Many of you have written in asking if I’ve seen those “thirsty photos of Nolan Gould”.  While I wouldn’t refer to them quite so crassly, I have indeed seen his “spread” in People magazine.  Nolan explains, “I’ve been working out an hour and half every day with my friend Michael who is a personal trainer.  We have a really cool socially-distant setup that has allowed me to get fit while also being safe.”  In my many, many relationships with “personal trainers”, I always insist on being safe.  Should you be so inclined, check out the pics on our website.

You know who else tells the story he wants?  Billy Masters – by way of this very column and on Billy Masters LIVE.  Last week, we welcomed the legendary Renée Taylor for an in-depth look at her career as a writer, director and actor, her long marriage and collaboration with Joe Bologna, and her plans for the future – including the film Tango Shalom, currently winning awards at film festivals worldwide.  We were joined by the film’s director, her son Gabriel Bologna, along with one of her most frequent co-stars – Lainie Kazan.  It was a veritable lovefest that you can still watch on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

On Thursday, March 11^th, our show is literally ripped from the headlines.  I previously told you about former WWE wrestler Tyler Reks coming out as transgender.  The now-Gabbi Tuft will speak to us about her journey and what comes next.  Speaking of what comes next, people are making a small fortune during this pandemic with OnlyFans sites.  We’ll be sitting down with gay couple Rick & Griff Twombley-King, who have been making roughly $100K/month doing OnlyFans shows.  Tune in to get some tips.

You know what you can count on every year after the Golden Globes?  Headlines stating that it was the lowest-rated show ever!  True to form, this was once again the case – with a twist.  “Golden Globes Ratings Fall To All-Time Low for NBC”.  It may have previously had lower ratings on another network, but this is NBC’s lowest.  And I didn’t help things.  Not only did I not tune in live, I didn’t even scan through the show for six days.  And here’s my honest review – I didn’t miss much.  I didn’t find it terrible.  Even pre-pandemic, the Globes are…well, anemic (but a great party).  Still, I love any show where Jamie Lee Curtis gets to show off her Golden Globes.  “They are now well-fed.  They are back in the stable.  They don’t need to come out for another five years,” says Curtis.  The phrase “ridden hard and put away wet” springs to mind.  So does the phrase, “You get what you paid for.”

Remember that long, rambling speech Jodie Foster made back in 2013 when she won the Cecil B. DeMille Award?  That was when she said she was going public with a secret, that wasn’t really a secret, but maybe she wouldn’t tell the secret – because then it wouldn’t be a secret any longer.  Now it’s eight years later, and she celebrated her award win by kissing her wife.  Jodie married Alexandra Hedison in 2014 – the year after she toyed with sharing her big secret.  BTW, Alexandra had previously been in a relationship with Ellen DeGeneres, who is currently with Portia De Rossi, who – fun fact – legally petitioned to change her name to Portia Lee James DeGeneres.  I don’t think the Lee has anything to do with Jamie Lee, but let’s say she did.

In our brief Ask Billy question, Howie in Dallas asks, “I heard that Jonathan Bennett accidentally showed his penis online and then had the pic pulled.  Can you track it down?”

I can, and I did.  Here’s the story.  One morning, Jonathan posted a photo by his pool.  He was reclining on a chaise, and showed his clear espresso glass with the caption “Good morning”.  The problem is, a clear glass with dark liquid reflects whatever is facing it – especially if that item is large enough to be the center of a sundial!  And, that’s how we got to see Bennett’s breakfast banger.  Whether it was fluffed for the purpose of this photo or if it’s naturally thick and juicy at roughly 10AM, you’ll have to decide for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

I’m sorry – that’s all I can say for the lack of new episodes of Billy Masters LIVE last week.  I’ve been working on another project during our hiatus, and was unable to make my schedule work.  And, as you know, if I’m not live, I’m not there.  However, this week we should be doing a show.  On Thursday, March 4^th, we may be joined by one of my all-time favorite actresses – Renée Taylor.  The younger fans know her as Fran Drescher’s mother on the aforementioned sitcom, The Nanny.  Those of us a tad older marvel at her extensive stage and screen career – often working with her husband, Joe Bologna.  She’s in a new film, and it’s truly a family affair.  Tango Shalom is directed by the couple’s son, Gabriel Bologna, and features Renée alongside Joe, in what turned out to be his last performance.  It also features one of Renée’s best friends and frequent collaborators – the effervescent Lainie Kazan.  Throw in Dancing with the Stars veteran professional, Karina Smirnoff, and it sounds too good to be true.  As is typical during this pandemic, everything is subject to change – but I promise you that I will be there.  So simply tune in on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV.  Or just watch it on BillyMasters.com/TV.

During this pandemic, it’s easy to forget the everyday struggles people in the real world face.  Surely harassing a gay couple for kissing in a public place is the least of our problems.  And yet, it caused quite a kerfuffle when two men kissed on the beach in Tulum, Mexico.  Within moments, police officers approached the couple.  This caught the attention of Maritza Escalante, who documented what she witnessed on TikTok.  She describes the guys as “young foreigners”.  She saw the police arrive to question them, and then saw armed back-up handcuff the couple!  She asked officers why the couple was being detained.  “Because they were gay and they kissed,” was what they told her.  Keep this in mind next time you’re planning a vaycay.

When does “no questions asked” not mean “no questions asked”?  When it’s about Lady Gaga’s dogs.  I really hate to think that there’s someone out there who hasn’t been following this story.  But, because I specialize in full service, let me fill you in.  Last Wednesday, Lady Gaga’s Hollywood dog walker Ryan Fischer was out walking her three French Bulldogs – Koji, Gustav, and Asia…and may I pause for a moment to note that none of those names sounds even remotely French.  During their walk, two Black men wearing hoodies jumped out of a white Nissan Altima.  One of the assailants shot him in the chest, while the other made off with the three dogs.  But, not so fast…Miss Asia proved to be too much of a handful, so she escaped unharmed and stayed with Ryan.

Meanwhile, Lady Gaga was in Italy.  Since this all happened at 10PM Pacific, it was about 7AM the next morning in Italy.  And Gaga was devastated – not so devastated that she didn’t show up to work on the film Gucci…‘cause, a gig’s a gig.  She promptly offered a $500K reward for the safe return of her little babies – “No questions asked”.  She added, “I continue to love you Ryan Fischer, you risked your life to fight for our family.  You’re forever a hero.”  BTW, Ryan is expected to make a full recovery.  But, wait, there’s more!  Within 48 hours, a woman came forward…with the two dogs!  Allegedly, she found them tied to a pole.  But, you know, “No questions asked” means she wants her reward.  While police say she doesn’t appear to have been involved, this whole incident sounds eerily like a storyline on The Nanny.  They solved that case because of an ice cream truck playing Barbra Streisand songs.  In this instance, I say that the woman should get the reward.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Paul in Rhode Island: “I heard that Charles Melton was posing nude for some ad that’s only gonna air in Europe.  Could you track it down?”

