“The old woman finally died.”  
– Billy Masters left this as a voice message for a friend.  Said friend was sure I meant Barbara Walters. 
But BW will outlive us all, much to the chagrin of her handsome daughter, Jackie.

The Queen is dead.  Long live the King.  It just occurred to me – for the first time in my life, people will be singing “God Save the King”.  As for QEII’s passing, I predicted this after she did that sketch with Paddington Bear on her Jubilee.  Like that other Queen Elizabeth (Taylor), whose final film was The Flintstones, some old broads do one project too many!

Our Ask Billy question came from Henry in San Francisco: “I just saw some pics of Luke Evans and a guy hotter than him on vacation.  Who is he?  And is it serious?”

Luke was recently in Ibiza with the very sexy and strapping Spaniard, Fran Tomas.  But this is not a new relationship – the couple has been together for about a year.  And, yes, Fran is unbearably hot – if you like that good-looking, muscular Latin type.  Of course, Luke is no slouch in that department.  While Fran is a bit buffer, Evans is more ripped – quite an accomplishment for someone a decade older!  Fran works in architecture and design, with a background in real estate and construction.  And he clearly has lots of free time to globe-trot with the hunky Evans.  To see some sexy snaps, check out BillyMasters.com.

When I’m looking forward to the next celebrity funeral, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  With the temperature starting to dip, I’m winging off to Europe.  While I would have joined Luke and Fran in Ibiza, I really don’t like all that spitting.  Instead, I’ll start out on an undisclosed Greek Isle, and then off in a former Eastern Bloc land scouting Bel Ami types.  In fact, this may be a country that blocks www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s been known to enjoy a foreign tongue or two (typically at the same time).  If you’d like me to find you a slot, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Stavros and I dry off.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Since many of you have asked, Varla Jean Merman is recuperating comfortably.  As you’ll recall, she had a mishap with a Tic Tac which resulted in major surgery – don’t you hate when that happens?  We have more details to share.  The Merm suffered a complete detachment of her quads at the tendon and fractured her kneecap.  While it’s easy to knock the old girl over, it’s hard to keep the old girl down.  After taking a week off, she is returning to finish out the season at Provincetown’s Crown & Anchor.  “The show must go on!  Honestly, I need to laugh now more than anyone at this time…even if I’m in a wheelchair.”  Oh, yes, you read right – wheelchair!  Dash down to Ptown to see the newly revised Varla Jean Merman’s Ready To Blow…On Wheels.  I predict these will be shows you’ll be able to tell the kids about for years to come.  Grab a ticket (if you can) at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

Another way to know the summer is coming to a close is when the US Open takes place.  This year’s festivities took several bizarre turns – the most staggering being when fans cheered the appearance of Beyoncé.  Except it wasn’t Queen B – it was Laverne Cox!  Allegedly, people made the mistake because she was wearing a mask.  Yeah, and when I have on a mask, I’m often mistaken for Brad Pitt!!!  The mistaken identities did not end there.  Days later, Dionne Warwick appeared courtside – and was ID’d by the announcer as Gladys Knight!  I’m not sure which diva should be more insulted.  Feisty Auntie Dionne decided to Tweet about it.  “Hi, I’m Gladys Knight…and instead of taking that midnight train to Georgia, I won’t walk on by but will say a little prayer for you.”

Reports of the passing of the Summer of ’22 have been greatly exaggerated.  Despite accepting that fall was upon us, I stubbornly needed one last hurrah.  Back to Provincetown I went – damn the chill in the air and those elongated shadows.  My last official outing was seeing Steven Brinberg’s Simply Barbra at the Provincetown Art House (PtownArtHouse.com).  As always, Brinberg is a delight replicating every vocal inflection, tic and nuance of the diva.  But he doesn’t stop with Streisand – he evokes at least a dozen other luminaries, including Eartha Kitt, Bette Davis, Ethel Merman, Lena Horne, Bea Arthur, and even the great Anthony Newley.  A highlight was his tribute to Hello, Dolly!, which turned into a duet…and then a trio.  You have to see it to believe it.  The special guest appearance of crooner Nicolas King was just the icing on an already rich cake.  Check him out if he comes to your locale – the full schedule is at SimplyBarbra.com.

I was both tickled and humbled by the many people who came up to me after the show to say they’re fans of the column or of Billy Masters LIVE (we’re currently on a hiatus).  It really touched me – which also happened later at Velvet’s underwear party.  Come to think of it, I was also tickled there…among other places.

Then there’s a diva smackdown which started when Mariah Carey decided to trademark the title Queen of Christmas due to her hit “All I Want For Christmas” (which someone else claims to have written).  This has enraged Darlene Love – who recorded “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” back in 1963.  Since 1986, Love sang her song every year for David Letterman, who termed her the Queen of Christmas – although I don’t believe anyone filled out that pesky paperwork.  When Darlene heard of Carey’s intentions, she made a statement of her own: “Is it true that Mariah trademarked Queen of Christmas?  What does that mean, that I can’t use the title?  David Letterman officially declared me the Queen of Christmas 29 years ago, a year before she released ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ and at 81 years of age, I’m NOT changing anything.  I’ve been in the business for 52 years, have earned it and can still hit those notes!  If Mariah has a problem, call David Letterman or my lawyer!”

Just before this column went out, I was sent a video of Wendy Williams on a late-night cigarette and liquor run.  First, let’s start with her appearance – scary skinny, crepey skin, wearing a barely-there pair of denim shorts and some sort of halter top – to say nothing of those crazy eyes.  And yet, she was walking alone in normal sneakers and aided by a cabbie (who she took a selfie with).  The next day, she’s out holding the arm of a security man for dear life and walking gingerly (still with the crazy eyes – as if she actually cannot see).  All of this comes on the heels of reports that her son, Kevin Jr., had charged over $100K to Mom’s personal American Express card – which we hear is why her assets were frozen.  You can see all on BillyMasters.com.

Our beloved Varla Jean Merman has been wowing crowds at The Crown & Anchor with her new show, Ready To Blow.  Last week, she was in the middle of a particularly intricate dance break during “Anything Goes” when she slipped either on water, a Tic Tac, or a pill with a dolphin on it.  Down she went with a thud.  Of course, the audience laughed – they thought it was a bit!  Meanwhile, Varla couldn’t get off the floor – because that’s a whole lotta Varla!  We hear details about big, burly bartenders, EMTs, a gurney, an ambulance and an ER.  And an emergency surgery, because she detached her whozeewhatzit and fractured her whatchamacallit.  As of this writing, Varla is resting comfortably and is already talking about returning to the show…in a wheelchair!

