Our Ask Billy question came from Darin in Chicago: “Who is this hot Italian math teacher who I keep seeing online?  My God – he’s GORGEOUS.”

Pietro Boselli is kinda Italian and kinda British and totally hot.  He was born in Italy and discovered by Giorgio Armani when he was 6 years old (we’re not even touching that).  He spent his teen years modeling and studying engineering.  While pursuing a doctorate in mechanical engineering, he taught math at University College London.  When some of his students found his modeling photos online, he quickly became known as the “World’s Sexiest Math Teacher”.  Since then, the 27-year-old has given up teaching and is embracing his 15 minutes by modeling all over the world.  Lately, Pietro has been shooting Trippers for MTV, which brought him to the Gay Mardi Gras celebrations in Australia.  He’s very cagey about his romantic life, saying he is “unavailable”.  He’s also said that his top three idols are Arnold Schwarzenegger, Oscar Wilde, and the Rolling Stones – so take that any way you’d like.  Since we have oodles of scantily clad shots of him, we’ll post a bunch – as well as an underwear spread – on BillyMasters.com.

Every once in a while, I’m asked about those who came before me.  Those who blazed the trail for gossipmongers everywhere.  Those who have moved on to the great beyond.  In this case, the great beyond is Palm Springs.  And, while its inhabitants are not technically dead, they are enjoying a well-deserved rest.  One of those residents is Ted Casablanca.  For 20 years, Casablanca was a mainstay in the gossip world – first at Premiere magazine and then at E! Online.  He also cut quite an appealing figure, with a posterior that kept more sailors snug than could fit into Natalie Wood‘s dingy!  According to a profile in my Southern California publication, Frontiers, Casablanca initially relocated to the desert to work on a juicy novel.  While he promises the novel will come out later this year, he’s already opened the Ted Casablanca Gallery – how do they come up with such inventive names?  The art gallery has a reputation for edgy fare.  Check him out if you’re in the area.  The line forms at the rear, I’m sure.

For months, people have been talking about Richard Simmons – he’s missing, he’s depressed, he’s fat, he’s having trouble with his knees, he’s suicidal – we’ve heard it all.  However, a new report claims that the situation is more serious than suspected.  The New York Daily News ran a lengthy story based largely on the word of Mauro Oliveira, a longtime friend/masseur of Simmons.  According to Mauro, Richard is being controlled by his housekeeper of 30 years, Teresa Reveles, who is keeping all of Simmons’ friends away and allowing him to spiral into a state of severe depression.  Well, you’d be depressed too if you weren’t getting a happy ending!  Simmons’ publicist brushes all this speculation aside, saying, “Richard, after 40 years of being in the spotlight, is now simply taking a break from the public eye and working behind the scenes to continue to help those millions of people worldwide in need of his assistance and on several projects to be announced soon.”

If Hillary put her foot in her mouth, Caitlyn Jenner somehow fit in an entire hoof – and her stompers are the size of a Clydesdale‘s (finally, Cait is fair game!).  I guess I wasn’t surprised when Jenner jumped on the Hillary-bashing bandwagon.  “If we’re unfortunate enough to get Hillary as our next president, we need her on our side.  Although she won’t be – she couldn’t care less about women.”  I’m curious – is there a single Republican candidate who cares about women?  And are we now considering Caitlyn a woman?  I am unaware of any gender reassignment surgery, so while I’ll go along with her being transgender, I’m sure to most Republicans, s/he is simply Bruce in a dress.

Caitlyn then waxed rhapsodically about Ted Cruz – perhaps she knows something we don’t.  She said if he becomes president, she’d like to be the Trans Ambassador to the President of the United States – so now she’s making up jobs!  She may need one – the season premiere of I Am Cait brought in abysmal ratings.  The network thinks Cait has alienated the LGBT audience.  One of the people having problems is Jennifer Finney Boylan, who is a cast member and consultant.  When Cait talked longingly about Cruz, Boylan hit her with a newspaper.  Later, Jennifer said, “In terms of equality and dignity, the difference between Republicans and Democrats are night and day.  I don’t really get why you’d vote against your own civil rights.”  We’ll see how long Jennifer lasts – or, for that matter, the show.

Our Ask Billy question came from a friend who saw me on Facebook.  But I’m gonna answer it like any other query.  Steve from Los Angeles asks: “Are you just being good?  Or are you keeping those nude pics of Gus Kenworthy‘s boyfriend Matthew Wilkas for a later date?”

First, let’s identify the players.  Gus Kenworthy is a 24-year-old Olympic skier.  His previous boyfriend was photographer Robin MacDonald (age 30).  His current boyfriend is 38-year-old actor Matthew Wilkas.  And on New Year’s Eve, he was heavily flirting with Anderson Cooper, who I believe is in his mid-70s (OK, he’s only 48 – and looks damn good for any age).  Since I point out ages when someone’s dating a much younger fella, it’s only fair to do the same when it’s reversed.  Rumor has it, the nudes of Matthew Wilkas were snagged from his Grindr account, which is now deactivated since he’s no longer single.  There are a lot of photos.  They are most definitely him.  They are most definitely impressive.  And they can most definitely be seen on BillyMasters.com.

We interrupt this column for a word about Zac Efron‘s penis.  Adam DeVine recently admitted that he tried in vain to catch a glimpse of Little Zac when they filmed Workaholics a couple of years ago.  He tried again when they worked together on the upcoming Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates – and BINGO.  According to Adam, it was divine.  “It’s a very handsome dick.  It’s just as veiny as his arms”.  It didn’t look quite as impressive when we showed it in an uncensored clip from Dirty Grandpa on BillyMasters.com.

By the way, Zac was in Miami this weekend filming the big screen version of Baywatch (he’s playing the David Charvet role).  If you thought he was hot before…well, words just fail me.  Happily, the photos on BillyMasters.com is worth a thousand words – at least!