Let’s first remind the readers who Charles Melton is – he plays Reggie on Riverdale.  He’s actually the second Reggie.  The model/actor also has a mighty toned torso.  Alas, the ad in question is not a commercial – it’s a photo spread for Dolce & Gabbana.  And “spread” is the correct term.  I’m not exactly sure what he’s modeling, because he’s fully naked.  In one shot, he’s clinging to a column and showing his assets to the camera.  In another, he’s perusing a bookcase.  Once again, a gig’s a gig, and an ass is an ass, which you can check out on BillyMasters.com.

When Reggie’s using his dick as a bookmark, it’s definitely time to end another column.  That’s both a good place for a stick-up and a nasty place for a paper cut.  Cut or uncut, everything shows up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site with loads of columns for Melton to lean against.  Should you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I run into any more actors – and I do not mean in the Halle Berry way!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

One of the most exciting things that was supposed to happen in 2020 was Whoopi Goldberg reprising her role of Deloris Van Cartier in the stage musical Sister Act in London’s West End.  Obviously, that production was postponed – until the summer of 2021.  With the coronavirus dragging on and on, the opening has been pushed to July 19, 2022.  Brace yourself – it gets worse.  I’ll let Whoopi tell you herself: “Sister Act is near and dear to my heart, and I’m disappointed that I will be unable to perform in this production under the circumstances.  However, my producing partners and I will continue to work towards mounting a fantastic production, with an amazing new cast.”  The new cast has yet to be announced, but I fear Jennifer Saunders is also out as the Mother Superior.

If it’s any consolation, the West End will soon see a revival of Cole Porter’s Anything Goes starring Megan Mullally.  It’s adding insult to injury.  That show will run for 11 weeks at the Barbican starting on June 5^th.

Last week was a big one on Billy Masters LIVE – and that’s not the first time the words “Billy Masters” and “big” appeared together.  On Tuesday, we celebrated the life of Mary Wilson and The Supremes with some pretty great guests – including performers Darlene Love, Ruth Pointer, Freda Payne, and Scherrie Payne.  But it was Thursday’s show that surprised me.  Eric Roberts has been a respected actor for decades – in fact, he holds a record for the American actor with the most film credits…ever!  How many?  596 as of today.  Eric and his wife Eliza joined us for over 90 minutes of in-depth discussion about his career and his iconic roles – including playing Gregory Harrison’s lover in It’s My Party.  Sherri Shepherd even popped in to reminisce about the ABC sitcom Less Than Perfect.  I was joined by my frequent sidekick, NECN’s political contributor Sue O’Connell.  It’s definitely worth checking out on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV.  Or just watch it on BillyMasters.com/TV.

As to this week’s shows, I believe I have a conflict on Tuesday – which likely means no show.  I will make an announcement on Facebook and YouTube.  We should be back to normal on Thursday, so stay tuned.

“Life is about building bridges, not walls.”  
– Elton John, when criticized for performing at Rush Limbaugh’s 2010 wedding. 
Something I say all the time might have also been a good response – “A gig’s a gig.”

Rush Limbaugh is dead.  I can’t say this is a story I got excited about; I was far more interested in Ted Cruz doing the limbo, but that’s just me.  Make no mistake – I was no fan of Limbaugh (or Cruz, for that matter).  Then again, I never listened to Rush (or Cruz, for that matter).  Knowing the hatred Rush spewed, I wasn’t surprised at the hatred he provoked.  But I do find it fascinating when someone’s demise gives so many such glee – as if it really changes their lives.  If it brings you happiness, great.  If I don’t care for someone, I don’t give them much thought.

Onto another death – Mom.  Yes, CBS has announced that the much-lauded sitcom will wrap at the end of this season.  This one hurt.  Why?  Because this cancellation gives the impression that a great show with a great cast could not make it without the comic stylings of Anna Faris – the woman who sunk Overboard.  Are you telling me that Chris Pratt could go on without Anna, but Allison Janney can’t?  Oh, the humanity…

The new winning line tend to brightly light up using its effective amount . When to tackle its free version, that you do not require a casino account.

As we went to press, we got word that Ari Gold passed away at 47.  Ari was a trailblazer in so many ways – as an LGBT personality, a recording artist, a model, and an advocate.  In July, he was a guest on Billy Masters LIVE.  We talked about his battle with leukemia and what kept him going when faced with so much adversity.  It was a difficult interview – particularly when I asked him “Are you hopeful?”  Watching it now, I find his honesty disarming, but also inspiring.  We’ll post the whole show on our website.

My favorite pop artists have been all-female groups from different eras – The Supremes, The Pointer Sisters, The Go-Go’s and The Bangles.  The Supremes hold a special place in my heart.  While I have met every living Supreme, Mary Wilson made the biggest impression on me – mostly for her accomplishments in the face of huge obstacles.  When I got the call that she had passed away at what I consider the young age of 76, a little part of me died.  While it seemed unlikely that we’d ever see Diana, Mary and Cindy reunite onstage, I always held out hope that someday they’d be together.

We’ll be celebrating Mary Wilson on Tuesday’s episode of Billy Masters LIVE with some amazing guests – close friends, colleagues, producers, and biographers will come together to pay tribute to Mary and The Supremes’ legacy.  On Thursday, Eric Roberts will look back on his remarkable career.  And let me take a moment to toot my own horn – while I still can!  Last week, we returned for season two, and I was curious how many people would tune in after a six-week hiatus.  As of this writing, over four thousand of you watched me interview the magnificent Melissa Manchester.  Check out our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV, or just go to BillyMasters.com/TV.

For a young gay boy growing up in a Boston suburb, 1992 was a big year.  That was the first time I regularly saw a gay person on TV.  When MTV launched The Real World, they also started a reality craze that continues to this day.  Sure, we all lusted after Eric Nies, but Norm Korpi was out and proud and usually in a tub!  Paramount Plus is staging a reunion with the entire first-season cast.  The Real World Homecoming: New York drops on March 4^th.

Dolly Parton is going to pop up on the final season of Grace and Frankie.  Or is she?  Most media outlets say it will happen, but I don’t believe it’s a done deal.  Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin have long discussed wanting to write something for Dolly, but it’s happened.  Last week, Dolly was on the UK chat show Lorraine and said, “We’ve been trying to write me in somehow.  So when it’s safe for us to actually do a production when they’re back, I’ll probably get around to doing that.”  Meanwhile, Lily was talking to Hoda and Jenna on Today and said, “We have a great role for her this time.  I think she will do it.  I’m just hoping she will.”  Fingers crossed.

Yes, I’m another year older and, given the alternative, that’s fine.  I didn’t purposely avoid mentioning my birthday – I simply forgot.  During these Covid days, I have no concept of date or time.  I thank you all for the messages, and I am grateful to be healthy.  I’m no spring chicken at 52.  But as Sophia Petrillo said, every year without a headstone is a milestone.

