The revival of Take Me Out brought in record numbers for its final week on Broadway.  According to whoever tallies these things, it had the second highest capacity of 98.67%, just behind The Music Man at 99.93% (and woe be to that 0.07% of a person who missed out).  That popularity was borne out by the double Tony nods for “Best Revival of a Play” and “Featured Actor” for Ferguson.  Here’s a fun fact – didya know that he is one of only two people in the play who was NOT nude?  Sure, everyone talks about Jesse Williams’ nude scene, but what about the others?  After all, they took showers too.  What if I told you that a new video has fallen into my lap?  And here you not only see Williams from a different (and vivid) vantage point, but the rest of the cast – and in various degrees of fluffedness.  Celebrate your love of the theatre by checking out these exclusive clips on our website.

Perhaps it’s simply happenstance that the Tony Awards typically take place during Pride month.  It’s as if someone realized that the gays enjoy theatre!  Kudos to Ariana DeBose, who was a dynamic (if slightly frenetic) host.  The primetime Tony presentation kicked off with the “Featured Actor in a Play” going to Jesse Tyler Ferguson for Take Me Out – which also won “Best Revival”.  The iconic Patti LuPone won her third Tony for Company.  And speaking of Company, Matt Doyle’s win was surely a memorable moment.  This all led to the show winning “Best Revival of a Musical” and Marianne Elliott being named “Best Director of a Musical”.  Lastly, how thrilling for A Strange Loop to be named “Best Musical” – I can’t wait to see it.  Congrats to all!!

Beanie Feldstein has Covid.  I share the news because many of you wanted to see Funny Girl, but didn’t want to see Beanie.  And that’s a problem since she is the aforementioned girl (although, if reports are to be believed, more amusing than funny).  “I just found out that I tested positive for Covid, so unfortunately I’m gonna be out of the show for a little while to keep everybody safe.  I’m vaxxed and I am boosted, and I am very grateful to not be feeling too bad.  I’m just really bummed to miss seeing you all at the theatre and I can’t wait to get back onstage very soon.”  If you’re fleet of foot, you could get to see her understudy, the reportedly terrific Julie Benko.

Since it is Pride Month, I feel it’s worth mentioning that Beanie recently came out as a lesbian.  So at least she has company while she’s recuperating.

“I thought I was searching for a Disney Prince,
but maybe what I really needed was a Disney Princess!”  
– Rebel Wilson discusses how she came to the realization that she might be gay. 
Sigh…they’re always the last to know.

How do you spell Pride?  Many of my readers spell it “C-H-E-R”.  Throw in a bit of Versace, and it’s a match made in gay heaven!  Cher says she was thrilled to work with her “dear friend Donatella” for “Chersace” – which, I swear to you, looks better on a T-shirt than it does in print.  The limited edition mini-collection supports Gender Spectrum, raising funds for LGBTQ youth.  “Donatella and I have been dear friends for a lifetime.  It just felt right for our very first collaboration to be one about LGBTQ Pride and celebrating a community that means so incredibly much to both of us.”  Happy Pride.

Could it be that Harry Styles’ penis has its own agent?  If not, it should.  With two movies coming out featuring love scenes with both men and women, Styles didn’t want to make a wrong move.  So what did he do?  He had a penis clause written into his contract.  “I wasn’t naked in Don’t Worry Darling.  I was naked in My Policeman.  There’s no peen in the final cut.  There’s bum bum.”  When pressed about the “peen”, Harry added, “I don’t think the peen was intended to be involved.  The peen, it was pre-negotiated that that would remain my own.”

When we’re discussing the ownership of Styles’ penis, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I don’t know – was ownership ever an issue?  Couldn’t we simply rent the peen?  Or perhaps sublet it?  Maybe that would lead to a squatter situation.  Which begs the question – would it be possible to squat on Harry Styles’ peen?  While I look into that, you can check out a lovely assortment of other peens on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will have you looking in more than One Direction.  Should you wish to contact me for any peen or non-peen reason, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before SNL hires Queen Elizabeth II as one of their Not Ready for Primetime Players!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Since I’m not a Real Housewives devotee, bear with me while I try to untangle this mess of a story.  Allegedly, Lisa Rinna sent someone a text message trashing Kathy Hilton which said the following: “I can’t even look at her it’s so hideous and here’s the thing if you’re gonna be on a reality show honey and you’re a homophobic racist, you probably should’ve stayed home.  One thing I can tell you they got it from their mama.”  Then Kathy posted lots of shade about Rinna on social media.  Then Lisa posted a screenshot of a text she got from an unnamed person (including his phone number): “Lisa, you need to stop with your rumors and lies about me.  There’s plenty I can expose about you…”  Rinna responded, “Hey expose away can’t wait to see what you’ve got.” 

Then someone came forward claiming that the text was from him and said Lisa better take it down or he’d post her phone number – which he did shortly thereafter.  Later, he added, “and btw I never said her husband was gay.  A little rainbow emoji never hurt anyone but I mean if the shoe fits.  You need to go worry about YOUR husband and YOUR finances and who he’s spending his time with because his wife is too busy running her overfilled mouth.  Beverly Hills talks…and we all know.”  We do?  Then this person (who I will not name) told someone else that he was hired by a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast member to send the initial text to Rinna and start this feud to take the focus off what Lisa posted in the first place.  No wonder I don’t watch what happens live…or ever!

We had a questionable moment on last week’s episode of Billy Masters LIVE with Melba Moore.  It was a pretty dishy show, and Melba was game for almost everything.  She talked about being nude in Hair, accepting a Tony Award after Jack Cassidy screwed up her name, making history as the first black Fantine in Les Misérables, being broke and homeless during her divorce, and numerous other highs and lows.  And then she abruptly ended our chat.  I was about to ask her about a sensitive subject (during Melba’s stay in prison, her daughter stayed with a friend’s parents – Bill and Camille Cosby).  While I don’t know for sure, I suspect she had to go to another interview scheduled.  After all, she’s promoting her new release, “Imagine”.  Check it out and decide for yourself.  You can see all of our shows on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Queen Elizabeth has done lots of things in her seven decades on the throne.  She can now add sketch comedienne to her accomplishments.  To kick off the Party at the Palace, she did a little skit with Paddington Bear.  The two were having tea, and Paddington says, “Perhaps you’d like a marmalade sandwich.  I always keep one for emergencies.”  With that, he produced a sandy from underneath his hat.  Lizzie, not to be outdone, said, “So do I.  I keep mine in here…for later,” and pulled one out of her purse!  Now we know – even Queens get peckish!

I was disappointed that QEII opted out of most public appearances, but it did look like that walk onto the balcony tuckered her out.  And since many of you have asked, the man escorting her was her first cousin, Edward, the Duke of Kent.  He may be a decade younger than Lizzie, but he looked as if they’d already started the cremation process!  Picture it – the Queen of England with Death on one arm and a sickle in the other.  Why, it’s almost Nostradamean!