I wrapped up my summer in Provincetown with two extraordinary shows (to say nothing of one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life…but that’s another story).  Marilyn Maye celebrated her 12^th year at the Provincetown Art House with 94: Of Course There’s More.  To say that Maye is not approaching 100 gingerly is an understatement.  She continues to conquer audiences with vocal abilities that transcend age.  The run included her traditional mantra of “It’s Today” – complete with high kicks – which you can see on our website.

Following Maye was a veritable youngster making his Ptown debut.  Max von Essen has wowed audiences on Broadway and beyond.  The delightful, dashing and debonair crooner chose a selection of (primarily) standards which fit his pristine vocals like a glove.  He truly is a throwback to a time where technique and talent ruled – and his encore without assistance of amplification proved just that.  A clip can be found on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question came out of left field (you see how I did that?).  Norm in Chicago writes, “Someone told me there are new photos of Aaron Schock circulating.  Have you seen them?”

If they’re the photos I’m thinking of, they’re no big deal.  But the reaction is interesting.  Every bar has a presence on social media where they will post photos of their more attractive clientele.  The Eagle in NYC is no different – except usually their clientele is in some form of undress…or leather…or, occasionally, both.  Eagle eyes spotted the disgraced congressman flashing his flesh next to someone sucking on something (don’t get your hopes up).  One person commented, “It’s pathetic how low the gay community will go for a guy with abs.”  Trust me, I can go lower.  In fact, head on over to BillyMasters.com and you, too, could be Schock’s proctologist!

When we can’t go any lower, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  And there’s even more to see on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that gets to the bottom every time.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Rosie’s next book review!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Earlier this year, Take Me Out was a big hit on Broadway.  It won Tony Awards for Best Revival of a Play and Best Featured Actor for Jesse Tyler Ferguson.  It was such a hit, it’s coming back.  Starting on October 27^th, Ferguson will join the revival’s mesmerizing star Jesse Williams for a strictly limited 14-week run.  We don’t know which former cast members will return, but we do know that phones will again be locked to prevent nude footage from leaking out.  Of course, you can already see the entire Broadway cast nude on BillyMasters.com.

Last week Tom Daley and hubby Dustin Lance Black went to a drag show at Ku Bar in London’s Chinatown.  After the show, they went to another gay bar, Freedom.  There they met Teddy Edwardes, founder of LICK Events.  She claims that she invited them to join her group and even bought them drinks.  Then a random guy sat down and made them feel uncomfortable.  So Teddy asked security to move the guy away.  While this was going on, Lance started grumbling and got up to leave.  And that’s when he threw a drink at Teddy, which she said was “pretty much unprovoked”.  The term “pretty much unprovoked” got my hackles up (whatever the fuck “hackles” are). 

Teddy continues, “I didn’t have a drink to throw back so I did choose violence, but I wasn’t that violent.  He got a little tap on the back of the head.”  I need some clarification on how we are defining a “little tap”?  There’s my “little tap”, and then there’s a lesbian “little tap” – which might render me unconscious!  Teddy adds, “Tom Daley was lovely throughout.  He was just trying to diffuse the situation, but unfortunately, his American, Oscar-winning filmmaker husband had other plans…what a fucking mess.”  The other plans were as follows.  “Tell me why he is crying outside saying it’s a targeted attack and that he’s traumatized and called the police, and I had to wait there for hours whilst the police were asking questions…And now I have been cautioned and I have to go in for interviews.  I’m sorry, but what level of rich, privileged shit makes someone think they can throw a drink over someone and nothing will happen?  Because if I throw a drink over someone, I expect shit to go down!”

While Anne Heche was on life support, Rosie O’Donnell took to social media to say she was “feeling bad that I made fun of her when she was talking to Barbara Walters about having a relationship with space aliens.”  After her death, Rosie decided to sit down and read Heche’s memoir, Call Me Crazy.  It didn’t take long before she found a troublesome passage – which I will quote here: “I was promoting, I think, Donnie Brasco, and I went on the Rosie O’Donnell Show.  So when I was in my dressing room, I got a knock on the door and Rosie comes in and sets herself down uncomfortably in front of me and basically states, ‘Let me cut to the point.  If you bring up the fact that you and Ellen are a couple, I will not promote you.  We will erase this episode…If you bring her up, if you bring up gay love, if you bring up love, if you bring up anything to do with the movement that you feel that you’re a part of, you will not have your film promoted.”  Heche hastens to add that O’Donnell was not out at that time.

Rosie responds to this portion of Anne’s book.  “I would say not true and not likely.  I can’t imagine ever saying anything like that to anyone, never mind a guest about to appear on my show.  So no, that was not accurate, and kind of shocking to hear it, truthfully…No way in God’s green hell.  So I’m sorry that we never got to talk about that.  But I never said that to anyone in my life.”  Rosie kinda affirmed her stance by posting a second appearance by Heche on her talk show where they both spoke openly about Ellen.  So there!

Someone who always shows all is rocker Tommy Lee, which leads us into our Ask Billy question.  Randy in San Diego writes, “I heard Tommy Lee posted a nude photo on social media.  But I can’t find it.  Was it a mistake?  And do you have it?”

Tommy Lee is crazy…like a fox.  He knew exactly what he was doing with this full-frontal faux pas.  It popped up on Instagram and, within 10 minutes, disappeared.  Tommy replaced it with a meme of a naked man standing in front of an elephant asking him, “How do you breathe through that little thing?”  Oh, that Tommy is a card!  And he’s in as enviable shape as ever, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When Tommy only needs one additional stick to play the drums, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  If that whets your appetite, no need to get behind the wheel.  Just cruise on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always has something to munch on.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before anyone calls me crazy!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

KJ Apa of Riverdale fame (to say nothing of numerous crossword puzzles) got gay tongues wagging worldwide by posting a photo with Eric Dane with the caption “New couple alert”.  While some hoped this meant Apa would be joining the cast of Euphoria, the twosome is actually shooting a movie.  One Fast Move finds Eric playing KJ’s daddy – and, alas, I mean his biological father.  A boy can dream…

Over the years, I was fortunate to spend lots of time with Olivia Newton-John both onstage and off, most memorably when I hosted her only concert of 2008 – at LA Pride.  As many have said, the best way to describe her personality was “sunny”.  Fast forward to 2020, when I hosted a special Billy Masters LIVE to celebrate 50 years of LA Pride.  I thought Olivia would be a great guest, so I reached out to her publicist and bestie, my bon ami Michael Caprio.  ONJ was game, but technologically couldn’t do it due to unreliable Internet at her ranch.  Unexpectedly, a couple of hours before our live show, I got an e-mail from Caprio.  “Olivia was sorry she couldn’t join you live, but thought you might be able to use this.”  Attached was a video she shot, wishing us a happy Pride, saying how sorry she was she couldn’t join us live, and saluting our efforts.  She had nothing to gain from it – she just wanted us all to know she was there.  Thanks, Livvy.

