are not fully inclusive, and we are currently in discussion about how to best adjust them to address this.  Unfortunately, we are still in process on this and our rules do not allow us to make changes once a season has begun.  We are working thoughtfully to ensure that no member of our community feel excluded in future seasons.”  If one is to make a change, there are only two possibilities – make more separate categories, or lump them all together.  Since I don’t approve of either option, I’m abstaining from future nominations.

Then there’s George Santos.  He’s finally admitted that he actually has done drag – funny how the story changes once a videotape surfaces.  And isn’t it convenient that the one time he’s ever done drag, someone videotaped it?  “No, I was not a drag queen in Brazil, guys.  I was young and I had fun at a festival.”  He may not be a drag queen, but he certainly picked up enough tips.  I recently saw him on the news wearing more concealer than Dolly Parton!

When it comes to Santos, the problems keep mounting (so to speak).  Enter Christian Walker – Herschel Walker’s son, who never met a pair of tweezers he didn’t like!  He Tweeted the following: “George Santos had told me I had a good ass in my jeans (not kidding).  Now I’m just worried that HE WAS LYING ABOUT THAT TOO!?!?!?”  Christian went into more details on Instagram Live, saying they met “on several occasions” and calls Santos “so funny, truly hilarious”.  Well, you know, some of the funniest people alive are drag queens!

“I have never thrust this on someone unexpectedly.  Never.”
– Armie Hammer in his recent Air Mail interview.  Makes you wanna read on, doesn’t it?

While I was hunkered down during this arctic blast, I warmed up by reading an interview Armie Hammer gave to Air Mail.  In explaining his bizarre behavior, Armie broke his silence by trotting out that old chestnut – he was sexually abused as a child.  I am not questioning the abuse.  But it’s such a familiar story – the abused becomes an abuser.  He was 13 years old, and his abuser was his youth pastor.  It continued for about a year.  He doesn’t go into detail, but says, “What that did for me was it introduced sexuality into my life in a way that it was completely out of my control.  I was powerless in the situation.  I had no agency in the situation.  My interests then went to: I want to have control in the situation, sexually.”  Whenever I hear the word “agency”, I feel like a lawyer was consulted.

One of the sexual abuse accusations against him is shot down with documentation that Armie had torn his pectoral muscle lifting weights, which left him in a sling – and not the good kind!  In general, he doesn’t deny most of the acts, but goes to great lengths to say they were consensual.  Regarding an alleged rape, he says, “She planned all of the details out, all the way down to what Starbucks I would see her at, how I would follow her home, how her front door would be open and unlocked and I would come in, and we would engage in what is called a ‘consensual non-consent scene’.”  This reminds me of that scene in For Pete’s Sake when Barbra plays “Take a Nap”.  “Bed, sleep, touch, struggle, not too hard.”  My God, to think Barbra could have been having sex with Armie Hammer!!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the account of a Colombian man named Daniel, who says he was sexually violated by Hammer.  He claims that Armie told him, “Guys could endure more pain.”  Allegedly, Hammer “cut him with paper and glass and then sucked his blood”; he also “inserted a condom wrapper into him” – none of which sounds appealing to me.  One of Hammer’s female paramours claims that he “stuck objects into male victims”.  Armie denies having met Daniel, and also says he has never had sex with a man.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Tom in Studio City, who writes, “A friend of mine saw a video of a very young Colin Farrell modeling a thong.  Where did that come from?  Do you have it?”

Picture it.  Dublin.  1994.  An 18-year-old lanky lad with the complexion not unlike that of a young Cate Blanchett is hired to model intimate wear on a midday chat show, 12-2-1.  The hosts, Marty Whelan and Ciana Campbell, handle the introductions.  “First on we have Colin, who’s wearing very little.”  Out strolls the future superstar in a red thong and satin robe – which is quickly doffed.  He walks, he cocks his hip, and he pivots in a manner familiar to so many models.  One guest says, “It’s like a jock strap.”  Trust me when I say it is nothing like a jock strap – as you will see on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re presenting Farrell in any clothing, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  I say that because we were once threatened with legal action by Colin.  Oh, yes, it’s true.  This was back when his sex tape leaked.  Well, not so much leaked as exploded on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is definitely a shower.  Colin and I resolved the matter satisfactorily in ways I’m not at liberty to discuss publicly.  But you can write to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I satisfy an elected official (again).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Another gay star had a bad interview experience – and happily, it wasn’t with me.  Danny Pintauro from Who’s The Boss? recalled an appearance on The View back in 2015.  He was there to talk about his HIV status and to educate people on the dangers of AIDS and crystal meth.  Only two co-hosts interviewed him – fellow former child stars Candace Cameron Bure and Raven-Symoné.  He recently discussed that interview and took issue with Bure.  “She basically said, ‘Do you take responsibility for getting HIV because you were living a promiscuous lifestyle?’  And turned on the spot to my husband and said, ‘Do you have unprotected sex with your husband?’” 

Since I’m a stickler for accuracy, I reviewed the footage, and that’s not exactly how it happened.  Before Bure asked her question, Danny had already gone into great detail about his promiscuity, pushing his sexual limits, and how crystal meth fueled this.  His wake-up call was finding out he was HIV-positive while working as a manager at P.F. Chang’s – oh, the humanity!  In that light, Bure’s follow-up seems natural.  As to the question to Pintauro’s husband about unprotected sex, that was actually asked by Raven-Symoné.  She prefaced the question by saying (twice), “Please tell me if this is too personal”.  And the question was this: “You guys have been together for three and a half years.  Do you guys have protected or unprotected sex?”  Although the camera panned to Pintauro’s husband, Danny jumped in to answer – as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

Everyone’s been wondering when we’ll start the new season of Billy Masters LIVE.  You’ve been clamoring – it’s been a quiet, almost silent clamor, but I’ve heard you.  And I’m happy to say season 4 will kick off on Wednesday, January 25^th – in primetime!  At 8PM Eastern, I’ll be sitting down with singer, model, and gay icon Paul Lekakis.  You’d think I’d have already had Paul as a guest, but I haven’t.  I asked him to be on our first season, but he declined – he didn’t have anything to promote and was living a relatively private life.  Now he’s got a new single – “Rainbow” – and he’s open to talking.  You can tune in live or anytime thereafter on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

There are some stories I try to stay away from, and that includes George Santos – if I may call him that.  But we’ve also seen a video where he introduces himself as Anthony Devolder.  So, who really knows?  He’s previously claimed to be Jewish, only to clarify he meant that he’s “Jew-ish” – well, aren’t we all a bit “Jew-ish”?  That’s just the tip of the iceberg – virtually everything about him is in question.  George has justified these questions with a curious statement: “A lot of people overstate on their resumes.  I’m not saying I’m not guilty of that.”  He is, however, guilty of trying to dance around the subject with a double negative – and, for the record, I hate that!