Did you notice that the Queen looks slimmer – even in the hump?  If anyone’s wondering where her pounds went, they need only look at Adam Lambert.  Like me, the first 10 pounds go right to his cheeks.  There’s only so much that contouring can do.  He should have stopped by Miss Ross’ trailer first.  What Diane can do with some concealer and blush should win her the Nobel Prize.  But once the waist is hiked up just below the boobs, you know you’re in trouble.  I’d consider bringing back beheading for whoever picked out that frock!

People were disappointed that Harry and Meghan didn’t show up for the concert.  The official reason is that they wanted to celebrate daughter Lilibet’s first birthday privately.  But, of course, nobody believes that – those plans would have been made earlier than a half hour prior to showtime.  My royal insiders tell me that the terrible twosome skipped the concert once they were told where they would be seated.  I hear that they felt it would be “embarrassing”…so at least we know they are capable of being embarrassed.

It’s been a while since we’ve talked about Kevin Spacey, and I suspect he’d love it if we didn’t have anything to talk about.  After all, he’s trying to salvage the remains of his tattered career with not one but TWO films.  Since there’s a yin to every yang, Spacey also has four new sexual assault charges.  Let’s start with the two new films.  The first is a thriller that was shopped around Cannes.  Peter Five Eight is already completed and finds Spacey starring alongside Rebecca De Mornay – and, may we ask in all sincerity, what rock did she climb out from under?  Spacey also plans to film 1242 – Gateway to the West in Hungary and Mongolia in October.

As to the four new sexual assault charges, they come from three men in the UK – which means one of them had a bonus round.  The announcement came from the UK’s Crown Prosecution Service Special Crime Division – which is too cumbersome a title to name a TV show after.  There are four offences “of sexual assault, contrary to section 3(1) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003”.  The other charge is an offence “of causing a person to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent, contrary to Sections 4(1) and (4) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003” – which I think is somewhat self-explanatory.  To add insult to injury, Spacey’s brother Randy Fowler made a statement: “It’s not surprising to me that eventually they would’ve gathered enough evidence to pursue the four charges against him – I think the reckoning is going to happen.”

Which leads to news of seismic proportions.  Last week, some footage fell in my hands that gives readers the rare chance to see limited portions of these performances from the comfort of their own home.  Not only are scenes from Who’s Afraid of Ally McBeal? available for your viewing pleasure, but also some exclusive footage of Pamela Anderson in Chicago.  Check them out on BillyMasters.com.

Last week, I told you all about the shows I saw on Broadway.  While I was watching Patti LuPone in Company, I thought what an interesting Martha she would be in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?.  Instead, I saw Calista Flockhart attempt the role at the Geffen Playhouse in Los Angeles.  From her first entrance, I was distracted by her striking resemblance to the late Lee Remick.  No longer is Calista the clothes hangar we remember.  She is now a multi-layered, multi-dimensional, fuller figured (or padded) woman.  That she isn’t an ideal Martha is unsurprising.  But she is eminently competent – high praise given my expectations.  I would even venture to say that her first two acts were good…in their own way.  She’s more bossy than blousy; more coquettish than cantankerous; more mischievous than malevolent.  All valid choices.  That it fell apart in the last act was not unexpected, but jarring nonetheless.  She simply could not sustain her intention.  Her partner, Zachary Quinto, was so low-key (even for him) that the first two acts dragged.  His last act had some juice.  He was coming up, Calista was coming down, and they never intersected long enough to save the show.  One is almost grateful that these actors are somewhat young for their roles (although not chronologically) and they each have a good 10-20 years left to try them again.

Ricky Gervais’ special, SuperNature, was just released on Netflix and includes several jokes about the trans community.  There are also pointed barbs about fat people, thin people, rich people, poor people, straight people, gay people, and every other imaginable group of people.  Gervais says of the trans community, “They just want to be treated equally.  I agree – that’s why I include them.”  Some of his jokes certainly made me cringe.  But I wondered – was I cringing about what Gervais said, or what it triggered in me?  Humor should hold up a mirror to society.  When a comedian makes you think about your own failings, they have done their job.  Of course, not every comic is for every person.  I suspect many people who are criticizing Gervais’ special have not even seen it.

I felt the same way about people criticizing Dave Chappelle.  So I was not surprised when many fans expressed outrage when John Mulaney surprised them with Chappelle as his opening act in Columbus, Ohio (where Dave lives).  I don’t know Mulaney, but he’s had a helluva year.  He left his wife and went public about his addictions, and connected with Olivia Munn – someone I’ve met numerous times yet can never quite place.  But any comedian who has the chance (and the balls) to follow Chappelle onstage is fearless.  I totally understand that some members of the audience felt ambushed having to sit through Chappelle.  Trust me, I felt the same way when Wild Orchid opened for Cher!  But just do what I did – put on your earplugs, go to the concession stand, and get drunk.

I did not see The Music Man, but the show made news by initiating standing room tickets for $76.  Yes, that sounds expensive.  Why, in my day, $76 would get you dinner, a show, and a blow job from the understudy.  Times have changed.  Now you’ll have to sneak in some M&M’s, stand, and maybe get a handy from your neighbor!

We hear that The Music Man producers are scrambling to find someone to take over for Hugh Jackman when he inevitably leaves the show.  I was told that Neil Patrick Harris was lobbying hard for the role.  But rumor has it that the powers that be are casting their sights slightly higher – they’d like Justin Timberlake to make his Broadway debut in the role!  It sounds far-fetched to me, and Timberlake’s people are denying the rumors.

Meanwhile at Dear Evan Hansen, the latest recast is making history.  Zachary Noah Piser just took over the titular role and will be the first Asian American to play it full-time (he’s been the alternate Evan since March).  It’s also historic because he may be the first person to play the role who hasn’t slept with Ben Platt!

When anyone is interested in sleeping with Ben Platt, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Yes, this was very theatre-heavy – but I promise you’ll find a whole lot more to look at on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is a feast for the eyes…and other organs.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Chicago adds a midnight topless show!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Jesse Williams is not only making his Broadway debut, but his live stage debut in Take Me Out.  And he is spectacular.  If you read this column with any regularity – and I suspect most of my readers are regular – you know I do not use that word lightly.  He has that “star quality” that is impossible to explain, but immediately evident.  He is so natural that his acting is almost completely indiscernible.  And he is surrounded by a cast equally outstanding.  Make no mistake – Jesse is first among equals…but first nonetheless.  Despite how good Williams is, the person who holds this show together is Patrick J. Adams.  With a lesser actor, his narration would simply be the bridge between the scenes.  But he is so fully integrated, so invested, and, again, so “real” that he amplifies every scene.  Naturally, Jesse Tyler Ferguson is as wonderful as you’d expect.  He’s touching and endearing and lovely.  It was the best production of this play I’ve ever seen.