We’ve all seen those movies – those trashy slasher flicks when the killer is carried out on a gurney, covered by a sheet, and then pops up and kills the EMT.  Well, there was a real-life equivalent of this very situation (minus the murder, naturally).  Anne Heche – who was in the remake of Psycho – was driving erratically through Mar Vista, California, shortly after buying a red wig.  She was caught on camera almost mowing down a pedestrian, and then refusing to stop after nicking a garage.  That’s when she turned someone’s house into a McDonald’s drive-thru.  For some inexplicable reason, she pulled into a driveway, plowed through the living room of one Lynne Mishele, and continued about three-quarters of the way through the house – which is impressive when you consider she was driving a Mini Cooper!  Eventually the car stopped and everything was ablaze, while Heche was still in her car – perhaps singing along to a Crosby, Stills and Nash CD.

Police, fire, and rescue officers were called to the scene, while one chopper caught everything on live TV – without anyone realizing the driver was marginally famous.  In a moment of blatant sexism, the reporter wondered aloud if “he” (the driver) was OK – as if a woman couldn’t have possibly caused such a commotion.  After close to an hour, a body was extricated from the passenger side of the car, placed on a gurney, and covered in a sheet.  The reporter described the grim scene when, all of a sudden, up popped Anne Heche, as if to say, “I’m OK!”  It was an unbelievable sight!  Despite this last surge of strength, the brain injuries were too extensive, and she passed away a week later.  Who would have thought her last filmed appearance would be the most compelling of her life?

Prior to Anne’s death, her most notable ex was ambushed by a “journalist”.  Ellen was asked what she thought of Heche’s condition.  “We’re not in touch with each other, so I wouldn’t know.”  DeGeneres added, “I don’t want anyone to be hurt.”  While she has been criticized for being cool, Ellen was far more sympathetic than a few of my exes would have been (although, for the record, my response would be warmer – ‘cause, you know, I’m a giver).

We have time for a very brief Ask Billy question.  Dan in Miami asks, “I just read an article about some guy called the Turkish Timothée Chalamet.  Who is he?”

It all started with the UK reality show, Love Island.  Viewers got to meet family members of some contestants, including Ekin-Su’s brother, Arda Cülcüloğlu.  Social media quickly noted the striking resemblance to Chalamet.  Since then, people have gone crazy.  While I know nothing about him, I’m happy to post some photos on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re bringing you some Turkish delight, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Of course, more awaits you on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s muy internazionale.  As always, send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before any of my paramours even MEET my parents!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Look for a familiar face to turn up on Grey’s Anatomy.  One of the new residents joining the cast for season 19 is Harry Shum Jr.  We’re told there’s a good reason why the sexy Glee alum is older than all of the other residents.  If it involves being naked, I’m all for it.

Filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan has announced that Jonathan Groff and Ben Aldridge will play a gay couple in Knock at the Cabin.  In the film, the boys bring their adopted daughter to a secluded New England cabin for a long weekend.  I don’t even need to read beyond that to know that nothing good will happen at this cabin.

There’s a film in the works about Alina Fernández, Fidel Castro’s illegitimate daughter.  Alina of Cuba will star Ana Villafañe.  And her famous dad will be played by James Franco – ‘cause he’s so versatile!  Needless to say, the reaction was revolutionary.  One of the people expressing outrage is John Leguizamo.  “I don’t got a prob with Franco but he ain’t Latino!”  The film’s producer, John Martinez O’Felan, shot back by revealing that Franco is actually Latin – by way of Portugal (I don’t think that helped).  Naturally, the real-life Alina is supporting the project.  She points out, with justifiable pride, that “the project is almost entirely Latino, both in front and behind the camera”.  As to the casting, she states, “James Franco has an obvious physical resemblance with Fidel Casto, besides his skills and charisma.”  Leguizamo is unmoved.  “So, no, no.  Appropriating our stories – no more of that.  I’m done with that.”  Does this means that only a Cubano should play Castro?  Could someone from another Latin background play the role?  Do actors need to submit a headshot, a resume, and a 23AndMe profile to casting agents?

As you know, I believe people should do whatever they enjoy doing – within the limits of their local ordinances, of course.  But even my laissez-faire attitude was pushed to the limit when I read a recent column by Dan Savage.  A reader wanted to know if he should continue to date someone who previously had a threesome with his parents!  Note the plural – parentS.  As in both.  And this is not a situation where the person had two fathers.  These were parents of the opposite sex.  If the letter is to be believed, the discovery was made when the writer introduced his beau to his parents.  Turns out that the three of them hooked up a decade earlier, during what the boyfriend refers to as his “big bi slut phase”.  Again, I am not one to judge, but no – this would be a deal-breaker.  I’m sure the boyfriend is lovely, and perhaps I could get past him sleeping with one of my parents.  Although I suppose it would depend which one.

Joe Manganiello made a fascinating discovery about his family.  The Magic Mike II star, best known for his body of work, was having his family tree researched by Henry Louis Gates Jr. for Finding Your Roots.  That’s when we learned that Manganiello’s fifth great-grandfather was black!  I don’t know what it is about this news that titillates me, but I suddenly find myself extremely jealous of Sofia Vergara!

Then we have Republican Glenn Thompson, a member of the House of Representatives who recently voted against codifying same-sex marriage.  Three days after that vote, he not only attended the same-sex wedding of his son Kale to Phil Green, but made a speech – an audio recording of which has gone public.  Not only does Thompson say, “We’re just blessed”, but also praises his son finding a man he could spend the rest of his life with.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Harry in Detroit:  “I keep seeing ads for Vacay Swimwear with an absolutely gorgeous blond boy.  Who is he?”

That would be the luscious Max Wyatt – a fitness model and frequent presence on social media.  He’s British, but currently lives in Dubai.  He is allegedly 24 – I say allegedly because he’s been on YouTube since 2012!  He’s also ostensibly straight, but has had an occasional presence on OnlyFans, where he’s treated his gay fans to some racier content.  Needless to say, some of that content will pop up on BillyMasters.com.

