This week we got not one but two Ask Billy questions about the butts of famous siblings – both named Dylan!  The first was from Dan in Chicago, who asked about Dylan Efron showing off his assets on a now-deleted social media post.  The second was from Rafi in Boston, who asked about Dylan Sprouse dropping trou in a flick.  Turns out there’s a connection.  Zac’s baby brother is playing a wrestler in The Iron Claw, and Dylan plays an MMA fighter in Beautiful Disaster.  I dunno how good either project is, but both butts get a thumbs up on BillyMasters.com.

When only our proctologist knows for sure, it’s definitely time to end another column.  There are a hole lotta things to check out on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that knows which end is up!  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go out on strike!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Isn’t it a horrible double standard that I’m now going to tell a story about Lizzo – who is roughly the size Adam was at Sundance – and I’m gonna call her fabulous?  But, you know, the mind is a terrible thing to misplace.  Lizzo’s a big girl with big ideas – and it stands to reason if she’s gonna think outside the box, it’s a pretty big box.  Last month, she wanted to protest Tennessee’s ordinance which prohibits adults from performing in drag.  First she made a little speech. “In light of recent and tragic events and current events, I was told by people on the internet, ‘Cancel your shows in Tennessee’, and ‘Don’t go to Tennessee’.  Their reason was valid, but why would I not come to the people who need to hear this message the most?  Why would I not create a safe space in Tennessee where we can celebrate drag entertainers and celebrate our differences?”  She then brought out 19 drag queens, including Aquaria, Asia O’Hara, Kandy Muse, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, and a host of other local girls.  You go, Lizzo!

A report in Rolling Stone cites unnamed workers on The Kelly Clarkson Show as being bullied, intimidated, overworked and traumatized by the show’s “monster” producers.  Kelly took to Instagram to respond to the allegations.  “In my 20 years in the entertainment industry, I’ve always led with my heart and what I believe to be right.  I love my team at The Kelly Clarkson Show, and to find out that anyone is feeling unheard and or disrespected on this show is unacceptable.”  And to think it took 15 years before anyone at Ellen spoke up!

I hope nobody will be offended by this, but when Adam Lambert was at the Sundance Film Festival at the end of January, he was bigger than I’ve ever seen him.  And I mean that quite literally – his girth was roughly the equivalent of a Buick.  The singer has often struggled with weight issues, and was doing that old Diane Ross trick – just putting make-up on the center of his face.  But that didn’t help when he was wearing a caftan from the Allan Carr collection.  That was just 4 months ago.  Recently, he showed up at the LA LGBT Center Gala looking astonishingly svelt.  Does any of this really matter?  Not really – except I want to know his secret.  I’m sure something illegal was involved, and that’s OK with me …short of Fentanyl.  Eh, even Fentanyl – what the hell.

Anita Baker is in the midst of a farewell tour.  Where is she going?  And why?  No one knows.  Her opening act is Babyface – who is actually the co-headliner since he’s probably a bigger name than her.  The twosome were due to appear at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ last week.  The show was delayed two hours due to “technical difficulties” – which I hear stem from a malfunctioning video wall at the back of Baker’s set.  Because of this snafu, Baker asked Babyface not to perform – because the show had to end at the scheduled time or it would result in enormous overtime (once again, a union thing).  Babyface let people know this was not his choice.  “I was asked not to perform in order to give Ms. Baker her space and time to perform her show in its entirety.  My band and I are extremely saddened we didn’t get to perform for y’all tonight.”  His fans were pissed and, let’s face it – most of the audience was there to see him, anyway.  Someone pointed out that the diva has done this before.  “Anita Baker needs to stop having Co-headliners if she going to continue to act this way.  She did this a while back with Maxwell.”  I say Maxwell and Babyface should do their own tour!

This week’s Ask Billy question comes from Ryan in Toronto: “Have you been watching Queen Charlotte?  The two guys working for the King and Queen had a hot sex scene in Episode 2.  Are we going to see more of them?”

You see?  I did cover the royals – just not the ones you were expecting.  Ryan is asking about Brimsley and Reynolds, who work for the royal couple and are played by Sam Clemmett and Freddie Dennis.  And they sure both live to serve.  While I know nothing about them – or the show – I’m happy to show all on BillyMasters.com.

When we’re dishing royal dirt that isn’t about the Windsors, it’s definitely time to end another column.  So, lemme get this straight – the King’s son who moved to the colonies has to sit in the third row with his possibly pedophilic uncle, but the grandchildren of the Queen – who have no relation to the King – get to be little page boys?  It’s a world gone mad, much like www.BillyMasters.com – the site that makes complete sense.  If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go on strike!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Let’s move on to Matthew Lawrence – of the Lawrence brothers (eldest of which is Joey, who suddenly has hair).  Matthew recently made a startling revelation.  At some time, his agency sent him to meet a director.  Well, I’ll let Matthew tell you the rest.  “I went to the hotel room…of a very prominent Oscar-award-winning director who showed up in his robe, asked me to take my clothes off, and said he needed to take Polaroids of me.  And then if I did X, Y, and Z, I would be the next Marvel character.”  My first question is this – were X, Y, and Z things or men Matthew was asked to do?  Matthew wraps up by saying, “I didn’t do that, and my agency fired me because I left this director’s room.”  I’d like a ballpark estimate of when this happened?  Because I’m having a devil of a time trying to come up with a year when Marvel was making big films, Matthew was considered a box office star, and Polaroids were popular.  Sounds like 3 different decades to moi.

I know Shangela.  I like Shangela.  But I don’t know what happens behind closed doors.  Since it is my duty to report the news, here’s the story.  Shangela (also known as DJ Pierce) was on the HBO series, We’re Here.  Daniel McGarrigle worked as a production assistant on the show and claims to have had an incident with Shangie.   According to a complaint filed in Los Angeles Superior Court, Daniel says Shangela asked for help packing for a trip.  After McGarrigle arrived at Shangela’s hotel room, he got sick and began to vomit.  Shangela suggested he lie down.  At some point, Daniel fell asleep.  When he awoke, he felt Shangela “on the lower half of his body” – and I think we all know what that means.  Although Daniel claims he screamed “No”, Shangela “was aggressive physically and verbally, telling McGarrigle, ‘I know you want it, and you’re going to take it.’”  If I had a nickle…and I do (things fall out of people’s pockets when they’re upside-down).  I find it curious that although this incident allegedly happened in February of 2020, McGarrigle remained working for the production until July of 2021.  According to Shangela, “An external investigation into this embittered individual’s claims previously concluded that they were completely without merit.”

Then there’s the Fisher/Lourd feud.  Todd Fisher filed an application for his sister Carrie Fisher to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  He was told that they had to wait three years before a posthumous star could be issued.  A month ago, he got a call from a friend saying they’d see him at the ceremony on May the 4^th.  This was news to him, so he called the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  They told him that the guest list was being handled by Disney.  Then Disney said that he was not on the family’s guest list.  The family?  Of his sister?  The person controlling the list is Billie Lourd, Carrie’s child with agent Bryan Lourd (who is gay, but that’s another story).  Not only was Todd not invited, but neither were Carrie’s half-sisters Joely and Tricia Leigh Fisher.  After failing to contact Billie (who had been incommunicado since Carrie’s death), they issued a statement.

Billie then went public saying, “The truth is I did not invite them to this ceremony.  They know why.”  Shades of Mommie Dearest – “for reasons which are well known to them”.  Billie is upset that Todd wrote a book about his mother and sister a year after their death, and that Joely also talked about them in her memoir.  “Though I recognize they have every right to do whatever they choose, their actions were very hurtful to me at the most difficult time in my life.”  This outraged me, so I took to social media and said, “But you see, Billie, this star is not about you – it is about your mother.  It is her star, and (as someone who knew her), I believe she’d want her siblings there.”  This drew enormous response from both sides – mostly pro-Fishers.  I wrapped up by saying if I were the Fishers, I’d show up anyway.  Apparently, Billie’s people covered that angle, too.  Todd was told that “if I showed up, [Billie] would not.”  Someone needs to grow up.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Drew in Chicago.  “Thanks for the nude photos of Richard Armitage.  Someone told me he’s gay, but you didn’t mention that.  So is he or isn’t he?”