The most basic acting job on TV is soap operas – and, heaven knows, there are precious few of those left.  Time was, actors could get their start, their training, and, in some cases, a lifetime job on a soap.  The stage equivalent of that is Chicago.  The musical is celebrating 25 years on Broadway in a still-effective, stripped-down version.  But the age shows.  There is something to be said for occasionally firing everyone and starting from scratch because the performance I saw last week was a shadow of even 10 years ago.  The wild card was Pamela Anderson – who, it must be noted, in her fifth week did not fill the theatre.  To say that Pam was making her Broadway debut should be a given.  What will surprise is that she is completely and (forgive me for the pun) utterly adequate. 

I love Pam and was rooting for her.  And, truly, there is nothing wrong with Anderson’s performance – except that it’s not really a performance.  Patti LuPone once explained the difference between a choreographer and a director.  A choreographer will tell a performer to walk across the stage; a director will help the actor discover why and how to walk across the stage.  Pam has been choreographed.  She strikes striking poses, and walks with panache.  But not a single movement or gesture comes out of any authentic place.  It would appear that every word and inflection has been dutifully drilled into her head.  The result is that her Roxie lacks heart.  On the positive side, she looks splendid and dances cleanly – if self-consciously.  She starts speaking while the audience is laughing or applauding – which ultimately doesn’t matter because she cannot be heard.  Her singing is in tune and has some musicality, but she doesn’t project.  If someone told her to use her diaphragm, she’d likely go back to her dressing room to get it!  The only genuine moment of emotion crossed her face when she finished the last number – as if to say, “Phew!”

Last week, I made my first trip back to New York City since well before the pandemic.  Consequently, this was my first time back in a Broadway theatre in over two years.  I was delighted to kick off my trip with the revival of Stephen Sondheim’s Company.  Everything that could be said about this gender-bending revival has already been said.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; sometimes it illuminates a point, sometimes it distracts from it.  In one instance (the Joanne/Larry/Bobbie scene in act two), it improved on the original – although many critics disagree with me.  Chacun à son goût.  That said, this is the first production I’ve seen of Company where the scenes (the acting) were even stronger than the songs (the singing).  Once one gets past the drawn-out opening, you get to Harry and Sarah – played with gusto by Christopher Sieber and Jennifer Simard.  You are not likely to ever see this done better…ever.  Simard is a scene stealer, in the best sense of the word, and Sieber’s rendition of “Sorry-Grateful” actually showed both sides of his argument – and got both reactions from the audience.  Another stand-out performance is Matt Doyle, as a delicious Jamie (aka Amy) – and not bad to look at!

While I know I should talk about Katrina Lenk’s Bobbie, I don’t have much to say.  I think she was fine.  She didn’t enhance the role or the show in any way for me – nor did she get in the way of it.  I’m not convinced she can effortlessly sing the score, nor did I buy her apotheosis.  But, you know…whatever.  As to Patti LuPone, she is as droll and laconic as ever, and vocally she’s in fine form.  I suspect I would have enjoyed her Joanne more had I seen it across the pond where it might have been fresher.  She is never less than authentic and mesmerizing.

It was happenstance that I ran into Wilson Cruz outside of the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre where Company is playing.  He was there to present the cast with the GLAAD Award for Outstanding Broadway Production (which they shared with Thoughts of a Colored Man).  The presentation took place during the curtain calls with a speech not only about Sondheim and the LGBTQ representation in this specific production, but also praising the openly gay cast members – including Matt Doyle and Christopher Sieber.  After the audience left, everyone returned to the stage for some photos…and the fact that I was alone in the empty theatre and inadvertently photobombed the event was another one of those happy coincidences.

I’m curious if Jackman will make an appearance at Broadway Bares.  The long-running fundraiser takes place during Pride Month and brings cast members from all of the Broadway shows together for a fantastic burlesque show to raise oodles of dollars for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS.  The brainchild of my dear Jerry Mitchell, it began in 1992 and has raised a total of over $21 million to date.  During the pandemic, the show continued as a virtual event and the past two years brought in about $1 million – and we are proud to say Billy Masters LIVE was one of their partners.  “We’ve been waiting to celebrate our 30^th anniversary in person for two years, and we’re going all out.  Whether it’s been three years or 10 years since you last saw Bares, our 30^th edition will be a show for the ages,” says Jerry.  This year’s show is subtitled XXX and will take place on Sunday, June 26^th at the Hammerstein Ballroom at 9:30PM and midnight (which is always the more risqué show).  You can get tix at BroadwayCares.org.

The Tony nominations came out.  People claim there were lots of surprises, but I don’t see any based on the reports I got.  One must congratulate the revival of Take Me Out, which snagged three Actor in a Featured Role nominations for Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Michael Oberholtzer and Jesse Williams (more on him later).

I know what you’re waiting for.  So, without further ado, our Ask Billy question comes from Aaron in Dallas: “Do you have the video of Jesse Williams’ nude scene in Take Me Out?  It’s been taken down from the Twitter links, but I’m sure you have it.”

Aaron was one of dozens of fans who wrote in within moments of the footage being leaked.  Why, it’s almost reminiscent of the kerfuffle I caused with Steven Weber’s nude Hair footage – except Weber was fully hard, while Williams is simply a semi.  It seems to me the filmer was sitting in the first row, aimed his camera or phone upward, and hoped for the best.  And, boy, he got it.  While there are arguments about disseminating such footage openly, I don’t see why it shouldn’t be available to members of BillyMasters.com.

Meanwhile at The Music Man, Hugh Jackman, Sutton Foster and Jayne Houdyshell are enjoying their Tony noms.  And the show has won another plaudit – they brought in $2,071,806 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS during the traditional six-week spring red bucket fundraiser (when cast members accept donations from the exiting audience).  This is the largest amount raised by a single show EVER!  Jackman was responsible for the bulk of those funds by promising to do a variety of things to deep-pocketed patrons.

By the by, Jackman’s wife, Deborra once again addressed rumors that their marriage is a sham and that Hugh is really gay.  “I mean, hello guys…if he was gay, he could be gay!  And he’d be dating Brad Pitt or whatever.  Not that Brad’s gay, but you know what I’m saying.”  I’m actually not sure, but I think she just told us Hugh’s type!

Everyone thinks reboots are new.  But when I was a kid, there was a strange phenomenon – cancelled live-action shows would come back as cartoons!  We had Gilligan’s Island, The Brady Kids, The Partridge Family and even Laverne & Shirley.  Many of them featured the original stars doing the voices, with a notable exception being Tina Louise, which led to Dawn Wells voicing both Mary Ann and Ginger!  I bring up this little bit of nostalgia because another series is doing the same thing.  Married…with Children left the airwaves in 1997 (and was FOX’s first real bona fide hit).  But it’s coming back as an animated series…with the four original leads!  They aren’t alone – Norman Lear is planning an animated version of Good Times.