When I’m down for some drilling in Dubai, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  We ran so long, I barely have time to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site where things pop up at an alarming rate.  For your pressing needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I tell WHO the what, where, when, why and how of my summer plans.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Last week, the entire first season of Uncoupled dropped on Netflix.  This is Neil Patrick Harris and Darren Star’s attempt at a gay Sex and the City – for those of you who thought SATC was straight!  Neil is dumped by Tuc Watkins on his 50^th birthday – which is a great trick for a 55-year-old (it’s called acting, dah-ling).  Tisha Campbell steals every scene she’s in.  Marcia Gay Harden wins points by simply walking with panache.  Brooks Ashmanskas has the best lines – “I’m not on Grindr.  It’s nothing but bottoms.  And tops…who are also bottoms.”  It’s a funny line, except two episodes later, he shows Neil his Grindr profile.  Continuity, kids!  It was great seeing my pal Gilles Marini pop Neil’s newly-single cherry, and one must applaud any show that features Watkins shirtless in the first 15 minutes.  But for the record, no upwardly mobile gay would have such a janky plastic toothbrush!  The show rests on NPH’s shoulders (and, for the record, his body looks amazing).  He spends most of the time appearing old, and dour, and bitter – which is what happens when you’re dumped with no notice after 17 years (I say from experience).  I wasn’t grabbed or engaged or entertained.  But I did watch all eight episodes – just for you, my little petals!  Will it return?  Should it?  And what will happen?  Stay tuned.

One of my more significant exes was quite a devotee of Joni Mitchell.  While I had a passing interest in the Canadian songstress, I was more of a Joan Baez kinda guy – as evidenced by my signature rendition of “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”.  After a brain aneurysm in 2015, Joni hasn’t performed publicly.  In fact, she’s barely walked publicly.  She has, however, had numerous gatherings at her home where singers and musicians have gathered to “jam” – and, recently, she’s taken baby steps and cautiously joined in.  She took a giant step forward last week when Joni Jams took to the stage at the Newport Folk Festival.  Under the leadership of Brandi Carlile, Joni sang, played the guitar, and luxuriated alongside her younger colleagues.  It’s fascinating that Mitchell singing more than an octave lower with the thread of a voice is being lauded while Barbra, who occasionally lowers songs by a few keys, is criticized.  Perhaps if she had a stroke…

Adele has announced new dates for her Las Vegas residency.  She will now play Caesars Palace November 18^th through March 25^th, and tickets start at over $1K!  My advice is to sit this one out.  In the words of George W. Bush, “Fool me once, shame on – shame on you.  Fool me…you can’t get fooled again.”  Meanwhile, fans of Bruce Springsteen were shocked to find tickets for his upcoming shows starting at over $4K.  This is due to Ticketmaster’s “dynamic pricing” – which seems like legalized scalping to me.

Love is in the air, if not in public.  Sexy ABC reporter James Longman married Alex Brannan at a Registry Office in London – which is kinda like people in the US going to the courthouse.  Brannan captioned the photo by saying, “Don’t worry guys.  I made him sign a prenup.”  Longman took to social media to explain the lack of pomp.  “Small disclaimer: this was just the legal bit.  Just thought it would be romantic to come back from Ukraine and make it official.  Big fun wedding next year for all our family and friends.”  I eagerly await my invitation.

It’s no secret that I find JoJo Siwa incredibly annoying.  But when she makes news, I must report.  In the midst of a recent TikTok game, JoJo put up images to answer statements.  In response to “Rudest celebrity I’ve ever met”, she put up a photo of Candace Cameron Bure.  Well, color me shocked – I can’t believe anyone referred to Candace Cameron Bure as a “celebrity”!  Bure responded with this quote: “Trust the Lord always”.  Well, isn’t that special?

Siwa also revealed that she doesn’t like the term “lesbian”.  “At the end of the day, that’s what I am.  It’s like the word ‘moist’.  It’s like…ugh.”  And I promise to never again utter the word “lesbian” alongside the word “moist”.

Speaking of hotties, our Ask Billy question comes from Thomas in Chicago:  “Did you see that hot guy at the January 6^th hearings?  He was sitting behind Matthew Pottinger, and everyone is trying to figure out who he is.”

That would be Alex Wollet.  He’s 23 years old and described as a medical student who is doing a fellowship at the National Institutes of Health.   More than one person on social media described him as Clark Kent – more to the point, an exceptionally hot Clark Kent (no offense to any Clark Kents past or present).  We’re told that Alex is dating witness Sarah Matthews, who was sitting next to Mr. Pottinger.  This might explain the “Witness” ID which was clipped to Wollet’s lapel.  You can see what all the fuss is about on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re swooning over a witness for the prosecution, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I had no idea the January 6^th hearings could be so riveting.  I wonder what they’ll do for season 2!  If there’s anything of note, it’ll turn up on www.BillyMasters.com – the site the site that has its finger on more than the pulse of its subjects!  If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I ask Alex, “Wanna kiss me, ducky?”.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Tennessee Williams estate has given permission for the first off-Broadway production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  It is being produced by Ruth Stage and runs through August 14^th at The Theater at St. Clements in NYC (RuthStage.org).  If we only had the sexy Matt de Rogatis to look forward to as Brick, that would be cause enough to celebrate.  But we also have the sexiest Big Daddy that ever was (paired with the amazing Alison Fraser as Big Mama).  Christian Le Blanc – known to many as Michael Baldwin on The Young and the Restless – will be the patriarch.  While Big Daddy is often portrayed as a doddering, paunchy, ancient man, Le Blanc’s shirtless pics prove there’s more than one way to skin a cat…and you’ll see a whole lotta skin on BillyMasters.com.

Last week, Rosie O’Donnell and Kathy Griffin joined forces to raise money for Friendly House, a women’s addiction treatment center in LA.  It was Griffin’s first time performing standup since her treatment for lung cancer, and she was welcomed back with a standing ovation.  But the night also marked the first public appearance of O’Donnell with her girlfriend, Aimee Hauer, who is a massage therapist.

Since we’re doling out good news, sexy Matt Dallas and his equally hunky hubby Blue Hamilton just made an announcement – they’ve adopted a daughter.  She came into their lives in a serendipitous way.  The couple chaperoned a field trip that their son Crow was on.  They noticed how well he got along with a classmate, Rosa.  Fast forward, a social worker called to see if they might be interested in adopting a girl.  They thought, “If it was a little girl like Rosa…we would be over the moon.”  Turns out, it WAS Rosa!  Bing, bang, boom – instant family!

In one of the most curious collaborations ever, Spanish auteur Pedro Almodóvar is set to make his long-awaited first English-language film – Strange Way of Life – about two aging gunslingers who have an “intimate relationship”.  One of those cowboys will be played by Ethan Hawke, while the other will be Pedro Pascal.  Almodóvar calls this film “my answer to Brokeback Mountain.”  God willing, something actually happens in this 30-minute flick.  Filming begins in August.