Yes, Armitage is gay.  In fact, you weren’t the only one with that question this week.  A UK paper asked him about coming out, and he was very upfront about it.  “That happened when I was 19 – to anybody who mattered – and I was always waiting for that question to punch me in the face, and it never did.  I thought, ‘Are people being polite, or is it that they don’t want to know?’”  He’ll be quite happy you wanted to know.  And in case people missed his nudity in Obsession, you can see every inch of Dicky on BillyMasters.com.

There’s a transition here, but I’m just going to plow ahead.  There’s a new development between Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton – they’ve gotten married!  Before you ask, yes, we’ve only been talking about this coupling since February.  But, truly, we don’t know how long they’ve been dating.  They might have met…I dunno…weeks earlier!  They were seen sporting matching wedding bands at last week’s Daily Front Row Fashion LA Awards.  We later found out that the couple got married at the Little White Chapel in Las Vegas in front of six guests after getting a marriage license in Clark County, NV.  Later that night, they went to see Usher with Kim Kardashian, who actually officiated the ceremony.  Well, if they’ve got the blessing of Kim, it should last…days.  Far be it from me to poop on their parade (which they might enjoy).

Cheyenne Jackson recently made a brave revelation – after 10 years of sobriety, he’s fallen off the wagon.  “I took my eye off the ball.  I stopped doing what I needed to do to keep myself on the path of my personal integrity.  I could blame it on Covid.  I could blame it on the state of the world.  Mass shootings.  A nation divided.  The death of my co-star.  But the truth is, I thought I had it all handled.  I thought, ‘I got this.’  But I don’t.  I am a work in progress.  Always.”  I don’t know if I’ve ever found him more attractive.

Billy Porter is on a roll.  He just released some new music and is about to kick off a concert tour this week.  He’s also announced his next acting project.  He will play writer and activist James Baldwin in a big-screen biopic – based on the 1994 biography by David Leeming.  In making the announcement, Porter said, “I stand on James Baldwin’s shoulders, and I intend to expand his legacy for generations to come.”

If you happen to be going to the coronation (and I know many of you are), let me caution you to behave in pubs.  Last August, Dustin Lance Black was in a dust-up in a London pub with Teddy Edwardes, a lesbian television presenter.  Oh, yes – Lance was in a bar fight with a girl!  While there are differing accounts of how it started, at some point Black threw a drink at Teddy.  She responded by giving Lance (in her words) “a little tap on the back of the head”.  Black then called the police, but no arrests were made at the time.  A couple of months later, Black said he experienced what he described as a “life-altering concussion” – which he traced back to that “tap”.  And now Teddy is pressing charges!  Dustin was charged, released on bail and is set to appear in court on August 8^th.

Darren Hayes has a nice bum.  I hate to start in such a coarse way – not that I have firsthand knowledge of how coarse his bum is.  But I was fortunate enough to catch the final show of the former Savage Garden frontman’s recent solo tour.  That this happened within spitting distance from whence I was born is a happy coincidence.  In addition to all of his solo and group hits, he performed a generous smattering from his latest collection, “Homosexual”.  His voice is truly a marvel, and hearing it in such an intimate setting was a privilege – especially at such an economical price.  I’d not seen Darren in the flesh before, and I hope this will not be our last encounter.

Darren opened the show wearing tight black trousers, a lacy see-through black shirt, and black boots.  As luck would have it, I had on a strikingly similar outfit.  As I entered the theater, someone approached and said the most extraordinary thing.  “Not offense, but you look like Billy Masters.”  “No offense?”  Excuse me?  Still, a fan’s a fan!

My male sack is bursting at the seams.  Actually it’s our Ask Billy mail sack.  Of all the e-mails on this topic, the one from Connor in Florida arrived first.  “I don’t know if you watch Obsession, but I couldn’t believe I was seeing Richard Armitage naked. And it all seemed very natural.  Is this a trend??”

It might be.  I like my male nudity to be a bit more unnatural, but I’m an extremist.  When asked about it, Armitage said, “When a project like this comes in your direction, there are a lot of people trying to warn you and say, ‘It’s going to be challenging, it’s going to be very revealing, and there will be a lot of intimacy.’  But I thought, ‘It’s fine.  I’ll approach this like a European, like how the French deal with cinema, see their view of the human body and their view of relationships and intimacy.  They’re much more relaxed.’”  Thank God he’s not completely relaxed – I was delighted to note a bit of “stiffness”, if you catch my drift.  And you can see all on BillyMasters.com.

When nudity is part of an obsession, it’s definitely time to end another column.  Once again, something for everyone.  That’s my special gift to you, my adoring fans.  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  You can get so much more on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that proves you really can have it both ways.  If you need a bit more of a personal touch (not in that icky Dalai Lama way), drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Harry asks me to be his plus-one!  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

If you read this column regularly, you know about the documentary series, Menudo: Forever Young.  This exposé about the Latin prepubescent group Menudo discussed a number of the scandals, which included abuse – physical, psychological and sexual.  One of the people not part of that series was member Roy Rosselló.  But he has now come forward with a shocking claim.  He says that when he was 14, he was sexually assaulted by Jose Menendez.  If the name sounds familiar, it’s because he was the father of Lyle and Erik Menendez – who murdered their parents allegedly because of abuse!  Roy’s claims went public on Today because he’s part of another docuseries – Menendez + Menudo: Boys Betrayed.  Apparently, Jose was an executive at RCA Records, which was Menudo’s label.  Roy was brought to the Menendez mansion by Menudo creator, Edgardo Diaz – who is also accused of sexual assault (claims other group members have previously made).  Roy says he was drugged and assaulted while at the Menendez home.  In the documentary, Roy dramatically points to a photo of Jose Menendez and says, “That’s the man here that raped me.  That’s the pedophile”.  Erik Menendez has spoken out, saying, “It’s sad to know that there was another victim of my father”.  The docuseries airs on Peacock next month.

We can learn a thing or two from the British royal family.  You’ve surely heard that Prince Harry is going to the coronation alone.  Whether Harry was allowed a plus-one is up for conjecture, but there’s a similar situation.  Way back in 1986, Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson.  In 1992, they announced their separation.  In 1996, they got a divorce.  You know what they didn’t do?  Stop living together.  That said, Fergie is no longer a “royal”.  Therefore, she is not obliged to be invited to every wedding or other event…and that includes coronations.  And Fergie gets it.  “No, I’m not [going] actually ‘cause it’s a state occasion.  And being divorced, I don’t think you can have it both ways.”  Well, I’ve had it both ways with many, many divorced men, but that’s another story.

You know who else won’t be going to the coronation?  The Pope.  He’s sent Charles his regrets…along with a gift.  His token is supposedly fragments from the cross on which Jesus Christ was crucified – ‘cause nothing says good luck on your reign than something used to kill the “king of kings”!

Everyone should be keeping an eye on Camilla’s son, Tom Parker Bowles – who apparently is a food critic.  As such, he has decried the use of spices like chili and garlic at the festivities due to their foul odor.  Speaking of fowl, he’s also not a fan of “coronation chicken”, which he describes as “really horrible”.  For years, people said the same thing about his mum.