While I typically hate reruns, Madison Cawthorn is the gift that keeps on giving – and, really, who knew that his gifts were even operable?  That’s the topic of this week’s Ask Billy question, which comes from Mark in Boston: “I hear there is a video of Rep. Madison Cawthorn naked in bed thrusting his pelvis in some guy’s face, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Can you?”

Of course!  And it’s a curious bit of celluloid.  Madison quite energetically thrusts himself on another guy, while the person filming (or perhaps a spectator) yells, “Stick it in his face.”  Throw in an ocean breeze and some poppers, and it could be Provincetown!  Madison says, “Years ago, in this video, I was being crass with a friend, trying to be funny.  We were acting foolish, and joking.  That’s it.”  If that’s it, I’m sure he won’t mind you taking a gander on BillyMasters.com.

One of the topics Jimmy James and I discussed was Kim Kardashian wearing the legendary Marilyn Monroe “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” gown to the Met Gala.  Jimmy ultimately felt that Kardashian evoking Monroe was a good thing – it keeps her iconic status current for a new generation.  Personally, I couldn’t help but wonder where were all those people who constantly complain about cultural appropriation.  Who is more of an American cultural icon than Marilyn Monroe?  Someone asked me why Kim didn’t complete the look with the same hairdo.  Turns out, Kim’s intention was a top-to-bottom replica.  Alas, after all the bleaching, let’s just say there was more hair on the carpet than on the drapes!  Since she felt it would be inauthentic to wear a wig, she ended up Marilyn from the neck down and Brigitte Nielsen from the neck up.

Way back in 2017, the play Afterglow made quite a stir off-Broadway.  It became a sensation and kept getting extended, breaking all kinds of records.  The West Coast premiere at the Hudson Mainstage Theatre in Los Angeles will surely do just as well.  This is a provocative play, with exceptional dialogue, and a cast that could hardly be bettered.  It also sports a fantastic (and expensive-looking) set.  For those of you interested in male nudity – well, there is definitely something for everyone.  And you don’t have to wait long to see all.  By getting the nudity out of the way from the top (so to speak), writer and director S. Asher Gelman allows us to focus on his provocative story of a gay couple on the brink of parenthood who happen to be in an open relationship – what could possibly go wrong?  You get more details and tickets at AfterglowThePlay.com.

I was so taken with Afterglow, I invited the playwright/director Gelman to join me on Billy Masters LIVE along with his talented trio of LA stars – Noah Bridgestock, Nathan Mohebbi, and James Hayden Rodriguez.  We might even have some alums from the NYC production join us.  Tune in on Thursday, May 12^th at 3PM Eastern/Noon Pacific on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Last week, Kim Cattrall was honored at Variety magazine’s Power of Women dinner and turned up with some surprising friends on the red carpet – Sex and the City writer Candace Bushnell, costume designer Patricia Fields, and the series creator, Darren Star.  What did they have in common?  All three key people responsible for the success of SATC had nothing to do with And Just Like That….  In an interview with Ramin Setoodeh, Kim made some startling revelations.  “The series is basically the third movie.  That’s how creative it was.”  One of the reasons she turned it down was because Samantha’s subplot was that she received dick pics from Miranda’s 14-year-old son, Brady!  Cattrall has stayed busy with two series (How I Met Your Father, Queer As Folk) and a film (Sebastian Maniscalco’s About My Father).

Remember the big story last week?  About Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorn in a see-through blouse and black bra?  Well, that was just the beginning.  This week, he tried to get on a plane with a loaded gun – bringing up the old joke of if that’s a gun in your pocket…assuming he can feel what’s in his pocket!  The incident happened at Charlotte Airport – my least-favorite airport in the world, thank you very much.  Cawthorn was detained by TSA when they found the 9-millimeter in his carry-on bag – which apparently is a federal offense, carrying a maximum penalty of $13,900.  And this was his SECOND such offense.  The first was in February of 2021 at Asheville Regional Airport – an airport I have not had the pleasure to visit…yet.

Adding insult to potential injury, a video surfaced of Madison getting handsy with his senior staffer – who happens to be male!  Picture it – Cawthorn was driving his car (yes, picture it) and his “aide” Stephen Smith was in the passenger seat…filming the incident.  Madison says, “I feel the passion and desire and would like to see a naked body beneath my hands” – although it should be noted that he says this as if he were playing Maggie in community theatre production of “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”.  Smith, the perfect Brick, says, “Me too,” and places a hand in Cawthorn’s crotchal area.  Not only that, but it’s been revealed that the Congressman has given his Stevie thousands of dollars in “loans and gifts”.  There are even photos of the twosome sucking on some sizeable cigars.  You can see the smoking gun on BillyMasters.com.

Adele is in a pickle.  Caesars Palace has made it clear that her aborted residency must debut this summer or there will be dire financial consequences.  As you’ll recall, she pulled the plug on the production literally hours before it was supposed to debut.  The major problem was that she never jived with the concept of designer Esmeralda Devlin – which is fascinating since she designed Adele’s 2016 world tour.  But, no matter – the songstress has fired her entire creative team.  In their place, she has hired Kim Gavin and Stufish – I say as if I know what a Stufish is.  I know Starfish, but I suspect that’s a different thing.  Sorry, Charlie.

Elsewhere in Vegas, Dionne Warwick has cancelled her residency at The Stirling Club.  Let’s start with the fact that nobody in Vegas has ever heard of The Stirling Club – which, as it turns out, is a small supper club precipitously perched on the fringe of the famed Vegas Strip.  If you head to the south side of Las Vegas Boulevard, it is kinda across the street from the Circus Circus RV Lot.  You know what they say – location, location, location.  After six shows, Dionne herself put the kibosh on the residency – which was supposed to run until the end of the year.  Alas, The Stirling Club was renovated to Dionne’s standards, and now it sits there with no act.  Might I suggest Carrot Top?  Or Gallagher?  If nothing else, they’d make a bundle selling slickers to the people in the front rows.

A big Broadway musical usually gets the special symphonic treatment at the Hollywood Bowl each summer.  This year, the spotlight will be on Kinky Boots, which runs July 8-10.  Two veterans of the Broadway production – Wayne Brady and Scissor Sisters’ Jake Shears – will star in the Bowl presentation.  The original director and choreographer, the incomparable Jerry Mitchell, will helm the proceedings with his usual slow hand and easy touch.