One thing that doesn’t seem to be in question is that he is gay.  Well, now he is.  He was married to a woman in 2012.  They got divorced in 2019.  “I’m very much gay.  I’m OK with my sexuality.  People change.  I’m one of those people who change.”  But is he one of those people who changes into female clothing?  A grainy photo and an old Wikipedia post say he worked as a drag performer in Brazil (his parents were Brazilian immigrants).  Of course, Wikipedia also says I’m still wearing size 30 jeans!  While Santos hasn’t defended most allegations, he felt compelled to comment on this one.  “The most recent obsession from the media claiming that I am a drag Queen or ‘performed’ as a drag Queen is categorically false.”  Then someone leaked a video.  Could it be?  Yes, it could.  You can check it out on BillyMasters.com, where you’ll see George is quite…well, the polite term is “buxom”.

Somehow Prince Harry managed to be everywhere, talk to everyone, and say absolutely nothing.  It’s almost as if he purposely granted interviews to the least competent people.  The Brit, the heiress, the lisper, the comic – the same old stories.  Oh, he is an artful todger – which apparently is a bit shorter than designed (thanks Granny).  I’m rarely bored with penis talk, but I almost wanted to knock myself unconscious with my dog’s bowl!  If he thinks any of these tales are going to mend the rift with his family…well, he should have called the book Delusional.

Thank God we’ve unearthed one story Harry left out of his book.  According to Las Vegas stripper Carrie Royale, she had a less-than-memorable encounter with the Prince back in 2012.  Of course, we all remember Harry’s infamous Vegas trip – which clearly did not stay in Vegas.  According to Carrie, “I was with him for a good 20 minutes with lots of kissing and fumbling.”  Alas, the fumbling didn’t lead anywhere.  But Carrie did hold onto one prize jewel.  No, not the royal jewels.  The royal jewels holster.  She kept a pair of black boxer briefs that she claims Harry was wearing…at least at the beginning of the night.  She previously attempted to auction the undies off last September, but stopped the bidding “out of respect for the Queen”.  She’s now put them back on the block – “to help remind him of his fun side.”  She claims that during the course of the night, Harry danced to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”.  If he actually “beat it” while wearing the undies, she could make a small fortune on his DNA!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Gary in Tampa: “Have you heard about this nude photo of Pablo Schreiber?  Do you have it?”

I’ll answer Gary’s questions, but first I’m gonna tell a story.  A friend of mine used to work for a man who redecorated his home.  One day, he brought in some snapshots of the finished rooms to show the staff.  In the living room, there was a sliding glass door.  Faintly visible in the reflection of the door was what one person thought was a statue of a nude man.  On closer inspection, it was obviously a reflection of the photographer – who happened to be nude!  Once it was identified to the group, everyone was agog (or aghast, or one of those words that begins with an “a”).  The Pablo Schreiber story is very similar.  The sexy actor (known for Law & Order: SVU, American Gods, and Orange Is the New Black) posted a photo showing his terrace from behind a sliding glass door.  But clearly visible was…WHOOPSIE!  As you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m not wild about Harry, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  As always, we’re willing to show all on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that sports a streak-free shine.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Prince Harry reveals his Golden Globes.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I first met Sherri Shepherd at the Hairspray film premiere.  And if you know anything about either of us, you won’t be surprised to learn that we were at the buffet!  You will not find anyone with a bigger and more genuine heart.  She’s always been supportive of my endeavors – whether it was surprising me on the radio program One in Ten, or popping on when her former co-star Eric Roberts was a guest on Billy Masters LIVE.  So I am thrilled to announce that her hit daytime talk show, Sherri, has just been renewed for not one but TWO seasons!  Hearing Sherri’s stories is a great way to start the day (or end it – depending on what city you’re in).

Bette Midler recently went to see the Broadway revival of The Music Man, and she positively gushed over the production, featuring Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster.  “What a shame The Music Man at the #WinterGarden in NYC is closing on the 19^th.  It’s one of the best shows I’ve ever seen in my life: absolutely beautiful.”  It may be happenstance, but this production shares many things with the Midler-helmed revival of Hello, Dolly! – a director and choreographer, to say nothing of the set and costume designer.  At least she knows what she likes!

The drama behind the revival of Funny Girl isn’t over.  While Lea Michele is firmly ensconced in the Broadway production, ladies are lining up to lead the national tour.  Despite the success of standby Julie Benko, touring cities want a “name”…but not necessarily a BIG name.  People like a Hailee Steinfeld, Chloe Grace Moretz, Dove Cameron, Elle Fanning, Bella Thorne, Camila Mendes, Natalia Dyer, Victoria Justice, Ariel Winter and even Bindi Irwin are vying for the role.  Someone not mentioned but who I think would be great is Elizabeth Gillies.  Eventually, I’ll mention a name someone recognizes.

There I was, minding my own business, when I stopped into one of the many Dunkin’ Donuts (now colloquially referred to as Dunkin’) near my family’s ancestral home.  And who do I see behind the counter?  Ben Affleck!  Wearing a headset!  Affleck at a Dunkin’ is no surprise – he’s been a vociferous devotee for years.  I’m told he was filming a Super Bowl commercial.  And, wait – wasn’t that JLo handing out orders at the drive-thru window?