“I was born with a priceless gift – the ability to laugh at the misfortunes of others.”
– Dame Edna Everage

The world just got a bit duller with the death of Dame Edna Everage.  Her creator, Barry Humphries, was a curious fellow with a number of views one might not find palatable.  But funnelled through his most famous character, he became not only acceptable but also acclaimed.  We could laugh at Dame Edna’s barbs, biases and bitchiness.  Like Archie Bunker, we saw our differences through Edna’s eyes – and found them outrageous.  Rest in peace, possum.

Since we’re talking foreign nudity, I picked an appropriate Ask Billy question.  Greg in Chicago asks, “I heard about a naked dating show in Europe.  Did they actually show all on a regular channel?  Was anyone hot?”

Ah, this would be Dating Naked Germany.  And, in this case, the title says it all.  It also proves that the vast majority of the world’s population should not be seen naked 24/7.  It’s just not a good look.  It does, however, get one in the mood to iron!  On the show, there are a few lookers.  There’s the striking Fabio De Pasquale – who may have some German in him, but is mostly Italian.  He’s a personal trainer and has a number of reality shows under his belt.  In fact, what’s under his belt is as impressive as what’s above his belt.  Some countries will get to watch the show on Paramount+.  The rest of you can check out some of the more notable talent on BillyMasters.com.

Some of my favorite stories this week come from overseas.  Like this headline – “Former Gay Adult Film Star Running for Mayor of a Spanish Village”.  I don’t know why, but I picture chickens and donkeys running around – or maybe I’ve seen one too many productions of Carmen.  Antonio Moreno (no relation) did gay porn under the name Héctor de Silva as recently as 2021- and he was remarkably versatile, which has nothing to do with this story.  He moved to the little village of Carcelén because that’s where his boyfriend is a forest firefighter.  Antonio is working as a livestock farmer and wants to help the village, which is termed as “very abandoned” and has roughly 500 residents.  So he’s thrown his sombrero into the ring.  He is running against Maria Dolores Gómez Piquera, who has been mayor since 2011.  She may have the edge, but did I mention Antonio is versatile?

Two hot Latin men are in a tussle, and I for one couldn’t be happier.  It all started with Eduardo Verástegui, who I fondly remember as a member of the Latin pop group Kairo.  He also appeared in Jennifer Lopez’s video for “Ain’t That Funny”, in addition to the 2003 flick Chasing Papi (opposite Sofía Vergara, Lisa Vidal and Roselyn Sánchez).  He then segued into a bunch of telenovelas, during which time he was rumored to be dating Ricky Martin.  Somewhere along the way, he became a conservative politician and a supporter of Donald Trump!

Then there’s openly gay Polo Morín, who’ll be appearing in the upcoming Amazon flick Red, White & Royal Blue.  But you can currently see him in the Netflix series High Heat – which is about firefighting male strippers (yes, really).  The shower scene alone will get you all hot and bothered!  Polo is also very active on social media where he regularly posts risqué photos.  Well, he’s hot, in his early 30s, and has no body fat.  And he’s got a fantastic ass and pretty sizeable penis.  Why do I know this?  Well, when Polo was outed, it was with a leaked sex video – which you can see on our website.

Now that you know the players, let’s get to the game.  In a recent speech, Eddie said, “Without a doubt, homosexuality is linked to pedophilia”.  Well, he said it in Spanish, but pedophilia is one of those universal words.  This was all a bit much for Polo, who responded on Twitter.  “If that was the case when YOU ‘were’ gay, it’s just that – YOUR PERSONAL CRIMINAL EXPERIENCE.  Hopefully one day you’ll find the peace that you say you’ve found so you no longer have to ‘condemn’ others.”  The duo went back and forth a few times, but you get the gist.  You can make your own gist after seeing the hot footage of both fellas on BillyMasters.com.

Is Mo’Nique a member of our community?  Well, she’s certainly gay-adjacent.  In her latest comedy special, My Name is Mo’Nique, she shares a conversation she had with her husband – whom she calls “Daddy” (side note – I really hate it when people refer to their partner with parental terms).  “Daddy,” Mo’Nique said, “I want to be with another woman sexually.”  Her husband responded, “Bitch, me too!”  Well, ain’t that a kick in the clitoris!  Mo’Nique then said, “Now I know y’all are looking at me, saying, ‘Wait a minute, bitch.  Are you a motherfuckin’ dyke?’  No, I’m not…all the way.”  See?  Adjacent.  She also discusses her Uncle Tina, but for that story you should check out the special on Netflix.  And I think I should book her for a future Billy Masters LIVE.

Last week, the hysterical Judy Gold was my guest on Billy Masters LIVE.  We discussed many topics – including her very hot (and very straight) sons.  She just wrapped up her show, Yes, I Can Say That! off-Broadway, and is heading back on the road – including a special performance at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia on Mother’s Day (May 14^th).  That show, which will be all about her mother, will be recorded for future release.  She’ll also be at the Post Office Café and Cabaret in Provincetown this summer.  You can find all things Judy on her website, JudyGold.com.  To find out more dish, check out my chat with Judy (among others) on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

The size of Pete Davidson’s penis has long been a point of discussion among his former paramours.  There was Ariana Grande, who joked that Davidson was sporting “like 10 inches” – but do I expect accuracy from a member of the Grande family?  Kim Kardashian added fuel to the fire by admitting she only dated him because of his “big dick energy”.  Davidson put the topic to rest…kinda.  During a recent chat with Charlamagne tha God on The Breakfast Club, Pete admitted, “It’s really not that special.  It’s a very normal-sized penis.”  While he didn’t get into specifics, he added, “It’s not too big or too small.  It’s big enough to enjoy and not big enough for it to hurt, is what I was told.”  By whom?  Because if it was Ariana, I suspect anything more than a thimble is gonna make her scream “Ouch!”  Conversely, I bet you could have a javelin and Kim would ask, “Is it in yet?”

I recently extoled the virtues of Sex/Life solely for man-meat (which is as good a reason as any).  Days later, the show was cancelled.  Look, kids, I did what I can do.  Maybe the meat wasn’t so fresh, if you catch my drift.  So, I’m answering this week’s Ask Billy question with a large amount of trepidation.  In fact, I’m not going to even mention a penis.  Nope, nary a penis will pass my lips.  Tommy from Dallas asks, “Did you ever see Pain and Glory?  What do you know about César Vicente?  Especially his [word that I will not share at this time].”

First, it’s a great film.  Antonio Banderas alongside Penelope Cruz directed by Pedro Almódovar – what’s not to like?  But I must confess I’d completely forgotten about César Vicente and his sizeable “part”.  Regarding “that scene”, Vicente reportedly had no interest in covering up between takes.  He certainly has nothing to be ashamed of.  César said the following about his character: “Sometimes he is very straight, and other times, very gay…like me.”  Of course, he said it in Spanish.  You’ll get a pretty good idea why he was so comfortable when you see the scene in question on BillyMasters.com.

When a picture is worth a thousand (or so) millimeters, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Despite my many travels, I made it back to Boston in time to celebrate Big Daddy Masters’ 90^th Birthday!  Yes, longevity is a trademark of the Masters men.  I’m happy to prove that on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that has no limits.  Should you need further convincing, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I leave a bad taste in your mouth.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Dustin Lance Black and Tom Daley were spotted checking out properties in the Big Apple.  But their relocation is not a fait accompli.  While Lance would like to move to the city, Daley is angling for LA.  Why?  “Because British people are vitamin D deficient and love sunshine,” he told our pal Michael Musto.  Here’s something he didn’t tell Mikey – they’ve become parents again!  They broke the news in an old-fashioned way – with an announcement in The Times of London.  Under “Births”, it said: “Black-Daley on 28^th March to Thomas Robert Daley and Dustin Lance Black, a son, Phoenix Rose.”  DLB expanded on Insta: “And then there were four.  Our second son, Phoenix Rose Black-Daley, arrived at 3:34pm on March 28, 2023.”  Tom posted, “Our family has grown in the last week, we welcomed Phoenix to the world on 28/03/23 and he’s just perfect.  Robbie is loving being a BIG BRO!”