I like Beanie Feldstein.  I really do.  In Hello, Dolly!, she was fantastic.  But a funny foil is a far cry from fronting a fractured fable like Funny Girl.  Before rehearsals even began, it was a foregone conclusion that the first Broadway revival of the show indelibly linked with Barbra Streisand was doomed – and scheduling opening night on Babs’ 80^th birthday seemed almost cruel.  Reportedly, Feldstein pulls off the novelty numbers.  But most critics feel the vocal demands of the score are beyond her.  Blaming Beanie (who, by the by, identifies as queer) seems wrong.  Obviously she’s been let down by the producers.  Surely someone heard her sing “People” before hiring her.  Now what?  The big guessing game on the Rialto is who will replace Beanie…should the show last long enough for a replacement.  Idina Menzel was in the mix before Beanie was announced; Lea Michele before that; and Lauren Ambrose even earlier.  I wouldn’t want any of them cast in a role that requires powerhouse vocals plus a unique and quirky personality.  Frankly, none of them could convince me that they’re the greatest star.

Our Ask Billy question came in as we were wrapping up this column.  Steven in DC asks, “What do you think about Madison Cawthorn and those naughty photos?  Do you think he’s gay?”

First, let’s talk briefly about Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorn – who is undeniably hot.  Sure, he’s in a wheelchair – but that only means dating him entitles you to all the good parking spots!  And, sure, he’s a borderline psychopath – but that only means dating him entitles you to all the good drugs…legally!  Photos just emerged of him in a public place wearing a shear white ladies’ blouse and over it, a black bra – how Madonna circa 1983 of him!  And, wait – is he also wearing hoops?  We don’t know where the photos came from, but it reminded me of his recent comments regarding drug-fueled orgies.  As to his sexual proclivities, I have two words for you – Aaron Schock!  While you ponder those possibilities, you can peruse the pics on BillyMasters.com.

When Cawthorn and Schock could be an item, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  With Orthodox Easter over, I’m hitting the road.  During my absence, check out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that can even get a rise out of the dead.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Madison asks someone to hold his hoops!  To my fellow Albanians, “Krishti u ngjall”.  To the Greeks, “Christos anesti”.  And to everyone else, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Jesse Williams is current starring in the Broadway revival of Take Me Out (which I will not be reviewing, at the request of the production).  The Grey’s Anatomy star has asked that his child support payments be reduced.  While he was on a network show, he was paying roughly $40K a month!   However, Broadway pays a much lower salary – $1,668 a week, to be exact.  If he gets the reduction, it will likely be temporary.  We hear that Williams will return to Grey’s for the season finale.  And I hear he’ll be back next season.

When Russian Doll came out in 2019, I was mesmerized.  It was one of the most innovative, original, intelligent, provocative and hysterical things I’d ever seen.  That it co-starred my pal Elizabeth Ashley was the icing on the cake (and the reason I watched it in the first place).  I was troubled when a second season was announced – how could it match this piece of perfection?  Well, it doesn’t.  This second series is its own animal.  Yes, many of the characters are the same, but it’s really best seen as a separate entity.  Like the first series, it takes a few episodes to get cooking, but in a completely different way.  While I am not as enthusiastically praising it, Natasha Lyonne must be acknowledged as a brilliant – if not slightly psychotic – artist.  Well, aren’t we all?

BTW, if you watch this season of Russian Doll, you might recognize a familiar voice.  Much of the series takes place in the New York City subway system.  And the person making the announcements for upcoming stops is Rosie O’Donnell!  Rosie has long expressed her affection for Lyonne, so it’s not a surprise she took the role…although it surprised Natasha!  “We knew we wanted a real New York accent…And so I texted Rosie, and she just would start sending me these little voice memos.  It was very generous of her.”  Rosie will also be turning up in two other series: Showtime’s American Gigolo and Amazon Prime Video’s A League of Their Own.  All this work probably softens the blow of not getting Mama Brice in Funny Girl – Jane Lynch got that part.

Here’s a riddle – how is Disney World like Vatican City?  And don’t guess the obvious – the inhabitants wearing colorful costumes, the propensity for pomp and circumstances, and a whole lotta gay sex.  You see, Vatican City is actually its own little country.  Not a country that you need a passport to enter, but a country nonetheless.  You’re walking down the street in Rome, minding your own business, and poof, you’re in another country.  Well, Disney World is like that – except you have to pay $120 to get in and hop on their rides.  It doesn’t cost anything to go into Vatican City.  And there isn’t anything to hop on and ride…except for a few Cardinals!

Disney World may be in Florida, but it’s also kinda not.  It’s a “special district” and somewhat autonomous.  Back in 1968, the company wanted to develop a swamp on the outskirts of Orlando.  The state made a deal – Disney could develop it, but they’d be responsible for all the costs – including the municipal services such as water, electricity, fire, police, etc.  That worked for everyone…until the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” controversy.  When Disney eventually spoke out against it, Governor DeSantis retaliated by abolishing many of those “special districts”.  While one imagines the headaches this causes Disney, many say it could be catastrophic for Florida.  It makes the state responsible for all those other expenses, including a $1 billion bond debt.  The Happiest Place on Earth, my ass!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Tom in Michigan: “Have you been watching Minx?  So many hot guys.  The blond, Dane, is really amazing.  Is he gay?”

I haven’t really looked behind the scenes on Minx on HBO Max.  But based on your question, I checked out Dane in episode 5.  He is played by Nate Crnkovich, who reminds me of a young Ted McGinley…or Steve Kmetko.  I’ve made a few discreet inquiries and learned two bits of information.  1) He was the Mr. Supranational of 2019 (a Polish beauty pageant), and B) Every inch of his kielbasa is real.  That’s all I’ve got so far, except for what you can enjoy on BillyMasters.com.

When a Minx is sporting a python, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  It’s like an episode of Wild Kingdom on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that would make Marlin Perkins blush.  If you have a question, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Nate Crnkovich buys a vowel!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Channing might want to touch base with Tom Daley.  As you know, the famed diver is also a whiz with a knitting needle.  “It’s so therapeutic, and you can make some really crazy things,” says Tom.  “Honestly, the most requested thing for my friends’ birthdays and things like that are cock socks.  I’ve done so many willy warmers, it’s unreal”.  One wonders if hubby Dustin Lance Black sits in on the fittings.

Speaking of cocks, Mark Wahlberg has revealed the location of his giant prosthetic penis from Boogie Nights.  “It’s in a safe, locked away.  It’s not something I can leave out.  All of a sudden, my kids are looking for the spare phone charger and pull that thing out…it wouldn’t be a good look!”

On the flip side, Simon Rex bemoans the fact that he could not hold onto his penis from Red Rocket.  “I don’t think that was an option, but it will be in a museum one day.”  When asked by People magazine if it could turn up in the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures, he said, “I like that idea.”  If it’s gonna end up in a museum, I suspect it would be a welcomed addition to the other exhibits in the Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik!