Time to toot my own horn – which has been getting quite a bit of use lately.  Last week, I told you that plans were being hatched for Derek Hough to headline a Broadway revival of Singin’ in the Rain.  Moments after I filed that report, Miramax head honcho Harvey Weinstein announced that it was a fait accompli.  He made a deal to bring director Robert Carsen‘s production of the beloved musical to Broadway (it is currently a huge success in Paris).  Harvey sent Derek to Paris in January.  At the time, all Hough said was, “Heading to Paris to see a play”.  And the rest is, as they say, history.  Or l’histoire!  The Broadway production should open next January.   In the meantime, we can show you a preview of Derek in the show on BillyMasters.com.

It’s been downhill ever since Sam Smith had the statuette in his hand.  First, Sam misquoted Sir Ian McKellen talking about how no openly gay man has ever won an Oscar.  I corrected him shortly thereafter.  Then Sir Ian Tweeted, “I’d said no openly gay actor had received #Oscars – that doesn’t detract from #samsmithworld achievement.  Congratulations to him @ all others!”.  Talk about handling it in a classy way.

Of course, there’s Dustin Lance Black‘s way.  He immediately took to Twitter and posted a link to his 2009 acceptance speech and added, “Hey @SamSmithWorld, if you have no idea who I am, it may be time to stop texting my fiancé.”  Most people took this as catty and bitchy.  I mean, you’ve got an Oscar, you’ve got money, you’re engaged to a hot guy half your age – why not let it go?  I’d certainly take the high road (although I’d be wondering what Sam Smith is doing with Tom Daley‘s phone number).  Following the backlash, DLB said he meant his Tweet to be taken humorously.  Because, if there’s one thing we know about Lance – aside from his lack of condom use when receiving anal sex – it’s that he’s a LAUGH RIOT!  He’s the next Lucy!  Whenever I go into a Dustin Lance Black movie, I know I’m gonna laugh so hard, I may pee!

And yet, that wasn’t it for poor Sam Smith.  When someone in the press room pointed out that openly gay lyricist Howard Ashman won in the same category twice for The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, Sam quipped, “I should know him.  We should date.”  Uh, Sam, Howard Ashman died in 1991.  After this last gaffe, Smith took a sabbatical from Twitter….and not a moment too soon!

Showing a bit of skin is always a good way to get attention.  I stopped watching the UK version of The X Factor once Sharon Osbourne left.  If I’d still been watching last year, I would have surely been smitten with Ellis Lacy – especially in light of the full-frontal photos we’ve seen.  But Ellis ain’t just showing off the goods to…well, show off.  It’s in his job description.  He is demonstrating Bathmate Hydromax, which is a penis pump.  According to his anecdotal evidence, Ellis was able to increase his own penis by three inches.  You know what’s perplexing about this story?  Why is a UK penis pump endorsed by a British singer measuring penises in inches and not centimeters?  It’s a world gone MAD – but you would be quite mad to miss the hot pics and videos on BillyMasters.com.

The powers that be at ABC have revealed the lead for their remake of Dirty Dancing.  Alas, they passed over the lithe and lovely Derek Hough (more on him later).  We didn’t spend much time mourning Derek’s demise when we learned that the guy filling Swayze‘s shoes will be Colt Prattes – a name which likely doesn’t mean anything to you.  Since I’m a devotee of the annual Broadway Bares benefits, the name rang more than a few bells.  Plus, how does one forget someone named Colt?  It’s like the first time I slept with someone named Shayne – you don’t forget your first Shayne.  Back to Colt.  In addition to flaunting his stuff as a Broadway Bares poster boy, he’s also appeared in several Broadway musicals and as a dancer on tour with a number of singers, most notably P!nk, who also featured Colt in her music video, “Try”.  Be sure to check out the sizzling photos we have of him on BillyMasters.com.

Sam Smith made a bit of a bungle when he said, “I read an article a few months ago by Sir Ian McKellen, and he said that no openly gay man had ever won an Oscar.  If this is the case – even if this isn’t the case – I want to dedicate this to the LGBT community all around the world.  I stand here tonight as a proud gay man, and I hope we can all stand together as equals one day.”  What Sir Ian actually said was, “Why has no openly gay man ever won the best actor Oscar?”  A big difference – one that Dustin Lance Black quickly pointed out via Twitter: “Hey @SamSmithWorld, if you have no idea who I am, it may be time to stop texting my fiancé.”  MEOW!

Our first Oscar story actually happened on Oscar Eve, when Elton John gave a one-hour concert at the site of the old Tower Records on the Sunset Strip in West Hollywood.  John had a special guest during the concert – Lady Gaga joined him for a duet on “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”.  The free concert actually wasn’t his idea.  Elton told Sharon Osbourne, “It was an idea by David Furnish, my husband, who thought it would be great the night before the Oscar party, the day before the Oscar party, to do something to thank the City of West Hollywood who have been so amazing to us over the years.  They give us the West Hollywood Park for nothing and we’re doing it to a) say thank you to them and b) because it’s a cool thing to do.”  In case you don’t know, his annual Academy Awards Viewing Party (which funds the Elton John AIDS Foundation) is held in West Hollywood.  Thanks, WeHo.  And thanks, Elton and David.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Patrick in Dallas: “Ryan Reynolds keeps talking about being fully nude for the fight scene in Deadpool.  But can you really see anything?  Is it worth going?”

Well, that depends – do you have a membership to BillyMasters.com? Because if you do, you can see the entire fight scene there.  Of course, I don’t want to dissuade people from checking out the film in the theatres.  Let me warn you that there’s lots of fire and smoke and shadows.  Aside from a plethora of posterior shots throughout the film, you can see a piece of flesh dangling betwixt his legs at the end of the fight.