Relationships are expanding hither and yon.  If rumors are to be believed, Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton are now engaged.  For those of you keeping track, things have moved forward at a positively Lilith speed.  Only a week ago, Lukas said on Today, “I think I got a taste of the Brits and couldn’t help myself.”  See our opening quote.

The more we learn about the possible suicide of Instagram model Jeff Thomas, the more it sounds like a mental health issue exacerbated by being involved with a married man.   Sure, he was set up with cars, houses, and money.  But it came at a price.  And it sounds like everything came to a head when the “kept” boy (his term) came face to face with the happy couple at their New Year’s Eve Party!  In a moment straight out of the Dreamgirls dressing-room scene, the hubby spots the side piece and says, “Why is HE here?” Apparently, neither knew the other would be in attendance and it got…well, icky.  Hubby asked security to walk Thomas off the property – a walk of shame nobody would want to endure.  Friends say the dismissed dude’s mental health spiraled.  Days later, all cash and communication were cut off.  And shortly after that, our lad in need became a lad on the verge.  And that’s that.

Whenever I have the opportunity, I love to hang out with funny people – particularly funny gay people.  Last week I was having fun in the sun in Fort Lauderdale with funnymen Frank DeCaro and Jim Colucci.  I had to cut our time short to zip up to NYC and see Judy Gold off-Broadway in Yes, I Can Say That! at Primary Stages (closing April 16^th).  Comedians doing one-person theatrical shows can be a tricky venture.  Quite often, the conceit is basically a transplant of a stand-up set.  Not so with this show, cleverly staged by BD Wong and effortlessly (and breathlessly) performed by Gold.  Using her best-selling book of the same name as a jumping-off point, this is a cross between history lesson, confessional, and cautionary tale – with plenty of laughs.  If history has taught us anything, it’s that it can be repeated.  Judy draws a compelling line between the rise of Nazi Germany and today’s political climate.  She also reminds us that the most effective weapon against hate speech is more speech.  Whenever times are bleak, it is comedians that not only speak truth to power, but also provide us with the courage to face anything and everything.  Judy’s not only one of the funniest people I know – she’s one of the smartest.  Catch her whenever you can!

I’ll be sitting down with Judy Gold for a special episode of Billy Masters LIVE on Wednesday, April 12^th at 2:30PM Eastern.  Check us out on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

“Swallowing is really a good thing.  It’s got a lot of protein. 
There is something to be said for it after you put in the hard work.”
– Christina Aguilera.  I think my work here is done.

The word “legendary” is tossed around haphazardly these days.  But Heklina was just that…legendary.  The drag diva was a multi-hyphenate, best known for founding Trannyshack in 1996, a weekly fixture at The Stud in San Francisco.  Ironically, one of the reasons for its demise was many people’s distaste for the term “tranny”.  Heklina, undaunted, moved on to a number of other endeavors and became a worldwide drag phenomenon.  Last week, in the midst of a UK tour of Mommie Queerest with pal Peaches Christ, she was found dead in their apartment.  No cause of death has been determined, but foul play is not suspected.  Heklina – aka Stefan Grygelko – was 55.

Some episodes of Doctor Who will be released over the holidays, and the latest “doctor” will be someone from our tribe.  Ncuti Gatwa will not only be the first black Doctor Who, he’ll also be the first queer one!  I should also mention he’s mighty hot and has never been afraid to show some skin, as you’ll see on our website.  His tenure at the helm will coincide with some special guest stars.  Showrunner Russell T. Davies (of Queer as Folk and It’s a Sin) has said, “In a galaxy of comets and supernovas, here comes the biggest star of all.  Jinkx Monsoon is on a collision course with the TARDIS and Doctor Who will never be the same again!”  Add in the presence of previously announced Neil Patrick Harris and I expect Florida to ban it any day now.

By the by, NPH is headed back to Broadway.  Peter Pan Goes Wrong is an outrageous romp by the people who brought us The Play That Goes Wrong.  It opens on April 19^th and will have a number of high-profile celebrity guests.  As NPH said, “The role of the Narrator mostly sits in a chair and reads a book, so apparently no rehearsals are required.  I guess that’s fine…what could possibly go wrong?”  Catch him in the show through April 30^th.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Greg in Maine: “Do you watch Sex/Life?  Devon recently showed off his penis.  Was it real?  You always seem to know these things.”

Pigs can sniff out truffles.  This pig can sniff out a real dick.  Greg is asking about Jonathan Sadowski, who plays Devon on the Netflix series.  Devon had to get reconstructive surgery “down there” after being in a car accident while receiving oral sex.  In a word, OUCH!  He brags that the surgery gave him an extra inch – at which point he whips out his dick in the locker room.  The results are impressive.  Alas, it was indeed a prosthetic.  However, the rest of Sadowski’s bangin’ body is quite real – to say nothing of his locker room friends (who all seem to be refugees from a gay porn shoot).  Just for kicks, we’ll post every inch on BillyMasters.com.

When some stories leave a bad taste in your mouth, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  I’m still thinking about that stage version of Brokeback Mountain.  In addition to songs, maybe they could throw in some of those Julie Taymor puppets as sheep.  Or perhaps this could lead to the long-awaited comeback of Lamb Chop!  More good ideas can be found on www.BillyMasters.com – the site you can’t quit.  You can always grab me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before someone puts David in the closet.  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

I’m all for the separation of church and state.  I’m also for the separation of sex and state.  What I am not in favor of is stupidity and state.  And that leads to the story of the New York City judge who was discovered to have an OnlyFans account.  Well, the 33-year-old Gregory Locke is pretty hot.  Then I read how he described himself on the site.  “White collar professional by day…very unprofessional by night, always amateur, always raw, always slutty.”  I’m told that amongst his oeuvre, you see him nude, having sex, and (I kid you not) drinking from used condoms.  I’m not sure who used them, but I ask you – do you really want that guy judging anything more than a wet briefs contest?  An irrelevant question because he’s been fired – although it wasn’t because of the nudity or his non-hygienic actions.  It was after he Tweeted to a city councilwoman who came out against drag queens that she should “choke on a dick”!  For the record, he’s certainly got something chokeable, as you’ll see on BillyMasters.com.

This brings to mind the NYC weatherman who was naked on a live webcam, gave out his address, and told people to let themselves into his home and take turns fucking him.  That fair-weathered fella was Erick Adame, and he’s starting a subscription service.  For $5 a month, every day he’ll give you “the weather” – which is not a euphemism!  Someone online asked, “Is he going to do it in a thong?”  I say give the people what they want…for $5 a month.

A Dutch university recently cancelled a production of Samuel Beckett’s play Waiting for Godot because only men were cast.  It should be noted that all of the characters in the play are male, which wouldn’t stop many directors today.  This situation is not without precedent.  Back in 1988, a professional Dutch theatre company produced the play with a woman in one of the roles.  Since Mr. Beckett was still alive at the time, he sued the company – and won!

A stage version of Annie Proulx’s best-selling novel Brokeback Mountain is headed to the West End.  The new adaptation, written by Ashley Robinson, will be headlined by two of the hottest men in the business – Lucas Hedges and Mike Faist.  But, this is not simply a play.  Buried in the press release, it says, “original songs will be performed by Eddi Reader”, who plays The Balladeer.  I suppose I’d be more concerned if I read who the choreographer was.  All will be revealed on the opening night of May 18^th.  It’s scheduled to run at SoHo Place through August 12^th.