Doing television during quarantine is tricky – anything can happen.  I’ve had my dog or a family member wander in during Billy Masters LIVE.  But Suzanne Somers found herself in a different situation.  She’s sitting on her patio, dressed in black, wearing some kinda crazy hat and veil like she was going to a royal wedding (by the way, Meghan Markle is pregnant again).  Somers was in the middle of giving a makeup tutorial and talking to dozens of fans on Facebook Live.  All of a sudden, she hears a noise behind her.  Could it be a coyote, an antelope, Joyce DeWitt?  Somers asked if someone was there.  A male voice responded, “I’m here”.  Suzanne then inexplicably said, “Come here” – like she was introducing her first guest.  In stumbles a fan who is described as “nearly naked”.  In actual fact, Aaron Carpenter was wearing underwear or a swimsuit.  He said ghosts were following him – although on repeated listening, he may very well have said “goats”.  He brought Suzanne a gift – a special mug.  She declined, saying, “I don’t want anything”.  The guy and his mug left peacefully.  He was later interrogated by the police, and let go with a warning.  Somewhere, Priscilla Barnes is asking law enforcement to give Aaron her address.

Our Ask Billy question came from Robert in Atlanta: “Have you seen Trey Songz’ sex tape?  Could you post it?”

Believe it or not, I actually know who Trey Songz is.  The rapper/actor is the latest person to have a sex tape floating around.  The video shows a woman vigorously performing oral sex on a very well-hung gentleman.  Well, I’m using the term “gentleman” loosely, since he’s also the cameraman.  How do I know it’s Trey?  You can see a tattoo on the arm, which matches that on Trey’s arm.  Another hint is how the real Trey reacted.  When the tawdry tape went viral, Trey posted a video of himself hobbling through a lobby, with the song “Set It Off” playing in the background.  The lyrics are as follows: “I walk with a limp, ‘cause my nuts heavy, and I like it from the back, so hold your butt steady.”  If it walks like a dick, and talks like a dick – it’s a dick.  And it’s on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re promoting more than Trey’s songz, it’s time to end yet another column.  There may have been a whole lotta singing in this column, but there’s even more to see.  Check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’ll tempt all your senses.  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Duhamel is cast in the Call Me By Your Name sequel!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

And now, the announcement you’ve all been waiting for – the return of Billy Masters LIVE.  Our season two premiere will take place on Thursday, February 11^th with the magnificent Melissa Manchester.  We’ll talk about her career, her work with Barry Manilow and Bette Midler, and how she ties into my relocation to Los Angeles two decades ago.  As usual, we’ll have new shows for you every week.  To join in the fun, head over to our YouTube channel of Billy Masters TV, or just go to BillyMasters.com/TV.

Every once in a while, I think about Josh Duhamel – who was a staple of this column due to his full-frontal photos (we’ll post them again).  Thanks to Armie Hammer’s meltdown, Josh has a new gig.  As you’ll recall, Hammer was set to star in a frothy Jennifer Lopez flick.  Since JLo has no need for bad publicity, Hammer was dumped and Duhamel was hired for Shotgun Wedding.  At the time, Hammer still had options.  He planned to star in The Offer – a limited series about the making of The Godfather.  That series, which begins shooting any day now, suddenly finds itself in need of a lead as Hammer was quietly asked to leave.  He was also supposed to appear in Gaslit, a miniseries about the Watergate scandal which will star Julia Roberts and Sean Penn.  Once again, he’s out.  In a situation that has gone from bad to worse, Armie has also been dropped by his agents and publicist.

You know what I never saw coming?  A fight between our former El Presidente and a former cast member of Beverly Hills, 90210.  Of course, that former cast member, Gabrielle Carteris, also happens to be the president of the Screen Actors Guild.  The board of SAG-AFTRA ruled that El Prez had “violated the union’s Constitution” – which is amusing since there’s still a debate over whether he violated the United States Constitution.  He was cited with dissemination of misinformation and threatening the safety of journalists.  Before the union could take action, El quit in a most amusing letter, which included this: “While I’m not familiar with your work, I’m very proud of my work on movies such as Home Alone 2, Zoolander and Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps; and television shows including The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Saturday Night Live, and of course, one of the most successful shows in television history, The Apprentice – to name just a few!”  Gabby had a terse two-word response: “Thank You”.  By the by, SAG-AFTRA took the extra step of banning El Presidente for life!  Your turn, Congress.

Last week’s Ask Billy question about RuPaul Drag Race contestant Joey Jay has opened the floodgates.  This week, Phil in Chicago asks, “What do you know about Ariel Versace?  Friends tell me he shows all on OnlyFans – but I save my subscribing for BillyMasters.com.”

Flattery – it’ll get you anywhere with me.  Why it’s taken 25 years for people to figure that out is a mystery we’ll leave to Zachary Quinto.  As to Ariel Versace – a name that also doesn’t appear on a birth certificate – I did a bit of snooping.  First off, his real name is Bryan Philip Neel.  And, he recently made a startling confession when it comes to his racy content.  “It taught me to be more confident about my sexuality.  I have always been super insecure… this has definitely helped me let loose.”  Since Phil wants to see more of Ariel, I’ll share some choice bits with all of you – on BillyMasters.com.

When drag queens are loosening up, it’s time to end yet another column.  And we have a late-breaking bulletin – Big Mama just called saying she found a place for her and Big Daddy to get the vaccine.  By the time you read this, they will have been pricked.  Alas, pricks are hard to find during a pandemic…even in Florida!  But, fear not – there’s a plethora of pricks available on www.BillyMasters.com – no appointment necessary.  If you have a question that only I can answer, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before any pricks come near me!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

As you know, your beloved Billy typically summers in Europe – frequently frolicking with various gay porn pups with a preponderance of Xs, Ks, and Vs in their names and nary a vowel in sight.  I obviously stayed home last summer.  I now fear that this year will be no better.  Still, I was heartened to hear about an unidentified woman in Slovakia who detained a mugger at a gas station by giving him a blow job.  It is unclear if she performed oral sex out of fear of being hurt, or if she simply fancied the guy.  The woman – a hero by any standard – was offered a reward by onlookers.  She just shrugged and said, “I really don’t care – do you?”

It’s been a sad week for the Billy Masters Empire.  I owe some of my early success to Cloris Leachman.  In conspiratorial details that will be revealed in my forthcoming memoirs, Cloris asked me to slip a story into my column.  I wrote it with my usual aplomb, it got picked up everywhere, and led to my first credits in the mainstream press.  I believe it also led to my being included in Hot Topics on The View.  Cloris was delighted with the results.  She was a great gal – smart, talented, lovely, and bawdy.  She could do anything – and did…for 94 years.