Anyone can sue over anything.  There is no guilt or innocence associated with a suit – other than it being an annoyance.  But with famous people, there’s another game that goes on.  If a famous person misbehaves, the victim will often say, “I’ll sue” – which often results in a payoff.  But some celebs play a game of chicken and say, “Go ahead” – because they know most people won’t bother.  If a suit is filed, it can go one of two ways – the celeb may feely cocky enough to let it go to trial, or they may up the ante and pay to have the complaint withdrawn without explanation.  Make no mistake – a withdrawn case does not mean one is innocent.  And that’s all I’m gonna say.

In light of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, the House of Representatives took steps to codify same-sex marriage by federal law – something I suspect we’ll see happen with many issues.  The vote for the Respect for Marriage Act overwhelmingly went our way.  And it gives one hope when you note that 47 Republicans joined their 220 Democratic colleagues to preserve the ruling.  However, one cannot ignore that 157 Republicans voted against it.  Many say it has no chance of passing the Senate, but stranger things have happened.

In a story I thought we’d heard the last of, US Marshals are searching for a man who abducted Lady Gaga’s dogs and shot her hot gay dog walker, Ryan Fischer.  James Howard Jackson was one of the three people charged with the abducting and shooting.  And yet, he was released from prison in April due to a “clerical error”.  Fischer, who is no longer in Gaga’s employ, spoke out on the subject.  “I ask for Mr. Jackson to turn himself over to the authorities so resolution to the crime committed against me runs its course, whatever the courts determine that outcome to be.”

In other old news, we hear that Armie Hammer is broke and trying to sell timeshares in the Cayman Islands!  The employment opportunity is a way for the disgraced actor (who really is quite talented) to support his stay near where his two children live with his ex-wife.  After denying that Hammer was working as a Caymans concierge, his lawyer says he can neither confirm nor deny that he’s selling timeshares.  What we do know is that Hammer recently flew back to LA, as he was seen in Venice looking no worse for wear.  Rumors abound that he’s enlisted the aid of Robert Downey Jr. to help rehabilitate his image.  Well, if anyone would know…

Our Ask Billy question comes from Frank in West Hollywood:  “I just saw Calvin Klein walking down Santa Monica Boulevard with a really hot younger guy.  My friend said they were engaged.  Who is he?”

That would be Kevin Baker, who is described as a 34-year-old model who looks like he’s the love child of Matt Bomer and Brandon Routh…and I’ll pause so you can luxuriate in that image.  The couple has been together for about seven years, but an engagement would be news to me…and to everyone else.  To date, Klein has never spoken publicly about any of his male paramours – and that includes Baker’s predecessor, Nick Gruber.  But here’s the interesting part – like Gruber, Baker is said to have a gay porn past.  It’s been alleged that Kevin was once Jacob Johnson, who did online videos for Flirt4Free.  He has also posed with his brother Joel, who is equally hot.  As they say, a photo is worth a thousand words, so you can check out a few thousand at BillyMasters.com.

When we’re bringing you a Baker’s dozen, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  What a column – from someone accused of sleeping with his nephew, to brothers cavorting together, to folks dating people half their age!  Actually, Klein and Kevin kinda look like father and son.  And you know what they say – like father, like son.  But do they have to like each other?  For more deep thoughts, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always goes deep.  If you have a question, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I schedule a conjugal visit with my latest pen pal.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

In a couple of slots I can certainly get behind, Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey are set to join forces for the miniseries Fellow Travelers.  The series, which is set in the 1950s, is referred to as a “love story and political thriller” – and who doesn’t love those?  Bomer plays a political operative, and Bailey is a recent college graduate.  I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see Matt Bomer cast as the older man!

Speaking of older men, Graham Norton is no longer on the market.  The plucky presenter wed his beau at a private ceremony in County Cork, Ireland.  While Norton has not shared many details – like the name of the person he married – we do know that Lulu sang.  And, while he’s mum, my sources tell me that Graham’s spouse is Scottish filmmaker Jonothan McLeod.  Here’s what Norton said only a year ago: “I prefer to be unhappy alone.  That’s the bottom line.  And I’m not even unhappy.”  He added this: “The older you get, the less right you have to be picky, but the pickier you become.  And your dating pool becomes smaller and smaller – but that’s because you want it to be.  When you’re young, it’s the opposite – you know you could be picky, but you’re not.”  I don’t believe that’s a universally held opinion.  I was FAR pickier in my youth.  Now, I’m hot for murderers!

Not to be outdone, we hear that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez married this weekend in Las Vegas.  Place your wagers now.

It finally happened – Lea Michele got cast as Fanny Brice in Funny Girl, which might more accurately be termed Funny Lady, since the 35-year-old Michele will play a teenager.  It’s been alleged that shortly after Beanie Feldstein’s reviews came out, Lea let the powers know that she was available to take over the role.  We’re told she’s having new costumes made to align with her interpretation – which I’m told is basically a Streisand impersonation.  Perhaps it will save the show.  Ticket sales recently dropped from 85% to 65%.  The hope is that the “Gleeks” will come out en masse once Michele debuts on September 6^th.  However, Glee went off the air seven years ago, and most of the fans have moved on – some are already receiving a pension!  Add in that Lea is a polarizing figure – beloved by many, but widely painted as a “mean girl” by colleagues.  If anyone would know, it would be the current Mrs. Brice, Jane Lynch.  She was scheduled to leave the show on September 25^th and planned to overlap with the new Fanny for a few weeks.  People anticipated a joyous Glee reunion.  However, once Lea was announced, Lynch pushed up her departure to September 4^th – two days before Michele starts.  Coincidence?

As we went to print, Beanie cancelled a few more performances.  The reason?  Tonsillitis.  “Ya gotta laugh at a certain point.  When it rains, it pours…on your old pal Bean,” said Feldstein.  She hopes to do her last two weeks.

It was a bad week for Ricky Martin.  He’s being sued by his 21-year-old nephew for domestic abuse, which led to a restraining order issued on July 2^nd.  But wait, there’s more.  This biological nephew, Dennis Yadiel Sanchez, claims that they had been in a romantic relationship!  Dennis says he broke up with Ricky two months ago, and that led to Ricky “loitering near the petitioner’s house”.  Ricky’s mouthpiece (famed lawyer Marty Singer) says, “Ricky Martin has, of course, never been – and would never be – involved in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with his nephew.”  A hearing is set for July 21^st.  I guess in Puerto Rico the wheels of justice move swiftly.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Jasper in Las Vegas:  “I heard that The Boys had a gay orgy scene.  True?  Who participated?”