Last week, I went to Boston’s Museum of Science, which is actually located in Cambridge.  As a kid in grammar school, we’d take field trips there every year, so I knew every inch of the museum – including the Hall of Human Life.  In the past, adorning the entrance of this display was a life-size sculpture of a nude woman crouching on her hind flanks and holding up a newborn baby – ala The Lion King.  Much of the museum has changed, so while the exhibit is still there, the nude woman was nowhere to be found.  However, in a virtually uninhabited section was a room dedicated to the museum’s past.  And there, tucked away in the back of a little alcove, behind Plexiglas, was the nude woman!  A friend of mine insists that it is the detail to her nippular area that’s caused her to be cloistered.  I’d be happy to purchase some tassels or a bikini top if it would help get that poor woman out of the closet.

This story has an eerie connection to one recently in the news.  I’m sure you all heard about the principal in Tallahassee, Florida who was fired after showing a photo of Michelangelo’s David to a class studying Renaissance art.  If it was shown in a Sex Ed class, it would surely be to illustrate the difference between a grower and a shower.  I hadn’t realized how much Davey and I had in common, but that is neither hither nor yon.  Or is that yawn?

This week’s Ask Billy question came from Henry in Detroit:  “I just saw a headline that said Rory Culkin shows his penis in Swarm.  It’s called ‘shocking’.  Do you have it?”

I have no idea what Swarm is.  Is it something to do with bees?  If so, count me out – unless I have an EpiPen handy.  But, I tracked down the footage, which takes place in the first episode…so, apparently this is a series.  There is Culkin, naked as the day he was born, with his penis smooshed against a glass bowl of strawberries.  Why?  Who can say.  One of my proofreaders tells me that the New York Post called it “dirty and unnecessary”.  Judge for yourself – on BillyMasters.com.

Let’s move on to a show that’s still on the air…kinda.  I’m sure you all know that Tyra Banks has left Dancing with the Stars.  After alienating roughly half of the viewing public, I’m told she not so much left as was pushed out.  You also may have heard that Julianne Hough will be back to co-host.  But that almost wasn’t the case.  Jockeying for that slot was another Hough…Derek.  He felt he would be a perfect host for the show.  When Julianne’s name was thrown into the mix, there was some talk of her returning to the judges’ table (where she had been for three seasons prior to Derek).  I hear the brass felt that they already had Alfonso Ribeiro as co-host, so a feminine touch was needed.  I’ll let you fill in your own joke.

BTW, Mark Ballas has once again proclaimed he is done with the DWTS franchise.  After his last performance with the touring company, he said, “I’m coming to a close tonight.  This is gonna be my last dance…Thank you guys for a lifetime of memories.”

Entrepreneur Peter Thiel is co-founder of PayPal and a gay conservative.  He’s also entangled in the death of a male model.  A blind item recently made the rounds about a model who committed suicide after his billionaire beau married another.  People identified the model as Jeff Thomas and the mogul as David Geffen.  They got it half right.  In an unreleased interview from last November, Thomas identifies himself as being “kept” by the married Thiel, and he clearly knew his worth.  “If I’m gonna give up relationships I have and give up my dreams right now, during Covid, or dating other guys or pursuing people, then I’m going to get a $300,000 car and I’m going to get a $13 million home.”  This probably sounds like a great deal, but it comes at a price.  “It was stressful, [Thiel] wanted me to get the nicest car, the nicest house.  He wanted to kind of show his power, to kind of show that he had me in his dollhouse.”  Thomas adds, “It’s not like I was his boyfriend really, I was just kind of his friend that was there for him when he needed, you know, whatever he needed.”   Whatever!

And yet, Jeff reportedly got tired of being “kept” and moved from Hollywood to Miami.  But not into some little apartment.  He moved into a high-priced high-rise and continued to have all of the trappings of his previous life.  How far he got from Thiel is questionable since he attended the billionaire’s New Year’s Eve party.  Friends say he was thinking about becoming a firefighter or EMT.  On March 8^th, he posted a video from an icy plunge pool looking as hot as ever.  Hours later, he was dead on the pavement far below his deluxe apartment in the sky.  One agent tried to spin Jeff’s fall as an accident while trying to take a selfie from his balcony.  From everything I’ve read, Thomas was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid.  His brother quickly went public, saying Jeff “struggled with addiction and mental health challenges, which ultimately led to his tragic passing.”  Thiel has not issued a comment.

“This makes me happy for the OG Charmed fans.  What a gift!”
– Alyssa Milano captions a photo of Shannen Doherty, Holly Marie Combs and Rose McGowan
at 90s Con.  No word on why Alyssa missed this Charmed reunion…but we can guess.

90s Con reunited casts from 90s shows, including 90210 and Charmed.  While Shannen Doherty was scheduled to appear on the Charmed panel, she skipped the 90210 one.  But she did pose with the cast in attendance (Tori, Jennie, Jason, Ian).  Several fans even got professional photos between Shannen and Jason – as you’ll see on our website.

Then Doherty joined the “power of three” …kinda.  Three “charmed ones” were there – Shannen, Holly Marie Combs and Rose McGowan (who replaced Doherty).  Also on the dais were Brian Krause, Dorian Gregory, and Drew Fuller.  Shannen first addressed her cancer battle, saying, “I’m feeling great, thank you!”  Then she lightened the mood.  She feigned ignorance after seeing fans with autographs that said, “Forever, Chris” or “Love Chris”.  “I just want to know who Chris is?” she asked.  That would be Fuller, who joined the show after her departure.  When the panel was asked who was the favorite villain or demon, Shannen had no hesitation.  “Cole…I was fortunate enough to date Cole in real life and, uh…yeah, Cole was my favorite demon.”

Hot ass play leads to this week’s Ask Billy question.  Robert from DC writes:  “Wow!  It looks like David Geffin (sic) just married one of the hottest men on this planet!  Got any nudes of Donovan Michaels?”

Well, who doesn’t?  I guess many of you – because this was a very popular question.  While the nuptials haven’t been confirmed by the happy couple, here’s a tidbit that the mainstream press has missed – Donovan Michaels is gay porn actor Brandon Foster, who worked for Randy Blue.  I don’t believe he’s done any celluloid stuff in close to a decade, but at the time he was billed as a “power top” – quelle surprise!  Of course, the 80-year-old Geffen was previously linked with gay porn pup Justin Matthews, who was known for a similar specialty.  You know what I always say – stick with what you know.  And if you’d like to see him stick it in, check out BillyMasters.com.

When Donovan can carry Geffen across the threshold without using his hands, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  And a pretty racy one at that.  What can I say?  I know my audience, because you’re all checking out www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is always safe.  If you have a favorite position, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Keanu sues for palimony (a nod to our very first column).  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

The Osundairo brothers are back in the news.  You remember them – the Nigerian bodybuilders who were allegedly hired by Jussie Smollett to stage a racial hate crime.  FOX Nation has a 5-part docuseries called Jussie Smollett: Anatomy of a Hoax, and the buff boys are happy to tell all.  While I do not have FOX Nation (for obvious reasons), I was shocked to see the bros reenact the crime on the streets of Chicago!  My favorite part is when they say Jussie directed the sequence to include him fighting back.  “Hey, don’t just beat my ass – make it look like I’m fighting back and whatnot.”  When they recreate what they did with Jussie’s ass in that gay bathhouse, call me.

Given recent events, I predict that Cher will re-release one of her classics: “Romanis, Tramps and Thieves”.

The original Broadway cast of the musical Ragtime will reunite on March 27^th for a one-night-only benefit for the Entertainment Community Fund, formerly known as The Actors Fund (how long will we have to reference its better-known name?).  One of the participants will be Lea Michele, who was in the original cast as “Little Girl”.  Obviously she will be appearing in a different role.  I believe “Little Girl” will now be played by Barbra Streisand.

A BBC reporter is in hot water after being filmed in a taxi and not wearing a seatbelt.  Before anyone asks, I always wear a seatbelt – even when having sex in the car.  You can never be too safe.