“As a gay man, I want to apologize for all the gays
on behalf of what we tried to do to her on that boat!”
– Jerrod Carmichael takes a moment out of the Golden Globes to apologize to White Lotus
star Jennifer Coolidge, who memorably exclaimed, “These gays – they’re trying to murder me!”

The Golden Globes returned to NBC…with a thud.  It was one of the least viewed Globes in television history – second only to the year when the awards were handed out at a press conference during the 2008 writers strike.  Getting higher ratings than Nancy O’Dell and Billy Bush is a dubious distinction, but one Jerrod Carmichael has to his credit.  Opinions were split as to how he did, but if Shelly Miscavige turns up, he’ll be lauded a hero.  I want to send out special props to Ryan Murphy, who singled out Mj Rodriguez, Billy Porter, Niecy Nash, Matt Bomer, and Jeremy Pope in accepting the Carol Burnett Award.  “I have dedicated most of my lifetime achievement speech here tonight to these wonderful actors I worked with to make a point of hope and progress.”  Bravo.

The Grammy Awards just announced they’ll present a Lifetime Achievement Award to a legendary group who never won an award.  In fact, they were only nominated twice.  The Supremes!  This is not unprecedented.  In 2012, a Lifetime Achievement Award was given out to a legendary artist who was nominated 10 times and never won anything.  Diane Ross!  This has started a guessing game – who will accept on behalf of The Supremes?  In the past, Miss Ross would never attend an event where she’d run into Mary Wilson.  Since Mary died two years ago, this leaves Diane as the sole founding member (we’ve also lost Florence Ballard, Barbara Martin and Betty McGlown).  I don’t expect Cindy Birdsong or Jean Terrell to show up.  But maybe Diane will invite Scherrie Payne, Lynda Laurence, Susaye Green…or even Debbie Sharpe!

Last week was a busy one for celebrity deaths.  I don’t want to make light of the passing of such luminaries as Adam Rich and Robbie Knievel (Evil’s son).  I even observed a moment of silence when I heard about Lisa Marie Presley’s passing – although, I never thought she looked particularly healthy (or happy).  But I was genuinely sad bidding adieu to my dear friend, Carole Cook.  Truly it is no tragedy to go at 98…although it is sad that she was only three days shy of 99.  Beyond her extensive work on television (a protégée of Lucille Ball), stage (42^nd Street) and film (The Incredible Mr. Limpet), she was a tireless fundraiser in the fight against AIDS and one helluva broad.  I once asked her the secret of her success.  “I’m a great fuck”.  We had SO much in common.

Openly gay football player Carl Nassib rang in the new year with a hunky new boyfriend.  He posted a photo of them on social media, saying “Kicking off 2023 with my man and a trip to the playoffs.”  His beau is Søren Dahl, a Danish swimmer who sports that ripped swimmer’s build so many claim to have and rarely deliver.  Trust me when I say Dahl delivers – which you can also see on our website.

That’s a perfect segue into our Ask Billy question.  Henry from Dallas asks, “What do you know about Britney Spears’ husband?  I saw some photos of him, and he’s got an amazing body.  Kinda like a porn star.  Any nudes?”

I never gave Sam Asghari much thought – until I got Henry’s e-mail.  When I did some research, my first thought was, “Yowza!”  He certainly does look like he could be a model, an actor, or a gay porn star.  While I can only confirm two of those professions, I can happily add that he’s hung.  In some photos Sam swiftly deleted from social media, he clearly shows off his penis in some tight-fitting shorts.  They may have disappeared from public view, but can still be seen on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re objectifying Britney’s beau, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  There’s a whole lot of objectifying going around.  That disgraced weatherman even complained about it.  “I don’t enjoy being humiliated and treated like a sexual object.”  Rest assured, I do not mind either – as you’ll see on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never complains and never explains.  If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we discover that Barbara is buried under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Color me surprised to see someone who was fired back on the air.  Last week, Sharon Osbourne was on air saying, “Hello everybody.  A happy, happy New Year and welcome to The Talk.”  But she wasn’t sitting next to Sheryl Underwood.  She was on The Talk UK!  I’m not sure if she’ll be a regular on the show or if this will be an occasional spot.  But I’m always glad to see Shazza.

Elsewhere in the UK, The Spice Girls are not at all happy about a new release of an old track.  It all started when they released the 25^th anniversary edition of Spiceworld – which included some live tracks, alternate versions of some songs, and some unreleased demos.  One of the demos considered was a song called “C. U. Next Tuesday”!  Surely I don’t have to explain why it wasn’t released back in 1996.   But Mel C. says it’s not because of the title.  “[It] was never used because it’s a pile of shit.  I think it would be a big rip-off if Virgin put it on a greatest hits album now.”  And Virgin didn’t release it.  But someone found the track and leaked it online.

In some cheeky music news, Sam Smith recently bared all.  They (which is Sam’s pronoun of choice) spent the holidays in Thailand and took some racy photos showing off their assets on a boat and in a rocky glade – which sounds painful.  Should you be so inclined, float on over to BillyMasters.com to check out the goods.

When director Franco Zeffirelli released Romeo and Juliet in 1968, there was quite a hubbub about the nudity of both Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting.  On one hand, the stars were applauded for their performances – particularly being roughly the same age as the characters (Hussey was 15, Whiting was 16).  On the other hand, the film not only showed the teens in sexual situations, but also in various degrees of undress.  This led to the stars recently filing a suit against Paramount Pictures for $500 million!  You might be wondering why they are coming forward half a century later.  Apparently there’s some statute of limitations that was about to run out.  In the complaint, they claim that Zeffirelli told them that no nudity would be in the final cut.  Of course, he died in 2019 – so we can’t ask him.  But as recently as 2018, Hussey defended the nudity saying, “It was needed for the film.”  She added, “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”  The suit claims that the nudity impacted their careers.  “Plaintiffs have also suffered a lifetime of loss of earnings and other employment benefits and job opportunities, and will continue to suffer such losses.”  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t recall either of them having thriving careers before!