We have discovered who Ian Thorpe‘s new boyfriend is – he’s law student and model Ryan Channing.  The relationship is still new, but friends of the couple say they are completely smitten with each other.  Channing recently posted a photo of the duo with the caption “The summer of love” (it is summer in Australia right now).  Ryan’s social media account has suddenly become private, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have photos of the couple – and some hot solo pics of Ryan – on BillyMasters.com.

OK, here’s an odd pairing for you – Barbra Streisand was just in the studio with Jamie Foxx.  But wait till you hear what they recorded.  Here’s what Jamie posted on Instagram: “You cannot tell me that my life is not blessed.  Just finished doing a record with The legendary Barbra Streisand… ‘Climb every mountain’.”  Somewhere Audra is weeping uncontrollably.  Or wait…is that laughter?

Elsewhere in Britain, Tom Cruise shocked the paps when he turned up at the BAFTA Awards with an almost-unrecognizable face.  It’s as if he’s on some sort of steroid where your face just blows up.  Or maybe he had an eye job.  His face was puffy and his eyes were small.  Cruise presented Best Film to The Revenant.  Do you know how fat your face has to be for it to be noticeable standing next to Leonardo DiCaprio?  People immediately commented online.  “Tom Cruise looks like his whole face has been stung by a million bees!”  Another wrote, “What has Tom Cruise done to his face?  Scarier than the bear in The Revenant!”

If I’ve never said anything (and Lord knows I’ve said it all), I’ve said that if there were a reality star I’d want to watch getting fucked, it would be Will Wikle.  Not being a Big Brother devotee, I was late to the Wikle party.  But I jumped on board (as it were) in 2011 when he whipped himself into shape and re-emerged as a top (top?) NYC go-go boy (boy?) while still working as an ER nurse – which probably came in handy while clubgoers watched his heart-stopping gyrations.  When asked about this career trajectory, he said, “To my Southern Baptist family back home, I tell them that God blessed me with a bountiful butt, and shaking it is my ministry.”  Well, isn’t that special.  Those of you not in the Tri-state area will get to see Will’s ass (and the rest of him) in his upcoming porn debut.  Yes, he’s doing porn.  This somewhat surprised me – not because he isn’t hot enough, but because he’d always refused it as an option.  “Never.  I like to be in control” – a statement all good bottoms say at one time or another.  But Wikle got to be in control for this project to be released by CockyBoys.  Will is co-producing The Stillest Hour, which also features Colby Keller and Levi Karter.  We’re told the film cost roughly five times the amount of a usual porn.  In addition to the hardcore content, this flick also includes quite a bit of plot and dialogue.  Judging solely from the trailer, the acting skills are questionable – to say the least.  But the heat generated by them certainly sizzles.  You can check out Wikle from a variety of angles at BillyMasters.com.

Another singer is making tongues wag over some racy photos.  Aaron Carter was recently featured in a series of photos with Chris Crocker.  You remember Chris – his 15 minutes of fame sprang from a viral video imploring people to “Leave Britney alone”.  It’s that history which led to canoodling with Carter.  It all started when a scurrilous website claimed that if you ask Aaron Carter to sing his biggest hit “I Want Candy”, he will whine like a baby.  Lots of people argued back and forth, and then Crocker entered the fray.  He made a video saying, “Leave Aaron Carter alone right now!  For real, though.  I mean, you people are mad because he doesn’t want to sing, ‘I Want Candy’ from when he was a kid?  That’s like people asking me to do ‘Leave Britney alone’.  Now, I would do Aaron.”  As I always say, you’ve got to put it out into the Universe.  Aaron Tweeted, “@ChrisCrocker is my man crush.”  The twosome seemed to be flirting online and before you know it, they were face to face, posing for a number of suggestive shots.  How suggestive?  People are now claiming the two are lovers – something Crocker clearly isn’t discouraging.  However, we’re told that Aaron’s people made Chris delete an Instagram video which showed the guys on the brink of a kiss.  But nothing is ever really deleted, as you will see on BillyMasters.com.

Yes, things have changed.  To underline the point, Joel Grey talks about his struggle with being gay in his new memoir, Master of Ceremonies.  He recently discussed how fame actually pushed him further into the closet.  “Living in the society that I was living in at the time, being gay was not an option.  If you were gay, you had to be terribly, terribly discreet.”  And yet, we all knew – but that’s another story.  One of the bon mots in his memoir is that director Bob Fosse was very much against casting Grey in Cabaret.  Who did he want to play the part?  Ruth Gordon!  Yes, Ruth Harold and Maude Gordon!  Why?  Fosse didn’t want anyone in the film associated with the Broadway show – he wanted to create his film from scratch.  Also, Gordon had just scored big in Rosemary’s Baby, so he thought she would be a curiosity.  To say the least!

Last week, SiriusXM shut down its groundbreaking queer station, OutQ.  It wasn’t completely unexpected – this past summer, Sirius abruptly cancelled the wildly popular program by Derek & Romaine.  Rumors were circulating that other changes were in store.  With almost no warning, the plug was pulled on OutQ.  But the cuts didn’t stop there.  At the same time, Lance Bass was canned, even though he’s on Andy Cohen…rather, Andy’s Sirius station (Radio Andy).  Can’t Bass get a break?  First Meredith Vieira and now this?

Our brief Ask Billy queery comes from Jason in Virginia: “Have you heard about nude photos of River Viiperi?”

First, I need to let my readers know who River Viiperi is.  He’s a 24-year-old Spanish model who dated Paris Hilton a couple of years ago.  And you know what that means – he’s had his shots!  Professionally, he seems to be featured whenever an ad requires a hot, nearly naked man.  But the photos we’ve uncovered go beyond nearly…he’s simply naked.  Actually, he’s naked and aroused.  And somewhat “slick”.  And they clearly were taken in River’s bathroom.  If a photo is worth a thousand words, then check out a few thousand more at BillyMasters.com.