Aussie actor Ingo Rademacher claims that ABC didn’t fire him from General Hospital because he refused to get vaccinated; it was because he endorsed Donald Trump.  You know how to prove you’re right?  Get vaxxed!

And now, my favorite story of the week.  I met the striking and sexy Forbes March through Jerry verDorn many years ago.  I haven’t thought of the former soap stud in eons, but he returned to the headlines last week after being arrested for stealing used cooking oil!  Oh, yes – you read correctly.  I must confess, I know nothing about used cooking oil, except I believe Willie Nelson uses it to fuel his Winnebago.  We’re told March purchased a used oil collection route to help supplement his income.  He was seen siphoning used oil out of a container at a diner in Ulster, New York.  Problem is that oil was earmarked for a competitor.  March’s attorney claims that the container was improperly marked and that it “appeared abandoned and contained mostly dirty rainwater.”  So, Forbes was stealing rainwater?  The pilfered amount of oil has a street value of $1,000.  His main business is a firewood delivery company, and I would be mighty happy to pay Forbes March $1K to deliver wood to me anytime.

I didn’t mention this last week, but I’m mad at the Academy Awards all over again.  Last year, they let Will Smith sit there without any repercussions for his actions.  This year, it was Tems and her big white dress.  As someone who has been to the Oscars, lemme tell you I would not be having it.  You would not see me poking my head up from behind her tule – I would have pushed it down!  Of course, I’d probably be the one thrown out.

I’ve been asked repeatedly if the denials that Lady Gaga would perform at the Oscars were just the Academy misleading us.  Nope.  Gaga turned down the opportunity to sing her Oscar-nominated ditty due to the filming demands of Joker – Folie à Deux.  She still planned to attend, but felt being rushed would not allow her to give a performance up to her standards.  I’m told that it was the personal call from Oscars’ producer Glenn Weiss and the idea of a stripped down rendition which led to what you saw.  Apparently stripped down also meant hosed down.

Lukas Gage recently gave a lengthy interview to The New York Times where he scuttled questions about his relationship with celebrity hairdresser, Chris Appleton – but invited the speculation.  Then the twosome showed up a deux at the Vanity Fair Oscar party.  In case there were any lingering questions, Chris told Drew Barrymore, “I’m very happy.  Very much in love.  And I feel very grateful to be able to share my time with someone very special.  Love is a really special thing and I think meeting someone that you really connect with is really, really special.”  He then showed the infamous Mexico pics and identified Lukas by name.  Asked and answered.

We’d been hearing that Jake Gyllenhaal is in enviable physical form for his upcoming film, Road House, where he plays an MMA fighter.  He turned up at the UFC 285 event last week outside of Las Vegas to film some scenes, and we’re told it was hard to distinguish him from the rest of the elite athletes.  Then someone sent me footage and…OMG, has he ever looked better?  You can decide for yourself at BillyMasters.com

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Josh in San Francisco:  “I heard that Lil Nas X posted some hot pics and then deleted them.  Didn’t you have nudes of him before?”

He did and I did.  Lil posted a photo of himself in a mirror wearing grey Nike hip briefs.  Clearly he’s fluffed.  Apparently, someone was concerned that this might be a bit much, so the photo was deleted – but not before I grabbed it.  We’ll post it along with that video where you can see every inch of him at BillyMasters.com.

When we’re telling you to “Just Do It”, it’s definitely time to end yet another column.  Hours before the Oscars, I predicted the In Memoriam would exclude Robert Blake…for obvious reasons.  But Leslie Jordan?  Anne Heche?  Cindy Williams?  My beloved Carole Cooke?  For shame, Oscars!  You can find them all on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that never forgets.  If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we show you everything everywhere all at once.  Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Every year, gay porn aficionados head to Chicago on Memorial Day weekend for the Grabby Awards (attendance surely helped by International Mr. Leather, which takes place the same weekend).  But, didya know that the Grabbys have a European cousin?  The Grabby Awards Europe will take place in Torremolinos, Spain April 20-23.  According to the press release, the show will “celebrate the best gay European porn stars, gay porn labels, movies and creative content of the year”.  Information on both the domestic and international awards can be found at GrabbyAwards.com.

We previously reported a story about an Italian man fired from his university job due to his past as a gay porn performer.  The man in question is sexy Carlo Masi, who made loads of films for Colt Studios.  His real name is Ruggero Freddi, and he was a teacher at the Sapienza University of Rome.  He claimed to have been fired without explanation and without pay for the work he had already done.  So he sued for what I consider a paltry amount – roughly $2,500 for the work he had done and $1,500 for “unjustified dismissal”.  You would think a smart defendant would pay the $4K and be done with it.  But this case actually went to trial – which he won.  “I hope my case gives courage to all PhD students who are exploited after years of studies and specializations,” said Carlo/Ruggero – except I suspect he said it in Italian.

Someone familiar with a foreign tongue is Ricky Martin, who has been dealing with a whole bunch of contentious issues for the past few years.  After settling things with his nephew (look it up), he had to deal with a $3 million commission suit from his former manager – a suit which promised to reveal “career-ending allegations”.  Martin settled this one out of court.  Since we hear his former manager is only receiving a five-figure payout, I guess those revelations weren’t as “career-ending” as alleged.

I have to make a confession – I have never watched FOX News.  I’ve heard all the stories, seen all the parodies, but I have never watched the network…until last week.  There I was, on the treadmill at the gym and noticed that Tucker Carlson was an odd shade of burnt umber.  I thought maybe there was something wrong with the tint on the TV, but Sean Hannity looked fine.  Maybe Tucker is using Mr. Trump’s spray tan equipment – although it’s just been disclosed that Carlson said of the embattled ex-president, “I hate him passionately.”  Well, you know – there’s a fine line between love and hate.

On the topic of “Fake News”, the following headline was seen on the front page of New York Times Arts – “The stakes are high for the new Broadway revival of Sweeney Todd starring Josh Groban and Annaleigh Ashford.  The musical hasn’t been seen or heard in New York for 43 years.”  A curious claim, since there were Broadway revivals in 1989 and 2005 – both of which were nominated for Best Revival of a Musical at the Tony Awards.  Then there are the New York City Opera productions of 1984 and 2004 at Lincoln Center, or the New York Philharmonic’s semi-staged productions in 2000 and 2014.  And, let’s not forget the 2021 immersive production that took place in an actual pie shop!  In short, New York Times, the musical has had at least seven productions in New York City since the original.

The Broadway revival of Funny Girl will close when Lea Michele leaves this fall.  While there was wild speculation that the producers would try to find another Fanny Brice, it was determined that nobody could fill Ms. Michele’s shoes.  That’s quite a contention, since the original Broadway production lasted almost two years after Streisand departed.  The show continued to do good business with the accomplished Mimi Hines.  I guess they don’t make ‘em like Mimi anymore – unless I’m supposed to believe Lea is more irreplaceable than Babs!

“31 years ago in 1992, Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan were in
a movie together…two actors from Encino Man are nominated
for Oscars.  Incredible night it must be for the two of you,
and what a very difficult night for Pauly Shore!”
– Jimmy Kimmel during his Oscars monologue.

In a few weeks, Big Daddy Masters will turn 90.  And, with all due respect, I’m not so interested in his opinion on the latest films.  And yet, here we are – obsessed with the Oscars at 95.  Here are some of my observations.  Where is Kelly McGillis?  She is the most MIA woman since Shelly Miscavige!  There’s no question that Jamie Lee Curtis is Hollywood royalty.  Her win was quite touching, and how nice it was that she kept her Golden Globes under wraps up for a change.  I think she may have lent her designated dress to Eva Longoria!  And, say what you will – Hugh Grant is the best looking scrotum I’ve ever seen…and I’ve seen more than my share of scrotums! 