I’d also like to acknowledge the passing of the 96-year-old Miss Cicely Tyson – whom I only met once, but who made an indelible impression on me.  She was a little bit of a thing, but she was clearly not one to trifle with.

“I am happy to report that today, I took my dear friend Jo Anne Worley
to get her first COVID-19 vaccination!  Not only that, several nurses and
doctors recognized her and came over to the car to have a fan moment!”  
– A friend posted this on Facebook.  Slowly but surely, some of our elder
entertainers are getting vaccinated.  So, who’s bringing Betty White??

Neither snow nor rain nor pandemic could keep me from the swift completion of my appointed rounds in Fort Lauderdale.  Yes, this week I am coming to you from the lovely Filth2Go Beach House, which needed my attention.  Meanwhile back in Boston, Big Mama and Big Daddy are in a tizzy.  Although seniors over 75 can get their first vaccine shot, my parents are unable to secure an appointment.  Desperate as they may be, they are not desperate enough to go to either Gillette Stadium or Fenway Park – which, despite its name, does not have much parking.

I watched the Inauguration with my parents, and vividly recall when the camera focused on Bernie Sanders.  The anchor said, “And there’s Bernie Sanders – he looks…” and before the person could say “warm” or “comfortable” or “bundled up”, Big Mama Masters finished the sentence as only she could – “like an asshole!”  Yes, it’s been two weeks, and we’re still talking about Bernie’s mittens.  Should you not be aware, the mittens – made of repurposed wool – were created by Jen Ellis, a second grade teacher in Essex Junction, Vermont.  She also happens to be a lesbian with a problem – she has over 12K orders for mittens that she is unable to fulfill.  Should you be thinking of sleeping with her to get bumped to the front of the line, think again.  Jen has a partner…and a child.  And if there’s one thing I know about lesbians, they aren’t willing to cheat just to make a buck (as opposed to gay men, who will cheat to get a better parking spot).  I’m pleased to report that Jen just partnered with the Vermont Teddy Bear Company to meet the growing demand – and will donate a portion of the proceeds to charity.  Mittens for everyone!

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Our Ask Billy question refers to someone I knew nothing about.  Frank in Baltimore asks, “What can you tell me about Joey Jay?  I found a nude photo of him and he’s mighty hot.”

This is the first I’ve heard of Joey Jay, who competes on this season of RuPaul’s Drag Race.  The dashing dude has the distinction of being the first contestant to hail from Phoenix, Arizona, and this was actually his third attempt to get on the show.  He’s 30 years old and prefers performing without a wig – instead, sporting a wisteria rinse.  The Internet tells us that he’s Jewish, but I would have figured that out from the plethora of penis pics that have been discovered, under the moniker ArizonaGayBoi.  Naturally, you can see all on BillyMasters.com.

When the carpet definitely doesn’t match the drapes, it’s time to end yet another column.  I know everyone is piling on Armie Hammer, but I’m gonna stand up for him.  Actually, I’d get on all fours for him.  Speaking of which, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found strange men on all fours on my bed…and, as luck would have it, some of them were pageant winners!  Admittedly, not from reputable pageants.  The point is – we all have a past.  And you can check out every inch of my past, present, and future on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that could win Miss Congeniality!  If you have a question, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone posts a photo of what’s inside my lucky jeans!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Armie Hammer continues to be plagued by bad decisions.  After those troublesome texts revealed last week, his words are once more working against him.  A private video shows Hammer giving a tour of his hotel room in the Ritz-Carlton Cayman Islands.  He claims to have had to change rooms after “noise complaints”.  He shows us the bathroom, the closet, and then he goes into the bedroom where we see a woman in a bra and panties on all fours on the bed (the video is on BillyMasters.com).  He simply says, “The bed looks comfy”.  He later commented, “So I have to go back to Cayman…which sucks.  Except there are a few silver linings.  Like fucking Ms. Cayman again while I’m down there.”  This set off protests from the actual Miss Cayman pageant!  Hammer first responded by saying, “I would like to clarify that the person in my video, which was stolen from my private Instagram, is not Miss Cayman.”  He then added, “I am genuinely sorry for any confusion my foolish attempt at humor may have caused.  My deep sympathies to Miss Cayman, who I don’t know, and to the entire organization, as I had no intentions of implying she was actually Miss Cayman.”  I’ve gotta give Hammer some credit.  If this had been El Former Presidente being accused of sleeping with Miss Universe, his response would have been, “So?”

Of course, there’s always room for divergent views.  I recently told you about Russell T. Davies’ show on UK television in which he made a point of only casting gay actors as gay characters – echoing calls to not allow heterosexual actors to play gay roles.  Joining me on the contrary side of this argument is Neil Patrick Harris.  “I think there’s something sexy about casting a straight actor to play a gay role – if they’re willing to invest a lot into it.  I played a character for nine years who was nothing like me.  I would definitely want to hire the best actor.”

It was just announced that Michelle Pfeiffer will play former first lady, Betty Ford in a limited series for Showtime.  One wonders if she will take up drinking or just acting drunk.

Elsewhere in US television, rumors are running rife that the gaping hole created by the absence of Kim Cattrall in the reboot of Sex and the City will be filled by…wait for it….Caitlyn Jenner!  There’s no nice way of saying this – Caitlyn is not much of an actress.  In fact, if you saw Bruce in Can’t Stop the Music – well, that was as good as it gets.  If Caitlyn would like to, I dunno, repair cars, sell camping equipment, or do an infomercial for an exercise bike, I’d be all over it.  But this?  Nah.

“I was too innocent and too GAY to deserve a Pardon from Trump.”  
– Joe Exotic.  It was the crazy stretch limo sitting outside the prison that made me laugh. 
Like there’s a pardon, and POOF, he could just walk out the door.

I am sad to report that my favorite pair of jeans will soon be no more.  Surely given the state of our world, this seems inconsequential.  But these are my lucky jeans – and I mean that literally.  I have gotten lucky scores of times in these jeans.  It’s like that old Elizabeth Taylor perfume commercial, when she takes off her earrings, tosses them on a gambling table, and says, “These have always brought me luck, guv’nor.”  OK, she may not have said “guv’nor”, but it was certainly implied.  My jeans are wearing and tearing in the knees, and let us not even speak of the seat (you may fill in your own joke).  Of course, it may be because of these well-positioned tears that I’ve gotten lucky more often than Elizabeth Taylor!

In more pressing news (although I do find it hard to believe anything is more pressing than my favorite jeans), we’ve got one last story about El Presidente – at least while he still had the title.  Upon leaving Andrews Air Force Base and any vestiges of power, he again made the curious choice to play The Village People’s hit “Y.M.C.A.”  Taking the gay connotation out of the equation, there is nothing in the lyrics of the song that makes me identify it with either a president or power or country.  Then again, I also don’t understand his use of Laura Branigan’s “Gloria”, which was his other exit song.  There’s probably a subliminal message, but I can’t figure it out.  Maybe the voices in his head are calling “Gloria”…and “Y.M.C.A.”