It’s been a couple years since the divine Charles Busch trod the boards in one of his outrageous spectacles.  But he hasn’t been slacking.  In fact, he’s been touring hither and yon with his pianist, the delicious Tom Judson, entertaining the masses with his cabaret show.  Good news – Busch is returning to the stage with a new creation, appropriately titled Charles Busch’s Cleopatra.  Needless to say, Charles will be playing the Queen of the Nile – fitting, since he has such a lovely asp.  His Caesar will be the equally appealing Tony Sheldon, who was in the Broadway musical Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.  Cleopatra opens on March 22nd at the Theater for the New City in NYC.  It’s a limited one-month run, so grab your tickets fast at SmartTix.com.

Very often, plays will warn patrons that strobe lights or other special effects will be employed.  Well, the Broadway production of A View from the Bridge might want to issue a warning that the sight of actor Russell Tovey‘s torso can cause euphoria, lightheadedness, or fainting.  That was the case last week, when a male patron quite literally swooned when he found himself a few feet from the talented thespian.  To make matters worse, he was one of the few patrons seated in on-stage risers!  Someone yelled out, “Is there a doctor in the house?” – just like in the movies (well, not very good movies).  Three people tended to the man until EMTs arrived, and whisked him out of the theatre.  The man, Davin Cutchall, had driven six hours to see Tovey’s torso…or, perhaps he just wanted to see the play.  Regardless, Davin Tweeted: “@russelltovey Sorry for disrupting the show tonight. I’m feeling better, now. You were great!”.  Apparently he was healthy enough to attend the Sunday matinee performance – but he wisely sat in a less obtrusive seat!

A fistful of gay rumors have been making the rounds about Marco Rubio.  One columnist claims that young Marco was often described as a “very extroverted homosexual” – like that isn’t redundant!  Prior to his 19th birthday, Rubio was arrested for being in a park after closing time.  Nope, he wasn’t drinking with some friends.  According to records, Rubio was in a parked car…with another boy!  Angel Barrios, said other boy, recently told a reporter, “We were there just hanging out.”  Maybe.  But It should be noted that Barrios had a more recent run-in with the law – he was sued for running a gay porn studio!

Rubio was certainly a looker in his day.  A shirtless photo of the high school lad shows him onstage vying for the title of King Cobra 1989 with a group of guys that allegedly “combined the Chippendales with The Village People” – a winning formula replicated shortly thereafter by 98 Degrees!  However, it’s another photo that disturbs me – one that allegedly shows Rubio at a foam party at Miami’s Warsaw Ballroom.  While I’m not sure if it’s Marco, I’m fairly confident I spy someone else frolicking in the foam – your very own Billy Masters!  And, if I’m not mistaken, it was at that very party where I lost my favorite Fossil watch!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Henry in Detroit: “I’m glad to hear you’re a fan of Undateable.  Did you watch the season finale?  Who was that hot naked stripper?”

I’m not only a fan of Detroit-based sitcom, Undateable, I watch both the live East and West Coast feeds.  The difference between the two tapings is staggering – including different jokes clearly designed to result in the cast erupting into unscripted hilarity.  As to the staggeringly sexy stripper in question, that would be Adam Hagenbuch, who has recurred several times as Candace’s ex-boyfriend, Trent.  You may also recognize Hagenbuch from The Perks of Being a Wallflower or Switched at Birth.  Beyond that, he’s somewhat of a mystery – except he can clearly think fast on his feet, is willing to show off his body, and spontaneously make out with a guy on live TV.  Last week, he Tweeted: “Shooting episodes of #SwitchedatBirth and #Undateable this week. Still not wearing a shirt in either. Glad my theater degree is paying off.”  I dunno about your theater degree, but your gym membership is paying off!  While the East Coast version was hot, the West Coast version featured a same-sex kiss and other racy content.  Since most people didn’t see both, I will post all of the Adam/Trent scenes on BillyMasters.com.

BTW, kudos to Undateable for snagging a major band for their season finale – the Backstreet Boys.  The live acts which appeared in the dual live shows each week have all been terrific, but this last episode really went above and beyond.  We even got a bit of gay content from them – see what you’re missing by not watching?

Another big star might be memorialized in a more appropriate way.  There is a movement in Baltimore to erect an eight-foot monument in tribute to Divine!  The plan was spearheaded by Michal Makarovich, owner of an antique shop, who felt that such a tribute would appeal to fans of John Waters films.  He proposes that the monument be on the corner of Read and Tyson Streets, across the street from where Divine (actor Harris Glenn Milstead) ate dog poop in Pink Flamingos – in fact, his proposal features some bronze dog poop!  A Kickstarter campaign has been set up and they are trying to raise $70K by March 26th.  You can get more information on DivineMonument.com

Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando, and Michael Jackson get into a car together.  Now, I’m sure you’re thinking this is the beginning of some joke, but what’s the punchline?  How big was the car?  Was it an 18-wheeler?  It’s actually not a joke – it’s a film being made by the BBC.  The premise is that these three BIG stars were trapped in New York City after September 11th.  And since all flights were grounded, they decide to escape the island by driving cross country.  The story is allegedly based in fact – at least, according to an article in Vanity Fair back in May of 2011.  What we do know is that Michael Jackson did perform at Madison Square Garden on September 10th.  And it’s said that both Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando went to that concert.  While people close to Liz say she stayed in NYC until flights resumed, Jackson’s former assistant claims that Michael rented a car, picked up Taylor and Brando, and they set off on a road trip.  They allegedly took turns driving, but both Taylor and Jackson were annoyed that Marlon kept wanting to pull over at every KFC and Burger King.  Look, I couldn’t make this up – although I cannot deny that it’s possible someone else did.