Didya know Rex has a connection with Meghan Markle?  Way back in 2005, they both appeared in an episode of the sitcom Cuts on the now-defunct UPN.  After the pair was spotted having lunch, a tabloid offered Simon $70K for some juicy dish.  “I was broke as fuck!  I really needed the money.  But I’ll be on food stamps before I do that.”  Meghan heard about his gallant behaviour and sent him a note, saying, “It’s nice to know there are still good people.”  Simon added, “I framed the thank you letter she wrote me.  She has very nice penmanship btw.”

In an oddly related story, Thandiwe Newton has been jettisoned from the latest Magic Mike flick.  Apparently Thandiwe and Channing Tatum had been at odds throughout the first month of shooting in London.  Last week, the fighting escalated, and onlookers claim it had something to do with the January 6^th insurrection.  While we don’t know the specifics, we do know that Thandiwe ran off the set and never returned.  She had an ally in director Steven Soderbergh.  Alas, Chan could not be swayed, and put out the call to recast.  Bing, bang, boom – Thandiwe’s out and Salma Hayek’s in.  Thandiwe’s reps say she left the project for “personal reasons”.

“I’d never done that before.  On camera at least…I don’t think.”  
– Harry Styles discusses shooting sex scenes for his upcoming flix My Policeman
(with both Emma Corrinand David Dawson) and Don’t Worry Darling
(with Florence Pugh and Gemma Chan).  It’s the “I don’t think” that has my curiosity piqued.

I don’t know if there’s a gayer story this week than Harry Styles donning a sequin jumpsuit alongside an equally bedazzled Shania Twain to belt out “Man, I Feel Like a Woman” at Coachella.  Never has Styles looked so feminine and yet so masculine.  Not only that, he looked positively giddy – like he was living out a secret fantasy.  During his introduction of Shania, he said “This lady taught me to sing.  She also told me that men are trash.”  Proving the point, Shania’s mike barely being audible.  You can catch the video on BillyMasters.com.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Mark in New Jersey: “What do you know about Frank of Ireland?  I saw it on Amazon Prime and loved it – and Stéphane is SO hot!”

I know next to nothing about the show, which was developed for the UK last year and can be seen on Amazon Prime.  The character of Stéphane is played by Paul Forman, a very popular underwear model whose physique is shown to its best advantage in episodes 3 and 5.  In one scene, he walks into the bathroom to pee completely naked and flexes his booty with aplomb.  Yes, an ass is usually a peach, but this one is aplomb.  And it’s spectacular, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re craving a fruit salad, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  Yes, make no mistake, this column featured both a perfect ass and Taron pulling out.  Why, you put those two stories together and it’s Ted Cruz’s wet dream.  Well, dream no more and hop on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will never again mention Mr. and Mrs. Smith (God willing).  If you have a question, you can write to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before “DWTS” asks ME to compete (only if I’m paired with Gleb…or Val…or Karina).  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Headline: “Taron Egerton Pulls Out”.  After being in and out of Cock due to COVID, he’s now departed the play for good – for “personal reasons”.  Having seen the original production with Ben Whishaw and Andrew Scott (Egerton was playing the Scott role), I question if he had the chops to sustain a successful run.  Taron’s role will be taken over by Joel Harper-Jackson.  He’ll star alongside the sexy (and openly gay) Jonathan Bailey, who you know from Bridgerton.  The play runs until June 4^th, and if you bought tix to see Taron, you’re out of luck – no refunds.

You know what hasn’t been cancelled?  Billy Masters LIVE.  We had a terrific show last week with David Pevsner chatting about his new memoir, Damn Shame.  On Thursday, April 14^th at 3PM Eastern / Noon Pacific, Sharon Gless returns to resume our in-depth interview – starting with Cagney & Lacey.  Since I know some of you have lives, you can tune in any time at our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Nothing would make me happier than never having to type the words “Will” and “Smith” consecutively again.  After this week, we promise to put his name to rest…kinda like a dead name, but without needing to shop for a new wardrobe.  It’s been quite a week for Smith.  First, his wife threw him under the bus – alas, a metaphorical bus.  A Jada insider (and that limits the candidates to a few dozen) claims that she did not instigate Will bitch-slapping Chris Rock, nor did she condone it.  “She’s not one of these women that needs protecting,” says the source.  But it does bring up a question that only I would dare ask: What kind of “wife” just sits there when her “husband” gets up on international live television to attack someone on stage?  A typical spouse would do anything to stop him.  And yet, the first thing we heard from Jada is that she would tell all on a special edition of Red Table Talk – which is like a more combustible version of Billy Masters LIVE. 

After Will was smacked down by his “wife”, the Academy slapped him on the wrist.  He had already resigned from the Academy.  They then ruled that he can be nominated for Oscars for his work.  He can even win Oscars for his work.  But he cannot attend the Oscars for a period of 10 years.  You know what that means?  Jada will be taking out an ad in The Hollywood Reporter which will read something like this: “Seasoned actress willing to do anything for tickets to televised awards show.  MUST be interviewed on red carpet and be seated within three rows of the stage.  Presenting a plus.  Payment (via nature’s credit card) directly commensurate with the number of camera shots used during the telecast.”  Might I be so bold as to suggest this has Mel Gibson written all over it!

To make matters worse, one of Jada’s alleged paramours, rapper August Alsina, is reportedly shopping around his memoirs.  We hear there is a bidding war amongst publishers…and a certain actor-rapper, who is said to be offering to pay multiple millions to keep the tell-all off the shelves.  Stay tuned…

Our Ask Billy question comes from Robert in Texas: “You mentioned Colton Haynes is writing his memoirs.  When is that coming out?”

Thank you for reminding me, Robert.  With all this talk about Bachelor Colton, I completely forgot about Mr. Haynes.  Although it should be noted that Underwood also wrote a memoir – a book in which he managed to avoid revealing a single personal detail.  I expect much more from Haynes, who is not only openly gay but seems to find great relief in being honest.  He’s even taken the unprecedented step of doing a reading of the prologue well before it drops on May 31^st.  Should you like a teaser from the horse’s mouth, head on over to BillyMasters.com.

When any part of Colton is being compared to a horse, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Did you know that in April 2007, Newsweek called Will Smith “the most powerful actor in Hollywood”?  While we wait to see what they call him now, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that makes news every week.  If you have a question for me, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Jada warns Will to keep Jerrod out of his mouth!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Colton Underwood is pissed off.  He can’t get a single network interested in televising his nuptials.  I don’t know why a former Bachelor who pissed off several ladies, was accused of stalking one of them, came out in conjunction with signing a deal with Netflix, and got engaged a few months later would have problems getting anyone to take his wedding seriously.  An insider reveals how the network meetings went.  “What was interesting is that Colton attended most of those meetings without his fiancé.  This is clearly The Colton Wedding Pitch, who he is marrying seems to be just another detail.”  Fear not – Colton is appearing on CBS’ Beyond the Edge, a show I’m told is “unwatchable”.  That might explain why I’m not watching it.