We learned a few things from this year’s Academy Awards.  In these divided times, I think we can all agree that nobody is funnier than Malala.  Clearly she’s the Lucille Ball of Pakistan!  And those Daniels – they are without a doubt the cutest couple to win Best Original Screenplay since Ben and Matt.  And, in case there was any doubt, we now know definitively that being murdered on the set does not guarantee making the cut for the In Memoriam packet.

By the by, Alec Baldwin’s lawyer claims that the gun used by the actor on the set of Rust was destroyed.  The Santa Fe DA has refuted that claim.  “The gun Alec Baldwin used in the shooting that killed Halyna Hutchins has not been destroyed by the state.  The gun is in evidence and is available for the defense to review.”  By the by, the film is preparing to resume shooting…er, “filming” next month.  At the same time, a documentary about Hutchins is being readied – “with the full support of the production”.

Leading up to the Oscars, we had Chris Rock’s much-anticipated comedy special Selective Outrage.  Chris uses this term to discuss Will Smith – claiming that while the Fresh Prince took umbrage at Rock’s GI Jane joke, his anger really stemmed from Mrs. Smith sleeping with her son’s friend.  A novel theory and one I’m certainly not qualified to comment on.  The ladies of The View were quick to point out that Mrs. Smith was never named by Rock – so at least he heeded Will’s warning to “keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth”.  I certainly can appreciate a clapback to a slapback – especially with a $40 million payday!

Our Ask Billy question comes from Will in Rhode Island:  “Is Lukas Gage gay?  I keep seeing photos of him and someone who people say is his hot boyfriend.  Who is he?”

I’m sure someone out there won’t remember that Lukas Gage first came to prominence after a Zoom audition in 2020 when director Tristram Shapeero quipped, “These poor people live in these tiny apartments.”  Lukas, seizing the moment, posted the video which turned him into something of a cause célèbre (primarily because of his response: “You’re not muted.  I know it’s a shitty apartment.  Give me this job so I can get a better one.”)  Tongues definitely started wagging when he turned up on The White Lotus…and bent over…but that’s another story.  Lukas hasn’t talked about his sexuality – except to respond to someone who criticized him for being straight and playing gay roles by saying, “U don’t know my alphabet.”  Someone who probably knows more is hairdresser Chris Appleton.  In addition to his celebrity clients (like J-Lo and Kim Kardashian), he made a splash in his native England when he won the BBC reality show Young Hairdresser of the Year.  Chris is openly gay, but he also has two kids from a previous relationship.  Chris and Lukas recently vacationed in Mexico and took a whole lotta pictures.  And if you think Gage is hot on his own, you should see him with Chris…on BillyMasters.com.

When only Lukas’ hairdresser knows for sure, we’ve definitely come to the end of yet another column.  If you thought Gage getting rimmed was risqué, wait till you see him on the Netflix series You.  Let’s just say this is a shower that’s less than refreshing – which you can see on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that is far from squeaky clean!  If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I find out which came first – the chicken or the Eggo!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Remember when Neil Patrick Harris’ show Uncoupled was cancelled by Netflix?  We’ve got good news – Uncoupled has been picked up by Showtime.  Because, you know, what else do they have?  I’m told the budget was slashed, but NPH and company are willing to do whatever it takes to keep the show afloat.  Showtime had one edict – make it raunchier.  Throw in more Tuc, and I’m there!

Details about the long-gestating Frasier reboot have finally been revealed.  The plan was for Frasier to be in a new city with a new cast – much like when the character relocated from Boston to Seattle.  Well, brace yourself – Frasier is returning to Boston!  We’re told that Bebe Neuwirth will be back as Lilith.  The couple’s son, Freddy, has been recast with actor Jack Cutmore-Scott.  And the son of Niles and Daphne, David, will be attending college in Boston – and portrayed by Anders Keith.  Thus far, nobody else from the Frasier/Cheers family has signed on as a regular, but there’s quite a cast of characters who could drop in (including those nice boys from Wings).  The show will debut on Paramount+ this fall.

Meanwhile, Paramount+ has given the axe to Star Trek: Discovery.  The series will end in early 2024.  “The final season will see our beloved crew take on a new adventure and we can’t wait to celebrate the series’ impact on the franchise leading up to its final season early next year,” says Paramount’s chief programming officer.  There’s one slight problem – filming of season five wrapped prior to this decision being made.  I’m told that the cast is being called back for several weeks of reshoots.

Chris Pine – the Captain Kirk of the movie reboot – has some choice words to say about the status of the next Star Trek flick.  “It feels like it’s cursed!”  When asked for details about Star Trek 4, Pine said, “I don’t know anything.  In Star Trek land, the actors are usually the last people to find out anything.  I know costume designers that have read scripts before the actors.”  Well, you know, it takes a long time to make those Klingon heads!

One of Pine’s castmates isn’t waiting around.  Zachary Quinto, who plays Spock, will headline a new series for NBC.  Wolf is based on the book (and play), The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, and will find Quinto playing neurologist Dr. Oliver Wolf.  NBC hopes to find a slot for the show in the upcoming fall season.

Remember when Lady Gaga offered a $500K reward – “no questions asked” – for information on her pilfered French bulldogs?  I predicted nothing good would come from the words “no questions asked”.  The woman who retrieved the dogs has yet to receive the reward.  Why?  Well, she’s been linked to the dog-nappers.  So?  “No questions asked”.  Now she’s suing Gaga for $1.5 million.  Next time, ask a few questions!

Poor King Charles is having a devil of a time getting entertainment for his coronation.  We previously reported that Adele and Ed Sheeran turned down the royal request.  Now we hear that Harry Styles has declined (he’s “tied up” – and I’ll give you a second to picture that).  Elton John will be busy wrapping up his endless farewell tour.  Even The Spice Girls have turned down offers of a reunion (I’m blaming Posh – for no good reason).  As of now, Take That will perform (without Robbie Williams), as will Kylie and Dannii Minogue, Lionel Richie and Olly Murs.  Frankly, this is starting to sound like one of those oldies shows lineups you can see for $75 at a summer locale!

Speaking of oldies, Madonna has rebounded from her latest split and landed on a new beau.  She was previously “dating” 23-year-old model Andrew Darnell.  She’s now allegedly with 29-year-old boxer Josh Popper.  But, here’s the rub – he’s the boxing coach of her son David.  You remember him – the one who looked so fetching in that red dress.  Well, at least he has good taste.

It’s never comfortable when your romantic life intersects with your kids.  Take Cher.  One tabloid ran the following headline: “Cher, 76, Feuding With Sons Over Relationship With 37-Year-Old Boyfriend”.  The part that concerned me was the term “sons”.  And then I thought, oh yeah, Chaz is also her son.  Up until a few years ago, Cher only had one son – and she often forgot about him as well!  And that brings up my next point – Cher barely has any relationship with Elijah Blue.  So, who cares what he thinks?  As for Chaz, last I heard they were on good terms…so that could be an issue.  Regardless, I believe Cher is more than capable of making her own romantic decisions.  After all, she once dated Tom Cruise!

There are things that naturally go together.  Mashed potatoes and gravy.  Burgers and fries.  This week, I got an e-mail from Fatburger touting its new Chicken and Waffle sandwich – a breaded piece of chicken, drizzled with maple syrup, topped with a piece of bacon, and slapped between two lightly toasted Eggo waffles.  You’d think perfection.  But you’d be unsatisfied.  Then there’s a nightclub in Whately, Massachusetts that has come up with a combination which sounds like a winner.  Club Castaway – a strip club – has just applied for a license to become a marijuana dispensary.  Oh, no – not instead of a strip club; in addition to being a strip club!  If their application is approved, they will become the first topless marijuana dispensary.  Am I the only one who thinks this is brilliant?  On the other hand, I had high hopes for that chicken/Eggo sandwich!