Here’s where it gets freaky – in case the rest of it seemed too normal for you.  In the BBC film, Michael Jackson will be played by Joseph Fiennes.  Yes, Ralph‘s younger brother.  Yes, the star of Shakespeare in Love.  Yes, the WHITE actor!  It only makes sense – if you want someone who looks like the Michael Jackson of 2001, are you gonna cast Idris Elba?  You know who else was surprised by the casting?  Joseph Fiennes!  “I’m a white, middle-class guy from London.  I’m as shocked as you may be.  He definitely had an issue – a pigmentation issue – and that’s something I do believe.  He was probably closer to my color than his original color.”  Wait till Jada Pinkett Smith hears about this!  The movie will also feature Stockard Channing, who is naturally playing Elizabeth Taylor – although the way casting is going, she could be playing Brando!  As it turns out, Brian Cox will play Marlon.

Here’s my opinion about remakes – if you’re gonna bother, you better have a new take on the show or performers that blow you away.  Neither were the case in this lackluster, joyless rendition.  Although we were promised a melding of the stage and film versions, what FOX delivered was a fairly faithful, yet faded copy of a beloved film.  That isn’t necessarily a bad thing…just a pointless thing.  But one must give credit where credit is due – the technical achievements of this live production were astonishing.  The sheer scope of the sock hop scene alone was a marvel (marred by an audio glitch during the hand jive, where no one did the hand jive).  There was almost one major disaster at the end when the dancer with the era-inappropriate frosted tips drove his tram onto the curb!  But the biggest misstep was this – if you are going to go to the trouble of having a live audience, use them!  We never heard a peep from them, except for applause at the end of songs.  This made all the jokes fall flat.

Happily, no one in the cast embarrassed themselves.  But nobody covered themselves with glory, either.  Aaron Tveit and Julianne Hough are attractive and capable performers.  But they had almost no charisma and zero chemistry.  Julianne lacks a winsome quality and you never really root for her Sandy, while Tveit was practically the antithesis of a successful Zuko (in some scenes, he looked eerily like the Kenickie of the film version, Jeff Conaway).  His Danny never came off clueless enough for the early scenes, and was way too muscular for the later athletic scenes.  The most successful performance of the evening was that of Vanessa Hudgens as Rizzo.  While it was pretty much a carbon copy of Stockard Channing’s portrayal, at least she was interesting and authentically sassy – and kudos to her for pulling it off only hours after her dad lost his battle to cancer.  What was left of the part of Kenickie was well played by that hot-ass, Carlos PenaVega.  Keke Palmer made the most of her Marty, but someone should teach Jordan Fisher how to strum a guitar.  The screen sparkled every time Ana Gasteyer came on as Principal McGee, alongside Haneefah Wood as her secretary, Blanche.  Special mention must go to the film originals Barry Pearl and Didi Cohn, who brought some heart and pathos to her all-too-brief scenes as Vi.

Here is what is destined to be my favorite headline of a review – ever: “Dirty Grandpa‘ Review: The Worst Film Of Robert De Niro‘s Career (Or Maybe Anybody’s)”.  Come on – how could you not like that?  The review (featured on the website Deadline), begins: “Make no mistake about it, Robert De Niro is a bona fide legend.  But also make no mistake that his latest film, Dirty Grandpa, is not just the worst movie he has ever been in, but it may be the worst movie anyone has ever been in.”  Later in the review, they say: “People are already confusing it with Johnny Knoxville‘s Bad Grandpa, but that movie is 12 Years A Slave compared to this.”  Well, that explains all of the semi-nude shots of Zac Efron that have “leaked” (read: been leaked) from the set – including a minor dick-slip.  Anything to cover for the lack of a quality film.  But for a film this bad, he really should have gone the full monty!

Onto far more important news – the Divine Miss M is headed back to Broadway.  In a move that surprised no one, it was announced that Bette Midler would headline a revival of Hello, Dolly!.  The idea actually goes back over two decades.  In 1993, Bette scored a major success with her made-for-TV version of Gypsy (Bette-1, Babs-0).  Immediately, studio execs asked her to follow it up with either Mame or Hello, Dolly!.  “What am I gonna do – remake every classic Broadway musical?”, she was rumored to retort.  As I previously told you, the idea of doing a musical onstage heated up when she returned to Broadway playing superagent, Sue Mengers.  When she seriously considered doing Dolly and Mame, she did her due diligence.  She checked out YouTube clips online and went to the NY Public Library for the Performing Arts to see whatever footage was available.  She met with Jerry Herman.  As she narrowed her focus on Dolly, she even reviewed the director’s notes from the original production.  That clinched it for her.  Plus, there was the timing: this revival won’t happen until 2017 – 50 years after her first Broadway appearance in Fiddler on the Roof.  Although she will be 71 years old when the show opens, that will not make her the oldest Dolly – Carol Channing did the last Broadway revival when she was 74!

What I’m looking forward to even more is who will replace Bette when she (inevitably) leaves the show.  When Channing left the original production, a veritable cavalcade of legendary ladies filled her shoes – ladies like Ginger Rogers, Martha Raye, Betty Grable, Phyllis Diller, and closing the show, Ethel Merman (who turned down the opportunity to create the role).  Then, of course, there’s Pearl Bailey, who starred in the all-black version of the musical.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we get limited runs by Bernadette Peters, Patti LuPone, Liza Minnelli, and eventually, Audra McDonald!  What about an Asian Dolly?  Or a Latina Dolly.  Or what about Dolly Parton as Dolly?  Oh, the possibilities are endless.

Now I get to do something I always regret – mention Alexis Arquette.  When the gender-neutral sibling of the award-winning Arquettes heard about Jada’s call for an Oscar boycott, s/he took to Facebook: “When Jada comes out as gay and her beard husband admits his first marriage ended when she walked in on him butt servicing his Sugar Daddy Benny Medina…then I will listen to them.”  Hey, I’m just the messenger.