In happier news, Jonathan Bennett and Jaymes Vaughan were married in Mexico in one of those destination weddings that everyone loves so much.  In 2017, Jonathan came out.  In 2018, he started dating Amazing Race contestant and former Chippendales dancer, Vaughan.  In 2020, they were engaged.  And in 2021, Bennett proved that his penis was like clouds in his coffee – as you can see on BillyMasters.com.

Jamie Lee Curtis will dress as a World of Warcraft character to officiate her trans daughter’s wedding.  She’ll be dressed as the sorceress Jaina Proudmoore.  “Everybody at the wedding is going to be in costume, and I will be in a costume to officiate the wedding.”  The only glitch is that the costume is coming from Russia.  Fingers crossed.

Obviously we talked about the Oscars on Billy Masters LIVE, and we had an expert panel to weave us through the highs and lows.  Karl Schmid hosted the red carpet both before and after the awards for our local ABC affiliate.  Elex Michaelson, currently on our FOX affiliate, has worked that beat before.  And Bruce Vilanch is an Oscar legend, penning puns for most of the hosts over the past four decades.  This week, we sit down with David Pevsner to talk about his new memoir, Damn Shame, in which he talks about (among other things) his concurrent careers as a Broadway performer and a male escort.  We broadcast live on Thursday at 3PM Eastern / Noon Pacific, or you can watch after the fact.  Join in the fun on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

“We’re gonna be listening to some music, we’re gonna be dancing,
we’re gonna be singing, we’re gonna be keeping people’s names out of our mouths,
and we’re gonna be giving out awards all throughout the night.”  
– Trevor Noah wrapping up his monologue at the Grammy Awards.

Physical assault is never an answer.  Heck, it’s never even a question.  But a story is a story, so I must reluctantly talk about it.  For those of you who have been living under a rock, let me briefly recount the story of the week.  Yury Medvedev, a Russian colonel, was leading a brigade in the fight to take Ukraine.  I say “was” because during their hurried retreat, his own men ran over him…with a tank!  What could be a bigger story than that?

When I would misbehave as a child, I’d apologize, and Big Mama Masters would roll her eyes and say, “You’re only sorry that you got caught.”  I believe that is why Will Smith is “heartbroken”.  Apparently all gay men turn into their mothers, because I, too, rolled my eyes during the Oscars – not unlike that thespian, Jada Pinkett Smith!  And it bears repeating – Will Smith laughed heartily when Chris Rock implied that Jada could be hired to star in a movie.  Heck, we all laughed at that!  According to onlookers, after the eye roll, Jada leaned back and said something to Will.  Perhaps it was some Scientology trigger right out of The Manchurian Candidate.  What followed was not a crime of passion, because Smith took his time as he strode onto the stage purposely.  The only thing he didn’t say was, “Hold my hoops!”  It may have been the most shocking thing on live TV since Jack Ruby.

As you know, the LAPD spoke to Chris Rock after the “incident”, and he declined to press charges against Smith.  But when the Academy wanted to have Smith ejected, Oscars producer Will Packer made the final decision.  “I immediately went to the Academy leadership that was on-site and said, ‘Chris Rock doesn’t want that.  Rock has made it clear that he does not want to make a bad situation worse.’  That was Chris’ energy.  His tone was not retaliatory, his tone was not aggressively angry.”  Except Chris only said he wouldn’t press charges – he never said he didn’t want Will thrown out.  Plus, ejecting Smith would have set Wanda Sykes up for a priceless moment.  “I wanted to be able to run out and say, ‘Will couldn’t be here tonight…”  Jim Carrey had choice words to say about Will remaining to accept his Oscar.  “I was sickened.  I was sickened by the standing ovation.  I felt like Hollywood is just spineless en masse.  It really felt like we’re not the cool club anymore.”  Carrey added that if he were in Rock’s place, he would have announced the next morning that he was suing Will Smith for $200 million.

In the midst of all this drama, another black comedian made news by coming out.  In his HBO special, Jerrod Carmichael (from The Carmichael Show) revealed that he’s gay.  He added, “I thought I’d never, ever come out.  At many points I thought I’d rather die than confront the truth of that, to actually say it to people.  Because I know it changes some people’s perceptions of me.”  It should be noted that his special, Rothaniel, was taped in February at the Blue Note Jazz Club in NYC…and yet news of his sexuality never broke.

“Imagine this little girl in the backseat of a white Ford Focus. 
Look into her eyes – you see a queer, openly queer woman of color. 
An Afro-Latina, who found her strength in life through art. 
And that’s what I believe we’re here to celebrate.  So to anybody who has
ever questioned your identity, ever, ever, ever, or find yourself
living in the grey spaces, I promise you this – there is, indeed, a place for us.”  
– Ariana DeBose makes history winning the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for West Side Story.

Another year, another Academy Awards.  At least this one kinda resembled the Oscars.  It’s hard not to love an internationally televised award show that starts by mentioning one of my best friends.  Wanda Sykes made a joke that one of the honorary honorees had never done a rom-com.  And she came up with the only actress who could hold her own opposite Samuel L. Jackson – Jenifer Lewis.  Even in absentia, Miss Lewis steals the show.  That is, until the camera panned to Timothée Chalamet – sporting an outfit nearly identical to what two of Liza Minnelli’s husbands wore on their wedding day!  They would have loved him…I mean it!  Speaking of Liza, I bet most of you thought the next time you’d see her at an Oscars would be during the In Memoriam.  How wrong you were… although this was close.  Shades of Elizabeth exclaiming, Gladiator!  Or Faye and La La Land!  Don’t get me wrong – I love Liza as much as…well, as much as those gay men she married.  But this bordered on elder abuse.

Most of the women looked good.  With all the exposed skin and boobage (but enough about Timothée), most of the gals looked like extras in a Bain de Soleil commercial!  And speaking of boobage…I believe Shawn Mendes may be scarred enough to finally give up women for good.  Like me, he appeared positively horrified.

The technical people were working overtime.  During the monologue, Wanda said, “For you people in Florida, we’re gonna have a gay night,” and then the three hosts kept saying “Gay” (and note this was on ABC – a Disney-owned network).  While the audience applauded, the cameramen panned to a smiling Denzel, an applauding Spielberg, and a very uncomfortable-looking Travolta!  They quickly jumped to a jubilant Nicole Kidman, who has lots of experience saying “Gay”!  On that subject, special congrats to Jessica Chastain, not only for her win but her using her brief time on stage to speak on behalf of the LGBTQ community – particularly LGBTQ youth.