I am happy that the Inauguration occurred without incident.  Yes, I had an impending sense of doom about the festivities.  And then it hit me – who would followers of the last president favor less than Mr. Biden?  A woman of any color!  So, Joe was safe.  Still, I wouldn’t have been surprised if a gaggle of Sandinistas jumped out from under Lady Gaga’s dress.  All in all, I must say this – I continue to be proud to be an American..

Someone wrote me after watching Pete Buttigieg’s confirmation hearings saying, “I’m so proud to be gay”.  This got me thinking.  Was this person not proud to be gay prior to seeing Pete Buttigieg on TV?  No offense to Mayor Pete – who seems to be smart, articulate, and qualified.  But it made me think about Hillary Clinton; every time she ran for something, there was this idea that if you were a woman and didn’t vote for her, you were self-loathing.  What if you were a woman who disagreed with her politics?  Why is it an assumption that because she’s a woman, women should support her?  Trust me, there are many gay people I’m not so fond of.  I am far more delighted to support Buttigieg for being intelligent than because of where he falls on the gay scale.

Our Ask Billy question kinda sounded suspiciously like an old story.  Thomas in Chicago asks, “Everyone is talking about that dick pic Adrian Grenier accidentally posted.  Do you have it?”

It’s not so much a photo as a video.  Grenier took a video of himself diving into a pool.  In the video, he’s nude and we’ve isolated a brief still of his penis – which we’ll post.  However, if you’re a fan, you probably remember three years ago when we unearthed two videos of the Entourage star taking matters into his own hands – and, yes, he needed both hands!  Check out the goods on BillyMasters.com.

And now, the subject you’ve been waiting for – Armie Hammer’s social media mess.  It started with a string of texts and photos which were allegedly sent from the actor to an anonymous woman which have odd sexual and cannibalistic references.  Here’s a sample: “Thinking of holding your heart in my hand and controlling when it beats…I am 100% a cannibal…I want to eat you…That’s scary to admit.  I’ve never admitted that before…I’ve cut the heart out of a living animal before and eaten it while still warm.”  Well, I suppose you don’t wanna let a heart get cold.  He later praises the woman’s capacity for anal sex, and says when he’s with others, “the only way I can cum is if I pretend I’m fucking you in the ass.”  Oh, the poetry.  “You were the most intense and extreme version of that I’ve ever had.  Raping you on your floor with a knife against you.  Everything else seemed boring.  You crying and screaming, me standing over you.  I felt like a god.  I’ve never felt such power or intensity.” 

The person who posted the messages, @HouseOfEffie, later said that the messages were “all fake”.  However, another lady recently linked to Hammer said she believed they “are real”.  Numerous other women came forward with their own Armie stories, giving credence to the messages.  Then Hammer issued a statement.  “I’m not responding to these bullshit claims,” he said.  “In light of the vicious and spurious online attacks against me, I cannot, in good conscience now, leave my children for four months to shoot a film in the Dominican Republic.”  The film was a frothy comedy with Jennifer Lopez called Shotgun Wedding.  Unless there’s a scene on the kitchen floor with a knife, it would be a letdown!

Russell T. Davies was asked about the casting of It’s a Sin.  He insists he’s not being “woke” by following the trend of casting openly gay people in the roles.  “I feel strongly that if I cast someone in a story, I am casting them to act as a lover or an enemy or someone on drugs or a criminal or saint.  They are not there to “act gay’ because ‘acting gay’ is a bunch of codes for a performance.  It’s about authenticity, the taste of 2020.”  He goes on, “You wouldn’t cast someone able-bodied and put them in a wheelchair.”  Does the word Ironside ring a bell?

In a related story, Brendan Fraser has signed on to play a 600-lb gay recluse in the new movie, The Whale.  My God, he’s been preparing for this part for eons!  I wonder if people will get crazy about the casting, or will they just shrug and ask, “So?”  Interestingly, some are already against the casting of Fraser, claiming that the filmmakers are fat-phobic.  Apparently they haven’t seen Brendan since George of the Jungle.

As I already told you, a new Sex and the City series is going forward…sans Samantha.  There was an amazingly well-written piece in Rolling Stone where they proclaimed “Kim Cattrall was MVP of SATC”.  One line jumped out at me.  “At its core, Sex and the City is neither about sex nor the city, nor shoes, nor Chris Noth’s cleft chin, nor inexplicably wearing belts around your midriff – it’s about the enduring power of female friendship.”  Without that core, there may be three interesting ladies chatting, but there’ll always be the spectre of Kim Cattrall hovering over everything; saying what needed to be said, but what none of the others could.  I smell disaster.

Elsewhere on TV, Aaron Sorkin has signed on to make a film about Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz called Being the Ricardos – in other words, a film about the actors working on the show.  This will focus on the real Desi and Lucy.  The person originally tapped for the redhead was Cate Blanchett – a fine actress, a curious choice, but I was intrigued.  This week, Blanchett is out and Nicole Kidman is in.  If they are looking for the person behind the character, they’re gonna have a tough time prying off that mask Kidman calls a face.  The fans are most upset that Debra Messing was not even considered – and she admits she coveted the role.  Fans turned to Lucie Jr. and Desi Jr., who are listed as producers.  But they have no power, and Little Lu is pretty much staying out of it.  Stay tuned.

Nick Jonas is being approached about doing a live TV version of Jersey Boys.  That’s something I could get behind…repeatedly.

While reports suggest that our lives may resume in the Spring, the fallout on Broadway will be ongoing.  The hit musical Mean Girls has announced it will not be resuming performances, and they aren’t the only one.  The musical version of Beetlejuice was playing at the Winter Garden Theatre.  Over the holidays, that set was struck and a stagehand plummeted to his death.  The next tenant will be The Music Man starring Hugh Jackman – no body count thus far.  Rumor has it Beetlejuice could be relocated.

Paramount has announced plans for a film version of Spamalot, which was based on the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Eric Idle, who wrote the previous two, will write this third incarnation.  Not to be outdone, the musical version of The Color Purple, which was based on the movie of the same name (to say nothing of the book), will be filmed as well.

Speaking of dying, Tanya Roberts is dead.  And, yes, this time it took.  After I sent out my last column, a friend chastised me for not mentioning the death of the last lady to join TV’s Charlie’s Angels – to say nothing of Sheena (of the jungle, not of Easton).  The next morning, I woke up to find her alive!  As I said to Loni Anderson on Billy Masters LIVE last season: I read about that once before in a book…and I didn’t buy it then!  Being a cynic, I thought it was a publicity stunt.  Tanya’s dead; then she’s alive; then she writes a book; then she’s on The View.  No such luck.  Rest in peace, Tanya.  And let her death be a cautionary tale – pee before walking your dog.  The more you know…

Joan Collins is poised to publish yet another memoir.  Life AD stands for Life After Dynasty – although I anticipate many more “AD” jokes.  Her publisher says “the 87-year-old actress’s diary entries are unapologetic”, and adds that she “doesn’t care”.  I bet she cares that they’re revealing she’s 87.  They also claim that Dame Joan’s diaries are “as scandalous as Andy Warhol’s.”  In a recent interview, Collins described this pandemic as the worst thing she’s ever lived through – including the Bubonic Plague (and there’s your first “AD” joke). 