People say some color is missing from the current crop of Oscar nominees.  While the discussion is widespread, the call for a boycott came from Jada Pinkett Smith.  It’s somewhat ironic that the call for recognition of the great work actors of color are doing came from someone who spent most of the past year promoting Magic Mike XXL!  Doesn’t that really get to the heart of the issue?  It’s an age-old battle of doing films that are “important” and receive critical acclaim vs. doing films that are going to make oodles of money.  Do you think Kevin Hart is sad that he’s not getting Oscar nominations?  His latest oeuvre, Ride Along 2, just bumped Star Wars out of the number-one spot at the box office.  Given the choice of accolades or cash, Hart went for the cash – he can buy his own damn statue.  When I openly wondered why Julianne Moore appeared in those God-awful Hunger Games movies, I was reminded that she has to do some blockbusters so that she can do good movies for zero dollars.  It’s all about the hard choices.  On the flip side, Charlotte Rampling says that calls for a boycott are not only rubbish, but actually “racist to white people”.  “One can never really know, but perhaps the black actors did not deserve to make the final list.”  It’s a good question, but one I ain’t gonna bring up at the NAACP Image Awards!

Last week, Charlie Carver (one of the hot twins from Desperate Housewives and Teen Wolf) came out.  He did this via Instagram – as the kids are wont to do.  It’s an extensive coming-out essay – five parts in all.  It all boils down to a handful of quotes: “I hadn’t really ever been ‘in'”, “I’ve lived ‘out’, not feeling the need to announce so.  I was comfortably out in my private life”, and “Let the record show this–I self-identified as gay.  Does that really matter anymore?  As a young man, I needed a young man in Hollywood to say that –and without being a dick about it, I owed it to myself, more than anything, to be who I needed when I was younger.”  With a tip of a hat to his equally hot brother Max, he said, “And let the record show my twin brother is just as cool for being straight.”

NBC has announced their next live musical will be Hairspray.  Kinda soon for a new version of that great show, but anything to get the taste of Travolta out of my mouth, so to speak.  I hear that there is already a Link on board – Nick Jonas is all guaranteed to reprise the role he played at the Hollywood Bowl in 2011.  And it’s a no-brainer that Harvey Fierstein should get the chance to immortalize his inimitable Edna for posterity – to say nothing of posterior!  Plus, he’s already got an in with the producers – he revamped the book for The Wiz: LIVE!  While we’d all love to see the original Tracy from the musical play the role, Marissa Jaret Winokur has made it clear via Facebook that won’t happen.  “Thank you all for your delusional support that I could play a 16-year-old!  We are all VERY excited for ‘Hairspray’ on NBC, but ‘Mamma I’m an OLD girl now…welcome to my 40s!'”  That said, she make a formidable Miss Baltimore Crabs or Mrs. Pingleton…or the gym teacher!  Lastly, I think it’s obvious that Motormouth Mabel should be played by Black-ish breakout star, Jenifer Lewis.  After all, the part was written for her, she did the original demos and workshop, and eventually starred in the Broadway production.  DUH!

Adam Lambert was named the highest-earning American Idol alum of 2015 by Forbes magazine.  His impressive $10 million income came primarily from an arena tour with Queen, but it should be noted that some of the other high-yielding AI alums were somewhat dormant.  The bulk of Carrie Underwood‘s $8 million was from CD sales – her tour begins later this month.  And Kelly Clarkson‘s world tour was truncated when she found out she was pregnant.  None of that should take anything away from Lambert, who is not only a talented and dynamic performer, but also a bobcat in the sack – both major accomplishments.

Did you hear about Shuttlegate?  Because of increased security at the Golden Globes, everyone not in a limo had to park in a single garage about a mile away from the venue.  The lines in the garage were endless, with celebs and civilians alike waiting over two hours to go through a metal detector and board a shuttle.  The trades quoted people as saying, “This is like waiting to get off the Titanic” or “It was like a prison camp”.  Such a First World problem.  Meanwhile there are people in Uzbekistan who don’t even have cable!  To avoid this, I found a parking spot nearby and walked to the hotel.  Well, I attempted to walk to the hotel.  A burly cop of undetermined gender stopped me and said I could not cross the street to the venue because it was a secured area.  “Really?  I don’t think so.”  The hand on the Taser told me I should think again.  Undaunted, I walked down the block to the next corner.  Again, I was stopped.  But this time I said that the other security guard sent me there.  “S/he said it would be OK.”  Success.

Our Ask Billy question is kinda apropos of the Golden Globes.  Gary in Providence said: “I think Eddie Redmayne is SO hot.  Did we actually get a glimpse of his penis in The Danish Girl?”

Leave it to my readers to distill a movie with social relevance down to the lowest common denominator.  And leave it to me to not only run the question, but answer it.  Yes, when Eddie’s character is fantasizing about what it would be like to live as a woman, he tucks his penis betwixt his legs.  But briefly, ever so briefly, we get a glimpse of the goods.  And we’ll share that glimpse with you on BillyMasters.com.

That Sean Penn is smarter than he looks – well, he’d have to be.  He scheduled his 5th Annual Help Haiti Home Gala in Beverly Hills on the eve of the Golden Globes.  And it just happened to coincide with the night off of his ex-wife, Madonna.  Madge rambled on a bit, lapsed in and out of an accent which one cannot pinpoint with GPS, and then whipped out a ukulele.  Even though I knew what was coming, I still shuddered – much as I did during the Drowned World Tour where she showed off the three chords she learned (the cursed ukulele was later auctioned off for $300K).  Madonna announced that she’d sing “La Vie en Rose” with “my bad Parisian pronunciations”.  Not only am I not convinced that it was a Parisian accent, I am not sure I could identify it as French!  But, here’s my favorite part of her introduction: “If you know the words, please sing along.  I’ve been known to forget the words occasionally – I have a lot on my mind.”  You know who has a lot on their mind?  The people in HAITI!  You can check out the video on our website.