Time for the hottest game in NYC, Where’s Barbara?  The Barbara in question is Barbara Walters.  Obviously we all know she’s dead.  But none of her friends know exactly where she is.  According to insiders, friends have been calling funeral parlors all over the Tri-State area in order to figure out what the arrangements are.  Not only friends, but former colleagues – including people at ABC and, in particular, The View.  When the famed Frank E. Campbell facility was contacted, they said (rather bluntly, if you ask me), “We don’t have her!”  Walters’ moody daughter Jackie has remained mum.  The supposition is that since she had to share her mother with the world while she was alive, she’s keeping the arrangements private.  Maybe Barbara’s been cryogenically preserved – only to be revived in time to say, “Welcome to 3030!”

If Barbara were still with us, I’m sure she’d be reporting on the execution of Amber McLaughlin.  I never heard of her either, but turns out she made history.  She is the first transgender person (of either sex) to be executed in this country.  She was also the first person put to death this year, but that’s less historic.  When Amber was still Scott, s/he was convicted of murdering a former girlfriend.  That typically wouldn’t lead to an execution.  But while the jury came back with a guilty verdict, they could not decide on a punishment.  That was left to the discretion of the judge, who made the unprecedented decision of the death penalty (apparently only two states allow this to happen).  It was after being sentenced to death by lethal injection that Scott transitioned to Amber.  A curious case, indeed.

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Jacob in Chicago: “Why did Shawn Mendes strip to his underwear and dive into a freezing lake?”

That sounds like a riddle – except I didn’t know “why”.  So I put on my reporter’s hat and found out why Mendes took off everything else.  I’m suspect it has something to do with being Canadian – you know they’re wacky.  He did indeed strip to his hip briefs for an icy plunge.  But, let’s clear one thing up – he didn’t “dive” anywhere.  He kinda eased himself into the frigid water.  He later said, “I can’t feel a thing” – which, in my vast experience, is no compliment.  You can check the video out for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

The last days of 2022 were harrowing for a number of Broadway shows.  Despite some final bits of resuscitation, Ain’t No Mo’ shuttered with a whimper.  In fact, one headline exclaimed that 16 Broadway shows will be closing in the next month.  The shocking truth is I am not entirely sure I could name 16.  And, after perusing the list of those closing, there are only two I’m sorry to have missed.

Last week, a woman was being “disruptive” during the first act of the Broadway revival of Death of a Salesman.  She spent much of the time rummaging in her bag and talking back to the actors onstage.  Many around her were relieved when she seemed to leave during intermission.  As with most good plays, there was a twist – she returned to her seat for the second act.  And that’s when things turned from disruptive to downright crazy.  People in her vicinity believe her shouts and exclamations were fueled by alcohol.  Eventually, the show had to be suspended, the house lights came on, and Wendell Pierce (playing Willy Loman) strode to the footlights and asked her to leave the venue.  The gal refused to leave, saying if she couldn’t see the rest of the show, nobody else would – unless she got her money back.  “Alright, here’s the deal,” said Wendell.  “If you would like your money back, I will guarantee your money back” (you can see the video on BillyMasters.com).  The lady, wearing a large fur coat, stood by the stage while Pierce allegedly asked an usher to “grab some cash”.  As if on cue, that’s when police showed up.  But the dénouement was less than spectacular.  The lady left and the show went on.

Leave it to Barbara Walters to upstage a giant Waterford Crystal ball dropping in Times Square.  While not unexpected, it was sadly announced that Walters died at the age of 93.  It’s been whispered that she had been battling dementia for at least seven years, and was practically bedridden for the past five.  Still, one cannot say enough about her place in history.  She routinely broke glass ceilings and never let the word “No” deter her.  She did whatever it took – whether it was playing second banana to a chimp or wearing a Bunny costume (rumor has it she wanted to be buried in it).  In later years, she created a lasting legacy in daytime television.  Cheri Oteri as Barbara Walters said it best: “Some may call it a trainwreck – we call it The View.”

As hard as it was to say goodbye to Barbara, an even more difficult death occurred just under the wire.  Anita Pointer of the fabulous Pointer Sisters passed away on New Year’s Eve.  My love for the group is well-documented.  Anita was on one of the first episodes of Billy Masters LIVE.  While she always had an infectious laugh and a raucous sense of humor, the light inside had been extinguished since the death of daughter Jada in 2003.  She admitted, “It took 90% of me away.”  As she was the daughter of reverends, I questioned her faith after this loss.  She sadly said, “I really don’t have any faith.”  You can watch this entire interview on BillyMasters.com.  Rest in peace, Anita.

This being our 23^rd New Year’s column, I don’t feel the need to beat around the bush.  Heck, I haven’t even seen my first bush of the New Year.  But I have seen my first Lindsay Wagner film.  Faithful fans of Filth know I ring in each New Year watching Lindsay’s latest oeuvre with friends.  Believe it or not, nary a year goes by without a new release.  In 2022’s When Jack Came Back, Jack (played by the sexy Mike Markoff, who has a penchant for plunging V-necks) comes home for his father’s funeral and finds his mom (Lindsay) on the precipice of Alzheimer’s.  Don’t wrack your brain trying to remember it – this flick doesn’t have a distributor…yet.  But I don’t let little details like that stop me.

My cadre did take time out to see how things were going in Times Square.  Oh, it’s not the same without Dick Clark – even the later-day animatronic Dick Clark.  But Seacrest does an admirable job with his frozen features.  Things were slightly different on CNN.  Anderson still giggles like a girl and Andy asks questions that people don’t understand.  But this time, CNN issued an edict – no liquor on the set.  That didn’t stop remote guests – most notably Kevin Hart – from doing the drinking for them!

 
26 December 2022

“He doesn’t like gay people.  Doesn’t want them in Russia. 
And then he’s got the wonderful basketball player and he won’t let her out. 
Make up your mind!  He’s always acting so butch and strutting around. 
You know what that means, don’t ya, uh-huh?  The lady doth protest too much!”
– Leslie Jordan’s two cents on Vladimir Putin.