It didn’t take Meghan McCain long to stir things up on The View.  She does two things I can’t stand: 1) she repeats the same point three times in a single sentence without pausing for a breath; and B) she gets mad when people interrupt her – which she does incessantly.  On Meghan’s second day, she interrupted Joy – who stood her ground and said, “Excuse me, I’m not done.”  McCain teased that Joy missed her when she was on maternity leave.  “I did not!  I did not miss you!  ZERO!”  Make no mistake – the queen of interrupting is Joy Behar.  When doing a virtual talk show, you must wait for someone to stop speaking before you start – or nobody hears anything.  Behar has something to say after virtually every person speaks.  What they should do is turn off people’s mikes until it is their time to talk.  That tip was free – no charge, ABC.

Who would you die for?  It may say something horrid about me, but not a single person springs to mind.  People often say they’d die for their child – that’s their problem.  But would you get on a plane, during a pandemic, and purposely and premeditatively lay down your life for anyone in public office?  Because there are people who follow El Presidente and are happily willing to die for him – no Kool-Aid required.  I don’t get it, I don’t understand it, but there it is.  It’s as clear as that touring company of Les Misérables that was playing in DC last week!

No, Chris Harrison is not leaving The Bachelor franchise.  Everyone got into a tizzy when he relocated to Barton Creek, TX.  He simply moved there to be close to his son, who just started studies at – wait for it – Texas Christian University (locals call it by another name).  Might I add, piously, that said son is REALLY hot and has a great head…of hair.

Our Ask Billy question harkens back to the riots in DC.  Roger in Detroit asks, “Who is Phil Mattingly?  I saw him covering the riots for CNN and, gosh, he’s handsome.”

He is indeed.  He’s bordering on dashing.  Let me first answer your unwritten question – he’s straight.  Well, presumably he’s straight.  The strapping 36-year-old newsman has been married to a woman since 2010, and they have three kids.  He is, however, very gay-friendly and has supported many gay causes via Twitter.  He’s also shared his workout regime with Men’s Health – which is typically a precursor to a coming out story, but perhaps he’s the exception.  He reveals that when he doesn’t stick to the gym, it takes a terrible toll on him.  He loses weight!  And he thinks being a morning person is why people hate him.

Our first Ask Billy question of the year comes from Daniel in Suffolk.  “Any updates on Rogan O’Connor?”

Avid readers may recall Rogan, who has appeared on several UK reality shows and occasionally strips with the group Dreamboys.  He’s now started an OnlyFans page.  When asked what people should expect, Rogan said, “They can expect a lot of dick and a lot of ass.”  He added, “I’m still doing lots of TV shows, so for the filth, you do need to open up your DMs, and that’s where the real naughtiness begins.”  While I think the word “lots” may be overstating things a tad, the word “filth” does ring a bell.  You can check Rogan out on BillyMasters.com.

When a current star is using our old name, it’s time to end yet another column.  For all of you at HBO, I have two words for you – Golden Palace.  Give Cattrall WHATEVER she wants, or move on.  To everyone else, trust me – things will get better.  In the meantime, keep checking out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will always put a smile on your face.  If you need a reason to go on, write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I book Lindsay on Billy Masters LIVE!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

RuPaul’s Drag Race kicked off the new season and the New Year on SIX different networks simultaneously.  Of course, they were all kinda the same network, and despite a few changes, the show was kinda the same ol’ show.  As you know, this year features the first openly trans male competitor.  Because of that, Ru has tweaked one of her catchphrases.  Ru used to say, “Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win,” when it was time to “lip sync for your life”.  She’ll now say, “Racers, start your engines, and may the best drag queen win”.  It’s the little things that mean so much – an adage I’ve never found to be true.

In a related story, Eddie Izzard is now formally using the pronouns “She/Her”.  As luck would have it, I’ve always called Eddie “Girl”.  Or was it “Gurl”?

Three of HBO’s most popular series are headed down the path to reboot.  The network has announced that new versions of True Blood and In Treatment are in the works.  However, the return of Sex and the City got the most attention.  Not surprisingly, only three of the original co-stars have signed on – with Kim Cattrall once again demurring.  “I’m lucky enough to have the choice.”  Well, the gay fans are not having it.  No quartet, no viewers.

Meanwhile, ABC is looking at resuming All My Children…as a nighttime soap!  The plans are to follow a younger generation of characters with mostly new actors.  However, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos have indicated that they’d be interested in returning.  Meanwhile, La Lucci is sitting by the phone.

“Gay man has too much to drink and legally changes name to Celine Dion.”  
– New Year’s Day headline from England.  Not only is it embarrassing, it’s woefully out of date. 
I mean, Celine Dion – how retro!

I know we’re only a few days into 2021, but it seems an awful lot like 2020.  Then again, last year started very differently than it ended, so perhaps there’s hope.  Pandemic or not, traditions must be upheld.  While I would typically have a raucous viewing party of Lindsay Wagner’s latest oeuvre, Big Mama Masters allows no visitors into Casa Masters.  Instead, I was at the home of a friend in my “bubble”.  When we sat down to watch a Wagner flick (courtesy of a fan), we discovered the DVD was damaged in the post.  As luck would have it, this friend asked me last year if I could track down a 1977 made-for-TV retelling of It’s a Wonderful Life – suspiciously titled It Happened One Christmas.  So we watched my bootleg copy of this forgotten film, starring Marlo Thomas, Wayne Rogers, Orson Welles, and Cloris Leachman as Clara the Angel (with the worst Cockney accent this side of My Fair Lady).  While not what I’d call a “classic”, it passed the time adequately.

On TV, we saw Mariah Carey pop in on Coop and Cohen, winched into one of her 9-year-old daughter’s dresses.  If she inhaled, she’d have popped out in HD!  Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest looked positively petrified on ABC, while Jennifer Lopez appeared dismayed that someone actually turned her mike on.  And in case you don’t know, the few people in Times Square were actually invited first responders.  Oh, those poor people.

Elsewhere on New Year’s Eve, the family of El Presidente partied like it was 1999 – literally.  With nary a mask in sight (I’m told they were banned), the entertainment was straight out of the ‘90s – people like Terri Nunn from Berlin, Vanilla Ice, and Taylor Dayne (who had just been on Billy Masters LIVE).  The gays took umbrage at the participation of Terri and Taylor – very popular acts on the Pride circuit.  Boycotts were called for – much like when Jennifer Holliday considered singing at El Presidente’s Inauguration.  While I cannot speak of the others, I do know that Taylor used the opportunity of a plum paycheck and private jet to visit her ailing parents in the Mar-a-Lago vicinity.  Not an excuse, but an explanation.