Well, one man’s orgy is another man’s…well, we’re getting ahead of ourselves – which you never wanna do at an orgy.  While The Boys has more than its share of hot men, tales (or tails) of a gay orgy have been grossly exaggerated.  When Jensen Ackles filmed his first scene, he had to walk out of a cryogenic capsule completely naked (you can see all on BillyMasters.com).  “What better way to bring a new guy onto the set than make him take all his clothes off?” said Jensen.  “So, yeah, it was a nice intro for me into a completely foreign space with nothing on but a sock.”

When anyone is wearing a sock to a gay orgy, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Obviously it wasn’t moi!  To paraphrase someone famous – I’ve known orgies, and that’s no orgy.  But you can find more than your fill at www.BillyMasters.com – the site that’s like a virtual orgy – but you won’t lose your socks!  If you have a gap that only I can fill, send specifics (and photos) to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone invites Jared Padalecki to an orgy!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

While I was in the theatre, another Broadway show made a shocking announcement.  Beanie Feldstein, who has helmed the Funny Girl revival and was scheduled to leave in September, has announced that her last show will be July 31st.  She gives a curious reason for her premature evacuation: “Once the production decided to take the show in a different direction, I made the extremely difficult decision to step away sooner than anticipated.”  She does not say what this “different direction” is – except perhaps the desire to make audiences happy.  Stay tuned.

Hours before this column was filed, I attended the opening night of A Beautiful Noise – a Broadway-bound musical about (and featuring the music of) Neil Diamond.  It stars the fantastic Will Swenson as Neil, which makes as much sense as Hugh Jackman playing Peter Allen.  Each of those legends would give their left testicle for the chance to look like their matinee idol equivalents.  But in this case, it works – largely due to Swenson’s eerie approximation of Diamond’s somewhat whining vocal quality (would that he’d trust his voice enough let it open up and bloom to its full potential).  Whether Neil was a cross between Elvis, Johnny Cash and Liberace is an argument I’ll leave to others.  I’ll simply say that the show has a long way to go before it’s ready for Broadway.  It’s short on exposition and jumps right into the singer’s story – which gives the audience hope that there’s an eventful life ahead.  Alas, the show (and perhaps Neil’s life) has no second act.  The musical cannily approximates a Vegas-style concert to kick off the second half.  Had that continued, it might have appealed to diehard fans.  Instead, it meanders down a road that goes nowhere (the scene contrived to set up “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” is perhaps one of the most painful things I’ve ever seen).  One cannot say enough about Swenson – I just wish he had material that equaled his talent.  The rest of the cast is commendable – except for one person who must be recast immediately.  Let me single out the dynamic Tatiana Lofton, who steals virtually ever scene she appears in (she stood next to Swenson for the curtain call), and Makai Hernandez, whose ass should get special billing in those tight checked pants!  It is at the Emerson Colonial Theatre in Boston until August 7^th.  As of now, the show begins previews on Broadway November 2^nd.  You can get more details at ABeautifulNoiseTheMusical.com.

I survived July 4^th in Provincetown.  But a handful of people I know went home with a little someone we call the Coronavirus.  I have always been lucky when it comes to picking things up, but somehow I avoided that little critter.  While those around me had mild symptoms, we don’t know the lasting effect of this disease.  So be careful out there.  And, whatever you do, stay away from the monkeys!

I managed to see a number of shows.  The incomparable Judy Gold is at the Ptown Art House and in rare form.  Randy Roberts knocks ‘em dead at the Post Office Café.  Ryan Landry’s Showgirls is outrageous fun at the Crown and Anchor.  Varla Jean Merman defies gravity and at least three laws of physics in Ready To Blow also at the Crown.  And, at the same venue, Thirsty Burlington turns back time and is Cher perfection (circa 1975).

Perhaps you are more of a Fire Island boy.  While Joel Kim Booster (star of Fire Island) is currently coupled, he has some advice for those of you who might be a bit more gregarious.  “It was a lot more fun being the guest star in a threesome than it was logistically planning it as a couple.  It’s a logistical nightmare.  Before it was just sort of, you come in and you get the spotlight and then you leave.”  Let me add my two cents – keep an eye on your socks.  I can’t tell you how many parties I’ve come home from sockless.

Could it be that I was basking on the beach while Armie Hammer was hopping to bells in the Caymans?  A Twitter post showed the disgraced actor working as a concierge at Morritt’s Resort in Grand Cayman.  While he is, in fact, living at the resort, he is not on the payroll.  He’s friends with some of the staff, one of whom doctored up the photo which circulated as a flyer!  With friends like that…

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kevin in South Carolina: “I heard that one of the boys from The Wizards of Waverly Place has joined OnlyFans.  Could you find out which one and if it’s worth paying for?”

I am happy to oblige and reveal that Dan Benson has joined OnlyFans.  He played Zeke on the aforementioned Disney Channel show.  While we have no first-hand knowledge of his sexuality, we can confirm that the strapping 34-year-old has eschewed partners in his new venture.  In each instance thus far, Dan simply takes matters into his own hands.  At least I think it was his hands.  And you can see what he was holding on BillyMasters.com.

When a wizard is playing with his wand, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  BTW, Dan promoted his new venture by Tweeting, “Never underestimate the power of gay Twitter”.  At least he knows his audience – which has a sizeable overlap with www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is no slave to size.  For a bit more of my personal touch, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Gavin’s next book is about Menudo!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I binge shows on planes.  Therefore, I’m looking forward to my next trip so that I can see the four-part docuseries Menudo: Forever Young.  However, I don’t expect to be shocked by any of the allegations of bad behavior towards singing boys who were replaced at the sight of their first pubic hair!  One cannot be too surprised that impresario Edgardo Diaz (the Lou Pearlman of Latin America) does not appear or comment on the charges.  However, I am intrigued that Ricky Martin also refused to talk and only appears in archival footage.

The timing is curious, because one of Ricky Martin’s former managers just hit him with a $3 million lawsuit for unpaid commissions.  In the fine print of the suit, something caught my eye: “Martin has now threatened Rebecca [the manager] and is attempting to force her to sign an agreement with a nondisclosure clause to silence Rebecca about the abhorrent behavior by Martin that she has both witnessed and endured.”  There aren’t many specifics, but there is mention of “a particularly ugly incident in Dubai involving Martin and his representative Jose Vega”.  There are also allegations of “Martin’s nonpayment of taxes, and his substance abuse.”  Oh, this is gonna get good.

Kim Cattrall is currently appearing in the Peacock reimagining of Queer as Folk (Is anyone watching?  Hands?).  She’s also in How I Met Your Father on Hulu (I won’t even ask).  She’ll be having a gay ole time in her latest gig – she’s joined the cast of Netflix’s Glamorous, which is described as a queer drama set in the cosmetics industry.  The show stars popular YouTuber Miss Benny, Zane Phillips, and a bunch of other people I’ve never heard of.  It was initially developed by CBS for The CW, where Cattrall’s role was played by Brooke Shields!  Enough said.