Around now, everyone will be doing their 2022 retrospectives.  And far be it from me not to jump on a bandwagon.  I think we can all agree that the most scandalous moment of the year happened at the Academy Awards.  Why, it was the most outrageous thing to happen on live TV since that incident with Jack Ruby!  In case you were under a rock, Chris Rock made an innocuous joke, and Will Smith went crazy, strode onto the stage, and slapped Rock.  Oh, yes.  Not a punch – a slap!  How metrosexual of him!  What I found most shocking is that this obvious assault happened in front of thousands of people, and there were absolutely no ramifications.  Strike that – the assailant was later given an award…and a standing ovation!  Since then, the Academy has banned Will from the festivities for the next 10 years.  Which I’m sure thrills the producers of his most recent oeuvre.

It takes lots of drama to make the world pay attention to Broadway.  From the beginning, the Funny Girl revival seemed ill-conceived.  Based on a flawed and forgettable UK revival, it lacked the show-stopping glamour required to evoke the Ziegfeld Follies.  And Beanie Feldstein seemed to lack the vocal chops to play Fanny Brice.  Along came Lea Michele (and a rabid group of Gleeks), who felt that she was being robbed of some kind of birthright.  She didn’t openly campaign against Beanie, but she let the powers that be know she was available if they needed her.  And need her they did.  Feldstein’s notices were unremarkable, while Lea was giving concerts around the country…singing songs from Funny Girl to acclaim.  Something had to give, and negotiations were made for Michele to replace Beanie.  Feldstein caught wind of the skullduggery and left the show prematurely.  This allowed her standby, Julie Benko, a moment to shine while Michele got up to speed.  The end of this story was like every Hallmark movie.  Lea went into the show, got great notices and re-recorded the score in time for the holidays.

Except (there’s always that except) she can’t win a Tony Award because she’s a replacement.  Or can she?  Back in 2005, the Tonys ruled that “high-profile replacements” can in fact be nominated for an award.  If that doesn’t work…Lea’s best friend is in a show that is slated to transfer to Broadway late next year.  My sources suspect Michele is angling to oust the current female lead and replace her.  That way she can originate the role on Broadway and win that Tony.  Sounds far-fetched?  Go back and read that Funny Girl paragraph again.

Not all diva-drama is limited to Broadway.  Another big scandal of the year took place in Las Vegas when Adele cancelled her entire run at Caesars Palace 24 hours before opening night.  “I’m so sorry, but my show ain’t ready,” she said.  This did not make her fans happy – fans who had flown in from around the world!  But, the story has a silver lining.  Someone came up with a concept Adele liked, and she debuted six months later to acclaim.

On the small screen, my pal Sherri Shepherd has a hit on her hands.  It started by filling in for the “indisposed” Wendy Williams, and led to her own show – with much of the same production team in place.  While a flurry of other daytime talkers have debuted this season, Sherri has emerged as the highest-rated newcomer.  Meanwhile, Wendy has been seen strolling the streets of NYC late at night, buying booze and smokes.

In primetime (admittedly, on a streaming service), Shangela made history as the first drag performer to compete on Dancing with the Stars.  The real-life DJ Pierce tackled each challenge with aplomb and knocked everybody’s socks off.  And took third place.  We haven’t heard the last of Shangela – she’s poised to mount a nationwide tour starting in my native Boston in January.

Elsewhere in Massachusetts, another drag diva was felled.  The vivacious Varla Jean Merman was performing Varla Jean Merman’s Ready to Blow at Provincetown’s Crown & Anchor.  At one point in the show, she downed numerous pills – for stage purposes, the pills were Tic Tacs.  One errant edible was underfoot as Varla launched into her big dance number from Anything Goes.  Her shoe landed on the candy and she tumbled with a thud!  Patrons thought this was part of the show, when in fact Merman suffered a complete detachment of her quads at the tendon and fractured her kneecap (I keep copious notes).  Always the trooper, she returned to the stage several days later in a wheelchair with her newly-adapted show, Varla Jean Merman’s Ready to Blow…On Wheels!  Alas, most of her engagements for the remainder of 2022 had to be cancelled.  While you can make Varla go down, you can’t keep her down.  She’s rescheduled those dates and has emerged triumphant.

Less triumphant was Billy Eichner’s assault of the big screen.  Much of the damage was done during the advance publicity – which included Eichner mocking the successful streaming film Fire Island.  When Bros was released, it was met with mostly positive reviews, but largely ignored by the ticket-buying public.  That said, the film is entertaining and is doing well…ironically via streaming!  While Eichner is undeniably funny, he’s also unlikeable.  But in the right role – the caustic best friend, the catty neighbor – he’d steal the show.  I’m told that the limp response to this maiden endeavor puts many of his future plans in flux.

This inevitably leads to celebrity deaths.  In terms of sheer drama, nothing will ever top Anne Heche’s immolation.  After erratically driving through an LA residential area, she literally plowed into a woman’s living room.  It took emergency workers close to an hour to extricate her from the blaze.  When the gurney finally emerged from the scene, a sheet was over the body.  And then, as if out of a movie (admittedly, not a very good movie), Heche popped up as if to say, “Fooled you!  I’m alive!”.  That burst of energy was her last, and she succumbed days later.

Far more notable for many in our community was the passing of Leslie Jordan.  While the coroner has yet to determine a cause of death, it is assumed he had a cardiac episode during rush hour while driving to film his sitcom, Call Me Kat.  Leslie made an indelible impression on everyone he met, and many whom he didn’t.  He was a pint-sized dynamo who packed a whole lotta living in his brief 67 years.  He left the world a bit better by being in it.

I could write endlessly about Betty White, Olivia Newton-John, Judy Tenuta, Nichelle Nichols, Angela Lansbury, and many others.  But kudos to Tony Dow, who managed to die not once, but twice.  Take that, Heche!