Closer to the Equator, Jeffrey Sanker threw a party for gay revelers.  At first, I thought perhaps Puerto Vallarta was allowing gatherings.  However, in the state of Jalisco, parties are banned.  But Nuevo Vallarta (in the neighboring state of Riviera Nayarit) allowed them.  The festivities were moved, with enforced limited capacity, temperature checks, and mandatory masks.  As a further precaution, Sanker asked revelers to keep the address secret and banned photos and videos.  That didn’t stop people from sending snaps into BillyMasters.com.

Before moving on, let’s wrap up 2020.  Kirk Cameron made news – looking like a slightly younger, slightly gayer Neil Patrick Harris – by hosting a caroling event (as straight men apparently do).  Candace Cameron Bure deftly deflected and shoved him under the bus by saying that she was not in attendance.  Thanks, sis.

Tyler Posey placed the star on his tree bottomless.  Well, perhaps not bottomless – he was, after all, in the photo!  Meanwhile, Elton John dressed as Santa and promised to resume his farewell tour.  All snaps on our website.

And we said farewell to 2020 on Billy Masters LIVE with a wildly popular year-end edition.  Tens of thousands have tuned in so far, making it our most-viewed episode.  We’ll be back with new shows soon.  In the meantime, check out all 75 episodes of season one on Billy Masters TV on YouTube or at BillyMasters.com/TV.

We’d also like to acknowledge the passing of Broadway great Rebecca Luker, only months after revealing she had ALS.  Party Monster killer, Michael Alig, died of a suspected heroin overdose.  And Marcus D’Amico – who appeared as Mouse in the first miniseries based on Tales of the City – died of pneumonia at 55.

To the world, she was Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island.  But I want to remember my friend, Dawn Wells.  Let me take you back about 15 years to LAX at the height of the holiday season.  A storm was raging back east and most flights were cancelled.  People were frantically trying to get one of the last remaining seats to New York.  I found myself near the front of the line when I saw Dawn.  We’d only met briefly in the past, but I wasn’t gonna let Mary Ann go to the back of the line.  I silently slipped her in front of me (a technique I’ve perfected over the years).  As the gate attendant tried to find her a single seat, she corrected them.  “Two seats – for me and my friend,” she said, gesturing to me.  She got us on that flight (in Business, if I recall correctly) and we had a great time.  Rest in peace.

One of the biggest stories in our community was the eagerly anticipated coming out of Aaron Schock.  We all knew something was up.  Who knew it would be his ass?  After being snapped playing with a plethora of porn-calibre men for many months, a cache of nude photos of the defrocked Representative fell into our hot little hands.  Many of those snaps focused on his perky patootie, to say nothing of his erect penis.  He wrote a long, rambling essay about coming out – but why read words when you can see pictures…and videos…on BillyMasters.com.

The pandemic made stars of many people.  But the best show on TV was a daily reality show starring The Cuomos.  Oh, those were nail-biters.  And those plot twists.  Who expected Andy to have prisoners make disinfectant and hand sanitizer?  What about the rivalry with his hot, younger brother?  Or when Chris got the virus?  My favorite was after he recovered, he was seen cavorting nude on the grounds (which you can see on our website).  Cast Joan Collins as Mrs. Cuomo, and this would be a hit on Bravo!

The coronavirus got serious while I was at Miami’s Winter Party – a fundraiser for the National LGBTQ Task Force.  They took it VERY seriously, doling out sanitizer and distancing precautions.  I hunkered down in the VIP area – which is not typically known for housing the hunks at a circuit party.  Happily, I found a baker’s dozen of lookers.  I have a theory: the hotter someone is, the less likely you’ll catch anything worse than crabs.  And like clockwork, I was itchy…but Covid-free.  I zipped back to Boston to undergo surgery for a completely unrelated incident.  The next day, all non-essential procedures were cancelled.  And so it began.

While I was recovering in a sling (which, ironically, is how I was injured in the first place), Seth Rudetsky and his hubby James Wesley started Stars in the House – a twice-daily chat show raising money for the Actors Fund.  I congratulated Seth, and he said, “So why aren’t you doing one?  We all need to keep people entertained,” like this was the Hollywood Canteen.

That’s how Billy Masters LIVE was born.  As we wrap up our first season, I’m proud to say we’ve done 75 shows.  It’s also taken roughly a decade off my life.  I’m not complaining.  Well, I am complaining.  It’s grueling.  Not as grueling as picking up trash on the side of the road after some public nudity with members of the Providence High School Handball Team.  But it’s grueling nonetheless.  We look back on 2020 this week – Tuesday and Thursday at 3PM Eastern / Noon Pacific on Billy Masters TV on YouTube or at BillyMasters.com/TV.

The best part has been spending time with people who are my actual friends – to say nothing of making some new ones.  It’s impossible to choose favorites – but if I didn’t mention Jenifer Lewis first, I would pay for it dearly.  The legendary Ed Asner was another.  Loni Anderson was incredibly honest – and funny!  Gloria Allred helped us make sense of this crazy political season.  Both Anita and Ruth Pointer were so exciting.  Charles Busch bailed me out on more than one occasion.  Sam Harris never disappoints.  Lainie Kazan and Michele Lee made history by talking – for the first time together – about the disaster that was Seesaw.  Fran Drescher dropped by to tawk – twice.  We sat down with Marilyn Maye – in person!  We did a series of drag shows with Frank DeCaro, and dished porn with Chi Chi LaRue and Bruce Vilanch.  And The Billy Masters Players performed scenes from Hairspray with members of the Broadway, tour, television, and film productions; Dreamgirls with an original Dream, and Jackie’s Back with everyone else.  I can hardly wait for season two!

Success in life is based on expectations.  All you expect from me are some witty quips and catty comments.  I end every show by saying, “If we’re here, we’re live”.  Not much to live up to.  Ellen DeGeneres, on the other hand, ends every show by saying, “Be kind to one another” – and apparently is anything but offstage.  The more you know…

I anticipated 2020 would be the crowning achievement of my journalistic career.  I was celebrating 25 years of this column in print.  I don’t know about you, but it feels more like a quarter of a century.  It was a year unlike any other.  Still, a celebration’s a celebration, and tradition dictates we must look back – whether we’d like to or not.