You may have heard that Colton Haynes outed himself on Tumblr – words I never thought I’d utter (or type).  For those of you who have no idea who Colton Haynes is, he’s an actor currently on Arrow and was previously on Teen Wolf – suffice it to say, he’s more People’s Choice Awards than Golden Globes.  He started out as a model, most notably posing affectionately in various forms of undress with other nubile lads in XY magazine.  The whole kerfuffle got refluffed on January 2nd, when someone posted on Tumblr “when I found out colton haynes had a secret gay past i got so excited even though i know it makes absolutely no difference in my life”.  Haynes reposted the original comment and then said, “Was it a secret?  Let’s all just enjoy life & have no regrets :)” – and there were lots of silly emojis that I thought only teenage girls used.  In his Teen Wolf days, he was less laid back.  I recall many websites receiving letters threatening legal action from Haynes’ attorney if the XY photos were not removed.  Since I never kowtow to such demands, those photos can still be seen on BillyMasters.com.

“Can I just ask you a question?  What the fuck does sugar tits even mean?” –
The bleeped question from Ricky Gervais to Mel Gibson at the Golden Globes.
What was his response?  “I dunno.  Ask the guy who said it, it wasn’t me.”  A likely story!

Look, I loves me some Jane Fonda as much as the next gay man.  But why does she always look so pissed off?  Perhaps she has a different sense of humor – kinda like that laugh-out-loud comedy, The Martian!  Every time the camera showed Jane, she had a martini in her hand – you’d think that would loosen her up a little.  Even the new first and second ladies of comedy, Eva Longoria and America Ferrera, couldn’t get Fonda to even chuckle!

Yes, we’re talking Golden Globes – briefly (I just got home and I’m exhausted).  If you ask me, J-Lo looked like the runner-up for Miss Universe.  Or the winner.  I can’t keep track.  I was thrilled that many of my favorite shows and people won awards.  That said, how in God’s name did Lady Gaga not only get nominated but actually win?  It does put the Pia Zadora scandal of 1982 into perspective.  And, why does she have such enormous difficulty walking?  Eh, probably because she’s used to travelling by egg!  Speaking of having trouble walking, a special shout-out to my dear Taraji – and thanks for the cookie, Cookie!

And now, the case of the missing foreskin.  Eagle-eyed fans of actor Max Riemelt (Hands?  Anyone?) noticed a difference between his nude scene in the film Free Fall and in the Netflix series, Sense8.  I know some of you are wondering, “I’ve never heard of any of these things”.  Be that as it may, Max plays a gay cop in the film.  In his shower scene, he is obviously uncircumcised.  But in a nude scene from the series, he appears to be circumcised.  In my expert opinion, he is still uncircumcised but just somewhat aroused, which gives the illusion of being cut.  Others say he may have gotten circumcised to land the role, but I believe that’s only a stipulation  to be cast on Dancing with the Stars.  You can decide for yourself when you see the photos on BillyMasters.com.

Let’s end with a nude Brit.  Our Ask Billy question this week comes from Tony in San Francisco: “I heard that Ben Hardy did a play in London where he was completely nude and was enormous.  Do you have any photos?”

Ben Hardy, best known for EastEnders, did the 2012 West End revival of The Judas Kiss, which also starred Rupert Everett.  If he looked impressive onstage, there’s a good reason.  In an interview with Attitude magazine, he said, “I was fluffing myself in the bathroom before.”  To see the sizable results, check out BillyMasters.com.

That’s a perfect segue into my last installment of Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions.  This time, we’re focusing on the gift of music.  What could be better than celebrating the holidays with Darlene Love?  The perennial David Letterman favorite has released her first solo CD in years, ironically titled, Introducing Darlene Love.  In case this is your first exposure to the powerhouse vocalist, prepare to have your socks blown off.  With songs written by Bruce Springsteen, Joan Jett, Elvis Costello, and more, this is a collection not to be missed.

If you’d like more than your socks to be blown, check out the new CD from the singing string quartet, Well-Strung.  These boys are a few of my favorite things, and they have released a collection of pop/classical combos called POPssicle – get it?  Pop and classical.  Oh, they’re not only sexy and talented – they’re clever!  And did I mention they’re sexy?  You can buy their CD and find out when you can see them in person at Well-Strung.com.

Months can go by without a Margaret Cho item.  But this week, we’ve got THREE!  Let’s start with the one I told you about months ago (hmmm, I’m sensing a trend) – E! announced that Cho will be a permanent co-host on Fashion Police.  Her duties begin when the show returns to the air on January 11th for the Golden Globes recap.

She’s also signed a deal with Amazon to return to series television.  In Highland, her character is a former addict who leaves rehab and moves in with her family, who happens to be running a pot dispensary.  Presumably, hilarity (and munchies) will ensue.

Lastly, Cho is taking aim at the Absolutely Fabulous movie, slated to be released on July 1st.  Her problem is with a character described as a Japanese fashion designer named Huki Muki.  The role is being played by a Caucasian actress, and Cho is outraged, saying: “#YELLOWFACE is racism.  Sorry.  It’s unacceptable.  Not now.  I was thrilled about the @abfabmovie but now I just can’t be.  I’m very disappointed.  It’s hard enough to get into film and TV as a person of color – and when roles written for us are played by white actors – it’s an outrage.”  Of course, the film was written by Jennifer Saunders, who presumably had a hand in the casting.  It’s possible that having a Caucasian designer with a Japanese name (and perhaps raised in Japan) may actually be the joke.