What can you say about Queen Elizabeth II.  Few can remember a time she wasn’t a part of their lives.  She was not only a witness to history – she was history.  QEII was a stabilizing force in a turbulent world.  She grew into her role as the world’s grandmother – a role that is impossible to fill.  Long live the Queen.

I know my audience – you love the hot guys.  Most recently, people have been lusting over Big Daddy on American Horror Story (played by bodybuilder Matthew William Bishop).  But it was Jesse Williams in the Broadway revival of Take Me Out that made the biggest stir.  And, without a doubt, that brief clip that leaked shows Jesse’s stirrer is sizeable.  And he’s in good company.  You should check out the entire cast of the show in some exclusive shower footage that can only be seen on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re wrapping up with a gaggle of nude guys, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Trust me, if you were gonna gag, you could do worse than the boys on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has no gag reflex!  If you’d like to sample our wares, reach out to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before my balls drop!  Until next year, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Email to Billy?

Billy Masters
Copyright ©2022
2 Go Communications. All rights reserved
Revised: Dec 27, 2022 @ 8:44 am

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, there was quite a to-do about a gay actor kissing his date.  Yes, let that sink in – Ian McKellen is not only playing a woman but also a goose, and two men kissing is verboten (as they say in Deutschland).  That it happened to a somewhat notable person didn’t help matters.  The fantastic Drew Droege was on a dinner date at El Compadre – a venue which regularly hosts gay and drag performances in the basement!  I’ll let Drew tell you what happened next: “Finishing up our second drinks, we had our arms around each other and kissed a few times.  A manager approached our table and said something to the affect of ‘you guys can’t do that in here.’  We were confused at first, but then he very firmly stated, ‘this is a family restaurant.’”  When Drew protested, the manager asserted, “I don’t care if you’re the President of the United States, we don’t allow your behavior here.”  Drew and his beau promptly left and posted his account on social media.  Within hours, the owner posted a response.  “We want to sincerely apologize for the actions of our manager the night of December 12^th.  This is not representative of our core values at El Compadre, and we wanted to let our customers know that the manager has been terminated.”  Happy holidays!

I recently told you about the engagement of two Evan Hansens.  Ben Platt recently proposed to Noah Galvin (he accepted – tearily).  The twosome also has a professional marriage – they co-wrote and star in the film Theater Camp, about four people trying to keep a rundown theatre camp in upstate New York afloat.  The film’s world premiere will be at the Sundance Film Festival on January 19^th and will be available for streaming on January 24^th. 

Speaking of Sundance, we heard a fascinating story about Robert Redford.  Allegedly, Barbra (no last name required) has been pestering him to make a sequel to The Way We Were – because, apparently, people are clamoring to know what those characters are doing 50 years later!  According to the upcoming book The Way They Were – subtitled How Epic Battles and Bruised Egos Brought a Classic Hollywood Love Story to the Screen – author Robert Hofler has this to say about Redford: “He’s too much of a gentleman to say it to her face, but she drove him crazy when they were making the movie and she’s the last person he’d want as a leading lady.  He’s semi-retired, but she won’t stop bugging him and won’t take a hint.”  Of course, I don’t anything from an “anonymous source”, but it’s still a fun story!

Have you heard of Ain’t No Mo’?  This Broadway show is a collection of sketches based on a fascinating premise – what if the US government offered black people a one-way ticket back to Africa?  Alas, clever as it may be, the show is not exactly burning up the box office.  So the producers announced an imminent closing.  Then Will and Jada Pinkett Smith bought out every single ticket for a performance.  They were followed by Queen Latifah.  And then people like Sara Ramirez, Shonda Rhimes, Tyler Perry, Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade hosted pre- and post-show events.  The producers – not people known for turning down money – granted the show an extension.  It will now close on December 23rd, unless by some Christmas/Kwanzaa miracle, tickets start moving.

Speaking of Americans returning to Africa, my dear Jenifer Lewis was recently in Africa and returned home – just in time to appear on Billy Masters LIVE.  Alas, a series of mishaps led to her missing our scheduled chat.  Have no fear – we’re rescheduling for next month!

Here’s a headline that grabbed me: “Florida man busted for public sex with dog, wrecking church nativity scene”.  And it happened in Clearwater – Scientology country.  The dog in question didn’t even belong to the guy – a friend asked the guy to give his goldendoodle some “exercise”!  In an additional detail we couldn’t make up if we tried, the dog is male.  So much for Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” edict!  Anyway, the guy was walking the dog down the street when he suddenly became aroused and sodomized said dog.  At that point, people started yelling – as one does when one sees a man having sex with a dog.  The man ran to escape and knocked over a nativity scene at the Northwood Presbyterian Church!  He also damaged some playground equipment, knocked over a mailbox, and attempted to steal a car.  To make matters worse, he didn’t even call the dog the next day!

Do you have someone on your naughty (or nice) list who is crafty?  Sexy diver Tom Daley is taking his knitting habit even further with his latest book – Made With Love – which is subtitled “Get hooked with 30 knitting and crochet patterns”.  Yes, Tom will show you how to knit or crochet 30 fantastic items.  True, some of his creations – like that crocheted Speedo – might not be for everyone.  But you’ll definitely enjoy looking at the pictures.  

Our Ask Billy question is a throwback.  Karl in Baltimore writes, “I just read an interview with [director] Kay Cannon.  She talked about doing a film with Gary Cole where he walked around naked.  What was the film?”

Kay was talking about Blockers – the otherwise forgettable John Cena comedy.  During the scene in question, Cole and his wife (the always appealing Gina Gershon) are engaging in some sexual roleplaying.  He is walking around naked and blindfolded.  “Gary Cole, God bless him, he was game.  He thought it was so funny and I was happy that he was so willing to do it.”  Co-star Leslie Mann chimed in, “You made him a prosthetic and he didn’t want to wear it.  He wanted the real thing.”  If you wanna see the real thing, check on BillyMasters.com.