Amazon’s Freevee service is developing a Who’s the Boss? sequel.  In this one, Tony Danza turns up to help his daughter, Alyssa Milano, who is a single mother.  The show will be produced by Norman Lear.  No word yet if Judith Light or Danny Pintauro will be involved in any way.  If I were to make a prediction, I’d guess that Light’s character has died and Pintauro’s will appear once or twice – but don’t hold me to it.

We ended Pride Month with a special Billy Masters LIVE.  My guest was transgender actress and activist Alexandra Billings – who by the by shared some fascinating stories about Judith Light.  Billings was a great guest, and we spoke at length about her life, her career, and her views on a number of hot topics.  Definitely check out Billy Masters LIVE on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Mariah Carey co-hosted a private screening of Billy Eichner’s upcoming rom-com in a bedazzled Bros T-shirt – tailored, cinched, stretched and contorted to fit her unique silhouette.  Posing with Carey, Eichner turned the other cheek to show off his backside encased in form-fitting pink pants.  In posting about the event, Billy said “I WILL NEVER RECOVER”, and added that he had his first kiss in junior high while listening to Carey’s Emotions CD.

This leads to our Ask Billy question from Tom in Maine: “I just saw Good Luck to You, Leo Grande and loved it.  What do you know about Daryl McCormack?  He’s got it all – and you get to see all!”

The sexy 29-year-old actor hails from Ireland.  He has an Irish mother and an African-American father (from the exotic locale of Baltimore).  Daryl is the product of a California tryst.  As to Daryl himself, he’s cagey about his romantic life – only saying he is not in a relationship.  In the flick, Daryl plays a hooker Emma hires to experience her first orgasm – and experience it she does…repeatedly!  And here’s a fun fact – rather than hire an intimacy coach for their love scenes, Daryl and Emma Thompson choreographed the sex themselves.  Clearly they were comfortable around each other – comfortable enough for Daryl to show everything he’s got, which is significant.  If you’re into that sort of thing, head over to BillyMasters.com – or watch the flick on Hulu.

With Fourth of July weekend imminent, Billy will be heading to Provincetown for a bacchanal of boys and booze.  And let’s throw a bit of Broadway into the mix, since some fantastic performers are heading to our little patch of paradise precipitously perched on the crest of Cape Cod.  Here’s a glimpse at the months ahead.

The veritable Crown & Anchor has gone through a transition.  The largest venue in town recently changed hands.  Happily, the entertainment lineup remains as fantastic as ever – and perhaps slightly better.  For years, Ryan Landry’s legendary Showgirls was a staple for The Crown.  A squabble with management meant Landry has been nomadic for a handful of years.  Happily, he has returned to the fold and the show returns to its Monday night perch.  This past week, both Parker Posey and Jesse Tyler Ferguson showed up to enjoy such Ptown staples as Thirsty Burlington and Randy Roberts.  Photos and videos can be found on BillyMasters.com.

Thirsty’s tribute to Cher will be at The Crown all summer.  So will Varla Jean Merman’s new show, Ready to Blow.  There’s so much going on at The Crown, you should check out their website, OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

The Ptown Art House under the aegis of Mark Cortale is back with an extraordinarily diverse roster of stars.  From Broadway babies, to devilish drag queens and everything in between, the Art House has something for everyone.  You can never go wrong with resident comedian, the outrageous Judy Gold.  Sprinkled throughout the summer are Faith Prince and Jason Graae (forever proving that they are not the same person), Ginger Minj (ditto), Melissa Errico, Liz and Ann Hampton Callaway, Nicolas King, and Steven Brinberg as Simply Barbra!  And, what would a summer be without the beloved Marilyn Maye, who returns for her 12^th season at the end of August.

The Art House also hosts Seth Rudetsky’s wildly popular evenings.  This summer, he hosts such greats as Audra McDonald, Rachel Bay Jones, Lillias White, Stephanie J. Block, Victoria Clark, Donna McKechnie, and even Chita Rivera.  Some of those evenings are too big for the confines of the Art House and will be held at Town Hall.  Others at that larger venue include Bianca Del Rio and even The Indigo Girls!  Check out PtownArtHouse.com.

The Pilgrim House has quite a lineup, led by the rambunctious Miss Richfield 1981.  In hot pursuit are Miss Conception, Latrice Royale, Ada Vox, and the legendary Sharon McNight.  Speaking of legendary, Coco Peru will be there at the end of August for her (alleged) final Ptown performances.  Grab your tix at PilgrimHousePtown.com.

Some of my favorite people are playing the Post Office Café and Cabaret.  You can enjoy the antics of the Anita Cocktail Variety Show all season long.  My darling Randy Roberts returns after taking a year off.  Also on the schedule are Edie, Paige Turner, Seth Sikes, and the fantastic Debby Holiday, who returns with her tribute to Tina Turner.  Dates and deets can be found at PostOfficeCafe.net.

Combining Pride Month and Broadway, we have a special Billy Masters LIVE.  I’ve been a fan of transgender actress and activist Alexandra Billings since her early days in Chicago.  Of course, the Windy City wasn’t big enough for Billings, who made her way to Broadway, Hollywood, and everyplace in between.  She recounts tales of her extraordinary life and career in the memoir This Time for Me – which is as engaging and titillating as the lady herself.  Billy and Billings will sit down for a tête-à-tête Thursday, June 30^th at 3PM Eastern / Noon Pacific.  As usual, you can watch Billy Masters LIVE on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.  While you’re there, subscribe.  After all, it’s free!

Here’s a Pride Month story I somehow missed.  The UK had a special 50 pence coin minted to celebrate the 50^th anniversary of Pride (the first UK Pride march took place in London in 1972).  Not only do they have a coin, they have a special collection of Pride stamps issued by the Royal Mail, which depicts members of the leather community, drag queens, and same-sex couples.  If people only still wrote letters…

Sexy singer Darren Hayes (formerly of Savage Garden) posted a Pride photo on Instagram which was banned.  The photo in question featured Hayes fully dressed, lounging on his bed, with a naked man laying face down on his crotch.  You know what they say – location, location, location.  While somewhat risqué, it should be noted no private parts were shown nor actions implied.  And yet, Instagram felt he was “soliciting sex”.

In an Ask Billy question remarkably on point, Harry from Florida says, “I heard that Tom Brady sent a male fan his used underwear.  Is it true?  And how do I get some?”