Here’s kinda an Ask Billy question.  Someone recently told me about a film called False Positive which allegedly had a gay sex scene between Justin Theroux and Pierce Brosnan.  I never heard of it, but I was intrigued enough to tune in – and promptly dozed off.  At some point, I woke up to see Justin kneel in front of Pierce and mime one of the worst blow jobs I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen my share of blow jobs.  First off, the angle was all wrong.  He might as well have been picking lint out of Pierce’s naval!  Judge for yourself on BillyMasters.com.

Lastly, Tommy Lee is trying to direct some traffic to his OnlyFans page.  And to do so, he posted a snap of his low-hanging testicles from the vantage point of his butt cheeks.  I suppose that’s appealing to the implant crowd.  But what does it do for our boys at home?  I’ll post ‘em on BillyMasters.com, and you can let me know.

There’s a delicious rumor going around, wrapped inside some old news.  Recently, Bette Midler has been talking about some film roles she turned down.  Like the original Rocky (the role went to Talia Shire), or Misery (Kathy Bates).  Then there’s Sister Act, which was developed for her during her reign as the Queen of Disney.  Alas, Bette turned that one down for one reason alone – “My fans don’t want to see me in a wimple”.  But she may get a chance to rectify this lapse of judgment.  As everyone knows, Whoopi is readying a return to the habit in Sister Act 3.  While the scenario is well under wraps, my sources tell me that the character of the Mother Superior (played by Maggie Smith) may retire…or worse.  Enter a new, tougher Mother Superior – perhaps the Divine Miss M.  Well, can’t you just see it?  Bette and Whoopi battling it out?  The wimples will be flying!  And, of course, it all makes sense – especially since Deloris’ backup singers (Jenifer Lewis and Charlo Crossley) were trained at Midler’s teet.  Throw in some tracks by the marvelous Marc Shaiman, and it’s a match made in heaven!

Much as I like to think otherwise, words matter.  And surely Don Lemon learned that lesson last week.  During a discussion where presidential candidate Nikki Haley was described as being “in her prime”, Lemon said, “Nikki Haley is not in her prime.  Sorry.  When a woman is considered to be in her prime is her 20s and 30s and maybe 40s.”  Here’s the problem – he specified “woman”.  If he said “people”, it might have slid by.  But it does beg the question – when are we in our prime?  Don Lemon is 56 – is he in his prime?  Did he ever have a prime?  Or is he (I shudder to use the term) “past his prime”?  After an unscheduled day off, Don returned to his show and said, “I’m learning from you, and I’m committed to doing better.”  He’s also going to take some “formal training” – whatever that means.

They might need some of that “training” over at The View.  Liam Neeson felt very uncomfortable during a recent appearance when he was held up as Joy Behar’s object of lust.  He hoped to have some intelligent conversation or perhaps dig into some hot topics.  “But then the segment’s all about this…er…thirteen, fourteen-year-old crush.  It’s just a bit embarrassing.”

I have to confess, I’ve had it up to here with the politically correct police (and my “here” is any place you’d like to picture on my body).  Last week, there was a heated debate about “fat shaming” in the classic Roald Dahl books.  Some of the passages that caused concern included the depiction of the Oompa-Loompas (which Dahl himself changed in later editions from African pygmies to Caucasian little people).  Then there was Augustus Gloop, who was changed from “fat” to “enormous” (I’ll be the judge of that).  One line in James and the Giant Peach came under fire: “Aunt Sponge was terrifically fat, and tremendously flabby at that.”  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has this offensive bit of prose: “The man behind the counter looked fat and well-fed.  He had big lips and fat cheeks and a very fat neck.”  What’s wrong with that, asks someone who just saw a film called The Whale? 

Even the iconic James Bond is not safe.  A new edition of Ian Fleming’s 007 books is being readied for the 70^th anniversary.  These volumes include some sanitized language and eschew certain circumstances.  They also carry the following disclaimer: “This book was written at a time when terms and attitudes which might be considered offensive by modern readers were commonplace.”  This begs the question – when was Octopussy commonplace?

I know that words and sensitivities change over time.  We’ve heard calls for censoring Mark Twain, Harper Lee, and even Margaret Mitchell.  Apparently some of these cries for rewriting have actually been heeded.  Did you know that in 1969, Pippi Longstocking underwent some racial cleansing in Sweden?  Well, you know…Swedes!  Closer to home, my beloved Nancy Drew went through a bit of “whitewashing” regarding some of the depictions of African Americans in 1959.  I hope nobody laid a hand on those nice, wholesome Hardy Boys.  They’re all mine!

We’ve had lots of celebrity deaths lately.  I was struck by the passing of Raquel Welch – surely one of a dying breed, so to speak.  It reminded me of a particularly funny story Cindy Adams told about when she interviewed Rocky for A Current Affair.  Rather than recount the story here, I’ll post the video of Cindy telling the story on BillyMasters.com.  It’s definitely worth watching.

Loads of you have written Ask Billy questions about the same person.  The letter with the earliest postmark (as they used to say in the olden days) was from Harold – a name which was popular in those olden days.  “What do you know about the Bloater on The Last of Us?  What a massive hunk!”

Call me old-fashioned, but the last thing I’d want to be called is Bloater!  That said, Bloater turned up last week encased in what I’m told was an 88-pound costume!  And the person wearing that costume is Adam Basil – a British actor and stuntman, which is a nice way of telling us he’s muscular!  And what a big boy he is – 6’6”, to be precise (you Brits can look up the Metric equivalent on your own).  He’s previously appeared on Game of Thrones, Beauty and the Beast, and Let There Be Carnage.  I’m sensing a trend here.  Happily, he’s also posed in a variety of skimpier outfits – including one reminiscent of Welch in One Million Years B.C.  I’ll post it on BillyMasters.com.

When being bloated is a good thing, we’ve come to the end of yet another column.  I want to also acknowledge the passing of Stella Stevens – who at one point was scheduled to be on Billy Masters LIVE with her son, Andrew Stevens.  Come to think of it, Cindy Williams also cancelled on me…twice.  See what happens when you stand me up?  I’ll be announcing some future shows on www.BillyMasters.com – the site that will even talk to people from the Great Beyond!  The rest of you can send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before you get released!  So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Details for Prince…er…King Charles’ coronation on May 6^th are starting to shape up.  A highlight of the day will be a gala concert, which I’m told will feature a reconstituted Spice Girls (including Posh – probably with her mike off).  However, two people the Palace hoped to lure have already declined.  First was Ed Sheeran, who has a stadium concert in Arlington, Texas the night before.  Understandable.  But what to make of Adele?  She reportedly said, “No, thank you,” even though she has absolutely nothing on the docket for the entire month of May.

As if the royals don’t have enough trouble, they have to deal with that pesky paternity issue.  No, we’re not talking about Harry.  This is about Simon Dorante-Day, a 56-year-old living in Queensland, Australia who claims to be the illegitimate child of Charles and Camilla!  According to Simon, his adoptive grandparents worked for the royal family – his grandmother was a cook and his grandfather was a gardener.  A deathbed confession from his grandmother (his adopted granny, not Lizzie) claims that he is the biological child of King and Queen Consort.  Lots of details don’t add up – beginning with him being born in 1966.  We know that Charles didn’t meet Camilla until 1970 because we all saw The Crown!  Isn’t it just possible that granny was slightly…well, bonkers?  Nonetheless, Simon is petitioning the court for a DNA test and says that Charles’ coronation will not thwart his efforts.

One often hears about peaceful deathbed transitions.  Not so for caustic comedian and actor Richard Belzer.  As we went to press, we received word of his passing at the relatively youthful age of 78.  His friend, Bill Scheft, reports that Belzer’s last words were, “Fuck you, motherfucker.”  Maybe he saw someone he knew!