When Tom Daley’s a hooker, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  If you prefer people’s privates made public, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never blocks cocks…or anything else.  If you have a question that requires my personal touch, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Tom knits something for Gary’s nether regions!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

It’s been a busy few weeks for Billy Masters LIVE.  I previously announced that Christine Ebersole would appear sometime in December.  Sometime unexpectedly came last week!  She had a break in her Bob Hearts Abishola schedule, so she joined me for an in-depth look at her career – and what a career she’s had.  When I asked what her big break was, Christine’s first thought was to say Grey Gardens!  We went back and learned that shortly after arriving in NYC, she was asked to learn the role of Guinevere in three days and star in a national tour of Camelot opposite Richard Burton!  Another break was getting cast on Saturday Night Live – without an audition!  Then there was the time she beat out opera great Dame Kiri Te Kanawa for Amadeus.  We also talk about her current CD, After the Ball, and her upcoming New Year’s Eve concert in Provincetown (details at Ptown.org).  Definitely check it out on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

I don’t like to play favorites with my guests, but this week I’ll be joined by a member of my family.  Jenifer Lewis is more than “the mother of black Hollywood” (also the title of her first memoir).  She’s also my Play Mama.  The life she’s led, the stories she shares, the lessons she’s learned – well, it’ll all be part of a special Billy Masters LIVE.  Join in the fun with us on Wednesday, December 14^th at 7PM Eastern / 4PM Pacific on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV.  By the way, that’s where you can see all of the episodes from our three seasons.

And now, time for more of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  With Jenifer Lewis on our show, it reminds me that her new book, Walking in My Joy, would make a fantastic addition to everybody’s library.  And you know what’s even better than reading about Jenifer’s life?  Hearing her tell the stories herself.  Oh, it’s a hoot!  You can get the audio book on Amazon, on Audible, or wherever you buy audio books.

Another family is in the news – the Carters.  Not Jimmy and Rosalynn.  Our first story is about Aaron Carter.  Lance Bass is joining forces with Aaron’s twin sister Angel in Songs for Tomorrow at Bass’ West Hollywood nightclub, Heart (formerly known as Rage), on January 18^th.  All of the proceeds will go to On Our Sleeves, a charity focused on the mental health of young people.

And that leads to a story about Aaron’s brother.  Nick and his boys filmed A Very Backstreet Holiday, a holiday special which was slated to air on ABC on December 14^th.  The network quietly dropped the show from its schedule while rape allegations continue to swirl around Nick.  The incident in question happened in 2001 after a concert in Tacoma – and I think it goes without saying that nothing good happens after a concert in Tacoma.  Allegedly, Nick invited Shannon “Shay” Ruth (who was 17 at the time) onto the band’s tour bus, gave her an alcoholic beverage he called “VIP Juice”, and sexually assaulted her.  While it’s easy to scoff at an allegation coming to light two decades later, three other anonymous women reported similar experiences with Carter between 2003-2006.

Brendan Fraser has received universal acclaim for his portrayal of The Whale.  Although he’s a contender for a Golden Globe, he is still angry at how the Hollywood Foreign Press Association handled an incident in 2003.  He claims that Philip Berk, the organization’s head at the time, got a bit “handsy” with his posterior.  “His left hand reaches around, grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint.  And he starts moving it around.”  I presume he means moving his finger around, because most taints are stationary.  Fraser says, “I felt ill.  I felt like a little kid.  I felt like there was a ball in my throat.”  Wait, did he say he had a ball in his throat?  The HFPA did an internal investigation and ruled that Berk did indeed “inappropriately touch” Fraser…but it “was intended to be taken as a joke and not as a sexual advance.”  This is why Brendan will not attend the awards.  “I have more history with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association than I have respect for the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.  No, I will not participate.  It’s because of the history that I have with them.  And my mother didn’t raise a hypocrite.  You can call me a lot of things, but not that.”

The Globes have always had a checkered history in Hollywood.  From being a trifle, to being a joke, to being a harbinger of the Oscars, to being tossed off network TV.  They are currently attempting to rise from the ashes and return to the airwaves.  Yes, NBC will once again air the event formerly owned by Dick Clark (oh, the humanity).  As if to conclusively prove that the HFPA is embracing diversity, the show will be hosted by Jerrod Carmichael – who is both black and gay!  It’s like a twofer – a two-for-one!  Nominations will be announced later this week.

We got an interesting Ask Billy question from John in Maine: “What do you know about Fraser Olender?”

First I had to find out who he is.  He’s the Chief Steward on Bravo’s Below Deck – and is credited as the first gay man to hold that position on the show.  From what I hear, Fraser is adept at a variety of positions.  The native Brit is also known for having a tight ship – and you know how I love a tight ship.  That he has a barbed tongue might be uncomfortable, but I’m willing to give it a go.  Check him out on BillyMasters.com.

When the British are coming, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  You know I don’t like to toot my own horn – although it is a skill which comes in handy on those cold winter nights.  But you simply must check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will keep you warm all winter long.  If you want more than corn for popping, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I reveal the origins of “O Come, All Ye Faithful”!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last week, we celebrated the life of the fabulous Leslie Jordan on Billy Masters LIVE.  It coincided with the airing of his last episode of Call Me Kat.  Joining in the fun were former West Hollywood mayor John Duran, writer and raconteur Bruce Vilanch, and the outrageous Varla Jean Merman.  But what was most special to me was when we were joined by Leslie’s on-screen love interest, John Griffin.  In addition to being a talented actor, he appears to be a lovely person.  At one point, he emotionally recounted working with Jordan on one of their last scenes – which made it even more special when I saw the final episode.  Check out the show on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Someone else embracing the holidays is David Archuleta.  He’s in the midst of a tour across Utah called The More The Merrier – which also happens to be the title of my Grindr profile!  During one stop, he talked about his journey to self-acceptance and coming out.  After the show, his manager was informed that several people walked out of the concert during the speech.  Archie had this to say on the subject: “Two years ago I was thinking ending my life was better than admitting this openly.  If you are more offended that I say I like guys than you are that someone has felt it was better to end their life for that very same reason, I want you to think about why that makes you uncomfortable.  I wanted to have uncomfortable conversations.  That’s how you gain understanding.”  I think we have a future guest for Billy Masters LIVE.