I have a few things to say about the most talked-about moment of the Oscars.  Of all the jokes that could have been made, GI Jane 2 is the least offensive.  And when you think about it, it’s actually a compliment…’cause you’re implying Jada Pinkett Smith could carry a film!  For those of you who didn’t see it (the uncensored clip is on BillyMasters.com), let me recap.  Will Smith jumped on stage, stalked over to Chris Rock, and slapped him.  A slap?  Really?  Calm down, gurl.  Even Chris seemed surprised.  “Wow.  Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.”  Will then said, “Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth.”  I believe Chris and I thought of the same quick retort – which was about things going into mouths.  Rock wisely kept his mouth shut.  But this begs the question – where were the bouncers?  Because I can tell you from experience, that’s the Oscars’ fault.  I’ve performed in hundreds of venues, and if an audience member took a step towards me – as many have – the club’s goons would be on you before you got your club foot on the club stage.  Learn your craft, Academy!

This week’s Ask Billy question actually refers to the opening quote from last week’s column.  James in Los Angeles says, “I first learned that Simon Rex did gay porn in your column.  He said they used a prosthetic dick in Red Rocket, but it looks pretty similar.  Are you sure he didn’t show all again?”

One can never be totally sure about these things – even an expert such as moi!  However, we’ve got stills of the real thing and stills from Red Rocket.  You can check ‘em out on BillyMasters.com and decide for yourself.

When Rex is getting out of hand, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Like Simon, I’ve run long.  I barely have time to direct you to www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has this full column…uncut.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I sit down again with Sharon Gless (which will be on April 14^th).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Our season three premiere of Billy Masters LIVE with Sharon Gless was amazing.  Technical glitches aside (it was Saint Patrick’s Day and our staff was drunk!), we got deep – and I mean really deep.  Gless talked about things she’s never discussed before – not even in her bestselling memoir Apparently There Were Complaints.  We spent so much time on her fascinating youth, we barely got into Cagney and Lacey and Queer as Folk before our time was up.  Fear not – she’s coming back next month!  As to this Thursday, March 24^th at 3PM Eastern (Noon Pacific), we have the spectacular Sam Harris talking about his new show, Openly Gray.  We’ll also have a panel discussing hot topics.  Join in the fun on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Then there’s Jussie Smollett – the Bachelor of Cell Block 8!  He knows he did it.  We know he did it.  Everyone knows he did it.  He didn’t take a deal when offered, and he arrogantly continues to deny guilt.  He was sentenced to 150 days, which would probably end up being 75 days for good behavior (and I’m sure he’d be very good).  Then the judge was criticized for being “overly harsh” with the sentencing.  Really?  Staging a crime?  Costing the City of Chicago over $130K?  Not repaying a debt?  And not admitting guilt?  I think he’s “getting off” easy…which probably ain’t so hard in prison!  On his first night in the pokey, he was placed on suicide watch.  Then he refused food for six days and lived on ice water, which begs the question – where is this jail where prisoners have access to an ice machine?  As to refusing food – maybe he wanted to stay fresh for his gentlemen callers.  Bowing to pressure, he was released pending appeal.  If said appeal fails – as it undoubtedly will – I hope nobody complains when he has to serve his full sentence.  In fact, I insist on it.

I have not watched The Bachelor since Chris Harrison was abruptly and unjustly jettisoned from the franchise.  But people told me I had to watch the finale last week.  And I was horrified.  First, the lovely Jesse Palmer is a horrendous host – his few mannerisms were stolen from the Harrison playbook.  Secondly, every time he was cozying up to Clayton, it looked like THEY were on a date!  And thirdly, this Clayton guy is a dick.  When Sarah explained that it would be a dealbreaker if she learned he slept with any other contestants, he somehow turned it around to make HER the bad person.  Admittedly, when you compete on The Bachelor, you know said “bachelor” has slept with everyone.  When Clayton (who is, admittedly, hot) told the last two girls that he slept with both of them, they wanted to leave.  He begged them to stay, only to send them both home the next day.  Douche!  But, see, that’s a guy thing.  I vividly recall convincing a boyfriend to not break up with me…only to dump him the next day.  Because it’s always easier to be the dumper than the dumpee!  Anyway, back to The Bachelor.  My disgust grew exponentially when Sarah, the chick who walked away, ended up returning as Clayton’s girlfriend!  They deserve each other.  On the bright side, Jason Mesnick is no longer the most hated Bachelor in history!

Get ready….time for an all-new Fayewatch!!  Oh, Miss Dunaway – the gift that keeps on giving.  Her last “performance” was when she attempted to embody Katharine Hepburn in Tea at Five.  During the Boston engagement, Faye ran roughshod over the backstage crew, the director, and the producers.  She’d probably have abused her co-stars, but it was a one-person show!  Dunaway’s assistant at the time was Michael Rocha – and he tells many tales about Mommie.  He’s since filed a lawsuit claiming, among other things, that he “suffered as a result of being discriminated against on the basis of his sexual orientation and retaliated against by termination of his employment after he complained about being discriminated against as a gay man.”  He claims Faye referred to him as “a little homosexual boy” – and claims to have a recording proving it.  Somehow, I picture her using a more colloquial term.  Faye “denies calling him ‘a little homosexual boy’.”  She claims the play was undercapitalized and that she was a scapegoat for its failure (full disclosure – I went to opening night and Faye, whom I admire greatly as an actress, was miscast and did not give a credible performance).  Let’s all pray this case proceed to trial.

Do you remember those long, rambling voice messages that Dunaway left producers of A&E’s Biography?  The messages (which you can hear on BillyMasters.com) centered on an interview with her ex-husband, Terry O’Neill – whom Faye called “a big liar”.  She’s probably not gonna be happy when she hears that O’Neill will be the subject of his own documentary.  Iconic: The Terry O’Neill Story is a feature-length look at the award-winning photographer.  Something tells me Faye will not be participating.  But perhaps their (adopted) son, Liam, will.  If you want to complain, Faye, I’m still at the same number.

When I’m anxiously awaiting some voice messages from Dunaway, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  No time for an Ask Billy question this week.  But since I’ve been travelling so much, I was amused to see a video of a very hot boy pleasuring himself at the Atlanta Airport baggage claim.  You can see it on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has cameras everywhere.  If you have a question, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Ryan Murphy makes his next Feud series about Rapp and Spacey!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

At long last, it’s time for the season three premiere of Billy Masters LIVE!  This Thursday, March 17^th at 3PM Eastern, I’ll be chatting with the much-lauded, iconic, amazing Sharon Gless.  Yes, Cagney – of Cagney and Lacey.  Debbie from Queer as Folk.  We’ll discuss the many ups and downs of a life well-lived – which she writes about in her memoir Apparently There Were Complaints.  Make no mistake – there will be NO complaints if you watch Billy Masters LIVE on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.