As 2019 drew to a close, Sara Gilbert divorced her latest wife.  At the time, I quipped that made two things Sara dumped – Linda Perry and The Talk.  A few months later, Marie Osmond left The Talk.  It seems like she just joined the show – which she did!  Then Eve announced she was leaving.  But she’d been phoning it in…literally.  She’s been quarantining with her hubby in London (and kudos to whomever is handling that flawless technical wizardry).  New co-hosts will be Elaine Welteroth, who is only known to the handful who watched the most recent season of Project Runway, and Amanda Kloots, who is only known because her husband, Broadway performer Nick Cordero, succumbed to the coronavirus.  The Widow Cordero turned Nick’s ashes into a vase, got a book deal, and joined TV’s least-watched talk show.  Talk about making lemonade!  But woe be to whomever breaks that vase!

Meanwhile on The View, I can’t believe Abby Huntsman has only been gone since January.  I predicted the return of my future sister-in-law, Sara Haines.  Then Meghan McCain got pregnant.  Ana Navarro filled in more and more.  Rumors swirled that McCain wouldn’t return.  She assured everyone she’d be back.  And then…nothing.  She hasn’t shown up on camera since – even with everyone working from home.  What will 2021 bring?  Perhaps less Meghan.  The show is certainly less without her – less yelling, less childish tantrums…just less.

If 2020 taught us nothing else, we learned the true meaning of the word “schadenfreude”.  The literal translation is deriving pleasure or joy from someone’s failures or humiliation.  A visual translation might be a video from Oprah Winfrey’s Vision Tour.  O was onstage in Los Angeles and said, “Wellness to me means all things in balance, and balance doesn’t mean all things are equal or at peace at all times.”  At that moment, she lost balance and fell to the ground.  Correction – she tried NOT to fall to the ground, and kinda went into a cartwheel before landing on her assets.  While her tumble only garnered a 4.2 from the Romanian judge, it measured 5.5 on the Richter scale!  To Oprah’s credit, she noted the irony, quipping, “It’s nice to be talking about balance AND falling.”  To our credit, we have the video on BillyMasters.com.

Our last Ask Billy question of the year comes from Justin in Dallas.  “What do you know about Machine Gun Kelly?  He’s so frickin’ hot in those new photos.  Is that all him filling out that sock?”

Now I’m the one with questions – starting with the sock.  Turns out, MGK was sporting a cock sock on his nether regions while posing for Spin magazine in a see-through suit.  ‘Cause, you know, that’s what the kids do.  I know very little about him – except that he thinks he’s gonna marry Megan Fox, while she ain’t even following him on Instagram.  Oh, the drama.  I also have friends who were at the Spin photoshoot who tell me that the sock was snug.  I’ll run pics on BillyMasters.com.

When the sock doesn’t fit, it’s time to acquit yet another column.  This one certainly had a little bit of everything – including a side of Budapest and Brussels that Rick Steves probably dreams of!  You can get all that and more on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will always leave you Hungary for more!  If you’d like some of my goulash, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before anyone inserts anything else into my body!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I don’t watch much reality TV – except for The Bachelor franchise, which has been like gay porn this season.  But I know enough to know Zach Rance was on Big Brother during that season when they foisted Frankie Grande upon us.  And, according to Zach, their “showmance” included quite a bit of foisting!  “I fell in love with who he is as a person.  Super funny, super smart.  Good looking guy.  As time went on, we got so close that I wasn’t really sure if I had feelings for him or not.  You know, I’ve always been straight so it was never a thing to like guys.  But after the show happened, him and I did have a relationship that was more than just friends.  And he was the first guy that I ever hooked up with.  After that, I was very unsure about the direction of my sexuality because I like women.”  Someone else saying “him and I”.  I’m sure it’s making some of you cringe!

Lest you think Zach is all talk, he’s hooked up with fellow BB alum Jozea Flores, and they’re charging $100 for OnlyFans members to see a 30-second clip of them.  Uh, pass.  For once, Frankie Grande is looking good!

Meanwhile, Big Brother Hungary featured some male contestants in the shower together.  Now – why don’t we do that over here?  Fear not – you can see the uncut footage on BillyMasters.com.

In a twist not even I could have manufactured, we actually have a second Hungarian item of the week.  You probably don’t know Jozsef Szajer – although the name “Jozsef” has adorned many a Bel Ami video.  This particular Jozsef is a highly ranked official in Hungary.  He’s also vociferously anti-gay rights.  He’s probably the last person police expected to find at a “20-person gay orgy” in Brussels!  Oh, but it gets better.  When the police arrived to break up what they simply thought was a house party violating quarantine rules, they discovered a gaggle of nude guys…including one shimmying down a drainpipe!  When they caught that individual, they also discovered a backpack filled with narcotics!  Yup – Jozsef!  The next day, he not only apologized for “a personal failing”, but also declared diplomatic immunity from the charges.  Why doesn’t Hungary do a reality show about this?  P.S.  He has since resigned (and some reports claim there were 50 men at the orgy).

You know what has been renewed for a second season?  Billy Masters LIVE!  Last week was supposed to be our final shows for 2020 (we’ll be back in early 2021).  Our penultimate show featured Arnetia Walker and Mindy Sterling talking about the livestream of Stan Zimmerman’s Yes, Virginia.  We even had clips of Arnetia in Dreamgirls and Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills.  And then, the best holiday gift ever – wrapping up the season with Ruth Pointer of the fabulous Pointer Sisters.  We had clips, we had dish, we had joy, we had tears – it was everything you’d expect from Billy Masters LIVE.  Then we got a call – could Taylor Dayne come on as a little pre-Christmas guest?  Not only am I a fan, but I’ve worked with Taylor at many festivals and benefits around the country.  How could I say no?  You can see us together on Tuesday, December 23^rd at 3PM Eastern / Noon Pacific on my YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV.  Or just go to BillyMasters.com/TV.

One of the few actors I admire for both his body of work and his physical body is Sebastian Stan.  And yet, I’m going to do the unthinkable and give him a tongue lashing…although, on reflection, it’s not that unthinkable.  Hulu has announced that they are making a limited series based on Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.  And if you think Lily James is miscast as Pam, what do you think about Sebastian as Tommy Lee?  On the positive side, the series will focus heavily on their sexcapades – including their honeymoon sex tape.  While Tommy Lee has his attributes, he’d kill for Stan’s body – as would I.  So the more we see of that, the better.  Pam & Tommy is being directed by Craig Gillespie, who directed I, Tonya.  Who knows – maybe it’ll work.

There’s a whole lot of television projects announced for 2021 that I’m torn about.  On the positive side, an LA Law reboot centered on Blair Underwood?  Count me in!  And, why not have some of his former co-stars involved.  Corbin could run the firm.  Susan Dey could get coffee.  On the other hand, do I need a Night Court reboot for John Larroquette?  Pass.  Speaking of “pass”, FOX passed on an Empire spinoff about Cookie.  Other networks are in discussions, but I don’t see it happening.  Instead, FOX picked up a new version of Fantasy Island.  Am I the only one who remembers the failed Malcolm McDowell attempt?  It limped through 13 episodes.  Lastly, you don’t need to be psychic to know a Superstore spinoff centered on Bo & Cheyenne will crash and burn.