Since we mentioned the popular hookup app, Grindr stock just went public and surged to 400% in the first few hours of the offering.  Once the dust settled, it stabilized at about a 214% increase – which ain’t nothing to sneeze at.  Pundits say that the stock might not do well in the current bear market – which is ironic because there are loads of bears on the app!  What?  Different kinds of bears?  Look, a bear’s a bear!

“Thank you, Lord!  Congrats to all the other Queen of Christmases
around the world, living and whom have passed!”
– Darlene Love celebrates Mariah losing her bid to trademark the term Queen of Christmas.

Did you know that Billy’s hometown gave birth to not one but two holiday ditties?  Most evidence points to Jingle Bells being written by James Lord Pierpont in Medford, Massachusetts.  We’ll just skim over the fact that it was first performed in a minstrel show and, instead, tell you this little-known fact – it was written for Thanksgiving.  And that leads us to the second holiday song to come from my modest hamlet.  I don’t know how popular it is around the country, but I grew up with Over the River and Through the Woods, written by Lydia Maria Child.  In school, we sang all four stanzas.  It wasn’t until the pandemic that I actually walked the roughly five-block route Miss Child describes to her grandparents’ house.  She writes, “The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh, through the white and drifted snow”.  I’m not convinced that horse actually knew the way, because I walked that route in only two stanzas!  And here’s another fun fact – I have certain attributes that have been compared to a horse.

Attention, everyone – Mariah Carey is NOT the Queen of Christmas.  Although Mimi filed to trademark the term, her application was, as Suze Orman used to say, “Denied”.  She also attempted to trademark the phrases Princess of Christmas and Christmas Princess.  Those were also (say it with me) “Denied”!  This, of course, is good news to the longest-reigning Queen of Christmas – Darlene Love!  The Queen is dead, long live the Queen!

While promoting her rather curious NBC special Dolly Parton’s Mountain Magic Christmas, the superstar took umbrage when someone called her the Queen of Christmas.  “Now, don’t you say that.  I’m not going to compete with Mariah,” said Dolly.  “I love her.  You think of Christmas, you think of Mariah.  I’m happy to be second in line to her.”  Carey returned the compliment via social media.  “Dolly, let’s settle this one…You are the Queen of Everything!  The Queen of the World, The Queen of Christmas, The Queen of Mine!!  Love you!!!!”  Parton, who obviously enjoys having the last word, responded with, “I will always love you”.

By the by, Carey has joined the producing team of the new Broadway musical based on the film Some Like It Hot.  “To see how this show continues to expand on the film’s legacy – pushing boundaries, promoting inclusion, celebrating diversity – I’m proud to help bring Some Like It Hot for today’s world to new audiences.”  This stage version of the classic film (not to be confused with the 1972 musical version, Sugar), has been written by the talented twosome behind the hit Broadway musical Hairspray – Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman.   It opens on Broadway next week, and is poised to be the event of the season.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Randy in Providence: “What do you know about the new guy in Take Me Out?  I saw it on Broadway last summer.  Is it worth going back again?”

That depends if you can’t get enough of Jesse Williams’ semi-fluffed dick bobbing about (to say nothing of the fact that he can act, too).  If you’re going just to see that, you can look at the exclusive footage on BillyMasters.com.  If you need some fresh meat, a return trip might be in order.  The person taking over for Patrick J. Adams is Bill Heck – who has a heck of a body…of work.  Heck, his body’s pretty fantastic too.  And wait till you see his ass…also on our website.

When we’re recommending anything related to a sport, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Of course, I do have a penchant for balls, which you can always find on www.BillyMasters.com – the site for pitchers and catchers alike.  If you’re looking to slide into home, drop a line to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Peppermint Bark goes on sale!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I thought I knew everything there was to know about Greg Louganis.  We’ve known each other for years, and he’s been on Billy Masters LIVE before.  But our hour-long chat turned into a 90-minute in-depth interview about everything from ancestry to auctions, diving to dogs.  If you missed it, head on over to our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

I’ve wanted to do something special to pay tribute to Leslie Jordan.  His final episode of Call Me Kat will air on December 1^st.  So at 3PM Eastern on November 30^th, Billy Masters LIVE will chat with Leslie’s on-screen love interest, John Griffin, as well as a few other special friends.  As always, you can join in the fun on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

As of this writing, Leslie’s character on Call Me Kat will not be killed off.  He’ll go on vacation – a long one.  Filling his shoes for at least one episode will be his mother, played by Vicki Lawrence (Schultz).  Of course, Vicki and Leslie appeared together on the short-lived sitcom The Cool Kids.  Whether she returns remains to be seen.

Kevin Spacey is about to be charged with seven additional sexual assault charges by the Crown Prosecution Service in the UK.  One of the victims claims to have been assaulted repeatedly between 2001 and 2004.  But it was another charge which caught our eye: “The CPS has also authorized one charge of causing a person to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent.”  The actor is scheduled to appear in person at Westminster Magistrates’ Court on December 16^th.  On the positive side, this is likely the first thing Kevin’s had on his calendar since beating that Rapp rap.  Speaking of which…

Anthony Rapp is returning to his off-Broadway roots.  Without You is a one-man musical based on Anthony’s memoir.  Previews will begin at the New World Stages on January 14^th, and opening night will be on January 25^th – which just happens to be 27 years to the day from the first public performance of Rent.

Broadway history is about to be made.  Jinkx Monsoon – a Drag Race alum – will be making her Broadway debut in Chicago.  Well, that’s no big surprise – several cocks in frocks have trod the boards as Mary Sunshine.  But Jinkx will not be taking on the role of the gender-bending reporter.  She’ll play Matron “Mama” Morton, making her the first drag queen to assume that role on Broadway (I’m sure it was played by some men in various prison productions).  “I cannot stress enough that this has been a lifelong dream of mine.  To be making my Broadway debut, as my favorite role, in one of my favorite shows – that lifelong dream is coming true and then some.”  Her eight-week run begins January 16^th.