First, some historical context.  Way back in 2015, Tom Brady appeared in the flick Ted 2 – a film I skipped since I never saw Ted 1.  The following year, Brady auctioned off the T-shirt and boxers he wore in the flick.  Fast forward to the present.  Tom was on Twitter promoting his Brady Brand undies, posted a photo of him in a pair of hip briefs, and said, “40k likes and I’ll recreate these photos.”  A fan named Greg responded, “Tom if this reply gets 40,000 likes will you fly me out and hand deliver me a pair of game worn underwear?”  In a word – ballsy.  Once the post hit 80K likes, Brady responded: “What’s wrong with you people?  Check your DMs and pick a color Greg.”  Yes, Tom slipped into Greg’s DMs.  No word on the flight or the hand delivery, but the photos can be found on BillyMasters.com.

I recalled when Kevin Spacey hosted the 2017 Tony Awards and came out (literally) as Norma Desmond.  As it turned out, this is what led to his – wait for it – house of cards crashing down around him.  While Broadway was celebrating live theatre, Spacey was dancing as fast as he could in a British court.   In Westminster, London, Spacey was formally charged with four different sex crimes – three happening in London and one in Gloucestershire.  Oh, the humanity!  The case will move forward at Southwark Crown Court on July 14^th.  But it wasn’t all bleak news for Spacey.  He was granted unconditional bail, meaning he didn’t have to surrender his travel documents.  One of the more poignant arguments was that Spacey needed to go back to the United States to visit his 9-year-old dog!

When a brief in hand is worth two in Brady’s bush, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  OK, Greg may not get a hand job, but he will get the briefs.  Personally, I’d spray them with Luminal just to see exactly where they’ve been.  For more dirty deeds, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that always delivers.  If you have a question, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before we find out Spacey’s beloved 9-year-old isn’t a dog!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

In the midst of Billy Masters LIVE, panelist Anastasia Barzee announced that Lea Michele would replace Beanie Feldstein in Funny Girl.  Talk about breaking news!  When I asked her source, she said, “I just read it on Facebook”.  Insert eye-roll.  But, could it happen?  Everyone knows that Michele has been champing at the bit to play the role.  But there is also the question of Beanie’s understudy, Julie Benko, who is reportedly fantastic.  Will the producers create a star out of an unknown, or go with Lea?  I predict they will go with a “name” – whether that name is Lea Michele remains to be seen.  There is also a chance that Rosie O’Donnell will finally get to play Mama Brice.  But wouldn’t it be nice if they considered Lainie Kazan, who played Fanny in Barbra’s stead on Broadway?

As we went to press last week, the big news was the 75^th Tony Awards.  It turned into big news for Billy Masters LIVE.  We didn’t plan on having a show last week.  We didn’t announce it in the column.  But after a few days, I felt there were things worth discussing.  Not only the awards themselves, but about Broadway coming back.  How does theatre move forward?  How does the world move forward?  I assembled a dream panel – Bruce Vilanch, who has written his share of awards shows (to say nothing of his other numerous gifts); Richard Jay-Alexander, who has directed, produced and acted in shows; Michael Musto, who has critiqued shows; and Anastasia Barzee, who has graced shows on Broadway and beyond.  I represented you – the audience.  I am first and foremost a fan.  I love this business we call show.  What transpired was a raucous chat that has become our fastest viewed episode all season.  Check it out on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.  While there, why not subscribe to our channel?  You never know when I’ll pop up with all-new content.

In light of rumors that some of the numbers performed at the Tonys were not technically “live”, I asked whether lip synching was common at this event.  Apparently it is.  I understand the reasons not to perform live on television with millions of people (hopefully) watching.  But when it occurs during a celebration of live theatre, it just seems…I dunno…icky.  If you can’t hack it on the live stage, stick to television and film.

Another step in the wrong direction, in my humble opinion, is the altering of material by a master.  Yes, many shows have questionable moments.  It’s hard in these woke days to get away with performing Show Boat, for example.  So, don’t do it.  You certainly don’t re-write it.  These things were written by geniuses.  And they are reflections of their time, and of our history.  And yet, there was the New York City Gay Men’s Chorus (or, as Len Cariou called them, the New York Gay City Men’s Chorus) performing the title song to Mame with lyrics that would make Jerry Herman turn over in his grave.  I understand not wanting to wax rhapsodically about them ole plantation days.  But, for the love of God, did someone actually think that “grits” and “kick” rhyme?

Everyone online was weighing in on Hugh Jackman’s physical appearance.  Then he ended up testing positive for Covid.  The Tony Awards – a celebration of Broadway, or a super spreader event?  Let us look on the bright side – because even this has a silver lining.  Sure, hundreds of people who paid ridiculous amounts for tickets will ask for a refund because they won’t get to see Jackman in the flesh.  But, this gives Hugh’s Music Man standby a chance to go on.  And that standby is Max Clayton.  While his name might not be known to most, he is the boyfriend to Matt Doyle, who just won the Tony for “Featured Actor in a Musical” for Company.

You know you’re a success when you get sued.  I fondly remember Colin Farrell threatening to sue me after I released his sex tape.  In my defense, how could I ignore footage of a nude Farrell asking his partner to “show me your pussy” only to have the camera focus on a cat?  Needless to say, the suit was dropped and we later shared a laugh and a pint.  Paramount Pictures is being sued for copyright infringement regarding the sequel to Top Gun.  Apparently the very first Top Gun was inspired by a piece in California magazine way back in 1983.  The story was optioned, meaning the authors were paid and received screen credit.  Now, I’m no legal expert, but seems to me that if a story inspired the first film, then the sequel would also be inspired by that story.  And the authors agree with me, calling Top Gun: Maverick “derivative” – which I reckon you could call any Tom Cruise flick!  The rights to the article – which inspired the original and, hence, the sequel – reverted to the original authors in January of 2020.  Stay tuned.

Sometimes a suit is simply a nuisance (see Colin Farrell and his pussy).  Mariah Carey has been sued for copyright infringement over “All I Want for Christmas Is You”.  Let’s briefly forget that Mimi’s version came out in 1994, which begs the question, where were these prospective original composers for the past 28 years?  It is true that Andy Stone wrote his “All I Want for Christmas Is You” which was released in 1989.  And it did indeed get what is termed as “extensive airplay” during the 1993 holiday season.  In fact, it reached 55 on Billboard’s Hot Country Singles – which is nothing to sneeze at.  Stone is suing for “copyright infringement and unjust enrichment”.  However, experts state that the only similarity between the two songs is the title – which is not copyrightable.  I listened to Stone’s version, and find not a single melodic similarity.  Mind you, the song is not without merit.  In 2021, Kelly Clarkson covered it on her holiday effort, When Christmas Comes Around…  Frankly, I think Andy should be grateful he got to deal with Clarkson and didn’t have to bother with any of that Butterfly bullshit.