Netflix has clearly figured out what works for them – projects with old ladies.  So, they’ve put up the money for an original movie that will star Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler and Diane Keaton.  Nope, it’s not a sequel to The First Wives Club.  This new film, Divanation, is about members of an old girl group who reunite after 30 years.  Think of it as These Old Broads meets Josie and the Pussycats.

A member of our tribe is using his power to help get Hillary Clinton elected.  Ricky Martin proclaimed Hillary is “a Latina at heart” as he launched the LGBT for Hillary group.  Supporters can join for a minimum donation of $1 by simply texting the word “RICKY” to 47246.  I’m guessing Ricky will be seeing those texts, so feel free to send any hot selfies to that number, as well.

Since we should provide equal time, a former SeaWorld employee has started a rival group called Gays for Trump.  Admittedly, it’s a small group.  Kyle Kittleson says, “Long before Hillary Clinton supported equal marriage and gay rights, Donald Trump supported equal rights for everybody.  Granted he didn’t want it to be called marriage, but he did advocate for unions with legal equal rights.”  From my cursory review of Trump’s LGBT track record, it seems he’s made conflicting statements about gay unions.  But, I’m sure he’s got lots of gay friends – Melania‘s makeup artist, his hairdresser, all of Ivanka’s friends, etc.

This leads perfectly into our Ask Billy question.  David in Michigan asks: “Do you happen to have the nude photo of Phil Sullivan?  I hear there was a full frontal that was removed at the request of his management.”

I had no idea who Phil Sullivan was/is.  I must admit, I was not a devotee of the late America’s Next Top Model – except for that brief weekend with Nigel Barker.  While Nyle DiMarco won the crown, many fans were taken with Phil Sullivan.  I guess I should have at least heard of him, since he’s from the Boston area and, oh yes, has a nude photo floating around out there.  And, what a photo it is.  If you want to see him lying back, fully aroused, looking slightly like Chewbacca and brandishing a sizable light saber, check out BillyMasters.com.

There’s no doubting the audience for Broadway babe Nick Adams.  He may make the ladies swoon, but we know it’s the lads he likes.  He makes no secret of that, which only adds to his appeal – as if this perfect specimen of male beauty needed any help in that department.  Recently, Nick has had a few hush-hush meetings with the powers-that-be behind the Magic Mike musical.  So, he’s obviously in peak form – both vocally and vascularly.  How fortuitous that he got to show off both during The Skivvies holiday show at Joe’s Pub in NYC.  He was wearing a onesie and singing “I’m a Slave 4 Santa” as a naughty elf with an awfully large secret.  Oh, yes, the onesie came off and….well, you can see for yourself at BillyMasters.com.  Make sure you’re hydrated before watching.

ABC is getting into the musicals game – they’ve announced plans to remake Dirty Dancing.  How quickly people forget the disastrous Dirty Dancing series starring Patrick Cassidy and Melora Hardin.  A remake of the musical was originally announced in 2011.  Then it was postponed.  Then it was revamped as a TV project.  And then it was cancelled.  And now it’s back as a three-hour extravaganza led by Abigail Breslin – ’cause we’re all clamoring for that!  But, here’s what you haven’t heard.  ABC purchased the project as a vehicle for one of their top (and I use that term loosely) talents – Derek Hough.  ‘Cause nobody puts Derek in a corner..

In a scandal closer to home, a lawsuit was filed by parishioners of a Catholic church in the Bronx who claim that Reverend Peter Miqueli has embezzled over $1 million.  Not only that, but the pilfering was allegedly used to pay for rough sex with a male prostitute!  According to the complaint, Miqueli paid $1K per session to a male escort, ironically named Keith Crist.  At one point, Crist was living in the rectory – well, most hookers end up in the rectory eventually!  The “rough sex” sessions included the priest calling Crist “Master” and drinking his urine.  I know some people take the Bible literally, but I really don’t think anyone expects you to actually ingest the body of Christ!  You can check out the body of Crist on BillyMasters.com.  This situation went public because of Crist’s “on-and-off girlfriend”.  When she threatened to blow the whistle, the reverend got her arrested for drug possession.  She sure ain’t keeping her mouth shut now.  One of her revelations is that Crist hurt his knees while having sex with the priest in a bathtub.  As Elaine Stritch used to say, “It’s not the work, it’s the stairs”.

These days, questions about the sex life of a celebrity only makes them more famous (take note, Tom).  Portuguese soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is very popular with the gays – a community appreciative of a set of balls, to say nothing of an impressive torso.  Ronaldo has been spending lots of time with world champion kickboxer Badr Hari.  The duo is regularly captured in provocative photos roughhousing in various forms of undress – which I suppose well-built athletic guys are wont to do.  Lots of tongues wagged after the Moroccan kickboxer captioned one photo as “Just married Hahahahaha” – the implied hilarity must have gotten lost in translation.

The situation exploded last week on live TV in France.  A guest on the show Touche Pas à Mon Sport made a comment which went global in a matter of seconds.  However, every single report repeated the original account.  Nobody bothered to track down the actual video – until now.  TV personality Daniel Riolo was making a point that athletes’ off-time activities can have ramifications (as it were) on the field.  While my French is limited to getting directions to a bathroom in the Louvre, let me tell you what he said (the original video is on BillyMasters.com): “What interests me is the implication on the field of perks football players have.  For example, Cristiano Ronaldo currently uses a private jet three or four times a week to see his friend in Morocco and to cuddle.  That will affect his performance.”  That brought an audible gasp out of several people in the studio – and the French don’t shock easily.  After all, this is a country where the funeral of a former president was attended by his wife AND his mistress!  Since these rumors are nothing new, I’m sure Ronaldo isn’t that concerned.  He’s previously said, “I’m at ease with my sexuality, so it’s not a problem for me.”  God only knows what language he said that in!